Post by Rockstar Spud on Aug 3, 2020 16:52:35 GMT -5
KEVIN KELLY
Hey Spud any word on what we've just witnessed?
SPUD
That was the single most beautiful meld of physical and emotional love between people. Jerome is a great friend of mine and the fact that he agreed to do that in the ring and educate the masses in hetero-romantic/ homosexual, relations and how his physical love for men such as Rank will not only work alongside his emotional love for Natalia but with her being asexual this actually strengthens the bond as she gets to see the man she loves completely satisfied whilst also never feeling the pressure to satisfy those needs herself. Jerome deserves the life he's getting, good for him.
Spud wells up just revisiting the beautiful act he witnessed, Kevin Kelly is an excellent journalist but even he is struggling to contain emotions.
KEVIN KELLY
So how do you feel about having to defend the Provincial Championship just a short while removed from the scramble in Yankee Stadium?
SPUD
Well, you can tell who's running the show, eh. In Yankee Stadium I wrestled for longer than anyone and was put through hell and by the skin of my teeth I remain here as Champion (tapping belt), now Priscilla didn't have an easy ride by any estimation but she wrestled for what, 15, 20 minutes maybe, I got my arse battered, pillar to post for half an hour and I came to work this week for a match and Kev guess what?
KEVIN KELLY
What?
SPUD
(Whispers)
Come close.
Kevin Kelly leans in to Spud.
SPUD
I fucking love it. Our fearless leader Commissioner Austin, he's The Ace In The Hole's biggest fan, he just wants to watch me wrestle more and more, it's cute "half an hour, no need more, main event, next week now, what, backstreet boys, what, I used to be relevant, what, remember me VS The Rock, what, remember me, remember me, please". He loves me and I can understand, I mean, I'm like the littler, handsomer, quicker him and I wouldn't have it any other way, fucking way. Beating Black Clyde alone is quite an achievement alone, doing it this way, even sweeter. I'm sure my pal The Rattlesnake will love it, he'll be glued to the screen with his big boyfriend Drax The Destroyer, it's gonna be lovely.
I fucking love it. Our fearless leader Commissioner Austin, he's The Ace In The Hole's biggest fan, he just wants to watch me wrestle more and more, it's cute "half an hour, no need more, main event, next week now, what, backstreet boys, what, I used to be relevant, what, remember me VS The Rock, what, remember me, remember me, please". He loves me and I can understand, I mean, I'm like the littler, handsomer, quicker him and I wouldn't have it any other way, fucking way. Beating Black Clyde alone is quite an achievement alone, doing it this way, even sweeter. I'm sure my pal The Rattlesnake will love it, he'll be glued to the screen with his big boyfriend Drax The Destroyer, it's gonna be lovely.
Kevin Kelly takes a second; as an excellent journalist he takes a lot of what he's heard with a grain of salt but Spuds not a liar, this must be that new sarcasm thing the kids are doing, quick Kev change the subject.
KEVIN KELLY
(Wiping tears and trying to change the subject)
So..... Black Clyde, as always, has been outspoken on social media about this match.
SPUD
I saw, he got schooled on basics by noted sports analyst Jack Roberts.
KEVIN KELLY
Yes I saw that, is this the same Jack Roberts who's married to Julia Fox and Zendaya?
SPUD
Yeah, the very same, he married both on his private yacht earlier this year. He's also the guy Joe Rogan calls to learn about the hottest young fighters so for this pillar of the human experience to go to bat for me is wildly humbling, it makes me realise how far I still have to go on this crazy journey whilst also giving me a moment to recognise how cool my position as Provincial Champion is.
KEVIN KELLY
Any tactics for tonight?
SPUD
Well look, Clyde is a behemoth of muscles and sweat and all that good stuff but I'm a fucking wrestler and for 10+ years I've been a fucking wrestler, Clyde's having a great debut year and by god he's GOOD; and on the street, in a bar, Queensbury Rules, he would beat me but this is a wrestling match and I'm the most slippery hard to hit, hard to keep down, frustrating guy on the roster, rookies make mistakes against guys like me. So Kevin let me ask you a question; does size matter?
Kevin Kelly assess the situation and tries to give the answer that will please his friend Spud.
KEVIN KELLY
No.
SPUD
Wrong Kev. Sorry, Clyde's right size does matter, I go to the gym and I've been with women and those biggest guys at the gym often are making up for size lacking in another department. So I'm gonna tell you, the world, Commissioner Austin and my friend Black Clyde how I'm gonna win, I'm gonna use his favourite move of mine, the Xtra Small Package. It's not a gimmick, a man my size using my leverage to wrap him up and pin him, is near unbreakable for a dude that big, there's too much of him, or I'll do something else, just something to think about BC. And of course I've been eating my cereal every morning so I can't lose.
Spud grabs a bowl of cereal from out of shot, quickly shovels some down his face.
Swallows.
Breathes.
Makes sure he has no loose food in his mouth.
Smiles widely.
Get Shreddies, Bust Headies. Now Kev, I've gotta get to work.
