3BN: The Saviours of Beauty

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Big Homunculus
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I have made 24 posts
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3BN: The Saviours of Beauty Aug 25, 2020 11:04:33 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Big Homunculus on Aug 25, 2020 11:04:33 GMT -5

Big Homunculus, wearing a tightly fitting t shirt with a picture of Adam Sandler on it...

(Just imagine it fitting way tighter)

His lower has a pair of baggy grey sweatpants. I know this is hard to imagine so here's a visual prompt.

His head and feet have a minimalist approach of no clothing whatsoever!

He also has a bag. This is what a bag looks like:

...runs down a hotel corridor excitedly and bangs on a door. The door opens and smoke pours out of the room.

Ruxx Rampede emerges from the smoke, eyes red and glazed as fuck. He's presumably also wearing clothes.

Ruxx Rampede
Fuck H, you look jacked as shit!

Big Homunculus
Thank you, Black Clyde's wisdom is the truth. Why is your room on fire? What is that smell?

Ruxx Rampede
Nothing you ned to know about, let's just say I love Amsterdam.

Big Homunculus
We are in Rotterdam.

Ruxx Rampede
Huh, no shit.

Ruxx steps out and closes the door behind him.

Ruxx Rampede
What you knocking for?

Big Homunculus
I set a new personal best. I have never over head pressed a man this fat before! Come on I'll do it again!

Ruxx Rampede
Shit it's not Phil Goode is it?

Big Homunculus
Much larger! So large I could leave him to come and get you and he won't have managed to get up by now.

CUT TO:
Homunculus in the hotel lobby holding a morbidly obese man over his head. Homunculus looks incredibly proud and Ruxx's high ass is giggling away.

Hotel Employee
Can't you tell him to stop? We specifically guarantee our customers will not be lifted over head for prolonged periods of time. It's our USP.

Ruxx Rampede
Naw this is good shit.

This goes on for quite a while before Black Clyde runs into the lobby.

Black Clyde
Bro's, I have information on- Holy shit H you look fucking jacked. Perfect form on the over head press, what is that guy, three, four hundred pounds?

Fat Guy
I've gained weight due to an injury preventing me from being mobile. Since recovering I'm making an effort to be more active by taking a walking holiday. Furthermore, my name is Big Jimothy.

Black Clyde
That's inspiring. Cool that you've found time to help Big H with his strength training too, what a guy. Follow me on instagram. Speaking of instagram, I've found a way to rescue Zendaya and Julia Fox from the clutches of Jack Roberts.

Ruxx Rampede
The dude who told Joe Rogan that Ronda Rousey would fuck up Amanda Nunes or some shit?

Black Clyde
That's the one. He followed me on instagram, so I can now track his location.

Ruxx Rampede
Instagram lets you do that?

Black Clyde
Only if your body fat is under 7%.

Ruxx Rampede
Fair and understandable.

Black Clyde
His yacht is off the coast of Rotterdam.

Ruxx Rampede
Following the show?

Black Clyde
His greatest mistake.

CUT TO:

Ruxx, Clyde and Homunculus (still holding Big Jimothy over his head) charge down the streets of Rotterdam, blasting through groups of people like a great horny, heroic battering ram. Ruxx looks around as they charge.

Ruxx Rampede
Shit, this city really is characterised by bold, modern architecture.

Black Clyde
From the sheer size of the Euromast, to the daring asymmetry of the Erasmus bridge, from the unusual but delightful design of the Cube Houses to the space age horse shoe of a marketplace that is the Markthal, Rotterdam is a visual delight for any fan of modern architecture. Hard edges, gentle slopes and an eye for the surprising.

Big Jimothy
The city has such a strong modern influence because it was almost completely destroyed during World War II. While the architecture is indeed beautiful, it is also a constant reminder of the wanton destruction that birthed the beauty. Both a sad inditement of man's appetite for destruction, and a living exaltation of his will to create.

Big Homunculus
I thought large people were humorous, what a bummer.

Homunculus tosses Big Jimothy into the air and his pace immediately increases.

Big Jimothy
(flying through the air)
It was lovely to meet you guys!

3BN
You too Big Jimothy I hope you have a nice holiday and get on top of your weight gain, let us know if you need any help. Don't focus on the destination too much to enjoy the journey.

They get to the coast and look out at the sea.

Big Homunculus
I'm coming, Julia! And this time as in towards you..

Ruxx Rampede
Naw we got that you don't need-

Big Homunculus
...as opposed to ejaculating while staring at your perfect rear end and engaging in borderline masochistic self stimulation!

A random guy wearing a coldplay shirt or something equally shit overhears.

Coldplay fan
Ha, she's clearly got a fake ass.

The trio simultaneously turn their heads to this scum bag and Homunculus stares at the man with fire burning his eyes.

Big Homunculus
Ignorance! How can a man be so ignorant in a world with so many ways to learn. 34 minutes and 8 seconds into Uncut Gems, you can see that Julia has a little cellulite wrinkle, a gravitational bounce in her posterior that is characteristic of natural beauty. A fake rear end would not have such supposed "imperfections". Although personally it is those that make it everything it is. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

Homunculus tears the man's head apart.

Ruxx Rampede

Ah shit that explains the Sandler T shirt?

Big Homunculus

What is Sandler?

A police car flashes it's lights and pulls over. The driver leans out of the window.

Police man
Hello, I heard what that man said before you brutally executed him, and I just want to thank you on behalf of the city of Rotterdam for cleaning up the streets. We can't let deluded, lying scum like that populate our area. Here, I think you deserve this.

The dutch cop reaches into the car and pulls out a giant gold key which he hands to Homunculus.

Police man
Key to the city. It's the least you deserve.

He nods at the trio and drives away. Homunculus puts the key in his bag.

Ruxx Rampede
Shit guess you're over that bad little bitch Hayley, huh? Looking at full sized women now.

Big Homunculus
Hayley, it is...I do not want to speak on it. Julia is essentially built like a dwarf.

Black Clyde

Fuck yeah. Look, out in the sea. I can see more than one yacht. If only there was some way to really accurately view far away objects to identify which is the right one.

Even H looks at Clyde as if to say, "are you slow?".

Black Clyde
Oh yeah, fuck...

Clyde's cyborg eye zooms in. From Clyde's perspective the first yacht he sees is clearly being manned by a group of hyper intelligent apes. He moves onto the next yacht and we see a creature aboard. It has jagged, pointy features, greying flesh and jet black eyebrows accompanied by bleached blonde hair. Not gonna lie the bleached hair is actually a good look - credit where it's due, y'know, he nailed that one - but he's still a villainous creature.

Black Clyde
It's him.

Black Clyde shudders.

Black Clyde
I fear no man. But that thing? it scares me.

Ruxx looks at the sea, gentle movements of the water belying the incredibly power of the current and nods wistfully as he focusses on the yacht floating on the impossible enormity of water itself; its depths a dark mystery that light cannot reach.

Ruxx Rampede
The things we do for love. Let's save some bitches.

TBC - Ruxx Rampede

Attachments:

Last Edit: Aug 25, 2020 11:21:56 GMT -5 by Big Homunculus

Roast me a boar, I am famished.

Ruxx Rampede
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I have made 15 posts
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3BN: The Saviours of Beauty Aug 25, 2020 13:33:55 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Ruxx Rampede on Aug 25, 2020 13:33:55 GMT -5

Ruxx turns from the sea to Big Homunculus and Black Clyde.

Ruxx - Clyde, I'm gonna try that shit you taught me.

Ruxx tenses so hard that his back muscles contort into two deck chairs.

Black Clyde - Perfect form.

Ruxx - Climb aboard niggas.

Big H and Clyde both jump up onto the deck chairs, getting comfortable.

Ruxx - You sure are fuckin heavier H!

Homunculus ignores this. Ruxx dives into the waves, and swims with perfect form as Black Clyde and Homunculus look up at the boat ahead. They see the pedophile creature that is Jack Roberts. Clyde looks physically sick.

Big H - You can do this Black Clyde. Stay strong. Your stomach can take it.

Black Clyde - I'm not good on the waves either nigga. I get sea sick. That combined with looking at that fucking ugly fucking mother fucking ugly ass fucking nigga ass mother fucking ass ugly ass ugly fucking mother fucking dirty ass ugly fucking mother fucking ass ugly ass dirty bitch ass ugly fucking ass nigga. Bitch.

Big H - He is very unpleasant on the eyes. He is so triangular.

Ruxx - He's gonna be fucking flattular when I'm finished splatting him with my boot.

Ruxx keeps swimming along, he is getting close to the yacht. The grey slimy Roberts is in sight. He is creaming all over Zendaya and Julia Fox. The trio look sad at this awful sight.

Ruxx - How are these fine ass bitches into that guy?

Big H - I do not understand the appetites of these Western women. So confusing.

Black Clyde - Surely when they see us, they'll leave him right?

Ruxx - That's the hope. They need to know that this nigga is bad news.

As they're close to the yacht, Ruxx starts to move through the water like a dolphin and with a massive fucking yeet he leaps high into the air. All three of them fly into the air, Ruxx retracting his back muscle deck chairs, and they land on the boat. Jack Roberts turns to the three of them shocked.

Jack Roberts - Who?

Ruxx - Your reign of pedophillia is at an end cunt. Hand over the women and kill yourself.

Jack Roberts - Ah. I see. The Three Big Niggas.

Black Clyde and Ruxx gasp.

Ruxx - You can't say that shit nigga.

Jack Roberts - Yes I can. I am racist.

Black Clyde - You not hearing that shit Zendaya.

The beautiful Zendaya is too busy licking the Roberts cum off the ground. Black Clyde steps forwards and points at his muscular body impressively.

Black Clyde - Bet you've had enough of him now you've got a good look at me, huh?

Zendaya ignores Clyde. Clyde is like 'what the fuck?' Roberts laughs.

Jack Roberts - You'll find these women are loyal to me.

Big H - Why?? I don't understand! You're repulsive!!!

Jack Roberts - They love me for who I am.

Ruxx - No! That can't be! Say it isn't true Zendaya and Julia!?!?

They both look up at the Three Big Niggas.

Julia & Zendaya - We are loyal to Jack Roberts. We love him.

Ruxx goes faint and collapses to the floor, unable to stand at this shit, and just crashes through the floor into the bottom part of the boat. Black Clyde's legs go wobbly too. Big Homunculus starts to cry.

Big H - What is happening? I no longer have an understanding of the concept of space and time.

Ruxx's life flashes before his eyes. He lays on the floor still in the boat basement. Big H jumps down the hole he's created and runs over to him, big bag in hand that he still has and brought with him this whole time even though I never mentioned it up to this point.

Big H - This is a lost cause. They are gone. Those poor women are gone. It is time to blow this boat sky high Ruxx. I have brought my bombs with me in this bag. Let me go back to my roots. Let me have one more explosion. For old times sake.

Ruxx - No! I can't have you getting addicted again! You've done so good. Plus, we can't let these girls down, something else is amiss here.

Clyde is there too now.

Black Clyde - No Ruxx. They're gone. There's no saving those poor souls now. Let H do it, let him blow this boat to smithereens.

Big H - Please Ruxx!

Ruxx jumps back to his feet.

Ruxx - That is not an option! No explosions! We're saving these women! Something here is not right!

Ruxx is ready to leap back up onto deck, before he notices a big box.

Ruxx - What the fuck does that shit say?

It says 'Homuncumilk'.

Ruxx - What the fuck is that shit?

Ruxx reaches his hand in and brings out loads of little bags of what looks like cum. He turns slowly and looks up at Homunculus.

Ruxx - You selling this nigga your cum H? You that desperate to get it inside Julia Fox?

Homunculus - No! I have no idea what this is!

Black Clyde - Wait! Homuncumilk! Oh shit! That's the stuff from McDonalds. That made everyone want to fuck each other! That's what Jack Roberts must be using to make Julia Fox and Zendaya want to fuck him!

Ruxx - So I was right! There is something else amiss!

Ruxx turns to H.

Ruxx - That's why explosions are a no-go H.

Big H nods like a child being scolded.

Ruxx - Why the fuck they called it Homuncumilk? Isn't that our thing? We can sue them for that shit right? It's not actually your cum right?

Big H - Not that I am aware of.

Ruxx - Shit. Well this is an issue for another time. Right now, we have two girls to take care of. NIGGA POWER ACTIVATE!!!

Ruxx blasts into the air like a rocket, blowing another hole in the boat as he lands back onto the deck. Clyde and Homunculus follow.

Ruxx - We know what you're up to Roberts! We know you've been using that Homuncushit! Those girls would never find you attractive otherwise.

Jack Roberts laughs.

Jack Roberts - Okay. You've figured it out. But there's still no way you can stop me.

Ruxx blasts Jack Roberts with a grenade launcher, obliterating him instantly. Pointy limbs fly everywhere.

Ruxx - That's him taken care of. Now we need to help these girls.

Zendaya and Julia Fox are still rolling around in Roberts's cum and now blood.

Black Clyde - What can counteract that Homuncumilk shit?

Ruxx - Well maybe…

Ruxx turns to Homunculus.

Ruxx - The real thing.

Big H - What?

Ruxx - Well if you think about it, the cum from Homunculus could like do some shit I dunno it actually doesn't make any sense at all but for plot convenience I just think it'll work. Give it a try H.

Ruxx moves over to him and gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulders.

Ruxx - You can do this nigga. Cum for us.

Black Clyde - Yeah tug one out H.

Homunculus looks over at Julia Fox, who's perfectly real ass is stuck up into the air.

Big H - Tugging won't be necessary. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

In that moment, cums shoots right out of Big H's bellend, splattering into the faces of Zendaya and Julia Fox. They both lick it up without realising. After a few moments, they both stop what they're doing. They look up around them and are like 'what the fuck where am I'.

Julia Fox - What is going on???

Zendaya - Why am I covered in cum and blood?

Ruxx - It's a long unfortunate story, I don't know how best to tell it to you.

Big H - A man named Jack Roberts kidnapped you both and forced you to drink a substance which would force you into being his sex slaves.

The two women scream, horrified.

Ruxx - We could've layed that news in a lot slower H.

Big H - I apologise.

Ruxx turns to Clyde.

Ruxx - There's a lifeboat there Clyde. Get these girls to safety, I'll be close behind. Just need a word with my friend Ruxx. Wait I'm Ruxx. I need a word with my friend Big H.

Black Clyde - You got it Ruxx. Come on girls.

Black Clyde jumps into the lifeboat, bringing the girls with him. They're screaming at first, but after seeing Black Clyde, they calm down. Zendaya is like 'wow what a hunk'. Clyde rows the boat away with incredible strength.

Ruxx turns to Big H.

Ruxx - Come on nigga. The bombs, really?

Big H - I did as you said. I did not use them.

Ruxx - But you brought them. What's that shit? That means you were planning on using them.

Big H looks nervous under Ruxx's scrutiny.

Ruxx - You're better than that nigga! You don't need this shit!

Ruxx grabs the bag, and flips it upside down to let all the bombs fall out. But instead of bombs, only empty syringes fall out instead. Ruxx is confused as fuck. So is Homunculus.

Ruxx - What the fuck? They aint bombs.

Big H - Oh no.

Ruxx - What the fuck is that shit H? That's not what I fucking think it is, is it!?

Big H - Ummmmmm….

Ruxx - H! You look at me right now!? WHAT IS THAT SHIT!?!

In that moment, a giant fucking whale just bobs out from under the waves. Ruxx and Big H look up like 'OH FUCK' as the whale just opens its fat fucking mouth and swallows the boat whole. Ruxx and Big H try to hang on, but they can't, and fall into the whale's mouth, into the dark unknown.

TBC BIG H

Taking out the trash in the AWF

Big Homunculus
New Member

I have made 24 posts
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3BN: The Saviours of Beauty Aug 25, 2020 19:38:16 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Big Homunculus on Aug 25, 2020 19:38:16 GMT -5

In the pitch black darkness nothing but echoing drips of random fluid can be heard. For once it's probably not blood or cum or anything like that.

Ruxx Rampede
This is like that time a raven stole my eyes and I had to barter my signed picture of Judd Hirsch to get them back, I can't see shit.

Big Homunculus
I grew up in the darkness. I can see everything perfectly well. But for your benefit, we will find light.

Ruxx Rampede
Why don't you just take a piss? The amount of shit that's in your system it'll probably light the room up.

A lamp is turned on in the corner. It's Mr Geppetto.

My Geppetto
What the fuck. You aren't the little wooden bastard I made to rescue me from these kinds of situations. Fuckin' waste of plywood, that lad. Hope the little shit is smouldering in some twat's fire place.

Big Homunculus
Thank you for providing us with light my angry friend.

Ruxx Rampede
Your angry friend is right here, Moby Dickhead.

Big Homunculus
You are referencing a book, but as with all books, I have not read it.

Ruxx Rampede
Stop trying to ignore my question. What was that shit?

Homunculus takes a breath and looks at Ruxx with his big, haunted eyes.

CUT TO:

An urban street somewhere in Canada.

SUPERIMPOSE: Three Weeks Earlier

Homunculus stands on a street corner and a car pulls up. The window rolls down and it's Hayley Littleton, fringe covering her forehead. She looks at him with disgust.

Hayley Littleton
I'll give you one last meeting because of the job you did on Dyno Mike, but after what you put me through I shouldn't bother. Me and Gordon are in couples therapy. I had return the advance on the Homunculus biography and go back to selling steroids to dwarves at the Little Person's Powerlifter Gym.

Big Homunculus
Why do you think I wanted to meet up?

She looks at him for a moment, then at the passenger seat where there is a duffel bag full of different performance enhancing drugs.

Hayley Littleton
I see.

CUT TO:
The belly of the whale, present day.

Ruxx Rampede
That bad little bitch has been bad for you since the start.

Big Homunculus
It is not her fault. It is mine. I wish these were bombs, I would just...

Homunculus holds the back close to himself, pulls a detonator out of his pocket and presses the button.

Ruxx Rampede
When the fuck are you gonna learn. You can't explode all your problems, especially when the problem is you. But wait, you thought there were bombs in there? So where the fuck are they?

Big Homunculus
Oh shit. I left the wrong bag on the...oohhh shit.

CUT TO:
In the cargo bay of a big ol' passenger plane, sits a bag identical to the one Homunculus has with him.

In the passenger aisle, two easy to ignore people sit next to each other. They are not travelling together, but sometimes you have to sit next whoever. The first, Hulk Hogan, pipes up out of nowhere.

Hulk Hogan
I've scoured this plane and have found no Arabs on board, this makes me feel much more confident about not being blown to pieces.

The man sat next to him is Nicolas Cage.

Nicolas Cage
Hey man, that is NOT cool. Don't make me go from stoic, thoughtful Cage to my other mode: Psychotic Rage Cage.

Hulk Hogan
Brother I haven't been eating vitamins all these years to get pushed around by the sort of person who doesn't profile people as terrorists based on their appearance.

Nicolas Cage
You piece of shit!

Hulk Hogan
I hated Bangkok Dangerous!

Nicolas Cage
SO DID I!

A particularly handsome flight attendant notices the building tension and watches calmly. He has an ageless quality, the sort of face that can be found in the background of pictures of disasters throughout human history. He watches on with inquisitive charm.

Nicolas decides to try and calm himself down, by extricating himself from the confrontation and taking a bottle of liquor into the surprisingly elaborate aeroplane toilets.

Didn't I mention he was just in his Y fronts?

Anyway it doesn't work, he's still riled up by Hogan's racism and charges back down the aisle to confront him. A fracas breaks out immediately.

The flight attendant gets partially between them, but chooses to use less than 1% of his true power and allows them to still get a few digs in.

Deep in the cargo hold, a beep can be heard and suddenly there is a huge explosion as the bag identical to the one full of needles explodes with enormous force, blowing a huge hole in the side of the plane, which immediately starts to go down.

In the passenger aisle, Cage laughs with manic glee.

Nicolas Cage
See Hogan! See! Not an Arab on the plane and we're still going down. Your prejudices are wildly misplaced! Omnia Ab Uno motherfucker! Ahahahahahahaha aaaaahahahahahahahaha!

Cage carries on laughing maniacally for the rest of the scene.

Hogan's face is contorted in confusion and anguish both at having his deeply held racist beliefs questioned, and also at the notion that a death he was not prepared for is now imminent.

However, as he looks into the serene, smiling face of the flight attendant, he is suddenly calm.

Hulk Hogan
Is...is it going to be ok, brother?

The flight attendant purses his lips to speak.

Jose Figueiras:
Jose Figueiras

CUT TO:
Inside the belly of the whale.

Ruxx Rampede
Let's just presume wherever the bombs are, they're out of range of the detonator. Now gimme an explanation.

Big Homunculus
I owe you no such thing.

Ruxx Rampede
The fuck you don't. I saved your ass from going off the rails and going to prison more times than I've collected bins since you hired me to be your lawyer. I say hired like don't pay me in fuckin' pieces of wood you find in random rainforests. And what about Clyde? Everything that muscley motherfucker has done for us, for you! His heart will be ripped in pieces if he finds out about this shit. What the fuck!? Where the fuck do you get off doing this shit when you're the one who's at the top? If anybody should be tempted with that shit it's me. It's me who lost on five separate occasions. It's me who didn't get a win for over a month in this fuckin' company. It's me who's there for you and Clyde while you're fightin' for fuckin' championships. Sure everybody cheers and chants my name loud as fuck but it's me on the mid card. Not you.

Big Homunculus
Exactly. There is your explanation. I'm sick of being the loser everybody loves. I want to be the destroyer Emmanuel wanted. I'd would rather be hated for greatness than loved for losing. Love is pain. I do not need it and at the same time have plenty. I was stronger on my own. The only thing you stopped me from doing was being feared.

Ruxx Rampede
Motherfucker people already fear you because you're six foot fuckin' fifteen inches tall and out of your fuckin' mind.

Big Homunculus
Ruxx do NOT MOCK MY HEIGHT.

Ruxx Rampede
We're not those guys, H. We overcome the shit to get what we want. We overcame Roderick, and Jack Roberts and Dyno Mike and we'll overcome Austin and Priscilla too but you need to get off the shit.

Big Homunculus
"We" didn't overcome a single piece of excrement. I destroyed Dyno Mike after he ran over you and Clyde. Clyde got eaten by the behemoth Rockstar Spud. Everything you and Clyde do is to be liked. I do am not here to be liked, I need a belt to keep my pants up for Emmanuel. I am here to win and you do not know how to win. Clyde does not know how to win. Priscilla and Austin and Baron Boneius and those bastards all knew how to win. They bring people, they bring weapons and all you bring is a big fucking smile and losing record.

THUD

Ruxx LEVELS Homunculus with a massive clothseline.

Homunculus, semi conscious and dazed stares up into what should be the sky, but is just the cavernous insides of a fucking whale.

He hears an incredibly loud burp that echoes around the insides of the great beast and sits up to look around. Geppetto is still there, as is another figure, but it isn't Ruxx. He moves closer to the still whoozy Homunculus who squints into the darkness as the smell of alcohol overwhelms his senses.

The Beer Can Man's scrunched up, burst blood vessel-ridden face would enter Homunculus' line of vision.

Beer Can Man
Hhehehehehe *BURP* ohohoho looks like youv drank more than you fukin handle get it? HANDLE ahahahaha because we have hands hehehe

Beer Can Man would drink seven beers and 34 vodkas The Beer Can Man would drink before belching.

Beer Can Man
I used to be an astronaut before I found religion hehehehehe

Big Homunculus
Ok.

Beer Can Man
Ask me what me my religion is

Big Homunculus
What is your religion?

Beer Can Man
Alcoholism! hehehehehe

Big Homunculus
How did you get inside of a whale?

Beer Can Man
That's where I am ohohohehehehe I just woke up here that must've been some strong vodka. I like vodka the way you have shoulders: STRONG hhehehehe. Tell you usually when Im drowning I'm drowning in a bottle not a bottlenose dolphin hehehehe

Big Homunculus
I am not marine biologist, but I do not think we are inside of a dolphin. Did you see where my frien- where Ruxx went?

Beer Can Man
I saw two of him and they both went that way.

Beer Can Man would drink 3,456 more vodkas.

Beer Can Man
Pretty sure that's towards the mouth hehehe am I world champion? I forgot because I was drunk ahahahaha

Homunculus rubs his already aching dome.

Big Homunculus
My goodness you are a poet I cannot comprehend. Typical Ruxx, taking the high road and going towards the mouth when the fastest way is clearly out of the ass hole.

CUT TO:
Ruxx Rampede (whose eyes have adjusted to the lack of light. Everyone's eyes have just adjusted right) walks down the cavernous throat(? i don't the know the anatomy of a whale, not gonna lie, sorry to disappoint) and hears the distinct sound of a basketball bouncing off the inside of a whale. As with most situations, he hopes he's about to happen upon Dennis Rodman, but it is infact Hollywood funny man and basketball aficionado, Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler
Hey Ruxx Rampede I've seen you on the TV.

Ruxx Rampede
Yeah shit, I know a guy wearing a t shirt of you. Would've been funny as fuck if you'd encountered him instead of me. Fuck if only a scene where he bumps into somebody else hadn't already been written, then you could meet my frien- the guy with your face on his shirt and that'd probably be pretty funny and confusing and shit but that other scene has already been written.

Adam Sandler
What?

Ruxx Rampede
Yeah naw ignore that shit I'm just going through some shit and shit.

Adam Sandler
Sick. You trying to get out of the mouth of the whale?

They start walking along together.

Ruxx Rampede
Yeah it sucks in here. There's no bins or shit. Just an increasingly random selection of inmates and shit

Adam Sandler

I don't think it is so random.

Ruxx Rampede
Fuck you mean?

Adam Sandler
Well see I've been consumed by many things that I haven't addressed. Shooting hoops, making crappy films for money I don't need and all that.

Ruxx Rampede
I like your films.

Adam Sandler
Have you seen Blended?

Ruxx Rampede
No.

Adam Sandler
Keep it that way. So yeah I never really dealt with these things like..they're not addictions but they consume me. I met another guy in here who gave a few subtle hints he was an alcoholic.

Ruxx Rampede
So I got eaten by a fuckin' metaphor.

Adam Sandler
Hey, that's just my opinion? What do I know? Unless you're asking me about basketball I don't know shit.

Ruxx Rampede
You're all I got right now. I came in here with my most trusted ally and I feel like I've lost that. I know I can't control another motherfucker's actions but I feel responsible for this particular motherfucker, even though I'm not obligated to look out for him and he doesn't make much efforts to improve his flaws a lot of the time. I don't owe him shit but we've been through so much good and bad shit together, I thought there'd be more shit in the future but the motherfucker really went at my weak spots, and I don't like being open around people who are gonna exploit the weakness I show the-

Sandler suddenly interrupts him:

Adam Sandler
Sorry it's totally involuntary, has nothing to do you with your story dude.

Ruxx Rampede
All good my man, all good I was pretty much finished anyway.

Montage:

Homunculus wanders deeper into the thing that consumed him in the hopes that that will free him, Beer Can Man stumbling around next to him, further indulging his alcoholism.

Ruxx going in the opposite direction, trying to come out on top of the thing that consumes him, Adam Sandler dribbling a spalding basketball as he does.

FLASH BACKS:
Ruxx dragging Homunculus away from an argument with a whacky waving inflatable tube man outside a used car lot.

Homunculus giving Ruxx an entire dead boar for his birthday and Ruxx pretending to be really pleased.

Clyde, H and Ruxx playing keep away with a baby while its mother chases after it. It's fine because she's enjoying it too beneath all the fear.

Ruxx and H having dinner at an upscale restaurant with Dennis Rodman who suddenly over turns the table to get a rebound despite their being no hoops in the vicinity.

Ruxx in front of a whiteboard that reads "how to have a conversation". Homunculus sat at a desk taking notes.

Ruxx and H defeating two ten year olds in a competitive game of two on two tiddlywinks and high fiving and beating their chests in pride while screaming in the kids faces

The trio watching greatest showman on the landfill

Back at the inflatable tube man argument, Ruxx gives up on dragging H away and instead helps it tear apart and stomp out the giant balloon.

As the heavy guitar kicks in (if you're not at that bit of the song then it's your fault for not reading at exactly the right speed, sorry) we see H shattering the bone baton with his fist, Ruxx stampeding villains left and right.

Boneius choosing Snively to be Homunculus' teammate, only for "Big Snively" to turn up and absolutely destroy the Dracislavs.

Ruxx landing an elbow drop on Prince Albert for the first win of his career.

Multiple, explosive pops at the mere sight of the team together.

Kids cheering.

Adults cheering.

Old people dying of excitement.

3BN high fiving after hitting power moves and getting pins leaving bodies in their wake.

CHOKESLAMS

ELBOW DROPS

BICEP DROPS

STAMPEDES

RUNNING HEADBUTTS

Back in the present (the song's probably not finished but as i said it's your fault for not reading at the correct speed) Ruxx reaches several rows of teeth. He looks at Sandler.

Ruxx Rampede
What now?

Adam Sandler
This is where our paths part, buddy. I don't leave the whale. I guide lost souls to the mouth and then I go back and tickle to tonsil to sneeze you out.

Ruxx Rampede
Shouldn't someone tickle the tonsil for you.

Adam Sandler
Not me, buddy. When you're the one who makes people laugh, who makes you laugh. Who heals the healer and all that shit. So yeah, maybe wanting validation from people is what consumes me. Either way, I haven't dealt with it yet so I stay and help others out.

Ruxx Rampede
I don't think I've figured shit out either, Sandman.

Adam Sandler
Sure you have, Ruxonald, or else you wouldn't be able to see me.

Sandler disappears into the darkness and a strange sound erupts into a huge sneeze, launching Ruxx out of the front end of the whale. He lands in the middle of the ocean, net to Big Jimothy.

Ruxx Rampede
How'd you get here you boyant motherfucker?

Big Jimothy
I just landed after your friend threw me. How did he get so strong?

Ruxx shakes his head.

Ruxx Rampede
How indeed.

Big Jimothy
Climb aboard. I'm essentially a raft.

CUT TO:
Big Homunculus and Beer Can Man are reaching the business end of the whale. They hear the sneeze echoing down the inside of the whale.

Beer Can Man
Sounds like Ruxx made it out, just like me from my marriage!

Beer Can Man
Hehehehe only one of us can leave hehehe because one of us is gonna climb inside the digestive tract and upset the whales stomach because one of us is made of toxins hehehehe

Beer Can Man would drink 4 more beers.

Beer Can Man
One of us hahaha

Big Homunculus
So you say.

Beer Can Man
Which one of us is full of toxins, huh? Hahahaha I wonder hehehe BURP.

Beer Can Man looks at Homunculus, and for the briefest few seconds, Homunculus sees clarity in the eyes of Beer Can Man. A lucidity that has been just beneath the haze of madness and alcoholism this whole time, fighting to get out.

Beer Can Man
He'll be up there, on the surface. He'll be waiting for you. At least somebody will be waiting for you. Just promise me you'll make something off your life. Not like me.

Big Homunculus is frozen by the utter selflessness on display. He wants to question it be can't. The conviction in Beer Can Man's eyes is real and pure, and just like that it is gone. Back to a bozz-eyed stupor. He walks towards a different part of the whale's innards, rambling as he goes.

Beer Can Man
You won't drink away the alcoholism! *BURP* Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers! Hehehehe A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

And he is gone.

Big Homunculus
Thank you, Beer Can Man.

Soon after, the whale starts to rumble, and Homunculus charges towards the business end of the whale, deep into the bowels where he belongs with all the other shit its eaten, before being launched out in a violently intense ejection and being flung out into the sea.

Once free of the whale, Homunculus looks around and sees nothing, nobody. He is alone in the ocean.

A loud noise can be heard from above and a commercial airliner, smoke pouring out of a hole in its side comes plummeting into the sea dangerously close to Homunculus, followed by Jose Figueiras, who calmly plops into the ocean like he'd only fallen two feet and glides over to Homunculus.

Jose Figueiras
Don't you have a match to get to?

Before Homunculus can even answer, Jose plants his palm on H's scalp, and everything goes white.

Attachments:

Roast me a boar, I am famished.

Rockstar Spud
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3BN: The Saviours of Beauty Aug 28, 2020 8:19:33 GMT -5 Big Homunculus likes this

Quote

Post by Rockstar Spud on Aug 28, 2020 8:19:33 GMT -5

From a distance through binoculars we see the body of Jack Roberts being incinerated and Homunculus lift the Homuncumilk spell over Julia and Zendaya.

?
The old lookalike trick.

We see the pasty, slender frame of pure evil sat beside his castle window.

Roberts takes the binoculars from his face and looks over to his bed.

JACK ROBERTS
Another brilliant plan well hatched by the greatest mind of the multiverse, wouldn't you agree ladies?

On the massive bed lies:

Natalie Dormer
Imogen Poots
Zoe Saldana
Rachel McAdams
Alexandra Doddario
and Chris Hemsworth in a wig and makeup.

THE LADIES (AND CHRIS)
Yes baby.

Roberts evil laughs for a solid 3 minutes before having disappointing sex with the group followed by bouts of crying whilst the ladies cuddle him.

Last Edit: Aug 28, 2020 8:20:31 GMT -5 by Rockstar Spud