Post by Black Clyde on Jul 24, 2020 17:59:47 GMT -5
Big Homunculus has his feet hooked over a pullup bar and is doing inverted situps. When he's at the bottom of the situp Black Clyde smashes a medicine ball against his abs with a thunderous BOOM, but Homunculus has a far away look in his eye and isn't in a headspace where pain seems to register.
The BEEP BEEP BEEP of a garbage truck backing up is heard and Ruxx Rampede enters shortly after.
The BEEP BEEP BEEP of a garbage truck backing up is heard and Ruxx Rampede enters shortly after.
Ruxx Rampede
What's up Clyde.
Black Clyde
All good, brother.
Ruxx Rampede
What's crakcing, H?
What's up Clyde.
Black Clyde
All good, brother.
Ruxx Rampede
What's crakcing, H?
Homunculus silently continues his inverted situps.
Black Clyde
Don't take it personally, I don't think he can hear anything right now. Motherfucker's focussed as fuck.
Ruxx Rampede
I'm a little worried about that chamber match.
Black Clyde
Don't be, I've turned H's core into a wall of iron. If that cigar-chomping, bigorexia-having bitch lands a spear he'll probably break his own neck.
Ruxx Rampede
I'm not worried about this big dysmorphic motherfucker. It's the rest of those bitches locked in a cage with him. I don't know if AWF can survive having four competitors killed on live PPV, and I don't wanna go back to only having one job. I just bought new hub caps for my truck.
Black Clyde
But he has five opponents.
Ruxx Rampede
Sure but he's not gonna go all in on Orange Motherfuckin' Cassidy.
Black Clyde
Of course.
Ruxx Rampede
Say have Orange Cassidy and our good friend Jerome Hathersage ever met? I feel like they'd get along.
Black Clyde
I don't know. Until recently I thought of my good friend Jerome Hathersage as kind of a voluntarily lonely guy, who prefers to form tight connections with very small circle of friends, but I think I may have been wrong.
Don't take it personally, I don't think he can hear anything right now. Motherfucker's focussed as fuck.
Ruxx Rampede
I'm a little worried about that chamber match.
Black Clyde
Don't be, I've turned H's core into a wall of iron. If that cigar-chomping, bigorexia-having bitch lands a spear he'll probably break his own neck.
Ruxx Rampede
I'm not worried about this big dysmorphic motherfucker. It's the rest of those bitches locked in a cage with him. I don't know if AWF can survive having four competitors killed on live PPV, and I don't wanna go back to only having one job. I just bought new hub caps for my truck.
Black Clyde
But he has five opponents.
Ruxx Rampede
Sure but he's not gonna go all in on Orange Motherfuckin' Cassidy.
Black Clyde
Of course.
Ruxx Rampede
Say have Orange Cassidy and our good friend Jerome Hathersage ever met? I feel like they'd get along.
Black Clyde
I don't know. Until recently I thought of my good friend Jerome Hathersage as kind of a voluntarily lonely guy, who prefers to form tight connections with very small circle of friends, but I think I may have been wrong.
Homunculus flips down from the pullup bar and seems shocked to see Ruxx and Clyde.
Big Homunculus
How are two such humongous men so stealthy?
Ruxx Rampede
You sleeping good my brother?
How are two such humongous men so stealthy?
Ruxx looks concerned.
Ruxx Rampede
You sleeping good my brother?
Homunculus smiles broadly.
Big Homunculus
For 8 hours a night I dream of committing horrendous acts of violence with impunity. I face people who tower over me and chop them down like a lumberjack. If humans were trees I would have deforested the entire Amazon rainforest and turned the ocean red. I feel wonderful.
For 8 hours a night I dream of committing horrendous acts of violence with impunity. I face people who tower over me and chop them down like a lumberjack. If humans were trees I would have deforested the entire Amazon rainforest and turned the ocean red. I feel wonderful.
Ruxx is no longer concerned.
Ruxx Rampede
Good motherfuckin' shit.
Black Clyde
Go take a shower and eat that BulkPowders™ protein smoothie I mixed for you.
Good motherfuckin' shit.
Black Clyde
Go take a shower and eat that BulkPowders™ protein smoothie I mixed for you.
Black Clyde looks at the camera and smiles.
Black Clyde
BulkPowders™ and Black Clyde: A muscular as fuck partnership.
Ruxx Rampede
How's your new tooth?
BulkPowders™ and Black Clyde: A muscular as fuck partnership.
Homunculus walks away, gets lost and accidentally leaves the gym. Through a window he can be seen wandering into traffic. A car hits him and crumples against his mahogany abs. He walks away like nothing happened.
Ruxx Rampede
How's your new tooth?
Clyde flashes a tooth made from the actual Cullinan diamond.
Black Clyde
I was looking for an excuse to make an extremely extravagant and completely unnecessary purchase using the eye patch profits, so no harm done.
Ruxx Rampede
You can't blame short, ugly motherfuckers for wanting to deface such a tall and handsome man.
Black Clyde
Exactly, and I have looks to spare. Hey, wanna double team some bitches again? I have dozens who'd love to.
Ruxx Rampede
Maybe later, I've been scouting out your opponent while you've been training H.
Black Clyde
Good shit. I messaged him on instagram to try and form a friendly rapport, because at the end of the day fighting is about respect, and I find it trite to require every fight to be filled with foul mouthed trash talk.
I was looking for an excuse to make an extremely extravagant and completely unnecessary purchase using the eye patch profits, so no harm done.
Ruxx Rampede
You can't blame short, ugly motherfuckers for wanting to deface such a tall and handsome man.
Black Clyde
Exactly, and I have looks to spare. Hey, wanna double team some bitches again? I have dozens who'd love to.
Ruxx Rampede
Maybe later, I've been scouting out your opponent while you've been training H.
Black Clyde
Good shit. I messaged him on instagram to try and form a friendly rapport, because at the end of the day fighting is about respect, and I find it trite to require every fight to be filled with foul mouthed trash talk.
Black shows Ruxx his phone.
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Ruxx Rampede
I wish every bitch in this game were as classy as you, Clyde. Anyway yeah I did some searching and it turns out he's pretty easy to beat. So for starters he was trying to get this old Irish man to drink his whiskey and the guy turned it down so-
Black Clyde
Hold up an old IRISH MAN turned down WHISKEY!?
Ruxx Rampede
Crazy shit, I know.
Black Clyde
That shit must taste worse than crackhead sweat.
Ruxx Rampede
That's the only logical conclusion, I agree. So he blind side punches this old man.
Black Clyde
Shit, I would expect a man of average strength to knock out and probably injure an elderly man with a cheap shot.
Ruxx Rampede
Even a weaker than average man would surely drop a crusty old drunk motherfucker. Well, here it is...
Black Clyde
Wait up bro I don't wanna see an old man get badly hurt by a professional fighter.
Ruxx Rampede
(chuckles)
No danger of that.
I wish every bitch in this game were as classy as you, Clyde. Anyway yeah I did some searching and it turns out he's pretty easy to beat. So for starters he was trying to get this old Irish man to drink his whiskey and the guy turned it down so-
Black Clyde
Hold up an old IRISH MAN turned down WHISKEY!?
Ruxx Rampede
Crazy shit, I know.
Black Clyde
That shit must taste worse than crackhead sweat.
Ruxx Rampede
That's the only logical conclusion, I agree. So he blind side punches this old man.
Black Clyde
Shit, I would expect a man of average strength to knock out and probably injure an elderly man with a cheap shot.
Ruxx Rampede
Even a weaker than average man would surely drop a crusty old drunk motherfucker. Well, here it is...
Ruxx gets his phone out.
Black Clyde
Wait up bro I don't wanna see an old man get badly hurt by a professional fighter.
Ruxx Rampede
(chuckles)
No danger of that.
The two men stand in silence for a moment as they watch the famed Mcgregor left hand harmlessly bounce of the old man's head before bursting into full on, slapping-every-object-in-the-vicinty belly laughs.
Black Clyde
I guess the little bitch must be right handed.
Ruxx Rampede
He better be. So yeah then to beat him all you do is, put your arm around my neck for a second or two.
Black Clyde
You sure? My biceps are the largest, hardest object known to the human race and I often crush bowling balls with them for no reason. I don't wanna hurt you.
Ruxx Rampede
Don't worry you don't even need to do it that hard, just do it.
I guess the little bitch must be right handed.
Ruxx Rampede
He better be. So yeah then to beat him all you do is, put your arm around my neck for a second or two.
Black Clyde
You sure? My biceps are the largest, hardest object known to the human race and I often crush bowling balls with them for no reason. I don't wanna hurt you.
Ruxx Rampede
Don't worry you don't even need to do it that hard, just do it.
Black Clyde carefully puts his arm around Ruxx's neck.
Ruxx Rampede
That's it, no tighter, no need to kill the poor boy. Now to complete the move just whisper some shit into his ear in Russian.
That's it, no tighter, no need to kill the poor boy. Now to complete the move just whisper some shit into his ear in Russian.
Clyde speaks fluent Russian, always has done.
Black Clyde
Почувствуй, как тьма окутывает тебя, моя милая маленькая принцесса. Ваша кожа настолько гладкая, какой увлажняющий крем вы используете? Привыкни к этому, это то, что тюрьма будет чувствовать, сука. Ok then what?
Ruxx Rampede
Then he says "It's only business", which is some kinda catch phrase that didn't catch on or some shit, and taps.
Black Clyde
Fuck yeah, I was hoping I'd have time to to replace the batch of Booker T juice with a superior blend, courtesy of my partnership with BulkPowders™.
Ruxx Rampede
Shit, you can have your match so quickly we'll have time to mix up a new batch, impregnate an irresponsible number of bitches and be back in time for my match.
Black Clyde
Get shredded, get bedded.
Почувствуй, как тьма окутывает тебя, моя милая маленькая принцесса. Ваша кожа настолько гладкая, какой увлажняющий крем вы используете? Привыкни к этому, это то, что тюрьма будет чувствовать, сука. Ok then what?
Ruxx Rampede
Then he says "It's only business", which is some kinda catch phrase that didn't catch on or some shit, and taps.
Black Clyde
Fuck yeah, I was hoping I'd have time to to replace the batch of Booker T juice with a superior blend, courtesy of my partnership with BulkPowders™.
Ruxx Rampede
Shit, you can have your match so quickly we'll have time to mix up a new batch, impregnate an irresponsible number of bitches and be back in time for my match.
Clyde turns to the camera and hits a double bicep pose, his huge biceps stretching the skin that holds them such is their enormity. Then he starts to flex. As the gap between his fist and shoulder is closed by the tight contraction of his continuously swelling upper arm retractor, the rest of the world around him begins to look smaller. It seems as though the skin containing his biceps must surely tear under the the immense duress of this impossibly swole muscle continuing to grow in in this unrivalled flex. Veins that other people don't even have pop up as the muscle continues to grow under contraction in width as well as height. The peak of the bicep looks like its own bicep. His biceps have biceps. Years of cross body curls, hammer curls, weighted chinups and eating 17 cows a day manifest themselves in an intensely alpha display of dominance. Clyde's face, however, shows no sign of effort. He grins.
Black Clyde
Get shredded, get bedded.