S01E10 - The Horror Show at Budapest

The two sit in silence, happy, looking out at the sun rise.

As that piece hits a minute five seconds in, the PrimeTime logo animates to life in the forefront of all the ensuing action before flashing into the László Papp Budapest Sports Arena, Hungary selling out the premiere show of the European Leg of AWF’s Western World Tour. Greeted by a wonderful pyrotechnics display, the cameras continue cutting and crossing between views of the venue.

Jim Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Tuesday Night PrimeTime! This is “Good ol’ JR” Jim Ross alongside Christian Cage thanking you on behalf of the Alberta Wrestling Federation for letting us into your homes! Tonight we start our European Tour, here in Budapest where there is standing room only!

Christian Cage: It’s a huge night, JR! Rockstar Spud defends his Provincial Championship in the main event, we’ve got a six-pack challenge to determine the next number one contender to Priscilla Kelly’s World’s Championship, but it’s time to meet AWF’s first-ever World Tag Team Champions, Ross!



The crowd cheers as they await the first ever AWF World Tag Team Champions, but they do not come from the normal entrance area. Instead, spotlights start shining around the arena, looking for the halves of the Best Friends. Eventually, they stop, opposite from each other in the crowd. From the east side of the arena, Chuck comes out from one of the stairway entrances the fans use, and Trent come out from one of the west side entrances. The two start looking around the crowd, seemingly trying to find each other. In time, they end up seeing each other. They lock eyes, smile, and point at one another before making their way through the crowd, both heading towards the ring in the middle.


Mark Beverly: Please welcome the two individuals who have the distinction to be called the inaugural Alberta Wrestling Federation World Tag Team Champions -- Chuck Taylor and Trent! BEST! FRIENDS!

When they reach the barrier on both sides, they hop the rail in unison. In front of them, on each side of the ring, there are two pedestals both covered with a black cloth. They look at each other again, nod their heads, and rip on the black cloth to reveal the AWF World Tag Team Championships, again the crowd cheers as they both grab their respective belts, and toss them over their shoulders.

Jim Ross: They’ve done it, Christian, the books will always have it known! After a grueling ladder match at The Brawl at Yankee Stadium, Chuck Taylor and Trent are your World Tag Champs!

They roll into the ring, pause for a moment, then embrace in a massive hug. As the hug connects, workers from outside of the ring throw blue and green streamers into the ring, falling on the two. As the streamers cover them, they celebrate inside of the ring, as they didn't get much of a celebration after their match. Trent is holding up his Championship to the crowd, holding it to each side of the ring for a few seconds each, while Chuck climbs a couple of the turnbuckles while holding his title.

Christian Cage: They better enjoy this celebration; they’ve got to defend that gold next week!

After a few moments of this, the two briefly embrace in one last hug, wading through the thrown streamers as they try to reach each other. Chuck calls for a couple of mics, and one of the ring side assistants passes them to him. He hands one to his Best Friend. Chuck taps his mic a few times before speaking.

Chuck Taylor
Hoo Boy, HHHOOOO BBBOOOYYYY! We can't even express how pumped up we are right now.

Trent
That's right. We are amped up right now, and couldn't be happier to be your new…

Chuck Taylor
And first…

Trent
AWF, World, TAG, TEAM, CHAMPIONS!

Again, they go to opposite sides of the ring to hold up their titles, still pretty amped up. They come back to the middle of the ring to continue talking.

Trent
But of course, we couldn't have won these without the help of some people. So we are going to be cheesy here, and thank a few people we had in mind. Chuck, start thanking.

Chuck is still just looking into the camera, shouting various "Lets Go!" and "That's Right!"s and Trent talks. He doesn't respond to Trent, not seeming to have heard him.

Trent
I said, Chuck, start thanking!

Again, nothing from Chuck.

Trent
CHUCK!

Trent shouts and chops Chuck across the chest.

Chuck Taylor
Oh yeah, the list of thanks, right. I think I got it right here…

Chuck rummages around his pockets, before pulling out a piece of folded up paper and opening it. He holds it up the read a bit of it.

Chuck Taylor
Alright, so we got a few things here to thanks. I guess I'll just start at the top of the list here. Looks like we got Helen Hart, thanks for giving birth to your son Bruce, who signed us to AWF Contracts. We also have Munson Thurman, thanks for the inspiration to dress up as you for our match. As for my outfit, I'd just like to thank all of the umpires in the MLB, it's a tough job, and someones going to always be mad at you, not everyone can handle that sort of pressure and stress. And it looks like we got Jules and Vincent, thanks for showing us how to be two of the coolest motherfuckers around and showing us how to get the job done. Well, that seems to be the end of the list, pretty short actually, I thought we had more…

Trent looks at his confused.

Trent
That can't be right, I know we wrote some more down. Oh wait…

He grabs the list from Chuck, turns it around, nods, and gives it back to him. Trent raises his eyebrows in pleasant surprise.

Chuck Taylor
Oh look at that, there was some on the back too. Alright, back to it here we got my Mom, thanks for helping with our laundry and groceries, and thanks to Sue for raising the man I would come to call my Best Friend. Bea Arthur, she was my first crush. I'd like to thank Shawn Michaels. He was a pretty good wrestler, and he had that really good match against the Undertaker at Wrestlemania 26. I actually got road head driving back from watching that Pay-Per-View at some bar, but that's a story for another time. Trent wanted me to thank Gene Wilder. I don't know why. He was pretty good in Willy Wonka I guess. Who else is on here…

Chuck scans the paper closely.

Chuck Taylor
A big one is we always have the fans to thank. There are probably some hot chicks that always cheer us on, and there's gotta be just some sweet dudes too. You know, the kind you'd wanna have over for a couple of beers and a barbecue.

The crowd cheer, no matter how easy it was to get a reaction from them.

Chuck Taylor
Oh yeah, Horatio, he can be an alright guy most of the time. Helps us with some stuff behind the scenes. Mrs. Chen, she runs the convince store by our apartment. Sometimes she puts things on sale that I like, like beef jerky, or sometimes she does 2 for 1 deals on chocolate bars. Speaking of chocolate bars, a big shout of to Mars Bars for tasting so good. They have a bottom layer of chocolate and malt flavoured nougat and almonds, top layer of caramel and everything coated in milk chocolate. If they are looking to sponsor someone, I'd be down…

Trent looks over at Chuck, who seems to have gone off on a bit of a tangent.

Trent
Chuck, remember the one big name we have to thank.

Chuck Taylor
Yeah, I was leaving him for the end. A couple more popping in my head that I wanted to thank. I was thinking Shania Twain, just a beautiful voice, and has a sold handful of absolute jams. And Mike Francesa, another beautiful, powerful voice, but used in a different way, always had the most up date thoughts on sports. And last, but most definitely not last…

Chuck takes a deep breath.

Chuck Taylor
We'd like to thank our Best Friend, Orange Cassidy.

Trent nods.

Trent
That's right. without Orange around, there wouldn't be anyone to listen to our late night ramblings, or Chucks fan theories on long road trips. I might not seem like it, but we really do appreciate you more than you will ever know. We don't expect anything from you to change, but we promise that from here on out, we will listen when we need to, and help you out whenever you need.

The crowd gives a sympathetic cheer.

Trent
And to start showing how much we care about you, we have a gift, That's right, for you, and only you, we have decided to give you, the one and only, WCW TV Title!

The crowd reaction is a cheer, but slight confusion, as both men don't really do anything as Trent looks over at Chuck, clearly waiting for him to do something, but Chuck just nods his head.

Trent
Uh, Chuck, I said the WCW TV Title! You did bring it, right?

Chucks smiles fades from his face as he realizes his mistake. It isn't picked up on the mics, but Chuck clearly lets out an "Oh no." The two men just stare at each other.

Trent
What do you mean "Oh no." Where is it?

Chuck Taylor
The thing is, I know where it is. Problem is, it's not exactly here...you see, I left it at the hotel…

Trent
The hotel?!?! Dammit Chuck, I wanted to give that to him before his match tonight! Well, we better hurry up and go get it.

Chuck Taylor
Fine, let's get going then.

Chuck starts to leave the ring as Trent says a few more words.

Trent
Alright folks, so that's it for us today, a big thank you to everyone for coming out tonight, enjoy the rest of the show.

They both leave the ring, and head back up to opposite sides of the arena through the crowd.



Jim Ross: OH HELL YEAH! THE GREATEST COMMISSIONER THERE EVER WAS! THE GREATEST CHAMPION THERE EVER WAS! BY GOD, IT’S STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! IT’S AUSTIN! IT’S ALL ABOUT AUSTIN!

AWF’s Hungarian Contingent seems to disagree, swarming the ‘All About Austin’-shirt-with-jorts-combo-clad official co-commissioner with boos when he finally marches out onto the raised stage, Brian Pillman Jr. his caboose in the same outfit as the week prior, until he’s shoulder-to-shoulder at the end of the stage with his mentor.

Mark Beverly: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Co-Commissioner of the Alberta Wrestling Federation: STONE COLD! STEVE! AUSTIN!

In that moment of cue, from the curtain first joins Phil Goode in his choice of velour sweatsuit of the evening made even more obnoxious by his Aviators, lenses with the Elton John tint; the Irish Slugger Conor McGregor rocking custom-made Dolce & Gabbana shades of his own, in one of his absurdly expensive three-piece suits; and lastly, Dave Batista, too sporting sunglasses, in a black flat cap matching his black t-shirt, a brown leather jacket over that, the former tucked into dark blue jeans, designer sneakers for shoes.

They all line up, in that shoulder-to-shoulder positioning, the camera panning from left to right at the unit, in order:

Dave Batista,

Brian Pillman Jr.,

Commissioner Austin,

Phil Goode,

Conor McGregor.

With half of a step, Austin’s first movement gets the lot of them descending down the ramp in complete unison, forming a triangle as we cut, the sky-camera panning from the side down to the ramp to show the fearsome group: Austin in front of the pack; Brian flanking his right, Phil his left; Batista behind wider right, McGregor the further left.

Christian Cage: Stone Cold has certainly established quite the group, Jim Ross. Wouldja have a look at this?

Jim Ross: That’s Commissioner Austin to you. You’re damn right I’ll have a look -- a good, long, hard look, by golly! You look too, Cage! All of you look! Everyone of these damn Hungarians better get a good damn gander while we’re at it! ‘Cause this is the Age of Austin! It’s the Austin Administration, goddammit! It’s All About Austin! If you don’t get it, by god, you will!

Making it ringside, Stone Cold opts out of the first set of steel steps to go to the other, rounding the empty ringpost and ascen-- scratch that, he skips those two, rounding that post before the other.

After making sure every one on every side of the arena and front row had a good look at the fearsome five, he finally ascends the first set once there, before entering the ring, all four men behind him from the same set he entered from.

Another panning shot, but in the ring, the same order, the only difference being Commissioner Austin having grabbed a microphone on the ringside microphone. He walks forward, his music finally fading out.

The microphone is close to his lips.

Commissioner Austin
I told ya.

Crowd: WHAT?!

Commissioner Austin
I said I told ya.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
I fulfilled my promise.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
I kept my word!

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
Stone Cold told you.

Austin points to a person in the front row.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
I told you.

He points to someone else in the front, all the way in the corner.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
I told you.

Austin turns and points to Phil Goode.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
I told you! And you! And I damn sure told you!

In order: Pillman, Batista, McGregor.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
(walking past the pack, back to the hard camera, and pointing to a random in the sixteenth balcony row)
I told your fatass, too!

Both the finger and the head drops while a small boo collects, Austin returning to where he first began his speech, his eyes back on the hard camera.

Commissioner Austin
(a slow point and a scowl)
I told Bret, I told Booker. I told you, I promised each and every one of ya, that I was gonna whoop G.I. Bro’s ass all over New York City!

A louder boo now.

Commissioner Austin
And that’s what I did! Steve Austin said that the job was his, and--
(turns to Pillman)
Damn, kid, you seen Booker T anywhere?
(Pillman shakes his head. Austin points to Batista)
Dave, brother, ya seen Black Snow in Budapest?

After Batista offers a fake sad face, then a slow bowed headshake, Austin turns with a shit-eating grin to the hard camera.

Commissioner Austin
Ya damn right you ain’t seen Booker! That’s cause ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin beat his ass out of the Alberta Wrestling Federation! Do you understand?

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
Do you get what I’m saying?

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
Are you comprehending what I’m telling you?

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
This is what I mean.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
I’ma tell ya!

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
Here it comes!

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
Here it is!

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
It’s All About Austin!

Half the crowd offers another ‘WHAT?’ while the offer half boos, all of the four men to his rear clapping along the phrase, the brightest smile in competition between Pillman and Goode.

Commissioner Austin
I don’t think you get it.

Crowd: WHAT?

Commissioner Austin
But I know Jim Ross gets it.

Surprisingly, this name garners only more of a negative reaction.

Commissioner Austin
The four men -- four of the toughest S.O.B.’s not only AWF but this industry has to offer -- they get it.

No love for them, either. Especially not next to Steve Austin and all he’s become.

Commissioner Austin
They get it, because, and you people and anybody in the back who got an issue with Commissioner Austin are gonna learn real quick: when it’s All About Austin,
(pointing to each person he names)
It’s All About Goode; It’s All About Batista; It’s All About Pillman; It’s All About McGregor.

A glare only Stone Cold could give, the camera zooming in close.

Commissioner Austin
And that’s the bottom line, ‘cause Stone Cold said so.

Phil Goode marvels at the presence of the crowd and how they interaction with the Commissioner. He taps Stone Cold Steve Austin on the chest, then begins whispering in his ear.

Phil Goode
(Anxiously)
Psst… hey Commish, can I do my thing real fast?

It is almost impossible to hear anything in the László Papp Budapest Sports Arena. The fans are hardcore and rowdy.

Commissioner Austin
(Not actually hearing the question)
WHAT?

Phil Goode
(Raising the volume of his whisper)
You know… can I get the mic? I gotta say something to the people.

Commissioner Austin
(Again, not actually hearing the question)
WHAT?

Goode’s face is turning red. He absolutely hates asking for things more than once.

Phil Goode
(His whisper is now getting loud)
The mic Steve. The mic. I need the mic; can you please hand it to me?

Reminiscing about his encounter with the announcer on PrimeTime 6, Goode tries not to lose his cool.

Commissioner Austin
Ohh the mic! You want the mic. Why didn’t you just say that son?

The Commissioner hands Goode the mic and then passionately pats him on the back. Then Phil Goode removes the AWF branded mic flag and throws it into the first row. He replaces it with an A.A.A (All About Austin) mic flag and begins his tirade.

Phil Goode
(Deliberately)
First things first… from The First… I’m NOT A FAT FUCK.

The fans tell Phil Goode that he is indeed a fat fuck. He might not be a bad fat fuck, but he is a fat fuck, nonetheless. A parade of boos and cheers fill every crevice of the arena and they also get into his head.

Phil Goode
As a one-time interim Provincial Champion (slight dramatic pause)I think I deserve a little more respect from not only the crowd here in Budapest… but in that damn locker room as well.

He glances over at Dave Batista. Batista nods and makes a subtle clapping motion, agreeing with Goode.

Phil Goode
(With a nagging tone, pronouncing specific words)
Week IN and week OUT… I’ve been treated like the LITTLE MAN on the totem pole. From here ON, I won’t allow it. If you haven’t noticed, I AM the most vital part of this show and I AM a premier member of this Federation.

Walking around the squared circle, embracing each of his associates.

Phil Goode
The Goode One doesn’t always stand victorious. (Goode does a complete 360 in order to capture the entire audience)
The Goode One doesn’t even have a winning record in this Federation.
(Pause)
Despite all of that though…
(pointing his sausage finger to the sky like a giant N.E.R.D)
HE IS, pound for pound the best damn superstar to grace an AWF ring.

Wiping the excess saliva from his bottom lip, Goode continues and the crowd sighs.

Phil Goode
Ok… now that the Austin Administration is alive and well... I have to express my utmost gratitude for Commissioner Austin.

He turns to Stone Cold, puts his hand out and looks directly into Austin’s eyes.

Phil Goode
(Genuinely)
I want to thank the Commissioner for always recognizing true talent. (Pause)
I want to thank the Commissioner for bringing me under his wing…
(gathering his thoughts)
and helping me reach my full potential. Lastly, I want to thank the Commissioner for giving me another shot at the gold. I really appreciate it.
(Changing his focus slightly)
Tonight, I will prove yet again, that I am a force between the ropes, a force on this mic and a future AWF champion. Before I can do that however, I’m going to recap my impressive performance at the Brawl. I know you guys watched it attentively and studied my dominance but let me give you a quick refresher.

On the titantron is a short highlight reel of Goode’s performance in the Provincial Championship Scramble.

Phil Goode
(Visibly proud of beating a woman up)
I took Miss Valentine’s sweet, silky body and contorted it in ways that Pop Star Spunk wish he could. When I grabbed her by her fiery locks, she was squirming in my hands. She was practically begging me to do what I do…
(stern and heartless)
and that’s show her a Goode day.

Living in his own recollection of the night.

Phil Goode
(Fantasizing)
As I pressed my natural girth against her petite backside, I could feel her legs getting weak. She was trembling in my arms
(aggressive pause)
I think that’s because she hasn’t felt a real man in so long.

Once again, the crowd lets Phil Goode hear the dismay and the boos become more vicious. Just like the Twitter activists and meme accounts, they won’t tolerate any Laci Valentine slander.

Phil Goode
I gotta give it to her. She looks really Goode on her feet…
(clapping the mic against his hand)
but she looks even better on her back.

Goode grabs a conveniently placed Homuncumilk from the apron. He cracks it open and takes a quick swig. Instead of swallowing the thick, creamy substance, he spits it directly into the first row and goes on with his promo.

Phil Goode
(Now overly nourished)
And as for the Spunk Sized Outcast, I’m sorry to say it but you just don’t cut it as a “champ”. You stroll around every arena, in every city fondling that belt but it hasn’t registered yet.

Goode stops in his tracks.

Phil Goode
(Bitterly)
You’re only holding that title because Stone Cold Steve Austin says so. That also applies to P.Kelly and her Doberman Pinscher if I’m being honest.

Crowd pops.

Phil Goode
I’ll tell you both like this… if any of you get too comfortable with that piece of metal draped around your waist, Stone Cold will take it without a fair warning.
(Long pause)
He will certainly make sure to NEVER give you another title shot again… and that’s the bottom line!
(Dragging it out)
Soooo, the next time either of you punks speak, you better put some respect on the Commissioner’s name.
(Final pause)
And remember ladies… IT’S ALL ABOUT AUSTIN and you can’t spell Austin without US.

Goode points to each of his colleagues and drops the mic. He raises his fist and they do a slow trot out of the ring.

A crossfade brings us in front of the ringside commentary booth, where Jim Ross is offering up a round of applause as he watches along intently. Christian Cage has resolved to nothing of the like, his eyes staring at the camera in front of them.

Jim Ross: By golly you talk about a talent with upside! Upside upside upside! By god, he gets it! You all will!

Christian Cage: We’ve got our first World Tag Team Champions, but we need their first challengers too. The match to decide the number one contenders is next!

FADE OUT

Coming through the curtain to Gorilla we see Orange Cassidy, beaten down and defeated, being helped to the back by several officials. His eyes are glazed, his body is battered and it’s clear to everyone that the lights are on, but nobody’s home. Orange pushes the officials aside after a while and continues down the hallway of the now almost empty backstage area. At the other end of the Hallway are the Best Friends wearing and admiring their new titles...and Horatio Sanz.

Trent
What do you want to do tonight to celebrate?

Chuck Taylor
Nothing too crazy, how about chinese food and Pulp Fiction?

Trent notices Orange mindlessly walking down the hallway, so he hits Chuck in the arm to get him to notice.

Trent
I know what I want to do, be a better best friend.

With that Chuck nods, they both take off their titles and hand them to Horatio Sanz.

Chuck Taylor
If I see those touch the floor at any point I will shoot you on site.

The Best Friends walk to meet their best friend, stopping in front of him and standing next to each other.

Trent
Hey buddy…

Chuck Taylor
You ok?

Orange stands in front of his friends, a shell of a human being. He leans forwards and melts in between the shoulders of his friends, as if he had no life in him. Chuck and Trent look at each other like “What do we do in this situation?”, so they each start patting his back reassuringly.

Chuck Taylor
I know that the company paid for the hotel rooms, but we can make the drive home tonight if you want, sleep in your own bed, sound good?

OC uses the little energy he has to push himself off his friends.

Orange Cassidy
I’ll be ok, I’m gonna take a shower.

Orange turns and walks towards the locker room, leaving the best friends with a look of concern on their face.

Cut to Orange sitting holding his knees on the floor of the locker room shower , the steam conveniently cutting off sight of him below the waist. The water is falling on his head.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
I wasted another opportunity.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
Every chance I get to make it big I fuck it up.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
You suck.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
You're worthless.

Fire Ant
You're weak.

Orange straightens out and his eyes go wide.

Fire Ant
So you think you're stronger than me, huh? Well not for nothing, but I would have won that match.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
Why did you come back?

Fire Ant
I didn’t “come back”, I’ve been here the whole time. How do you think you’ve been doing so well? But not that well obviously, you did blow the biggest opportunity of your career.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
I know.

Fire Ant
Like you did the Provincial title match.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
I know.

Fire Ant
And that big one on one match with the Raging Dead.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
I get your point.

Fire Ant
You think you’d learn after losing a big opportunity for the second time, but what happened? You let your feelings for Priscilla get in the way. You checked on her during the match, you showed her mercy by leaving her for last and how did she repay you? By jamming her boot in your face and eliminating you from the match. She really cares about you huh? Enough to throw away your shot at the title?

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
You don’t know her like I do…

Fire Ant
Of course I do! I am you, I’ve seen everything and to me it looks like you’re just becoming one of her little lackeys.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
You and I are not the same.

Fire Ant
I am literally in your head, so yes we are the same whether you like it or not. We gotta get you back on track, what do you say about putting the old mask back on?

Orange Cassidy stands up, turns off the shower, grabs a towel and wraps it around himself.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
That’s enough, stop talking to me.

Fire Ant
Yeah, that’s not really your call chief.

Orange walks out of the shower area, heading into the locker room. He is greeted by the sight of his best friends asleep while sitting up in folding chairs. Trent stirs awake when he walks into the room and smacks Chuck on the chest, waking him up too.

Trent
Hey man, Horatio is in the car, you ready to ride home?

Orange Cassidy
Nah, we can stay in the hotel tonight, I’ll be ok. Let’s order chinese food and watch a movie. Pulp Fiction sound good?

Chuck’s face lights up like a christmas tree as he pumps his fist in the air. Orange throws a shirt on as we see Trent begin to collect their things to leave.

Cut to the inside of a hotel room. Horatio Sanz is sleeping in a chair in the corner, Chuck is sitting on a bed next to Trent, reciting the lines of Pulp Fiction under his breath. Trent is munching on some dumplings and Orange is sitting in the next bed holding one of those takeout boxes which is full of lo mein and has a pair of chopsticks sticking out of it. Suddenly his phone, which is sitting next to him on the bed, buzzes. He looks down and sees “ New Message: Priscilla”.

Fire Ant
Oh look, the call of the Siren. She’ll probably use you for her own personal gain again.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
Shut up.

Orange picks up the phone and opens the message.

“Hey, how about a drink tomorrow?”

Fire Ant
This is good, show up and smack the taste out of her mouth for wronging you.

Orange shakes his head as he types out a reply.

“Sounds good.”

Fire Ant
Why don’t you just suck her dick before she kicks you in the head again?

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
Then how would you reply?

Fire Ant
Oh I wouldn’t reply at all and jump her the next time I saw her.

He deletes what he’s typed and replies differently.

“Sure”

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
How about this?

Fire Ant
Still too positive for the person who cost you the biggest opportunity of your career. Aren’t you upset?

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
Yes and no, not really at her but more at the situation.

Fire Ant
The situation she caused?

Orange deletes the word, writes a new one and hits send.

“Fine”

Fire Ant
I guess that's alright, you’re just setting yourself up for failure, but that’s nothing new for you is it?

Orange sighs as he drops his phone back onto the bed.

Chuck Taylor
You alright man?

Orange turns to him and gives him a limp thumbs up before slowly lifting the chopsticks and some lo mein into his mouth.

- Right after the Main Event of the Brawl at Yankee Stadium -

Alaric lays across the bench in Priscilla's private locker room, bloodied and beaten. He holds at his legs and his spine, stiff as a board, and grunts in pain as he tries to move them. With him, sits a rather concerned looking Bill Buttertoes, offering Alaric water. After a gulp, Alaric sighs.

And hits send.

FADE TO COMMERCIAL

---

---

FADING RETURN FROM ADVERTISEMENTS

Next stop, Budapest.

CROSSFADE

FADE BACK TO THE ARENA



The long awaited emergence on the thirty second cue finally happens, as Io Shirai and Katsayori Shibata have looks of determined seriousness on their faces. Stopping on the stage to take in perhaps their first wrestling event in Hungary, becoming true international superstars by this point.

Mark Beverly: The following tag team bout is set for one fall and the winner will face the AWF World Tag Team Champions next PrimeTime! Introducing first, representing Tokyo Vice -- the team of Io Shirai and Katsuyori Shibata!

On their introduction, they return to their entrance down the ramp.



A CLUB TO EACH BACK SENDS THEM ROLLING DOWN THE RAMP!

THE MASTODONIC S2 ADJACENT THE ELEPHANT KILLER TUSK BABY!

THE CROWD UPROARS WITH BOOS AS THEY REALIZE S2 CLOBBERED IO AND TUSK, SHIBATA!

Christian Cage: What’s this nonsense about?!

Jim Ross: Looks like S2 ain’t taking this team likely a second time! They beat him without a tag last time they met, and that was more S2’s fault than anyone else! Now look at this reprehensible man, with his hands in the hair of that woman that way, and he’s saying something to her! God what cruel things could he be -- A RIGHT HAND FOR WHATEVER IT WAS!

By now, just at the same time, all four are down near ringside, Tusk Baby’s Irish whip into the steel steps being countered swiftly into Shibata’s own rendition; that right hand of Io’s catching S2 clean enough under the chin to cause a release of his grip over her just at the end of the ramp!

But Tusk athletically hurdles the steel steps to land on his feet, pivoting on a dime better than any gridiron running back you’ve ever seen, and bounding back over the steps like a leopard onto its prey!

Jim Ross: The most athletic Lou Thesz press I’ve just about ever seen! My God, the speed and the agility of this man! And at his size! Now those clubbing right hands!

Meanwhile: Io has proven her own speed enough to dodge S2’s wide-swinging strikes, each duck followed by a stiff sidekick to the tree trunk thighs!

Shirai tries for a kick a little higher, to the kidneys, but S2 sees the change of form from the altering bend of her hips, collecting the leg under his arm like a Burger King bag! Now her throat! Her leg trapped, he brings her up! SLAMS HER ONTO THE STAGE!

Jim Ross: The way her head smacked against the metal of that rampway! Good God!

Baby gets caught with a sudden right hand that takes him off his opponent, before Shibata stands and throws two quick left jabs that stagger the big man! Wobbly legs are made worse when another swinging right -- the stiffest of the bunch -- crash Tusk’s chin!

His eyes go wide! In a surge, he suddenly pops off underneath the arm of Shibata, grapples around the waist in a belly-to-back, hurls him up to smash his head against the apron! He keeps the grip to force a positioning, running fast towards the end of the ramp and back -- SHOULDER CHARGING SHIBATA KIDNEY FIRST INTO THE APRON! Belly-to-side grapple -- HE THROWS SHIBATA ONTO HIS NECK AND SHOULDERS ON THE ARENA FLOOR! HE DOESN’T LET UP THE CLENCHED HANDS! REPOSITIONS ON THE PULL UP!











OVERHEAD RELEASE BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX! SHIBATA IS CHUCKED WITH PERFECT TRAJECTORY FOR THE SAME NECK AND SHOULDER AREAS TO CRASH RIGHT BETWEEN THE STEPS THAT MAKE UP THE SET! THE TOP HALF CRASHES OFF, SHIBATA SLUMPS FACE FIRST TO THE FLOOR!

S2 has watched this entire display with a fat knee and smug smirk grinding down over Io’s puny-by-comparison neck, nearly suffocating her to death -- but making sure not to go that far, with an alternative of letting up just to sandwich her head between his fist and the steel ramp.

As he watches Baby toss Shibata into the ring--

Ding!

-- S2’s smile grows as he pulls Shirai to her feet by the hair -- SHE TILT-A-WHIRLS HIM!

NO! HE’S GOT A GRIP OF HER AS SHE ROUNDS HIS BACK!




SAMOAN DROP! ON THE OUTSIDE!

Inside the ring, the two men have begun a trade off on right hands in the center of the ring, Shibata somehow holding his own, his chin eating each strike Tusk can eat with minimal register.

Shibata!

Tusk!

Shibata!

Tusk!

Shibata!

Tusk!

Shibata!

Tusk goes southpaw!


Shibata blocks it!

Tusk with a gut kick! Ducks under the arm! Another belly-to-side! Twirling them around the ring to gain momentum and leverage as he moves both to the center of the ring! SUPLEX!

Tusk is savagely back on Shibata without giving him time to register! In his grip again! BELLY-TO-BELLY!

Hooks the leg!

Wilford Daniels: ONE!....












































TWO!....















SHOULDER UP!

Cut to outside, where S2 has taken to stripping the arena padding just in front of the ramp, revealing the concrete beneath, to the front row’s attention!

Cut to inside the ring, Shibata being pulled to his feet groggily.

Jim Ross: My god he’s got that man in a military press! That’s a two hundred man he’s walking around the ring like it’s lunch!

Tusk begins taunting the crowd and Katsuyori, pressing the man above his head repeatedly like it was a Smith machine guided shoulder workout -- Clyde would be impressed by the form, honestly.







BUT IT BITES HIM THE ASS! SHIBATA SEES THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY ON A PRESS UP TO PUSH HIS BODY UP ENOUGH! OFF THE HANDS! SLIDES TO THE BACK! TO THE SIDE FAST!

BELLY-TO-SIDE OF HIS OWN! HE TAKES A DEEP DRIVE UP FROM A LOW KNEELING POSITION! HE POWERS THE MAN UP FOR A SNAPPING BACKDROP SUPLEX! TUSK ROLLS ON HIS ON NECK, LEFT GRABBING AT IT ON HIS STOMACH!

SHIBATA OFF THE ROPES!

GOAL KICK! TUSK SWINGS TO HIS BACK FROM THE DEVASTATION OF THE RUNNING STRIKE!

Shibata with the lateral press!

Wilford Daniels: ONE!.....













































TWO!....


























KICKOUT

Tusk’s shoulder popping puts him back onto his stomach.

BAD MOVE!

SHIBATA OFF THE ROPES!

GOAL KICK AGAIN! TUSK BACK PRONE!

A leg hook this time!

Wilford Daniels: ONE!.....












































TWO!....
































TH--KICKOUT

This last second kickout seems to temporarily sap of Shibata of his energy, who falls to his own stomach from the pop up. He begins rising, looking up at his corner to see nobody there to tag! A darting look reveals where she is, slung over the shoulder of S2!

With that, he leaves Tusk in the ring to roll underneath the bottom rope and meet S2’s face with two right hands! They sting just enough for the grapple to loosen, Io slipping from the shoulder to the ground, her body having been crushed over and over since the pre-match ambush.

Knee to the gut! S2 has Shibata bowled over! Clubbing strike over the back! Shibata to a knee!

EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! THE KNEE SHOOTING HIM UP, HE CATCHES S2 JUST UNDER THE CHIN AND THE BIG MAN WOBBLES!

STIFF POINTED ELBOW OVER THE JAW AND THAT WAS EITHER SPITTLE OR A TOOTH!








HE’S PULLED AROUND! TUSK BABY!

BELLY-TO-BELLY!

ONTO THE EXPOSED CONCRETE! SHIBATA HOLLERS AS HIS SPINE LOSSES THE COMPETITION AGAINST COLD HARD CONCRETE!

As S2 gathers himself, he watches as Tusk Baby pulls Shibata up by his hair to present his pain-ridden face to a group of young women and children, a crazed look on his face as he spazzes on in a speech to them.

Christian Cage: He’s proud of this?! After that sneak attack! That coward move! They’re proud?!

Wilford Daniels: EIGHT!

S2 listens to the referee’s count, warning Tusk. Listening, Baby chucks Shibata underneath the bottom rope and joining him. Daniels seems to want to take the time to stop the outside nonsense, but he can’t, Tusk having applied a textbook bearhug to Shibata in the center of the ring.

Pan over from a cameraman positioned ringside. On the outside still, S2 has returned to pulling Io over onto his shoulder -- but she slips behind it! Chop to the back of the big man’s knee!

Jim Ross: She’s still got something in the tank! She’s got to if she wants to survive!

Inside the ring, Tusk wrenches the hold, the same crazed look he had prior only intensified by the frothing at the mouth that’s initiated.

Wilford Daniels: Do you want to give in, Shibata!

Cut to the outside, a basement dropkick by Io to the back of S2’s leg sends him flying backward, HIS neck and shoulders crumbling against the barricade! She backs up but doesn’t risk it too much -- running back: DROPKICK SANDWICHING THE HEAD!

S2 sits proper stunned!

Cut inside the ring, where Tusk is responsive to the electric crowd as he twirls Shibata around the ring. Shirai can be seen getting to her corner as fast she can, putting a foot on the bottom rope, and reaching her hand out!

Jim Ross: SHE NEEDS THAT TAG!

Reaching as far as she can, she screams at Shibata who leans fading against Tusk’s shoulder!

Jim Ross: HE’S ALREADY OUT!

Another holler and twirl shakes Shibata awake! He catches a glance, and suddenly the right hands come flying to the face of Tusk!

Jim Ross: HE’S FIGHTING!

THE STRIKES KNOCK TUSK BACK TOWARD THE TOKYO VICE CORNER!

WHILE THE HOLD REMAINS!

IO REACHES!

AND REACHES!

SHE NEEDS THAT HOT TAG!

HE NEEDS THAT REPRIEVE!

THE PUNCHES!

Jim Ross: HE’S THERE!

TUSK STUMBLES!

Jim Ross: FINGERTIPS AWAY! HE’S GOT IT!


















S2 RIPS IO OFF THE APRON! JUST BEFORE THE TAG! HER FACE CRASHES HARD WHERE HER FEET JUST WERE!

JUST ENOUGH TIME FOR TUSK! ONE STEP AND HE’S LIKE LINEBACKER TAKING SHIBATA INTO THE CORNER! HARD SHOULDER CHARGE! HE NEVER RELEASES THE GRAPPLE!

TWIRLS TOWARD THE CENTER!

RELEASE BELLY-TO-SIDE SUPLEX!

Jim Ross: AN EMPHATIC SLAM!

The right hands seem to have stunned Tusk, however, who remains on his own back.

Cut outside, Io on the shoulders again!

He’s running toward those unlodged steps!

He’s gonna powerslam her!










BUT SHE SLIDES RIGHT OFF THE BACK AGAIN!

SHE’S ON THE BARRICADE!

SHE TAKES THE LEAP OFF!

CROSSBODY!









HE’S CAUGHT HER! NO HE’S CAUGHT HER AND AS FAST AS HE CAN IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S GONNA SCOOP POWERSLAM HER!

HE STOPS MIDWAY!--

TOSSES IT BACK!

HE SMASHES HER OVER THE STEEL STEPS! MURDER KING!

HIS FINISHING MANEUVER, OVER AND ONTO THE STEEL STEPS!

Cut inside the ring, yet another back and forth of blows!

Shibata!

Tusk!

Shibata!

Tusk!

No! Blocked!

Shibata!

Shibata!

Shibata southpaw!

Shibata!

Shibata southpaw!

Shibata!

A push!

Sending Tusk off the ropes!







TUSK COMES BACK WITH A MASSIVE RUNNING LARIAT THAT SENDS SHIBATA INTO THE AIR, IN A SPIN, AND ONTO HIS BACK!

Jim Ross: THAT WAS “THE ELEPHANT KILLER”! I’VE HEARD ABOUT THAT ONE IN THE NOTES! GOTTA BE IT! HOOK OF THE LEG!

Wilford Daniels: ONE!....










































TWO!....










































THREE!

DING DING DING

It’s surprising trash and chairs aren’t thrown into the ring what with the negativity thrown their way when it comes to everyone’s mind that Avulsion has just won this match. Laughing, S2 pushes Io off the steps before rounding over to the other to climb the apron and join his celebrating tag team partner inside of the ring.

Mark Beverly: The winners of this match, facing Best Friends next week for the AWF World Tag Team Champions -- S2 and Tusk Baby: A! VUL! SION!

More boos as the referee has no chance but stand between the two men and raise their hands. So very proud do they look, as the scene fades out.

Avulsion d. Tokyo Vice in 6:35

FADE IN

It's a double date. Ruxx has him arm intertwined with Culinda's arm, and behind him is Black Clyde with a big muscular as fuck Dwayne Johnson arm around Space Heater. I want to specify that Space Heater is a hot as shit black girl with a big ass and an afro. Doesn't matter what Culinda looks like but she can be hot too I guess.

In front of them is a big circus tent.

Space Heater
Almost as big as the tent in your shorts Clyde!

The group laugh, as Space Heater gives Black Clyde's erect dick a playful tug.

Ruxx
Wait why do you have an erection nigga?

Black Clyde
Should hear the shit she keeps whispering in my ear…

Clyde leans in.

Black Clyde
She's seen every episode of One Piece at least 3 times… you know how many episodes of One Piece there are?? That show never ends nigga!

Ruxx nods. The group all move into the Circus tent, where they sit in reserved seats. Ruxx sighs when he looks at the empty seat next to him.

Culinda
Shame Homunculus couldn't come.

Ruxx
Yeah me too. I hope that distracted ass nigga is okay.

Culinda
I brought my wet wipes and my pepsi for nothing.

The four are sat on a bench in the front row. The lights dim, and a big spotlight shines in the middle of the circus circle or whatever the fuck it's called I don't know circus terminology. A big fat fucking clown steps out.

Clown
Sup.

The crowd say sup back.

Clown -
It's circus time. There's a lot of shit tonight. Clowns. Other circus shit. Gymnasts. Cannonballs. Big tent.

The crowd nod.

Clown
Watch this.

The clown grabs a pie and just whaps it into a child's face in the front row. Everyone laughs. The kids dad looks mad though.

Kid’s Dad
My sons allergic to pie you fucking stupid cunt.

The kid is fucking hyperventilating and shit. The clown starts to apologise as the lights come back up. Ambulances and shit arrive and paramedics start doing CPR on the kid. The clown is arrested by police and taken away. He serves 10 years in jail, eligible for parole after 5. The kid passes away in hospital at 10:35 after a long hard battle. After 3 more months the kids mum and dad get divorced, there marriage unable to survive the stress. Black Clyde cums in Space Heater's ass five times whilst he rails her over the bench.

After the commotion is over, the lights dim again and the show is back on. The gymnasts are out and they do a few flips. The flips are cool. One of them does an extra big flip and it's cool. One of them gets a big hula hoop out and sets it on fire. Not the crisp, the actual thing. Like the circle thing that people twirl around their waist and shit. They set it on fire and then one of them fucking jumps through it and it's pretty cool.

Anyway gymnasts are done and everyone claps. Culinda nudges Ruxx with her elbow.

Culinda
Nothing you can't do Ruxxy.

Ruxx
Actually I cannot do any of that at all so you're wrong Culinda.

Another clown is out this time. He's ugly.

Space Heater
That nigga ugly!

Everyone in the audience laughs at this. The clown screams, tears falling down his face. Space Heater just points and laughs at him. It's okay though because this clown is actually a pedophile but tbf Space Heater didn't actually know that when she said what she said so it doesn't justify her actions really I guess. But it does make it okay in the bigger picture. Space Heater has a big ass so she's allowed to do this. The clown shoots himself and dies anyway. Space Heater just stopped one of the world's most notorious pedophiles and saved many children. Well done Space Heater.

Janitor comes out and sweeps the ugly pedo clown away with his sweeping brush.

Next up Barack Obama comes out. Ruxx is like 'oh shit it's Barack.' Barack starts to sing a very melodic song. His voice is soft and beautiful. After finishing the song and bombing Syria again, he spots Ruxx and moves over to him. Ruxx gets up and the pair dap each other up.

Ruxx
Obama, my nigga. Not seen you since Bin Con on that boat. What's you been up to since?

Obama
Not much.

Ruxx nods.

Obama
Things really haven't panned out for me. I've ended up in the circus. I'm a singer now.

Ruxx
Wow? Really?

Culinda
Ruxx we just saw him perform.

Obama
I don't need to ask you what you've been up to though Ruxx. I've been watching you in AWF.

Ruxx
You have?

Obama
I have! Me and Michelle and my kids cheered real loud when you won that one time.

Culinda
Hey! he's won more than one time!

Ruxx looks at his feet.

Ruxx
Yeah, it's been a while though. Been slipping lately.

Black Clyde
Hey man! You in the Three Big Niggas!

Culinda
Yeah that's the biggest team in AWF right now!

Ruxx nods. He still looks down at his shoes though.

Ruxx
I know. I know. Was nice seeing you Barack. Good show.

Obama
Thanks Ruxx. Appreciate the support.

Obama cartwheels away. The group of four all look at each other. Space Heater looks up at Clyde.

Space Heater
Hey big man. I've always wanted to fuck in a clown car you know.

Black Clyde
I have never held the same desire, but if it means I get to fuck that ass one more time, then lead the way you hot bitch.

Space Heater grabs Clyde's hand and drags him along. Ruxx watches them go. Culinda becomes worried about him as he looks sad.

Culinda
Everything okay baby?

Ruxx
I'm … I need to focus. I've been really out of the game lately. Black is fighting one on one for the Provincial Championship, Big H is fighting for the World Championship, and I'm here just cruising by. I've barely made a dent lately.

Culinda
What? No!

Ruxx
Remember when I ran that whole gauntlet? When was the last time I put on a display like that.

Culinda
Ruxx…

Ruxx
I'm gonna take a walk Culinda, clear my head. I'll see you later.

Culinda
Oh. Okay.

Ruxx moves off. Culinda stays where she is, I don't know what her personality is so don't know what she does from here. Fill in the blank yourself have fun with it.

Ruxx walks along the circus grounds, looking at clowns and men on big stilts and shit. He wonders if anyone could have legs that long. Be interesting.

He sees a fortune teller, and after a moment of hesitation, he moves over to the fortune teller.

Ruxx
Hey bitch. You read fortunes?

It's an old wrinkley lady with a hood up. She's all croaky and shit.

Fortune Lady
yeah sit down then.

Ruxx sits down. The lady grabs his hand and pulls it onto the table palm up. She circles Ruxx's palm with a big dirty yellow finger nail.

Fortune Lady
I see... Friendship. Love. Adoration.

Ruxx
Oh that's good shit.

Fortune Lady
And pussy.

Ruxx
Oh that's REAL good shit.

Fortune Lady
But then… oh.

Ruxx
What?

Fortune Lady
I see fire. I see water. Crying. Sadness. Death.

Ruxx
That's some vague ass shit.

Fortune Lady
It's not too late to save it Ruxx. You just have to make the effort.

Ruxx is like 'what the fuck'. He stands up and moves away from her.

Ruxx
That's what Hugh said to me! On the plane! How did you know that shit??

The Fortune bitch smiles.

Fortune Lady
I know all you big fucker.

Ruxx sees himself on the plane again. He's in the cockpit, with Hugh Jackman as his co-pilot. He's worried, and looks out of the plane window to see his friends on the ground below. Space Heater, Black Clyde, Culinda and Big Homunculus. They look up at him as the plane flies away, leaving them behind.

Hugh Jackman
It's not too late to save it Ruxx.

Ruxx turns to look out of the front window, where the plane heads for the sea. Just like before, it crashes into the waves, and Ruxx can do nothing.

Ruxx wakes up suddenly, shooting up out of bed. Culinda wakes up next to him, and strokes his big beefy arm.

Culinda
Are you okay Ruxxy? You've seemed really unsettled since you saw that fortune teller.

Ruxx
I need to make the effort Culinda. It's not too late.

Ruxx sighs.

Ruxx
Damn this shit is deep for a fucking bin man.

FADE TO COMMERCIAL

---

---

INT. AIRPORT - MORNING

Spud is stood before the band wheeling a suitcase and wearing the AWF Provincial Championship.

Ziggy is staring into space completely ignoring Spud, he’s clearly annoyed.

Panda is supportively looking at Spud.

Fringe is red faced and sobbing.

Panda
Have fun lad.

Spud smiles.

Fringe
(Through tears)
You inconsiderate arsehole, I can’t believe you.

Panda
Hey, sto….

Spud
No, let him say his piece.

Ziggy tuts as if the mear sound of Spuds voice is annoying to him.

Fringe
We’re supposed to be your best friends.

Spud
You are my best mates, I’m sorry lads, work will only pay my travel, I’ll call you every day and you’ll be there when we go to England, then we can go back to Canada together, I hate this too buddy.

Spud loving touches Fringe on the shoulder.

Fringe
If you make other friends and one of them has a fringe, you need to make them cut it, I’m Fringe, they’re not Fringe, you can't have 2 Fringe friends, even if one is from a cool place, like Luxembourg, I love you daa… Spud.

Fringe pulls Spud in and cries onto his shoulder.

Spud
Eh, it’s okay pal, if a man with a fringe comes up to me, I’ll just not be his friend.

Fringe
(Wiping his tear as he stares up at his much shorter friend)
Do you promise?

Spud
Of course mate.

Fringe kisses Spud on the cheek. Spud moves down the line to Panda.

Panda
Have fun mate, let us know how it goes with Laci.

Spud
Of course.

Spud and Panda fist bump then share a tight bro hug.

Spud moves down the line to Ziggy, who completely ignores his presence.

Spud
You gonna talk to me mate?

Ziggy
….

Spud
It’s like I said to Fringe, I can’t take you pal, I wish I could.

Ziggy inhales deeply and then glares a hole through Spud.

Ziggy
Me? You think I care about me going?

Spud
What is it then?

Ziggy
Budapest, Amsterdam, Berlin, you are going to the drug capitals of the world. Look at that poor boy.

Each destination is like a dagger through Fringe's fragile little heart.

Ziggy points to the sadden Fringe, snot dripping from his nose.

Ziggy
HE LOVES DRUGS. You inconsiderate dick, I can’t believe you’d go to those places without him.

Spud
I’m not going to do drugs, you know I’m not about that life.

Ziggy
BUT HE WOULD HAVE, it wouldn’t have even bother his poor innocent self that you weren’t. UNBELIEVABLE!

Spud
Right, well, I’m sorry Fringe, I’ll take you to Europe another time.

Spud extends his hand and Ziggy reluctantly shakes it.

Spud grabs his suitcase and begins to wheel it away.

Spud
Bye guys!

Fringe, Panda, Ziggy
(With varying levels of enthusiasm)
Bye Spud!

Spud walks into the distance and the frontman-less band, look at each other.

BEAT.

Fringe
So what are we gonna do?

Ziggy
We’re getting on that fucking plane.

Fringe grins through tears and snot.

Panda
No fucking way!

Ziggy
I’ve got a plan.

Panda
Still no, we’re not doing it.

Ziggy
All in favour.

Fringe and Ziggy raise their hands.

Ziggy
Opposed?

Panda raises his.

Ziggy
This is gonna be fun.

Ziggy grins like a lunatic, Fringe nods and joins him in grinning, wiping his snot on his sleeve, Panda looks helpless.

CROSSFADE INTO A SCENE WITH A NARRATING VOICEOVER

Tuesday...

Laci Valentine
Fuck!

The medic quickly apologizes for his prodding but it turns out I just have a lot of deep painful bruises and strains. All that will ease up in a few days thanks to my 'excellent health'.

I must confess though, it's all about metabolism, not necessarily that I maintain a healthy diet. A metabolism that I know is on borrowed time, If you look at my mother anyway.

With a hand wrapped around my side, I limp out just as a bunch of officials drag in OC. He doesn't see me, his eyes are glazed over. Poor guy, being mixed up with that psychopath. I realized now that he never would have asked for help in our earlier match, that was all Priscilla.

I walk away without a second thought. We weren't friends and he can make his own decisions, but I didn't hold a grudge. At least not against him.

Priscilla started this when she made a fool of Lucy and Spud at that party. It was still a fire that burned in my belly. I don't know why really, sure I had gotten back at that sexist pig S2 by knocking him out but it went deeper.

I didn't even care about getting a title. I just wanted an opportunity to pin her and win. Which was why I needed to win this next match in Budapest. Even better would be to make her tap. It would be the only way my ego would be satisfied. I think it was finally time to reveal the heart punch. I had been working on it with Evie Taylor, my trainer. She was confident I could do it too. Maybe it would be my best defense against formidable opponents.

I make my way to my change room to find a bouquet of flowers. White roses. No note though. It wouldn't be like Spud not to leave a note with them.

My mind racing at possibilities, it is interrupted by a knock on the door, I look up to see Zay.

Zaylee Flynn
Hey. That was a tough ass match.

I nod.

Laci Valentine
Yup.

Zaylee Flynn
How would you feel, If I came with you to Europe? Like... a manager or whatever?

I cock my head to one side.

Laci Valentine
Running?

She shakes her head.

Zaylee Flynn
No. I need to do something constructive. I have looked for places to work but I'm being picky. Also... you're hella naive and Europe is full of assholes that might try to take advantage.

I laugh, but it hurts. I can't hide the grimace. Zay raises an eyebrow. I can't let myself show pain in front of her, she'd never let me live it down.

Laci Valentine
I'm not going out there to meet up with guys.

Zaylee Flynn
Well, what kind of seats they give you? Coach?

I nod. With how many people they had to pay for, I wasn't expecting luxurious accommodations.

Zaylee Flynn
I'll pay for all the upgrades. If we're going, we're going to rival that bitch Priscilla. I have the money, might as well enjoy it.

Zay comes in and hoists my gear back over her shoulder with ease. I'd seen her in a ring. She wasn't a brawler for nothing.

Laci Valentine
How rich are you Zay?

Zay smirks.

Zaylee Flynn
Let's just say that if people actually knew, I wouldn't be as obscure as I am. It's not that I'm humble, it's just that I don't want to live like the scummy one percent.

We walk down the darkened arena hallways toward the back exit.

Zaylee Flynn
I have good investments that pay well too so the money just keeps coming into my account. I even had to open a second account because the feds were starting to sniff around.

My eyes go wide.

Laci Valentine
You have offshore accounts, like a drug dealer?

She shrugs.

Zaylee Flynn
Doesn't every billionaire?

Gawd. Billionaire. From the way Zay dressed and acted, she definitely was not someone I'd peg for a billionaire.

Zaylee Flynn
I pay taxes and all that shit but when you make a lot of money, the government wants some of it. Period. Sure they wanna make the one percent richer but they also want to make themselves richer too. I once got a letter from 'The desk of Donald Trump' asking me to donate to his campaign. Fuck that. No politician is good.

We make our way out of the arena and there is a taxi waiting. She leans in the window.

Taxi Driver
Are you Mag?

He asks.

Zay smirks.

Zaylee Flynn
Sure am. Thanks.

She opens the trunk to throw my bag in before sliding in next to me in the back.

I can't help chuckling. I hated to miss the tantrum Mag would have finding no taxi waiting for him.

Zaylee Flynn
That greasy jersey shore mother fucker deserves to have stuff taken from him, I hope some broad gives him crabs.

I am expecting to be back at my hotel but the cab pulls up next to her house.

Zaylee Flynn
I checked you out, brought all your shit here. No sense wasting your money.

***
Thursday...

Zay took her job as a manager pretty seriously. Started handling all my stuff. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. I mean I know I told her to try harder at being a friend but it felt like she had thrown herself completely into all of this.

As we wait to board the plane, I see Spud. I push back through the people, some giving me dirty looks.

Laci Valentine
Aren't you in first class with us? Zaylee said she offered you the upgrade?

Spud
As much as I really want to sit with you, I don't want any handouts. I'm grateful for the offer though.

My stomach bottoms out. Fuck. He was wanting to sit next to me and I didn't even think of his feelings. I was a bad sorta girlfriend.

Laci Valentine
Then I'll trade with someone…

He smiles, shakes his head.

Spud
No. It's okay. I know you have been talking about how closed off Zaylee is. You're trying to be a good friend to her. We can sit together on the next flight.

I nod. I wonder if he can sense my nervousness. Not about him but the flight. Ten hours was the longest I would ever be on a plane without any sort of stop over.

He grabs my hand, his eyes full of concern.

Spud
Are you alright? You were doing that hand rubbing thing when you get all nervy.

I force a smile. He was starting to get to know my quirks.

Laci Valentine
Oh I'm just fine…

He's gotta know I'm lying. Zaylee catches my eye from the front of the line. They were boarding now. She motions for me to come back in that angry, little mouse way she does.

Laci Valentine
I gotta go.

His mouth opens to say something but I kiss his cheek and run up to the front, those same irritated people now swearing under their breath as I pushed by. I think one guy may have touched my butt.

***
Still Thursday...

We have been in the air all of fifteen minutes and it is rather noticeable how figitty I was being.

Zaylee Flynn
Oh for fucks sake…

Zaylee reaches into her carryon and pulls out a bottle of aspirin.

Laci Valentine
Sorry. I am not good with flying.

She shakes out two of the pills into her palm.

Laci Valentine
I didn't mean to give you a headache.

She thrusts her open palm at me.

Zaylee Flynn
Not for me, stupid.

Laci Valentine
Aspirin isn't going to help this.

She shakes her head before leaning closer.

Zaylee Flynn
It's not Aspirin. I figured you probably wouldn't do well on this flight so I got some insurance. Take them. It will help.

My eyes go wide.

Laci Valentine
No. No way in hell. After what happened with Douglas…

She sighs heavily.

Zaylee Flynn
It's valium. I got a friend who's a doctor. I told her about you, she gave me a couple pills. No biggy.

I look at her hand.

Laci Valentine
Your therapist was willing to give you pills for me?

She smirks.

Zaylee Flynn
She thinks you should come see her when we get back. She's very interested in your anxiety.

Laci Valentine
I had a therapist. I'm good now.

Zaylee laughs.

Zaylee Flynn
Not quite since I have to ask for valium to keep you from going manic on this flight. But, take them. It will make this much easier for everyone.

Fine. I mean worse case I go to sleep, right?

Zaylee Flynn
Drink…

Zaylee is already handing me hers and I take a swig and almost barf.

Laci Valentine
What is that? I thought it was water…

Zaylee Flynn
Best Vodka this flight has to offer.

But she grimaces, meaning their best and her best were too completely different concepts.

I didn't drink. It just wasn't my thing and there was definitely a good reason why. I just couldn't handle my liquor very well.

***

A little bit later, but definitely still Thursday...

The loopiness began about thirty minutes after I had taken the pills, trusting that they were what Zay said they were. My anxiety was still there but I really didn't give a shit.

Zaylee Flynn
Wow... You are totally a light weight…

Zaylee laughs but it to me it comes out as,

Zaylee Flynn
You totally need to bite Zack…

Laci Valentine
Who's Zack?

I ask and she covers her face, trying to hide her amusement. Again, I didn't see this at the time. I was completely high so take this narration as a 'review' of my very bad behaviour. Oh yes... it gets worse.

(Imagine me face palming)

Somehow I instantly thought of Spud and stand, or at least try to. I end up stumbling into someone.

Laci Valentine
Sorky!

And I laugh while stumbling toward the divider between the 'classes'.

Zaylee Flynn
No…

Zaylee says in a less than enthusiastic voice. She takes a swig of her drink while pointing.

Zaylee Flynn
Stop…

Another drink with a smirk. With absolutely no intention of trying to stop me.

Yeah. She's totally chaos incarnate. (Imagine me looking less than impressed)

I push through, laughing as I see the back of Spud's head. I stumble noisily, although in my drug induced state I thought it was totally normal.

I tap his shoulder and as he turns I grab his head and kiss him. A clatter of glasses drags my attention. I smile sloppily as I look. I go down to whisper (totally was not a whisper).

Laci Valentine
Jaaaaames... that stewardess totes looks like Panda....

A SLOW FADE OUT AS THE STORY IS TO BE CONTINUED

FADE INTO THE ARENA

Chris Hero is pacing in the center of the ring, giving little focus towards the Hungarian audience that disparages him.

Christian Cage: Welcome back to AWF Tuesday Night PrimeTime! You’re looking at Chris Hero, who at The Brawl at Yankee Stadium shocked the world when he turned on his friend of years and tag team partner, JT Dunn!

The Brawl at Yankee Stadium graphic flashes across the screen to transition us to Chris Hero & JT Dunn walking down the right-side ramp of that night’s set up, at that point still seemingly on the same page. Chris Hero’s feigned promise to storm the ring on a count of “three” is audible, as is the uproar in boos when the fans there realize what’s happened when his elbow clears the back of Dunn’s skull. A quick cut shows Hero with Dunn on his shoulders, to nearly break his “friend’s” back across a fifteen foot metal ladder that was meant to be their team’s representative tool.

Second flash of The Brawl at Yankee Stadium graphic back to Chris Hero in the ring on PrimeTime, laughing as he just watched the replay with the rest of everyone on the titantron. Proud arms go in the air, Hero basking in the reception as the choice he made is the choice he made and he’s living in it with pride.

Mark Beverly: The following contest is set for one fall! In the ring, from Dayton, Ohio, weighing two hundred seventy pounds -- this is the Wrestling Genius: CHRIS! HERO!

A wide armed walk around the ring, boos pouring in. An adjustment of his elbow adornments.



What a pop! Totally the opposite reception is given to Ruxx Rampede, who could not get his decked out garbage truck cleared with AWF to pay for transport across Europe, so instead emerges on his own, with two fingers in the air. Looking around the arena, he takes in the sold out Sports Arena with a smirk that goes away as his eyes settle on Hero. Shaking his head, he puts his hands on his waist, never able to do to his own brothers what Chris did to JT.

Mark Beverly: From Bonyton Beach, Florida, weighing two hundred seventy pounds, this is the Binman and Ironman of the Alberta Wrestling Federation -- RUXX! RAMPEDE!

Not able to Sonic-roll off of the truck windshield, Ruxx opts to do it on the ramp instead.

God is that motherfucker just so graceful.

Just form-perfect revolutions in his descension.

Look at this now:

On the last revolution, as his ankles meet the floor, so perfectly does he switch onto his heels, onto the flat soles of his feet in one motion that he vertical leaps better than Brock Lesnar ever could onto the apron.

Ruxx stares judgmental eyes at Chris.

Hero proudly stares right back.

Referee Cal Elton looks between both, keeping ready.

Rampede’s ring entry is the only temporary halt of the staredown, the two men getting close to each other with slow steps.

Jim Ross: This is a hoss-fight if the Alberta Wrestling Federation has ever seen it! Two of the biggest we’ve got to offer, and two of the best! They’re here, they’re ready to go toe-to-toe!

Christian Cage: These men are so evenly matched! Ruxx has an extra two inches over Hero, but I can tell you now that’s not gonna make much of a difference in this one!

Ding!

The staredown persists.

Until Hero’s right hand begins rising.

Ruxx takes note of it, realizing the idea as the left rises halfway.

Both men take a step back as Hero gets into test-of-strength positioning.

Jim Ross: That’s it, boys! This is wrasslin, right here! Couple of grown men getting ready to see who’s best!

Ruxx carefully darts his eyes between Hero’s right hand and the rest of his body as the Binman reaches his left out.

Fingers wiggle on both hands as they near.

Just nearly there now.

Ruxx keeping note of Hero’s potential treachery.

Wiggling fingers.

Just about there…








Locked in!

The staredown resumes.

Hero raises that left hand.

Ruxx raises his right.

As they near, yet again, the fingers wiggle.

Hero darts a look, breaking the stare!

Ruxx looks down toward his foe’s legs with caution!








But nothing happens!

Fingers wiggle.

Just about there….










Locked in!

They jockey for positioning!

It’s an even match, so it seems!

Ruxx feels Hero’s positioning shifting.

Senses it.

Matches his strength again as Hero forces their hands down to their sides!

They’re chest to chest!

Nowhere to go but where the stronger man is going to decide!

Cal Elton watches intently as both men at one point push the other backwards only for their opponent to dig their feet into the apron with their own velocity to counter it!

But it’s just a stalemate!

Ruxx feels another repositioning coming along!

Their hands are rising!









GUTKICK FROM HERO!

NO! RUXX HAS BEEN WAITING FOR IT AND JUMPS HIS HIPS BACK JUST IN TIME!

LETS LOOSE THE HOLD! RUNNING LARIAT!

HERO IS DOWN!

With the impact, he allows himself to roll out of the ring and walk around the ringside area. Hungary detests the man and makes sure he’s not forgotten it.

Cal Elton yells from the inside as Ruxx watches his regrouping opposition with two hands on his hips.

Cal Elton: ONE!...


TWO!...


THREE!...

Hero rolls under the ring with an annoyed glare at Rampede.

Ruxx keeps a careful eye as Hero gets to his feet.

A tense walk towards him!











And a hand goes back out?

Jim Ross: I guess he wasn’t happy with how that last one turned out.

A second hand out makes it clear Hero wants another try at the test of strength. Ruxx shakes his head but opts to at least entertain a cautious rematch.

Wiggling fingers.

Nearly there.









First locked up again!

Then the second fast!

HEADBUTT! TREACHERY ACHIEVED! RUXX STUMBLES BACK AGAINST THE ROPES! HERO IS JUST AFTER! CLOTHESLINE OVER THE TOP AND OUT!

Budapest boos again as Hero doesn’t let up, following Rampede on the outside. On all fours, Rampede is a perfect target for the running boot to the side of the face Hero sends! More stomps on the body!

Jim Ross: One of the oldest tricks in the book.

Pulling Rampede up, Hero makes sure he’s groggy with a knee to the gut then a smashing of the face on the edge of the apron! Ruxx is rolled under the bottom and followed yet again!

Inside of the ring Ruxx tries to crawl away just enough to get on his feet but a one-handed bulldog plants him back to the apron!

Cal Elton: ONE!....






































TWO!..






KICKOUT

Ruxx is to a dazed seated position, perfect for Hero’s rope rebounded sliding clothesline!

A lateral press, right hand grinding the face into the mat.

Cal Elton: ONE!....





















































TWO!....











KICKOUT

Hero steps back as Rampede is forcing himself to his feet fast --











CLYCLONE KICK! THE DISCUS BIG BOOT! THE SMACK!

Hook of the leg!

Cal Elton: ONE!....


























































TWO!....















KICKOUT

Yet again, Ruxx forces himself back up, despite grog. Still, he’s not there enough to stop as Hero wraps his arms around his neck -- a cravate in flawless form!

Chris forces Rampede’s body up, just to kick down a knee for the ideal positioning.

Jim Ross: He’s going nowhere! Textbook hold here with textbook execution, and he ain’t going anywhere!

It seems it’s true!

Ruxx is stuck in this grip!

Eyes glazing!

Arms limping!

Body losing balance!






Will he tap?!





Will Ruxx tap for the first time?!








No! Punch to the gut from Ruxx!

KNEE TO THE CHEST FROM HERO!

CRAVATE NEVER BROKEN!

Ruxx is stuck yet again!










Will this be it this time?!










No! A punch!

Another, fast!

A succession with lighting speed! Rising to both feet!

But Hero still won’t let free!

Ruxx clutches his arms around Hero’s waist!

SUDDENLY TURNING IT INTO A BINMAN BEARHUG!

HERO’S GRIP IS LOST AS THE LOWER BACK IS STRAINED!

He tugs at his own hair!

He stretches out for the ropes!

But at the end of the day he’s stuck in the Binman’s grasp!

Will HE tap?!

Will THIS be it?!















ELBOW OVER THE TOP OF THE HEAD!

Rampede’s legs wobble!

But he stays on them!

Applies more pressure in the squeeze!

Hero’s pulling at his hair again!

If that didn’t work what will?!

Is this it?!

Will he tap?!













ANOTHER ELBOW!

The grip is loosed!

BUT RUXX FROM NOWHERE! GETS AROUND THE WAIST AGAIN!





OVERHEAD RELEASE BELLY-TO-BELLY SLAM! BOTH MEN LAY DOWN IN THE RING!

Cal Elton: ONE!....

TWO!....

THREE!....

FOUR!....

FIVE!

Ruxx stirs first, rolling toward the ropes and under. On his feet on the outside, the referee’s attention is just on Rampede as he gathers his head together to roll back in.

But Hero is out there to meet him! A fist fight ensues -- back and forth -- until finally Hero snaps his body around suddenly with a discus clothesline! Ruxx hits the arena floor hard, but isn’t kept there long as Chris is looking to get it back into the squared circle!

Trying to get to his feet again, that resilient Ruxx -- GUTWRENCH SUPLEX! HERO HOOKS IT UP AND SLAMS IT DOWN FAST!

Hero opts out of a pin cover, instead retreating to the opposite corner from which Ruxx has landed.

Stalking his foe, he gets into athletic positioning.

Ruxx is nearly up, and that leg gets slapped a couple of times so as to make privy of his plans the rest of the arena.

Jim Ross: Think he might be going for that Cyclone Kick once again!

Rampede is up!

And Ross was right!

The discus big boot!











IS MET WITH A RAMPEDE STAMPEDE! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!

HERO’S ON HIS STOMACH! RUXX HAS TO ROLL HIM TO HIS BACK!

Hook of the leg!

Cal Elton: ONE!.....















































TWO!....











































THREE!

DING DING DING

Ruxx Rampede has scored his first singles win! Coming to realize it as his music plays again, Rampede allows Cal Elton to grab hold of the wrist so that he can bask in his own glory, rightfully so! Budapest is ecstatic at the result!

Mark Beverly: The winner of this match: RUXX! RAMPEDE!

With two arms in the air, Rampede looks into the hard camera with a big smile.

THEN HIS FACE IS SUDDENLY CHARGING TOWARDS IT! NOT IN HIS CONTROL! A MISSILE DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL SENDS RUXX RAMPEDE FLYING OUT OF THE RING!

Ruxx Rampede d. Chris Hero in 6:23

Jim Ross: IT’S PILLMAN! IT’S BRIAN PILLMAN JR!

Jim Ross isn’t wrong! Pillman pops to his feet with a smile!

Cut to the outside of the ring, Rampede trying to collect himself but not noticing, as the camera pans --

Jim Ross: BATISTA! BY GOD DAVE BATISTA IS HERE TOO!

RUNNING KICK TO THE SIDE OF THE BINMAN’S HEAD BY BATISTA! WITH NO WASTED MOTION, HE’S IN BATISTA’S GRIP -- SPINEBUSTER! BATISTA ROLLS HIM UNDERNEATH THE BOTTOM ROPE!

Pillman Jr begins stomping down on Ruxx’s body inside the squared circle before being joined in his efforts by the recently defeated Chris Hero who has found himself. Hero’s shots hit the worst, right in the face and across the jaw. Budapest is ready to riot!

Cut to the stage, where Steve Austin has a smile on his face at the base of it.

Jim Ross: IT’S ANOTHER LESSON BY GOLLY!

Batista looks over at Austin, who with an even bigger grin signals to pick him up! Dave’s returning smirk means they’re on the same page!

The head between the legs!

Up!







DOWN! CENTER OF THE RING! BATISTA BOMB!

The three men in the center of the ring stand over Ruxx Rampede - the victor, although he doesn’t quite look it here. Austin’s grin never ever escapes as he walks down the ramps, climbs the steel steps, and enters the ring -- until he drops to his stomach to shout obscenities in the unconscious face of the Binman.

Steve Austin pops to his feet, his first action to offer Chris Hero a hand.

Chris Hero shakes it.

Jim Ross: HE GETS IT DAMMIT! HE GETS IT!

What reception do they get, as Austin keeps the firm handshake, grabs Batista’s wrist with his other as Hero grabs Pillman’s, and all four raise their arms.

FADE OUT



Ziggy (VO)
So here's the plan…

Fringe stumbles into the middle of the and falls to the ground.

Ziggy (VO)
How many Beroccas can you fit in your mouth at once?

Fringe (VO)
Quite a few.

Fringe is aggressively frothing at the mouth and convulsing on the floor. Ziggy and Panda run over.

Ziggy
HELP! HELP! OUR FRIEND NEEDS HELP!

People rush over to the commotion. Ziggy see's this and gives the slightest of smiles to Fringe before again feigning concern.

Panda
MEDIC! A DOCTOR! ANYBODY!

Two first aiders rush through the crowd and force there way to Fringe.

Medic 1
What's going on? Is he on something?

Ziggy
He was fine a second ago.

Ziggy (VO)
And as long as we sell it we're in.

Medic 2
Look we better get you guys to first aid office.

INT. MEDICAL OFFICE

Panda, Ziggy and Fringe sit beside on another on a bed.

Fringe
How are we supposed to know what the signal is?

Medic 1 enters the room. Ziggy jumps up and stuff a rag in his face.

Ziggy
Sleep dear boy.

The medic slowly goes from struggling to limp, Ziggy eases his body down on to the bed.

Ziggy
Right, I've got more to do here, you two need to get to the duty free shop, Fringey?

Fringe
(Stands and salutes)
Yes sir.

Ziggy
I need you to break out the Sean Connery.

Panda
The what?

Fringe
The Sean Connery is extremely dangerous.

Ziggy
....

Fringe
I don't care, I was just saying.

Ziggy smiles and nods at Panda and Fringe.

Panda and Fringe speed walk out of the room. Right at the moment the door closes Ziggy cracks his knuckles and begins to undress the medic.

INT. DUTY FREE

Fringe skips up and down the aisles of the store, Panda slowly follows pushing a trolley with far of look in his eye as if to say "I'm too old for this shit".

Fringe
FOUND IT!


Fringe throws a massive bottle of Martini at Panda, the bottle bounces of is friend and into the trolley which also contains:


A sachet of Homuncumilk
A bow tie
Hair wax
Marlboro Red Cigarettes

EXT. DUTY FREE

Fringe skips along with his goodies in a bag.

Panda slowly follows behind, he looks in his wallet and sighs, he had to pay for said goodies.

Panda
What the fuck is the Sean Connery.

Fringe hops so that he's stood on a nearby bench before dropping so that he's lay down on it, his Fringe no longer obscuring his eye.

Fringe
You'll see.

Fringe unscrews the lid of the Martini.

Fringe
Hold my legs.

Panda holds his legs and then Fringe presses the bottle to his left eye before pouring tons of the liquid into his eye. Panda is stunned to complete silence, jowls wide.

Fringe gets to about halfway through the bottle before stopping and placing it down, Fringes legs begin to vibrate uncontrollably, Panda looks terrified, Fringes eyes are closed tight.

Fringe blindly goes into his bag and produces the Homuncumilk, popping it open and pouring the content into Martini bottle beside him.

Fringe sits up opens his green eyes and rifles through his pockets, producing some white powders from one, he pours that in and 3 Adderall pills from the other dropping those into this concoction.

Fringe lifts his mixture up, studiously staring into it.

Panda is no longer registering Fringes weird shit, he's in a daze thinking of how pleasant and easy his life would be had Fringe and Ziggy not outvoted him.

Fringe clicks his fingers and Pandas back.

Fringe
Legs please.

Panda lets go of his legs.

Panda
Aren't you gonna stir that thing up?

Fringe
Shaken not stirred.

Fringe puts the cap back on the bottle and vigorously and aggressively shakes it to dissolve everything in it into 1 consistent fluid.

Fringe all at once stops, smiles at Panda.

Fringe
See you soon bud.

Fringe downs the entire bottle. Panda is dumfounded by this whole process.

Fringe slowly places the bottle down and sits dead still, focused.

BEAT.

Fringe jumps up from his seat and runs towards a nearby bin, sliding his shopping bag with him.

Fringe begins to violently puke in the bin. Panda terrifiedly watches on.

Fringe yacks for a solid 2 minutes not even taking breaths during.

A thick fog almost radioactive in consistency begins to come from the bin and into the face of Fringe.

Whilst puking Fringe reaches into his bag and applies hair wax, his actions are obscured by the fog.

The sound of sick finishes, no wrenching or after sick, just ends, Panda wonders if Fringe is knocked out or he'd finally taken a concoction that even his Adamantium constitution couldn't handle.



Fringe
(Thick seductive spot on Scottish accent)
Dear boy, we're going to need to find some women.

Fringe turns around and the thick fog lies behind the perfectly waxed haired, now somehow olive skinned, he's raspy, he's a pure and real old fashioned man.

Fringe has a lit cigarette in his mouth, where did it come from? How did it get lit? He's wearing the bow tie, how did he tie it so perfectly whilst throwing up?

Only he knows the answers.

Right at that moment 2 Stewardesses walk by.

Seizing the opportunity Connery Fringe slaps the nearest on the ass. She turns, she's absolutely fuming, Fringe gives a cheeky and charming (to him) grin.

Fringe
Hello there.

Stewardess 1
Keep your hands to yourself.

Fringe
I'd rather keep them to your self darling.

Fringe puts his arm around the waist of Stewardess 1. Stewardess 2 rips his arm away.

Stewardess 2
Are you fucking serious.

Fringe
Listen here beautiful, speak when spoken too.

Fringe puts his finger on the lips of Stewardess 2.

Stewardess 1
Come with us.

Stewardess 2 looks to Stewardess 1 in complete shock, Stewardess 1 shoot her a glance and both know Fringe isn't gonna get what he thinks he is.

Fringe
Come on Panda, I'll let you watch.

Pandas already blown away by this crazed, offensive Fringe, so he just follows, why the fuck not at this point I guess.

The Stewardesses lead Panda and Fringe along a series of similar and ever winding corridors. Fringe steps forward and puts his arms around both the Stewardesses.

Fringe
Ladies, I enjoy a free life and I know at least 2 of you will fall in love this afternoon.

The women remain silent and Panda is simply dumfounded at this point and just follows for the sake of it.

Stewardess 2
This is the place.

CUT TO

Ziggy running down the same corridors dressed as a Medic.

Ziggy is frantically checking his watch as he does so.

Ziggy
i'm not too late, I'm not too late, I'm not too late, not yet.

Ziggy runs to a slightly ajar door and bursts in.

The 2 women are lay passed out on the floor, Panda is standing the corner traumatised and Fringe sits in the centre of the room smoking a cigarette with a handcuff hanging from his wrist.

Fringe
Nice of you join us Ziggy.

Panda runs from the corner and hugs Ziggy.

Panda
Oh my God mate. thank God you're here! It was crazy. Fringe tried to have sex with them they tried to handcuff him and called security so he absolutely battered them.

Ziggy
Yeah? All part of the plan. Is the security on the way?

Fringe
They weren't ready for the feelings they were having.

Panda
So he battered the girls.

Ziggy
He's Sean Connery. It's okay though, I brought the 'Fringey Factory Reset'.

Fringe gives a slight bow. Ziggy rips the cigarette from his lips and replaces it with a joint.

Ziggy
So here's what we do next.....


A FEW MINUTES LATER

The security guard opens the door to an immaculate room, not seeing the unconscious bodies on the other side of the door, handcuffed together with the cuff that was previously on Fringe. Panda and Fringe are wearing ill fitting Stewardesses uniforms and Ziggy still dressed as a medic, Ziggy is sat on the chair head down and Fringe and Panda appear to be consoling him.

Security
Hey, you guys called for Security.

Fringe
Yeah sorry, we smelled smoke from here but it's no problem.

Ziggy
(With a tear in his eye)
Sorry, it's my fault, I've just had the roughest day, I'm only here by request of a man named Jerome Hathersage as a precaution as his good friend Ice T is the oldest living rapper.

Security
Wow, funny you should mention him, Jerome Hathersage is a good friend of mine.

Ziggy
But then a young guy had a fit by the entrance, kid was in a really bad way, I hate to see that so I needed to calm my nerves before looking after Ice T on our flight, I've gotta do a good job for my boi Jerome, ya know?

Ziggy, Fringe and Panda step up to the guard and he openly weeps whilst forcing the group into a tight group hug.

Security
YEAH, JEROME IS THE BEST. I LOVE JEROME.










The Security Guard gives the group a personal escort to the AWF Flight and watches on as the 3 bypass the whole roster and ticket people, waving them off.

Ziggy
Hey dude, I'll tell Jerome what you did today.

The Security guard cries tears of happiness, doing a guy like Jerome a solid truly means a lot him, as it would anyone, this is Jerome Hathersage we're talking about. Ziggy, Fringe and Panda are on the plane, they've bloody gone and done it.

Panda
Hey Zig, so what actually is the plan from here?

Ziggy
Well, Spud can have his little tour but we're doing fucking Interrailing, sex, drugs and rock n' roll.

Fringe comes to the centre of Panda and Ziggy with a look of giddy excitement for the adventure ahead, Cinderella will go to the ball and Mr Fringe will go to Budapest.

CUT TO A LITTLE LATER ON THE FLIGHT

Laci stumbles down to Spud, clearly massively off her face.

Before Spud can assess the situation Laci pulls him up and forces her tongue down his throat, he doesn't wanna admit it but for a second he's a little turned on.

Laci falls to a seated position.

Laci Valentine
(Shouting)
Jaaaaames... that stewardess totes looks like Panda....

Spud glances up but before he can see the Stewardess Laci's begins drooling on him.

Spud
Shit, can anyone help me get her back to her seat.

Ziggy runs over with his medical supplies.

Spud
ZIG?

Ziggy
Hey Spud, don't worry, we're not gonna interrupt the tour, we're doing Interrailing.

Spud
What? Just help me with her please mate.

Ziggy
(nodding along)
Oh okay, are you *WHISTLE* in the toilet?

Laci Valentine
(Forcing a flirty smile through her drowsed face)
If you want to James…

Spud lets out a dry laugh and shakes his head.

Spud
You're so cute, let's get you back to your seat.

Ziggy
aw thanks mate, my seats not that far though.

Spud and Ziggy lift Laci and walk her to 1st class.

They plop her down right next to Zaylee.

Spud
I believe this belongs to you.

Laci Valentine
Thannnnnnk yooou babeeee.

Spud
You're welcome have a nice sleep.

Spud kisses Laci on the forehead and moves away with Ziggy.

Ziggy
So what's her friend's deal?

Fringe
(Shouting from the other end of 1st class)
This is 1st class you can't be here!

Spud looks up the carriage to see how surprisingly great Fringe pulls off being a Stewardess, the make up does wonders for him. Spud laughs as he and Ziggy work their way back down the carriage.

Spud
How did you guys get on the plane?

Ziggy
Well, we made it look like Fringe was fitting or ODing then I chloroformed a paramedic and stole his stuff, then we gave Fringe a precise cocktail of stuff to turn him into early days sexist Bond so that he'd have no hang ups kicking the shit out of some women like in Diamonds are Forever and then the lads stole their shit. After that we guilt tripped a security guard who walked us right to the plane we needed and now we're here.

Spud
(Laughs his head off)
You expect me to believe that load of bollocks?

CROSS DISSOLVE