S01E09 - All Fair's in Love & War

Thursday, 9 July 2020
9:35 PM
Calgary, Alberta

Bret Hart’s office within the Alberta Wrestling Federation offices was no doubt expansive, but his furnishings were humble, as might be expected from the Hitman. Some dark sort of wood - perhaps teak - has been chosen for the desk, bookcase, and circular, glass-plated coffee table parallel to and in between his set of double leather couches. A massive window to downtown takes the place of what would otherwise be a wall, where the desk sits parallel, a cart of liquors pressed against the glass just behind where the Best There Was, The Best There Is, and The Best There Ever Will Be sits with paperwork.

Bruce Hart
(from the other room, far and down the hall)
Bret you gotta see this shit!

Bret signs Robbie McKay’s contract after a deep breath. Footsteps can be heard down the marble floor outside the office, the only sound aside from the paper ruffling and pen scratching.

Bruce Hart
BRET!

A smacking hand forces the door fully ajar, and in walks Bruce Hart with his 1983 mullet, high-rising jeans out of 1993 tucked into cowboy boots, and orange polo.

Bruce Hart
Bret, I’m telling ya, you have GOT to see this shit.

The younger brother finally offers a glance up to his elder, notices the face of worry, and drops his pen and paper to follow Bruce out of the office. Bret’s sneakers are much quieter on the marble of the hallway, but down the long way they go until finally they reach Bruce’s.

A much smaller place of business than Bret’s, it was a windowless office no bigger than a double janitor’s closet, but Bruce had made sure to fill it well, laden with images of Bruce, Owen, Stu, and/or the three of them together where there wasn’t memorabilia from his old failed attempt at a wrestling federation many moons ago.

On his flat screen that took up most of the wall left available just on the side of the door is a live news report, a helicopter’s footage on display. A white Ford Bronco can be seen speeding down a freeway, with a black Ford pickup truck tailing behind it fast.

Headline:

BREAKING: WRESTLING SUPERSTARS IN A HIGH SPEED CHASE

Bret’s eyes widen.

News Reporter
... down Highway 16 in Lloydminster. Authorities have warned the public that one is confirmed to be armed and dangerous! We await more details, but it has been reported that there are decals on the truck known to be synonymous with ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin…

Bret Hart
Jesus fucking Christ!

---

9:15 PM
Lloydminster, Alberta

Stevie Ray
This muthafucka gone learn today.

The snap of his knuckles cupped by his fingerless-gloved-fist before from his combat pants buttoned pocket does he pull another battle mitt for his hand. Side-by-side does he walk with his brother in matching gear down a poorly paved road down a house with battered and beat up houses all along what should be sidewalks, but instead are just the lawn of a house or nothing more. A decrepit road indeed, but Booker’s face is stern and focused.

The gravel kicks and crunches under their high-top combat boots.

6:45 PM
Lloydminster, Alberta

Donning his new ’All About Austin’ official AWF t-shirt and over-the-knee jorts, ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin exits a corner liquor store with a 24-case of Broken Skull IPA in hand. Parked in the parking spot away from all the other cars is his black Ford pick up, decaled in tribute to himself on both the hood and the tailgate. The case of beer is set comfortably on the floor of the backseat before Austin takes to the driver’s seat and turns his ignition.

Radio
(Pat Benatar)
’We’re running with the shadows of the night!
So baby, take my hand, it’ll be al--

Stone Cold
Oh hell yeah! ‘THEY’LL COME TRUE IN THE ENNNNNNNNNNNND!’

As the first drum notes land in the song and further, Austin pantomimes them each perfectly, basking in the power of Pat Benatar.

Stone Cold
’RANSOM MY HEART BUT BABY DON’T LOOK BACK ‘CAUSE WE GOT NOBODY ELSE! WE’RE RUNNIN’ WITH THE SHADOWS OF THE NIGHT! …’

Austin finishes the hook while speeding out of the parking lot.

9:20 PM
Lloydminster, Alberta

Still walking down the way, now deep into a gridded neighborhood (the housing a bit more desirable but just barely), Booker offers a signalling left-handed slap to the bullet-vested chest of his older brother. An immediate pivot right by both men, Booker in front, through the yard of a house and over the low, rickety chain-link fence that divides it from the yard behind it. Stevie Ray follows behind closely, their movements much quieter than might be expected for men of their frame.

7:03 PM
Lloydminster, Alberta

The Ford pickup pulls up on the sidewalk across the street next to a small white single-story bungalow, a white Ford Bronco parked in the driveway. As he puts it into park, his left hand pantomimes a drumstick landing on the steering wheel before the other one joins in, Big Log by Robert Plant on its long fade out.

Stone Cold
’MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH LUUUUUUVE! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH LUUUUVE! IS IN LEEEEEEEEEEAGUE WITH THE FREEWAY!’ OH YEAH!

Once it’s faded, Stone Cold shuts the engine, jumps out the car nearly destroying his door in the process, and grabs the case from the back. No checking for any passing cars as he Austin-strides toward the bungalow’s front door, over the lawn with minimal regard. An aggressive four-knuckled knock is met by the quick opening of the door.

Wide-eyed, does Chris DeAngelo open the door, staring down at his fellow bald brother. Despite being the obviously bigger man, DeAngelo seems immediately nervous. A contorted smile.

Chris DeAngelo
Oh Steve!

A burning smell creeps into Austin’s nostrils as he pushes right past the man into his own abode. Inside is a large single room by all technicality, only a pillar between the poorly kept kitchen and comfortable living parlor space.

Stone Cold
Shit, son, whatchu smoking that bullshit again?

Austin tosses his key onto and looks at the island sitting in the kitchen, thinking to place down the case -- till he sees the small glass pipe with the well charred round end amongst the junk. A grimace before heading straight for the couch.

Chris DeAngelo
... I need this job.

Stone Cold
Hell, I don’t give a damn. Ain’t my body, I’m not the dumbass.

Austin drops the case on the coffee table between the couch and the flatscreen, opening it quickly. DeAngelo shuts the door, scratching his head as he makes it halfway through the kitchen.

Stone Cold
(reaching in for a brew)
Besides...
(popping the top)
I can’t fire you no more.

DeAngelo keeps eyeballing the crack pipe, but makes sure to keep most of his attention on the Texas Rattlesnake. Stone Cold guzzles down the entire tallboy.

Stone Cold
(a refreshed ‘aaaaah’ and a chuckle)
For now.

The empty can crushed and dropped on the wooden floor while reaching in for another.

9:22 PM
Lloydminster, Alberta

Booker and Stevie land in the backyard of a small white house. Without having to utter a word, they they split to either side of the residence.

9:24 PM
Lloydminster, Alberta

Inside of the bungalow, DeAngelo and Austin have taken to either side of the couch, at least twenty crushed cans strewn about the floor of the living room. The only light in the premises comes from the television screen and the light over the sink in the kitchen. Steve Austin has fallen asleep with a half-drank can of the IPA in his grasp, in his lap.

Television
(Michael Madsen)
Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?

Being presented with a fresh opportunity, DeAngelo rises from the couch and makes a tip-toed walk over to the kitchen. Fast, he grabs the pipe before pulling out a baggy full of crack rocks and a lighter. Quickly, he breaks up a few of the pieces

HIS FRONT DOOR IS KICKED IN!

THEN THE BACK! ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LIVING ROOM!

The sounds startles Austin awake, but he’s too late to do anything as a figure pulls the couch from underneath and over him!

DeAngelo quickly scurries back to grab the baseball bat he keeps next to his refrigerator--

But a quick uppercut from another shadowed figure stumbles him back before he can make any real move with it! Another few uppercuts stagger DeAngelo enough for a left kick to the forearm to knock the baseball bat free! Chris’ skull is bounced off the marble of his island, then the back of it pulled to smack against the wood of his bottom cabinets!

The couch is pulled off of Austin by the same man who tossed it on him before he’s brought to his feet then set through the television! Snap, crackle, and pop from the broken piece of tech but those massive hands are back around Austin’s head and throwing him into the pillar between kitchen and parlor!

The figures switch targets, the uppercuts keeping Austin groggy on his feet before that figure decides introduce the Texan’s head with the pillar, then the marble island, before pulling him through and out of the front door!

Austin goes flying onto the same lawn he disrespected earlier, catching himself midroll on all fours - before a combat boot punts him in the side of the head! Blood spittles from the gums of where two teeth were just five minutes before, and he lays on his back stunned.

His vision is blurry and unclear as the figure steps in view, steps back -- then throws another kick to the side, causing a squeal of pain. His vision is knocked back perfect when the figure flies in with a right hand --
















Booker?!














Then the left knocks it back dizzy. Another. And another.





It keeps going.








Inside of the house, DeAngelo gets thrown across the room - from the kitchen to the parlor, rolling from the impact toward the back door. He strains to find his breath but does his best to find himself, the figure stomping behind him. Lucky this is his own place, so he knows where the marble vase his mother passed down was --











AND BAITS AND SWITCHES THE FIGURE! THE VASE SMACKS AGAINST THE BIG MAN’S HEAD AND HE STUMBLES BACK!

DeAngelo is on his feet fast, looking to the left at the backdoor and window near where the couch and television once sat peacefully. With a hand on the head and the other on the belt, DeAngelo sends the figure flying out of the window and to the backyard!

That taken care of, he turns around, groggily stumbling through the wreckage to the kitchen where his bat fell. With it in his grasp, he’s out through the front door where he sees Booker mounting Austin and going off with unguarded blows. A grip of both hands helps him judge the shot perfectly: clear across the back of Booker’s head the bat goes!

Booker falls off Austin’s body and is stunned on the ground, over top Austin. DeAngelo has to push Booker off before trying to wake up the busted jawed-Austin, pulling at his left hand to stand him out. Somehow, Austin isn’t totally out but dazed to the max. DeAngelo looks up to see Stevie Ray stumbling from around the back, arms and face cut up but still furious, with enough in the tank with the help of the side of the building to keep himself up.

Chris DeAngelo
Ah Steve, what the fuuuuuuuuck!

Neighbors watch on from windows and screen doors as DeAngelo forces the man’s arm over his head, before reaching in his pockets for his car keys. The Bronco beeps when the fob is pressed, Austin’s feet dragging across the grass and driveway until Chris can push him into the passenger seat. Stevie checks on his brother, who is beginning to rise on his own, as he notices Chris running around to the other side of his car.

Seeing his brother all right but not wanting the opportunity lost, Stevie finds an adrenaline rush to turn back and run into the house, flick on the light switch and take a fast look around. He sees a set of keys on the table that could only be Austin’s and picks them up.

The Bronco is speeding in reverse out of the driveway as Stevie rushes past Booker, grabbing hold of his arm in the process. T shakes back to the mission quickly, and follows his brother’s lead toward the Ford pickup.

9:31 PM
Highway 16, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

Chris DeAngelo
Shit shit shit shit shit!

Both hands gripped on the steering wheel in panic, DeAngelo darts between Austin slowly coming to sat in the passenger seat, the road in front of him, and the rearview mirror where the Ford pickup is close behind. The baseball has been dropped against Austin’s thigh, between his legs in the seat.

Inside the pickup, Stevie Ray has taken the wheel, Booker pulling from his pants’ buttoned pocket a small vial of Clyde’s Concoction, unscrewing the cap, and downing it.

Stevie Ray
Man fuck this.

Reaching in his own buttoned pocket after rolling the window down, Stevie Ray removes something with arguably just as much power as a swig of the concoction: a Browning Hi-Power pistol. Another wordless communication, Booker takes the wheel to keep steady as his brother pulls half of his body out of window and pops off two shots. The first lands square in the back window, shattering it, the other taking out a tail-light.

The blasts and all other noise rise Austin quickly from the last bits of his days.

Stone Cold
AW FUCK!

Spit of the blood in his mouth onto the ground. Coming back to the realization himself, his fists clench and he punches down on the side of the door.
Stone Cold
Booker. That sonuvabitch.

The next shot clips the back tire. The car hits a new low and DeAngelo realizes immediately how fucked his lease is.

9:37 PM
Calgary, Alberta

Bret has returned to the larger office, where the news report has been put on Bret’s 65” curved TV, Bruce sat on the leather seat having a watch. Bret himself paces back and forth behind his desk, repeatedly making calls that go right to voicemail.

After the fifth attempt, he throws the phone onto his desk, sighs a deep sigh, and runs his hand through his hair. A shake of the head as he places exasperated hands on his hips.

9:35 PM
Highway 16, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

DeAngelo turns into the nearest store plaza, where there sits a Wendy’s and Super Walmart -- but not before Stevie gets one last shot off, clipping the other back tire. Losing control as he tries to make the turn, the Bronco begins skidding back and forth while the man in the driver’s seat attempts to regain control of the car. It’s no use, and he eventually drives full speed into the concrete cylinder holding up a steel light pole in the middle of the parking lot.

Stevie Ray’s drive in is cautious as they watch the accident unfold, pulling the car over some forty feet away.

Somehow, Austin is able to get his door open as DeAngelo’s head lay bleeding on the steering wheel airbag. Pushing his own airbag from the way, he takes hold of the baseball as he kicks the door open and pulls himself from the confines of the vehicle. Immediately, he stumbles as fast as he can manage toward the front door of the Walmart as people look on in bewilderment.

Harlem Heat jump out of the truck.

Stevie Ray
Go handle that fool!

Booker jogs toward the doors as Stevie Ray makes his way toward the Bronco.

Stevie Ray
I’ll show you some OJ Simpson shit, muthafucka.

The driver seat is forced upon by the older Huffman, who pulls out the unconscious Chris DeAngelo out of his circumstance only to throw his head throw the back window of the car!

Inside the Walmart, Booker T is looking aisle by aisle for Austin. The people in the Walmart look at the man suspicious of everything, but it’s not of his concern at all. He doesn’t find Austin in the grocery section (strange), nor the clothing section, and so to the technology section.

Turning the bend to the cameras he --




GETS HIT IN THE GUT WITH A BASEBALL BAT!

Bloody mouthed and glazed over, Austin swings the baseball bat into Booker’s jaw, whose body flies upward from the force, onto and over the counter of cameras and to the other side!

Austin, in survival mode at this point, goes around the aisle to meet on Booker’s side -- where there’s a large check-out kiosk surrounded by a glass display. The time is enough for Booker to bait Austin into the gut kick from the ground as Steve lifts up for another bat swing. Booker’s halfway to his feet when he gets another swing, this one across the back. A side swing is simply eaten by Booker’s forearm when he pushes it away, before he connects with a countering left punch!

Booker bounces Stone Cold’s head off the solid part of the kiosk, before pulling him and throwing him to the wide walkway between sections. On his back, Austin slides nearly to the towels and soaps section, but rolls to a shaky stance just in time to get met with a right hand from Booker. Austin swings one back that rocks Booker, but another left knocks Austin to the ground.

Austin rolls back and to his feet again, now just trying to get away, but Booker is on him. Using a bait and switch of his own, he lets Booker get close so he can punch him in the gut, kick him in the same place, then force his head against the large column helping to hold up the massive warehouse.

Soon enough, they’re just in a back and forth fist fight, pushing them back through the section that clearly says ‘AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY’.

In the loading dock area, Booker gets three quick rights in before he kicks Austin in his historically bad knee. Austin lets out a holler, and suddenly sprints out like a threatened rattlesnake with a vicious running lariat that drops the Bookerman. A stiff boot over the head, sandwiching against the concrete floor, keeps Booker down enough for Austin to drop to one knee and catch his breath.

Still, this man on something Austin’s not been confronted with before, Booker is stirring quickly, pulling to his side to try and push himself up. Austin notices, kicking Booker in the back, continuing to land those boots to the back or gut as Booker rolls toward the end of the dock, where the semis would back into.

There’s a small steel railing along it, leaving just enough room for the standard size of a trailer. Booker finds himself backed here, in the perfect place for Austin to grab hold and to begin stomping a proper mudhole. He does, eventually putting his last stomp to the face, then grinding the head against the pavement.

Gassed, Austin turns and backs away to catch another moment.

The sound of police sirens closing in with each second.

But Austin doesn’t notice in time, Booker pulling up with the railing.

Austin turns to continue his assault.






















LEG LARIAT!













Booker’s right back on him, forcing him to his feet and grabbing him by the neck and belt


















THROWING HIM OFF THE DOCK!











But Austin catches himself just before!
























GOOOOOORE!







BOOKER CHARGES WITH THE GORE AND LIFTS THE BOTH OF THEM UP AND OFF THE DOCK, TO THE CONCRETE BELOW!













Austin lands on his back, Booker awkwardly himself.

The numerous police cars begin to surround the men as they lay there, finally unmoving.

Friday, 10 July 2020
1:08 AM
Somewhere off a dirt road from Highway 16, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

A Ford Crown Victoria stuck in 2003 proudly adorning ‘RCMP GRC’ makes a lazy left turn to park alongside the small shack they’ve called a precinct. Out of the vehicle steps the worn Sergeant Denis Lefebrve of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, scratching his bald head as he fights to keep his eyes open. The thirty pound weight surplus in the last quarter of the year had been triggering what he was sure had to be sleep apnea -- so instead of cutting back he’s decided sleep is for the weak. He shuts the door after he finishes S2ing, the Triple Whopper sliding his gullet with struggle almost as if his body pleads ‘no more please no more,’ but dammit if he doesn’t get that bastard down.

The only street light for at least a mile makes a spotlight of this, but there’s no one to watch the display. Crumbling up the burger wrap, he drops the ball on the ground before walking toward the door, one nice belch let off on the way.

Inside the tropey jail shack -- the comically small one stuck in 1876 with two black-barred cells both offering a couple of benches and a john, parallel to the small, uncomfortable desk overflowing with undone paperwork -- his first sight is of a darn familiar looking, but fucking big black dreadlocked dude staring the life out of a bandaged up, sleeping bald white fella. Bald. Rad.

At the desk sits his professional inferior, the mop-headed Allan Dylan, sat back staring at the desktop monitor, December 2001’s WWF Vengeance event streaming.

Jim Ross
(lowly through the computer speakers)
... And now Austin’s got Jericho in the Walls of Jericho! And Jericho is tapping out! He’s tapping like a grown man! This match should be over! This match should be over! But there’s no damn referee in the ring! Jericho is tapping!

Jerry Lawler
(lowly through the computer speakers)
Where did Nick Patrick go?!

Jim Ross
(lowly through the computer speakers)
Jericho is tapping! This damn match is over!

Jerry Lawler
(lowly through the computer speakers)
Hey look at this!

Jim Ross
(lowly through the computer speakers)
Wait a damn -- wait a--!

Jerry Lawler
(lowly through the computer speakers)
Look at this!

Jim Ross
(lowly through the computer speakers)
Booker T! Booker T hit Austin in the back of the head!

Jerry Lawler
(lowly through the computer speakers)
He doesn’t even work here, JR!

Jim Ross
(lowly through the computer speakers)
Booker T came through the crowd! He doesn’t work here! Austin got nailed from behind...

The Sergeant immediately looks up and toward the man with the beat up, swollen face, then the man grilling him from the bench across from him. The three men pervading the rest of the cell are ignored as the realization sets in, his jaw drops, eyes widen, and he’s as awake as he’s ever been. Holy fucking tits, Booker and Austin?! In his jail?!

Closing his mouth to lean in toward Dylan for a self-controlled whisper through the sniffles of his fatassery.

Sgt. Denis Lefebrve
Holy fucking tits, Booker and Austin?! In my jail?!

Allan Dylan
I fucking know right dude! They were kicking ass in the Walmart like it was ‘01 again!

The cops are much too excited by this prospect.


Thursday, 9 July 2020
9:40 PM
Walmart Parking Lot, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

Paramedics surround Chris DeAngelo as he lays on the ground, the glass of his back window surrounding his body. Carefully, they place a neck brace over his neck. Goodness, is he a bloody mess.

Friday, 10 July 2020
1:11 AM
Somewhere off a dirt road from Highway 16, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

Against the wall, Steve Austin’s bald, slightly red-stained head feels smooth on the cold of it as he stirs awake. His first sight is a decrepit wooden ceiling, his blurred daze easing as he ganders around the room, making out four different shaped figures in whatever he was… that figure right in front of him is one big motherfu--

As his sight sures up, his eyes widen.

Sgt. Denis Lefebvre
Booker!

Austin keeps his eyes pointed at the enemy he’s made for himself. The sloushing walk of what could only be a fatfuck can be heard with his rattlesnake senses, but that same intuition lets him know what the threat is.

Sgt. Denis Lefebvre
Steve! Anything I can get you folks?

Those widen eyes go to a hardened glare as Austin’s thoughts race.

Friday, 10 July 2020
1:11 AM
Lloydminster Hospital, Saskatchewan

Chris DeAngelo sits tucked into a standard bed in his hospital gown, a proper neck brace keeping his posture upright as he snores away. The divider is pulled back, with the room being only his, as the television plays quietly from the corner. Slowly his eyes open, his first sight being that same hanging set, crossing out of the program into a thirty second spot for the next week’s PrimeTime.

The Brawl at Yankee Stadium gets its fair share of attention, before the high-octane #1 contender’s battle royale is promoted first, then the tag team turmoil encounters, lastly hyping Austin’s brainchild: the two-on-ten handicap battle that would surely rock the house. The last still is on AWF’s inaugural World’s Champion, Priscilla Kelly, with whom DeAngelo finds himself enamored.

But the shot was too damn quick! Scrambling for a grip for a remote, but no real trust to move his neck, it’s lucky the remote was on his bed. Quickly, he rewinds the hospital’s high tech DVR offering because it’s Canada and all that shit, I’m sure it’s like that up there, and finds his way back at what he’s decided was the best part of Priscilla’s moving image, making sure to pause there.

Trying to finagle with the options so as to get the time HUD out of the way to stop ruining the view, he eventually gives up as the blanket begins moving.

Before any DeAngejuice can be created, trademarked, and reek havoc on the world, the nurse has entered the room. He doesn’t notice her entry thanks to his stiff positioning, but the slow clink of the closing door does persuade him to ponder his peripherals.


Friday, 10 July 2020
1:16 AM
Somewhere off a dirt road from Highway 16, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

Their staredown has not faltered.

Austin’s tone is boiling but low.

Stone Cold
It’s mine.

Booker stares back. Austin presumes he didn’t quite hear him. A little louder now.

Stone Cold
The job. Is mine.

Commissioner Booker
Take it from me.

Nothing more, nothing less. No other movements, no other words. Stare.

Austin grits his teeth, his jowls tense.

Stone Cold
You know that sum’bitch didn’t even text me? Not a damn email, ain’t got a call from that sorry bastard since his brother dropped me on my neck. The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be. Biggest sack of shit I ever heard. Austin is The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be. It’s All About Austin.

Just a stare.

Stone Cold
Ain’t nobody ever drew like Austin -- ain’t nobody ever will draw like Austin! And Stone Cold couldn’t get a call?

Booker’s look is simply unbreaking.

Stone Cold
But he called you. You ain’t ever drew a dime.

Commissioner Booker
Sure can draw blood.

Austin stares.

Austin spits.

Even as it hits just beside his boot, Booker looks nowhere but Austin’s bloodshot blue eyes.

Stone Cold
It’s mine.

Commissioner Booker
Take. It. From. Me.

A stare.












Oh, a long stare.















And they’re off.

Friday, 10 July 2020
8:47 AM
Lloydminster Hospital, Saskatchewan

A trepidatious nurse carefully enters the room as DeAngelo watches his morning M*A*S*H, putting into his lap a bouquet of black dahlias with a small black envelope attached.

Friday, 10 July 2020
6:25 AM
Somewhere off a dirt road from Highway 16, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

Denis Lefebvre finishes the eighth of a baker’s dozen Tim Hortons’ doughnuts order, keeping a close eye on Steve Austin, in the cell with the other cellies, and Booker T sat in the other cell on his own. The same staredown, before their earlier brawl set off, has been reset, just further apart.

The Sergeant’s eyes go wide as Bret and Bruce Hart enter the shanty jail, transfixed on the Hall of Famer as he hands him some sort of paperwork, before walking right over to Booker. The stare finally ends as Booker is approached by his boss, and after reading through what was handed to him, does Lefebvre go to reach for the keys. A sharp turn of Bret’s head.

Bret Hart
Y’know something, hey, pal, you wanna tell me why he’s been separated from the rest?

Bret looks at the dark arm of Booker before looking at the very light-complexioned left cell. Lefebvre’s hands go up.

Sgt. Denis Lefebvre
Because I heard everything and that man is being held back for one thing and one thing only.

Booker, Bret, and Bruce all offer an inquisitive look.

Sgt. Denis Lefebvre
Of course you wouldn’t know. Look at you, with your wise flowing silver. And Booker, those majestic dreads. You wouldn’t know.

Lefebvre shakes his head as he rounds the desk to open Booker’s cell. Austin watches with contempt growing in his heart as none of the AWF’s front office even think to look back as they walk wordless out of the building.

Sunday, 12 July 2020
6:40 AM
Somewhere off a dirt road from Highway 16, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan

In this concluding scene, the camera view is steady: only offering about two feet from the ground the entire way.

Firstly, it is of the rolling tires of a light blue 1975 Chevrolet Caprice taking a familiar left turn to the side of the building.

Then after the opening door and until the fade, the bottom of white washed denim jeans and an old pair of white high top Skechers with black accents. The dirt kicks up to worsen the state of the sneakers, but the confident stride is evident even from this limited view.

Entering the building, he delays as he walks past the desk, until his waltz takes him in front of Austin’s cell. From afar, we can see Stone Cold’s black boots turn as his body does.

As the Skechered entity stands there, Stone Cold rises to walk up as close as he can get.

Sketchers and the black boots.

Stone Cold
Shit, son, you look familiar.

END OF COLD OPEN

As that piece hits a minute five seconds in, the PrimeTime logo animates to life in the forefront of all the ensuing action before flashing into TD Garden, Boston responsible for the jam-packed crowd here on the last PrimeTime of the U.S. Leg of AWF’s Western World Tour and before the federation’s second ever pay-per-view event: The Brawl at Yankee Stadium (airing Saturday, 25 July 2020).

Zipping across the venue, pyrotechnics match the electric audience in a multi-colored spectacle before the camera view settles on a wide shot of the entire arena. Following the display of the sold out audience, we crossfade gently to a shot of the commentary team ringside: ‘Good Ol’ JR’ Jim Ross and ‘Captain Charisma’ Christian Cage.

Jim Ross: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Tuesday Night PrimeTime! The Alberta Wrestling Federation welcomes you to the last free television broadcast of this summer’s United States tour! Thank you for letting into your living rooms, folks, and we got a helluva show in store for you!

Christian Cage: There’s no doubt about that, Ross, but first we have a confrontation previously unaired between two of the four team contenders to become the first AWF World Tag Team Champions at the Brawl at Yankee Stadium to brief the fans with. Tensions are rising as the titles draw nearer.

A fade out.

The following takes place directly after the events of Primetime VIII

JT Dunn
Well...WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THEN?

Chris Hero
Oi, don't raise you're fucking voice at me. I did my best out there.

JT Dunn
But you FAILED. That's the thing. And we got the title match coming at the PPV, what happens if you fail there like you did tonight?

Chris Hero
Calm the fuck down JT! We won't fail at the PPV. That is our chance to SHINE. Don't you even dare question if I have the fucking heart for this shit.

JT Dunn
I am questioning it. That wasn't the Chris Hero I know. Hell, that wasn't even Chris Hero out there. That was Kassius Ohno.

With that being said from JT, Hero shoves him back as hard as he can into the lockers.JT smacks his head HARD against the corner of the lockers.

Chris Hero
DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION MY HEART, DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION IF I AM IN THIS TO FUCKING WIN THE GOLD WITH YOU.

JT Dunn
WELL WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT OUT THERE THEN? WHAT THE FUCK WAS TONIGHT THEN?

? ? ?
(Boys...you two really need to take your little fight elsewhere.)

JT and Hero turn their heads to see Minoru Suzuki, Shinsuke Nakamura, Katsuyori Shibata and Io Shirai behind them.

鈴木 実
(Suzuki Minoru)
(Are you two deaf? I said you two need to leave. Our business here is more important than whatever you two have going on.)

Chris Hero: We aren't going anywhere. We need to settle this shit now. Why don't you four go off and do whatever the fuck it is that you're best at. Which appears to be one good showing in a tag match then just a string of losses.

紫雷 イオ
(Shirai Io)
(We have a string of losses? What happened out there tonight Chris?)

Chris Hero
You, You can stay the fuck out of this. I didn't speak to you. I spoke to your leader.

柴田勝頼
(Shibata Katsuyori)
(You do not speak to her like that! Do you understand me?!?)

Chris Hero
Shut the fuck up Shibata. I'm pretty sure you white knighting her won't help your quest for her whatsoever.

柴田勝頼
(Shibata Katsuyori)
(You motherfucker.)

And with that, Shibata goes to swing at Hero, Hero dodges the strike and shoot takes him down with a double leg takedown, both men are now trading strikes on the floor, JT is trying to break them up but he gets pulled back by Shirai who slaps the fuckin' taste out of his mouth. While the brawl increases in size, Producers and Agents come flooding into the room trying to stop the brawl.

Triple H
HEY! Stop this, What the hell even happened here to start this fucking fight?

Chris Hero
Get this fucker off me!

柴田勝頼
(Shibata Katsuyori)
(You where the one that took me down!)

Chris Hero
You were the one that swung at me first!

Triple H
SHUT UP! Hero, get off him.

Hero pulls himself off of Shibata, who is laying on the ground nursing a broken nose.

Triple H
You and Dunn go somewhere else. Suzuki! You and your crew stay in here. Get his nose fixed. Then I want the both of you tow stay seperated from each other until The Brawl. You get me?

Hero nods and walks out, JT clearly fucking fuming as to what just happened, Shibata smirks as Nakamura and Shirai tend to his wound.

CUT

JT Dunn
Oi! Stop walking away from me!

Chris Hero
I'm leaving.

JT Dunn
Like hell you fucking are.

JT grabs Hero by the arm and spins him around.

Chris Hero: Listen JT. You're a good kid. But unless you want your face to get all fucked up before your big date tonight. I suggest you back the fuck up and let me go cool down.

JT Dunn
I am not letting you go cool down. THIS is what I needed from you. This FIRE inside of you that hasn't been let out yet. Keep this. Bottle it inside of you. We can USE the rage in our match at The Brawl.

Chris Hero
You fucking what?

JT Dunn
I said we can use this ra-

*SLAP*

Chris Hero
That's what I fucking think of your plan. I am OUT. I'll see you at the Brawl.

With that, Hero walks out of the arena. JT holding his hand on his face where Hero slapped him just now. He feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket, he then takes it out and looks at the screen..



JT, unsure of what to say or do next, just types out a message and hits send. Before sighing, and walking out of the arena alone.



The fade out is to be accompanied by a fade into the arena. The commentary booth is the first sight yet again and Jim Ross gets ready to speak --



A modest but welcoming pop as the camera cuts away to the stage, where Lance Storm emerges in a nearly complete suit, bar a jacket. He offers a stiff double armed salute to the crowd before descending down the ramp with his very distinct walk.

Jim Ross: What the hell is this joke doing here?

Not a wasted motion in sight, he grabs a microphone laid out for him on the steel steps as he climbs them to enter the ring. Boston respectfully settles as he takes center-ring.

Lance Storm
Firstly, I would like to offer my sincerest appreciation to Commissioner Booker T for allowing me the opportunity to speak.

A more hearty pop for the commissioner. A two-fingered point to the crowd.

Lance Storm
Now if I could be serious for a minute.

A pop just as loud, then Storm’s quick head turn toward the commentary booth, the fingers being pointed at Jim Ross.

Lance Storm
Jim Ross. You have openly participated in a slight against me in cooperation with Steve Austin. As a result, I demand you enter this ring and tell me why. What’s happened to you? What’s happened to Steve?

Christian Cage: Well you gonna take him up, Ross?

A camera on the outside gets a shot of the commentary booth, although not as close as when they’re providing updates. A chilled look in his own eyes, Ross removes his hat to take off his headset. The crowd stir as he stands and redons the black, dropping the headset and beginning to wrap around the ring toward steel steps.

Lance Storm backs away from the ropes toward the other side of the ring to ease the nerves that could be running through the deliberately paced Good Ol’ JR. Mark Beverly allows him his microphone just prior to the ring entry.

Jim Ross
Ya wanna know why, Storm?

Jim Ross walks closer toward the Canadian wrestling legend.

Jim Ross
You want me to sit here and tell you why? I got to explain it to you? I got to explain to these people? Ain’t it clear as the morning son to you? Because it’s sure clear to me.

A little closer.

Jim Ross
You were there just as me. You saw it all unfold. Steve Austin is wrestling and by gawd if he ain’t made sure of it!

Boston isn’t quite having it.

Jim Ross
Goddamn Yanks -- did you hear Houston? Do you understand?! Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Harley Race, The Undertaker, Steve Austin. Something sounds just right about those names, doesn’t it, Storm? You notice something? You hear ‘Booker T’? Naw, but I damn sure heard ‘Austin.’

A finger in the face.

Jim Ross
While you were helping drive Turner’s little pet project into the ground, who was the top selling man in the industry? Austin.

A finger to the crowd.

Jim Ross
What’s still the best selling anything in this industry thanks to these fickle, wishy-washy, ass-backwards smart marks we have the displeasure of calling fans?

An uproar of boos for a man usually respected.

Jim Ross
’Stone Cold’ Steve Austin.

Crowd
WE WANT BOOKER!

The arm drops, then the distance closes.

Crowd
WE WANT BOOKER!

Ross takes a look at the crowd.

Crowd
WE WANT BOOKER!

Jim Ross
What you need is A--



The crowd agrees -- this is all they need, popping a storm for the first sound of Booker’s music in over a month. Out of the curtain comes Booker T, a focused look on his face, his thoughts clearly on one thing: his date with destiny on 25 July. Despite the combat gear of last week, he realizes his need to maintain professionalism even with the more lax nature of the tie-less, button-up and slacks combination on the evening. There’s no pandering the crowd per the norm, until he’s reached that certain point of the stage where the band holding his dreads in a ponytail is set loose, the 5-time pose employed, and the pyrotechnic display cued off. Still, afterwards his focus is on Jim Ross and Jim Ross only, as he continues to the ring, up the steps, and into the ring.

Lance offers Booker his microphone, shakes his hand, and exits the ring. Ross is bold enough to get nearly nose-to-nose with Booker, the commissioner actually being the one to back away.

Commissioner Booker
I’ma keep it real with you, dawg: the only reason you still in that booth and I haven’t punched you in the mouth is outta respect for what you’ve already done in this business.

A mixed response, as some fans were hoping to see Austin’s Simp get taken to task.

Commissioner Booker
Something just isn’t right with you, man, I can feel it. That’s the thing too, I got respect.

Booker gets a little closer.

Commissioner Booker
I got composure, I got poise, I got what it takes. Like you both been saying for weeks now, when it comes to Stone Cold, it’s All About Austin. See, Austin got none of that.

Booker gets in Ross’ face.

Commissioner Booker
Austin got nothing but a real angry muthafucka like me--

BOOKER YELPS IN PAIN!










HE DROPS TO HIS BACK!





CUT TO AUSTIN, A NOW BROKEN CANE IN HAND, HAVING JUST CLOBBERED IT ACROSS BOOKER’S LEFT ANKLE!










Ross simply backs away, out of the ring and back toward the commentary booth, as Austin takes the broken end of the cane to whack across Booker’s ankle once more. Booker writhes and can’t do much as Austin chases him down and successfully stomps on the ankle with no remorse!

Booker kicks and fights, as Austin swats it all away, laying out his ankle before jumping up and landing down viciously over the ankle!

Jim Ross: You’re damn right, Austin! You’re goddamn right! Pillman had to learn! Vince had to learn! Dwayne had to learn! Make Booker learn too, dammit! Make him learn! It’s All About Austin!

BUT STEVIE RAY HOPS THE BARRICADE! THROUGH THE CROWD HE’S COME!

Christian Cage: Stevie’s here! The Brother’s Keeper is here!

BUT HE DOESN’T NOTICE THE MAN COMING BEHIND HIM FROM THE SAME PATH!





A STEEL CHAIR IN HAND, AS SOON AS STEVIE SCORES THE LANDING, THE MAN WALLOPS RAY ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

The mulleted man takes his own leap over the barricade, revealing his whole outfit: a studded leather vest overtop a brand new ‘All About Austin’ t-shirt, white-washed denim jeans, and beat-up Skechers.

Christian Cage: Is that --?!

Jim Ross: It’s Brian Pillman Jr.!

Another chair wallop across the back of the head, a con-chair-to with the arena floor as the secondary weapon!






THEN ANOTHER!









AND ONE MORE!

Cut to Austin mudhole stomping Booker in the ring, switching between kicks to the face and kicks to the freshly-bum ankle. Pillman rolls underneath the bottom rope, a ruckus of hate from Boston following him as well as the steel chair.

Pillman hands Austin the chair, who retreats to center-ring while Brian continues the mudhole, to soften the commissioner up for his hair-grabbing pull up.

Pillman grabs Booker from behind with both arms!















BUT BOOKER WITH THE ELBOWS!








FREEING FROM THE GRASP WITH THE ELBOWS TO THE GUT, THEN A KNEE DESPITE HIS LIMP!












STEEL CHAIR OVER THE HEAD! AUSTIN STOPS THE HOPE!

Pillman holds his abdomen but still lands solid kicks to the face as pre-emptive strikes to his footchoke over the throat!

Jim Ross: Make him learn!

Wrapping the steel chair around the ankle, the crowd throws trash into the ring as they realize what’s set to happen.












Austin backs into the nearest corner, before sitting back onto the top rope with his feet on the middle rope.













Austin takes the time to flip off first the crowd, then Booker, before he’s off!






















DOUBLE STOMP TO THE CHAIR, ON THE ANKLE! MY GOODNESS NO!











BOOKER HOLLERS AND SCREAMS, THE PAIN WAKING HIM FROM HIS UNCONSCIOUS STATE!













Austin is down on the floor, right in his face, talking trash, feet kicking to rub it all in worse.

Pillman Jr laughs at the sight, before engaging in the Hollywood Blondes ‘film rolling’ taunt. Lance Storm, Triple H, and emergency services begin rushing to the ring, the cue for Austin and Pillman Jr to roll out of the ring and away from the situation.

A fade out from the scene of Lance Storm grabbing hold of Booker’s hand as the paramedics get to work.

A fade into a set of scenes.

Snivley is sat in his bedroom in the Bone Cave. The room is covered in Boneius merch. Snivley himself is sat playing with a Boneius figure. He presses a button on its back.

Barron Boneius Toy (Clearly not voiced by Boneius)
You’re my favourite minion.

Snivley looks at the toy sadly. He hears a noise somewhere in the cave. He looks up to see a tall figure looking in at him. The figure walks towards him and bashes his head on the roof. Rather than move it, he just drags it along into the room. It’s a tall gray man in dungarees, his arms stretching down to his knees.

Snivley just looks confused.

Behind the figure Dr Stefan enters.

Snivley
What?

Dr Stefan
Ze Barron did not authorise the eye treatment. Vas that your idea?

Snivley nods.

Dr Stefan
Ven he finds out you betrayed him, he vill vant you replaced. Something I could easily do.

He points to the tall grey man who stands still, drooling.

Dr Stefan
Zis is Bivley.

Bivley
Bivley make friend.

Snivley drops to his knees.

Snivley
Please don’t tell master please don’t tell master.

Dr Stefan
Zhen be truthful vith me. Has he lost his vay? Between you and me.

Snivley pauses for a long moment. Eventually he nods.

Dr Stefan
I see. You’ve never seen him like zhis before?

Snivley shakes his head.

Snivley
The master of mayhem is lost.

Dr Stefan
Zhank you for your honestly. I vill not tell him vhat you have done. And you vill not tell him I vas here. Come now Bivley, ve have test to run.

Bivley
Friend make Bivley smart.

Dr Stefan
It vas a good plan Snivley, you have, surprised me.

The two figures leave Snivley alone in his cave. He looks miffed. He pulls up his laptop and his jaw drops as he open the fight sheet and sees he’s fighting solo.

CUT TO

Snivley is in the training room. In front of him is a metal fist on a spring. He pulls the fist back so its ready to spring. One by one he sets up a picture of one of his challengers above the fist, and then lets it punch him sending him across the room. He does this continues until he has taken at least 20 hits from each.

CROSS DISSOLVE

The Barron and Annie are both lying on the roof of her house. The sun is setting around them as they bask in the orange glow with drinks in hand.

Annie
I always wanted a pool.

Boneius smiles

Barron Boneius
I could get Snivley to build one.

Annie
Forgive me if I don’t trust his craftsmanship.

Both chuckle.

Annie
I mean, what if we got a house, with a pool, and maybe more space, somewhere nicer.

Boneius looks confused.

Annie
I saw the letter.

Barron Boneius
I’m going to say no.

Annie
I don’t think you should.

Barron Boneius
It’s a foolish idea, London Bone-O, we’d have to move, I’d have to leave Snivley, the wrestling dweebs.

Annie
Would that really be such a bad thing?

They both sit there for a long moment in silence.

Annie
Something’s wrong with you Boneius, and the wrestling isn’t helping. Maybe some time away would be good.

Barron Boneius
After the show we’d come back?

Annie
If we both wanted.

Boneius takes a big swig of his drink.

Annie
Just think about it.

Barron Boneius
Let’s do it.

Annie
Wait, just like that.

Barron Boneius
Just like that.

Annie rolls over to him and enthusiastically embraces him.

Barron Boneius
Two more matches.

Annie
On two conditions, if you have another anger episode it’s over, and you don’t fight alone.

CUT TO

Boneius in a long grey trench coat walks through a landfill site in the pouring rain. The mounts of rubbish obscuring his vision.

Annie (Off Screen)
Find some allies, just for the match. There must be some people in the AWF who don’t hate you.

Boneius stops in the centre of the site. Movement can be heard around him. A shadow moves in the distance.

Annie (Off Screen)
Some people who, dare I say it, you might even respect.

An object flies at Boneius, he catches it just before it hits his head. It’s a dumbbell. Out of the shadows emerge the figures of Ruxx Rampede, Big Homunculus and Black Clyde.

Big Homunculus
Why have you summoned us?

Barron Boneius
The pretentious Priscilla and the rotten rockstar have to fall. I’ve come to join forces.

Big Homunculus
Why us?

Barron Boneius
Honestly I tried Orange Cassidy but he was busy.

Big Homunculus
We aren’t worried about this match, why should we trust you.

Black Clyde
He wasn’t lying about the eye, just saying.

Boneius notices his eye. It surprises him but he rolls with it.

Barron Boneius
Listen to Big Snivley.

Black Clyde
THAT AIN’T MY NAME.

Barron Boneius
It’s a compliment; all I’m asking for is a truce, for this match. For old times’ sake.

Ruxx turns to his brothers.

Ruxx Rampede
Huddle motherfuckers!

Black, Ruxx and Big come together in a tight circle to confer.

Big Homunculus
Why would he choose to befriend this "Orange Cassidy" before us?

Ruxx Rampede
I don't blame him, OC's a pretty cool guy.

Big Homunculus
A cool guy?

Ruxx Rampede
Yeah, with this shades and the whitewashed denim and the not giving a fuck, all that motherfuckin' cool shit.

Big Homunculus' eye glaze over as he goes into deep thought.

Big Homunculus
Yes...a cool guy....a cool guy....

Black Clyde
Listen brothers, I wanna fuck this bone boy up worse than anyone, but we don't get what we want by losing matches. If we wanna get what we want we need to start winning.Ya'll been playing checkers but this goofy fuck plays 3D chess. I know how he thinks. He's scared of us and wants to turn a dangerous enemy into a powerful ally. Hence the eye and the truce. So let's play along until it's no longer beneficial, then we'll have the marrow motherfucker where we want him.

Big Homunculus
This just seems so cruel on poor Priscilla Kelly.

Ruxx Rampede
Poor Priscilla?

Big Homunculus
She is a heart breaking picture of insecurity. Upon seeing me she was immediately willing to carve up her gangly body to fit conventional beauty standards. She is a sad inditement of the way physical appearance can seep into one's self esteem. I would be much more comfortable throwing her around a ring if she just had a little confidence. I take no pleasure in stomping on a shrinking violet.

Ruxx and Clyde stare at Homunculus.

Black Clyde
Shrinking...violet?

Ruxx Rampede
Did you...watch the last episode of AWF?

Big Homunculus
What is AWF?

Ruxx Rampede
Holy shit how the fuck.

Clyde looks at Ruxx who shrugs in bemusement at Homunculus' incomparable levels of incoherence.

Black Clyde
Listen, H! I know a thing or two about motivation. Having someone take it easy on you hurts your confidence. If we want to help Priscilla Kelly come out of her shell, we should beat the fuck out of her.

Big Homunculus
Ok I am convinced. I will ravage her like colonialism ravaged the economic structure of many nations.

Ruxx Rampede
You cool with fucking up the spud?

Big Homunculus
I don't think I need to be worried about hurting a towering force such as Spud.

Barron Boneius
You realise standing in a surreptitious circle offers no privacy my friends? I can hear your entire conversation.

3BN come out of the huddle.

Ruxx Rampede
We knew that shit we just like huddles. But yeah we accept your li'l truce. For now.

Barron Boneius
Phenomenal! Frivolous fraternities feel far from fraudulent. We shall plough the opposition like Freud fucking familial females.

Big Homunculus eats a wet wipe.

Ruxx Rampede
Motherfucker I'm gonna run out of them bitches.

CROSS DISSOLVE

Leslie is punching a punching bag in the gym when Kolotov runs in still dressed in a suit.

Kolotov
Sorry, I came as quickly as I could from set.

Leslie Jones
No sweat K. Ready to roll?

Kolotov nods. He rips his suit off to reveal his wrestling gear under.

Kolotov
JT Dunn is JT Done

Leslie laughs.

Kolotov
He’s half a tag team, I think I can take him.

Leslie Jones
I’m liking this new confidence K. Alright, show me what you got.

The two hop into the ring and start sparing.

Leslie Jones
Chuck Taylor was asking after you, apparently you two are on after each other this week.

Kolotov
Who?

Leslie Jones
One of the Best Friends.

Kolotov looks blank faced. The two stop sparring.

Leslie Jones
The Best Friends, they were like rivals to you guys?

Kolotov
Are you sure?

Leslie Jones
K, are you feeling ok. You haven't like taken anything have you?

Kolotov
Nothing more than the usual

Leslie looks very concerned.

Leslie Jones
Usual?

Kolotov smiles and goes over to his bag. He takes out a needle full of the Boneius steroids mix.

Leslie Jones
KOLOTOV!

Kolotov
What?

Kolotov seems genuinely surprised at her reaction.

Kolotov
I’ve been taking it for weeks, ever since Boneius gave me that first dose. It’s fine.

Leslie starts pacing back and forth.

Leslie Jones
Don’t move!

Leslie pulls out her phone and quickly calls Annie.

Annie (Over the Phone)
Hey.

Leslie Jones
You remember that weird steroid thing Boneius took.

Annie
Sort of, honestly Leslie it was ages ago, what’s up.

Leslie Jones
How dangerous was it, long term?

Leslie puts the phone on speaker.

Annie
It was all so long ago, I think long term we determined it caused severe damage to the brain and key muscle groups. Like severe, severe.

Leslie Jones
So if someone was on it they should stop, like immediately.

Annie
What’s going on?

Leslie Jones
Just curious.

She shoots Kolotov a glance. He is starting to look nervous.

Annie
In this case going cold turkey could be even more dangerous, it nearly killed Boneius. If, if, someone had been on it for a long time they would need to gradually work it out, slowly and carefully. If a person like that existed I would strongly recommend they get to a hospital quickly.

Leslie Jones
Thanks Annie, talk later ok.

Leslie hangs up. Kolotov looks panicked.

Kolotov
I thought it was ok Leslie, I swear!

Leslie Jones
I know.

Kolotov
If people find out, I’ll be fired, oh god, oh god.

Kolotov starts freaking out.

Leslie Jones
No ones gonna find out. I ain’t gonna tell anyone. But you gotta let me help you quit.

Kolotov nods, still looking freaked out.

Leslie Jones
K, you can trust me.

Kolotov still looks panicked.

Leslie Jones
Kolotov, trust me.

Kolotov starts pacing.

Leslie Jones
(Suddenly)
I killed Micheal Chiklis.

Kolotov stops dead.

Leslie Jones
(Slowly)
Nobody else knows that. I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine.

Kolotov takes a deep breath to process this. After a long pause he gathers himself and turns to her.

Kolotov
Our secret, I swear.

Fade to commercial.

---

---

A fade into another set of scenes.

In the reception area of Black Clyde's gym, he sees his friend Jerome Hathersage having a conversation with the oldest rapper in the world, Ice T:



Black Clyde
Sorry to interrupt fellas, but Ice T - with all due respect - you got this one dead wrong.

Ice T
I do?

Black Clyde
Yes sir. There is a whole range of sexualities beyond simply being either heterosexual or homosexual. Given that my friend Jerome Hathersage specified he has romantic relationships with women, this would mean is likely not gay, and may well identify as one of the many different labels attached to romantic interest or sexuality. Furthermore, labels are considered by many to be unnecessary, and Jerome might not feel like putting a label on this part of his personality. Either way, and I say this with the mountain of respect you deserve as the world's oldest rapper, it is not up to you to put any kind of label on this man. I'm sorry Ice if this comes across as condescending or disrespectful, I just believe that we sometimes need to call each other out to become better more understanding people. And Jerome Hathersage, I apologise if I've stepped on your toes and spoken on your behalf when you could most likely have stood up for yourself.

Jerome Hathersage
It's all good, Black. Most times I could well say this shit for myself, however when speaking to Ice T, the fact I look up to him and respect him as a true OG made it difficult to speak for myself, so I got nothin' but props for you havin' my back and steppin' in when you did. Ice, I feel no disrespect from you or towards you and hope you understand where Black Clyde was comin' from.

Ice T
Well, I said I got news for you, but turns out it's you who had news for me. Black, you're right, and you didn't come across as disrespectful at all. You showed true care for me by calling me out and that's true friendship. Jerome Hathersage, I apologise for trying to label you based on my limited knowledge of nonlinear romance and sexuality. You buff fucks have helped me continue to become a better man.

Black Clyde
Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

Ice T
Who you calling old motherfucker?

Black Clyde
You, on account of you being the oldest rapper in the world you old motherfucker.

Ice T
Aw yeah you're right.

Jerome Hathersage
This wasn't the easiest conversation I've ever had, but I feel closer to you both for having had it, and it shows that sometimes the hardest conversations are the most important.

Black Clyde turns to the camera and his cyborg eye glows.

Black Clyde
At PrimeTime nine, I've got to face the same failed abortion-lookin', no ass-havin, lesser sibling-being, cannon fodder faggo-

Jerome Hathersage
Whoa, whoa whoa!

Ice T
Whoa!

Black Clyde
I know, I know I apologise

Ice T
Whoa now!

Black Clyde
I'm sorry, I...don't know what came over me. Seems like for all the wisdom I've dealt out, I've still got a lotta learning to do myself. I'm sorry, guys.

Jerome Hathersage
Clyde, I know that's not representative of who you are as a man. We all make mistakes and we all have imperfections. I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk things through.

Ice T
I echo my friend Jerome Hathersage's sentiments. As the world's oldest rapper, I come from a time when the language you just used was deemed acceptable for a long time, and I had to adapt my vocabulary as time went by.

Black Clyde
Thanks so much guys, I came from a school where that word was thrown around like snowballs in December, but that's no excuse. Life, just like lifting weights, is a constant development of yourself into the best you you can be.

Black Clyde looks at the camera again.

Black Clyde
This time I want Alaric begging for death until his brother comes and does something about it. Not that I think big brother gives a fuck about him so that probably won't work. Who the fuck else is up? Ah those fat fucks Albert and Stu. At least we know they ain't on steroids. I used to like A Train but now he's decided to become the king of simps I'm happy for a second crack at that fat egg he calls a skull. If he likes pain we'll all be drowning in his cum by the time I'm done. Bring a fuckin' scuba mask. And if that dyslexic moron S2 makes it to the ring before he gets his foot amputated to diabetes I'll cause him more suffering than cholesterol already is. That motherfucker would rather eat salad than catch these hands. Get your wills in order and say farewell to your loved ones; your wives and mothers will see me separating your bones from flesh every time they close their eyes for the rest of their rotten lives. You done got booked with the wrong one.

Black Clyde's eye is glowing intensely.

Ice T
Damn.

Jerome Hathersage
Bruh.

CUT

(The following track plays throughout the scene).



Conor McGregor
YOU FOOKIN' DID WHAT?!?

We open in the same place we did last week. Conor McGregors home office, Conors face is red with rage as he starts screaming at his new Agent.

Conor’s New Agent
Mr McGregor, if you would calm the fuck down I could explai-

Conor McGregor
DON'T YOU EVEN DARE THING ABOUT TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN YOU FOOKIN' CUNT! WHY AM I BOOKED FOR ANOTHER SHOW WITHOUT MY FOOKIN' APPROVAL?

Conor’s New Agent
Conor. I was just getting to that part of the explanati-

Conor McGregor
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FOOK? WHY AM I IN THIS FOOKIN' BATTLE ROYAL?

Conor’s New Agent
Because. It gives you a chance to fight for a title. Fight for a big money date in AWF.[/i[

Conor calms down a little.

Conor McGregor
Did you say...a Big Money date? Why didn't you fookin' lead with that. Good Job lad!

Conor’s New Agent
Thank you man. I want the best for my client. Because it's what you deserve, you are the highest paid superstar in the history of combat sports, os getting you a championship match was the least of my worries.

Conor McGregor
How the fook did ye manage it? I t'ought for sure they wasn't gonna give it to me after the fookin' stunt I pulled at the last card.

Conor’s New Agent
I already told you this, Austin is on our side here, and that is all that fuckin' matters. Plus with the following you bring to the AWF how can they not book you in a match like this?

Conor McGregor
Damn fookin' right. This calls for a celebration. DEE!

As soon as Conor calls out her name, Dee Devlins head peeks inside the door to his office.

Dee Devlin
Yes love?

Conor McGregor
Hey love, bring us some Proper Twelve would ya? We're celebrating tonight. We got ourselves a big money date in the AWF.

Dee Devlin
Oh, did they finally book ye' on the Pay-Per-View that's comin' up?

Conor McGregor
Nah, but this fookin' legend right here got me a chance to fight for one of their belts!

Conor’s New Agent
Please, I was just doin' my job. Makin' sure that the champ here gets what he rightfully deserves. Which is those big money fights.

Conor McGregor
Fookin' oath cunt. You got a name, kid?

Conor’s New Agent
Yes sir. My name is -

The kid gets interrupted by Conors phone going off with text after text after text after text.

Conor’s New Agent
Is everything good mate? Who's messaging you at this hour?

Conor laughs when he sees who it is, he turns the phone around so Dee and the kid can see.



Conor’s New Agent
Jesus Christ, he must really be getting desperate, I mean look at these texts.

Dee Devlin
Have you not told him you're done wit' that sport?

Conor laughs, turning his phone back to face him, sending off a text to Dana White in response to his pleas.

Conor McGregor
What was that?

Dee Devlin
I said. Did you not end up tellin''im you was done wit' that sport?

Conor McGregor
Of course I did. But it seems that I was the fookin' glue that kept that bullshit company together, he'll end up crawling on his hands and knees to get me to come back

Dee Devlin
Okay love, just make sure you two keep it down. The kids are in bed and I don't want them to wake up.

Conor McGregor
Of course. We'll try our best 'ere, won't we…

Conors New Agent: Kasey.

Conor McGregor
Won't we Kasey?

Kasey
We will try our best.

Dee Devlin
T'ats all I could ask for.

And with that, Dee walks her way out of the office to go and get some whiskey for the three of them, Conor and Kasey getting on together like a house and fire.

Kasey
What did you even send back to Dana? I haven't heard your phone go off since you responded.

Conor laughs, before pulling his phone out of his pocket and throws it to Kasey, who bursts out laughing when he sees what Conor responded with.



CUT

In Black Clyde's gym, Big Homunculus is stretching off after an intense gym session with Black Clyde. Ruxx is probably busy surfing but in a disciplined way this time so as not to serve as a distraction to his training, because it's good to have interests outside of wrestling. We all need to unwind.

Black Clyde helps Big Homunculus position himself in some more advanced stretches to maximise the benefits of the workout. They're only wearing shorts and their shredded bodies contort together in a manner that would cause lesser men to say "no homo", however Black and Big are comfortable with who they are and understand what they are doing is for the purpose of athletic performance, and not motivated by sexual attraction.

Across the gym, Ice T stares at them, not blinking.

They talk as they get into continuously more complicated and entangled stretches.

Black Clyde
You gonna take a shower before meeting that bad li'l bitch Hayley Littleton?

Big Homunculus
No, I think she enjoys the natural musk of a man's man, so if anything, I will emphasise the stench. To that end, feel free to sweat on me.

Black Clyde
That's a smart gameplan, you working harder and smarter. All about efficiency. To that end, I was gonna suggest we shower together to save water but I see that won't be necessary.

Ice T
(whispering under his breath)
Yes. Yesssss. Come on.

Big Homunculus
Good idea but I am trying to give off a more manly, cooler image to Hayley Littleton. I was speaking with my good friend Jerome Hathersage last night-

Black Clyde
Wait, what? You know my good friend Jerome Hathersage!?

Big Homunculus
I am good friends with your good friend Jerome Hathersage.

Black Clyde
Shiiiiiiiiiit he did mentioned an impossibly tall friend he has who is from a pygmy tribe in unexplored central Africa!

Big Homunculus
Oh my goodness! He also speaks to me about a friend he has who is very tall and from a pygmy tribe in unexplored central Africa. He's been taking to us both about the same man!

Black Clyde
He has another friend with your exact back story?

Big Homunculus
I never thought about it like that, but I suppose he does.

Black Clyde
Have you ever thought about meeting up with this other giant dwarf?

Big Homunculus
No, he sounds like a freak.

Black Clyde
I see.

By this point Clyde and Homunculus are as entangled as earphones that have been in your pocket all day.

Big Homunculus
So anyway, my good friend your good friend Jerome Hathersage encouraged me to try and come across as cool to Hayley, so that she doesn't think I am intense and emotional all the time; constantly driven by rejection and alienation.

Black Clyde
Motherfuckin' Jerome Hathersage has never had a bad opinion. So you just gonna walk in and sweat up the joint with your Homuncu-sweat or you got more up your sleeve?

Big Homunculus
It is funny you should mention sleeves....

A long beat.

Black Clyde
Are you going to finish that thought?

Big Homunculus
No.

CUT TO
In a dressing room, a carton of orange juice sits on a table, next to some aviator sunglasses. All we can see is the juice and the aviators, while the sound of a wardrobe being open is heard and a hangar being removed.

Some long fingers creep into view and snatch the sunglasses.

CUT TO

A city street on a hot day, with heat distortion rippling across the horizon. As Big Homunculus' dome crests the horizon, music starts to play.



As the rest of Homunculus' body comes into view we see he is wearing Orange Cassidy's trademark aviators and his body is tightly packed into Orange Cassidy's trademark whitewash denim. It's so undersized that simply walking down the street is utterly exhausting Homunculus. The clothing is constricting his breathing and as the cool music serenades his walk, he gasps for oxygen and crumbles to his knees as he reaches the coffee shop to meet Hayley Littleton.

Big H weakly grasps at the door handle in futility, with the weakening posture of a man caught in Undertaker's Hell's Gate submission move. But Homunculus cannot tap out of this, he has to continue looking cool. Fortunately, a kind stranger passes by and opens the door for Homunculus who then crawls into the coffee shop.

Once in the relative shade of the shop, he realises the thick aviators are almost blinding him and crawls around aimlessly on the floor while panting for air. He could just take the aviators off but he has to look as cool as possible and continues crawling around until he knocks over a table, spilling coffee on an old lady. When Homunculus hears the screams he is embarrassed, but then he hears the rest of the coffee shop laughing at the old lady and realises his plan is working perfectly.

Hayley Littleton
Hey Homunculus, over here!

His sight compromised, Homunculus' other senses have already adapted and become sharper, so he can easily use the acoustics of her voice to paint a mental picture of the entire coffee shop and coolly slides into the chair across from her.

Hayley takes a moment to fully comprehend the sight before her. Homunculus, drenched in sweat, which accentuates just how impossibly tight his denim is. Veins pop out of his forehead as he gasps for oxygen. Her nose wrinkles at the stench of post workout sweat coming from him. But then she smiles a little.

Hayley Littleton
You smell good. Been working out?

Big Homunculus
Yes. Notice anything else?

Hayley Littleton
Where did you get those clothes?

CUT TO

In his dressing room, Orange Cassidy stands in his underwear looking at an empty wardrobe, deeply confused.

Orange Cassidy
Why would someone take all 37 of my whitewashed denim outfits?

With a head and shoulders view of Orange Cassidy, one of his hands reaches down and comes back into frame with a lit cigarette. Where did it come from? How did he light it? Only he knows.

CUT TO

In the coffee shop, Homunculus smiles smugly.

Big Homunculus
I just thought I'd show you a different side of myself. I can be a pretty cool guy once you get to know me.

As the old lady who was scolded tries to exit the cafe, one of the button's on Homunculus' jacket pops off explosively and pings off her skull, knocking her unconscious.

Hayley Littleton
I see. Would you like to read some of what I've written?

Hayley hands Homunculus a few pages of text in a binder and he holds it in front of his face, completely unable to read through the aviators.

Big Homunculus
Oh my goodness! Such a whimsical, poetic use of language. Hahaha, how did you think this part up? And the illutrations, amazing! Where did you get this picture of the 8th president of the USA grappling with a mule?

Hayley Littleton
When you're pretending to read something, it's best to be a little less specific. Maybe take of the sunglasses.

Homunculus takes off the sunglasses, puts them on the table and begins reading the beginnings of his biography.

Hayley can't see H's face as he reads, as he holds the binder directly in front of him. When he is done reading puts the binder down, he is in floods of tears.

Big Homunculus
You have made me sound like a bastard.

Hayley Littleton
It's nothing personal - apart from motivation to make you look bad because you tried to break up my relationship - it's just that all you've given me to work with so far is that you took up wrestling because you just love to cause people pain for the sake of it. A lot of people consider that to be rather nasty. If there's actually another side to you then by all means surprise me, show me another side to you. Other than this, ahem, cool side you've shown me today. Have you ever loved anyone, for example? People relate to that.

Homunculus looks at the sunglasses on the table and sees his oxygen-deprived face staring back at him, bursting out of the collar of the denim jacket like a black Mr. Mackey. It dawns on him that he may not look as cool as he thought. Jerome Hathersage was going to be so disappointed.

Big Homunculus
I shall give that some thought.

Homunculus stands up to leave, however the blood flow to his brain has been cut off for a ridiculously long time (he should really be dead) and he loses consciousness, crashing through a table.

Hayley's voice echoes through his brain, "Have you ever loved anyone........."

He sees a face, a slightly jowly older man, before everything goes black.

CUT

(The following track plays throughout the scene.)



We continue off in a bar somewhere, where Conor is standing on a table surrounded by people all cheering him on. McGregor has a whiskey in one hand and a whole lotta darts in the other. He looks out over his crowd of fans and says...

Conor McGregor
YEAAAAAHHHHHH. THIS IS MY FOOKIN TOWN!

The crowd pop CRAZY for this. People love McGregor.

Conor McGregor
WHO'S THE FOOKIN' MAN?!?

The crowd go insane. McGregor is the king. McGregor runs this fucking town. Then someone in the crowd holds up a photo of the current AWF Provincial Champion. Rockstar Spud.

Conor McGregor
Who the fook is that geezer? Should I know who da fook he is?

Random Bloke in the Crowd
THAT'S SPUD! THE DUDE WHO WON THE PROVINCIAL BELT!

Conor McGregor
The fookin' what? DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FOOOOOOOOOOOK ABOUT WHO HE IS? GIMME THAT FOOKIN' PHOTO!

The man in the crowd hands Conor the photo, Conor then gets down off the table and walks towards the dart board. Conor stick the photo on the dart board by sticking two darts to it. He then takes a couple of steps back, puts his sunglasses on, and starts throwing darts at Spuds head.



Conor laughs like a madman with each throw of the dart. The crowd pops each time a dart goes into the photo of Spud. Conor even allows some of the crowd to throw some darts at Spuds photo. Eventually Conor takes the picture off the board and stands back on the table. He holds the picture high above his head...a smirk grows over his face.



And with that the crowd going wild... CONOR RIPS THE FUCKING PHOTO IN HALF TO THE LOUDEST POP HE HAS RECEIVED TONIGHT.



Like a madman, Conor throws one half of the ripped photo into the crowd, then he signals for a lighter. Someone hands him their lighter, AND THEN HE SETS THE OTHER HALF ON FIRE! HE THROWS IT ONTO THE GROUND AND THE CROWD TAKE TURNS STAMPING ON THE HALF!

Conor McGregor
WHO'S THE FOOKIN' MAN?!? WHO IS THE FOOKIN' KING OF THIS SHIT!

The crowd go wild for Conor. The King. The Fucking Man.

---

2 hours later

---

Kasey
Hey Conor. How was the pub?

Conor McGregor
It was the best fookin' thing imaginable. I had the whole fookin' crowd there on my side.

Kasey
Fuckin' oath cunt.

Conor McGregor
Oi, do you know who uhh... what's his fookin' name. Maverick...Rockstar...Drake? Spud? Spud! That's the slimy li'l twats name. Rockstar Spud! You heard o' him before?

Kasey
Yeah, I've heard of him. Why? Did he show up?

Conor McGregor
Nah mate, I just told the crowd about what the fook I am gonna do to him when I win this battle royal and challenge for this belt at the next fookin' show.

Kasey
You do know that Spud may not be champion come this next show...right?

Conor McGregor
Who gives a fook. If he is, he is. If he ain't champ. He ain't champ. All t'at needs to be fookin' known is that I am the fookin' MAN! Nobody can come close to me.

Kasey
Damn fuckin' right. So whats the plan for the battle royal?

Conor McGregor
Fook the plans. I just go out there and do what I do best. Kick some fookin' ass.

CUT

In Black Clyde's gym, Ruxx and Clyde are both stood on either side of a bench press bench, spitroasting a hot bitch in between them both called Space Heater. Clyde gets the head, and Ruxx gets the puss. As the two men double team Space Heater from either side, they chat casually.

Black Clyde
Are you sure this is good training for your match?

Ruxx Rampede
It's a handicap match. I figure it's important to know how to best utilise the numbers advantage. Improve my team working skills.

Black Clyde
That's fair. It's like 11 on 2 though brother, I think you got this.

Ruxx Rampede
Don't underestimate that bitch Priscilla Kelly. You seen what she's been doing Clyde? She's been smoking niggas. And that Spud nigga is fast as fuck. They both got me beat before. I'm telling you, they could pull this shit out. Plus we're supposed to team with Dyno-Mike.

Clyde shakes his head.

Black Clyde
That ain't happening.

Ruxx Rampede
That sure aint fucking happening. I asked management if we could replace Dyno-Mike with my good friend Jerome Hathersage, but they weren't having none of it.

Black Clyde
Your good friend Jerome Hathersage? He's my good friend too.

Ruxx Rampede
Damn that nigga is everyone's good friend.

Black Clyde
And management won't let him in the match? Man fuck management.

Ruxx Rampede
Those racist ass bitches.

Space Heater moans as Ruxx continues clapping her ass.

Ruxx Rampede
How you feeling about the battle royale nigga?

Space Heater
Me?

Ruxx Rampede
No Clyde.

Black Clyde
Management have told me I can't just lift the ring and flip it upside down, eliminating everybody that way. Apparently it's needed for "more matches" later in the "night".

Ruxx Rampede
That's bullshit.

Black Clyde
It is. But I'm confident anyway.

Ruxx Rampede
You better fuck up those horny mother fuckers S2 and Albert. I'm sick of that big black fatass mother fucker, if he comes near me with those brass knuckles again, I'll snap them off his fingers and shove them right between his big cakey asscheeks, right up his tight little asshole, and punch him directly in the fucking liver. I'm not messing. I can't afford shit like that when I got that scramble match, this face needs to stay in tip top shape. Or bitches like this won't wanna fuck with me.

Black Clyde
I'm enjoying this Ruxx. It's nice having these nice little moments together, just me and you, hanging out.

Ruxx Rampede
I agree brother, I appreciate you. I'm cumming by the way.

Black Clyde
Me too.

Both men climax at the same time into Space Heater. She's cool with it.

Black Clyde
Usually I could go for much longer. But I thought it was only polite to synchronise our climax.

Ruxx Rampede
That's really cool of you brother.

Black Clyde
You think Big H would want to get involved some time?

Ruxx Rampede
I think he's only got eyes for that little bitch Hayley.

Black Clyde
Damn. What love does to people.

Ruxx looks up at the TV built into the wall. A screensaver plays, just of the sea. Ruxx looks into the waves, the familiar looking waves, and gulps.

Ruxx Rampede
Yeah. What love does to people.

CUT



A slow fade back into the arena, a wide shot of the stage.



This man gets a motherfucking mega pop, because anyone from New England knows that being from New England, anywhere in New England, means you’re just about a hometown hero. Enough Rhodies are in the crowd to supplement any more modest reactions, as JT Dunn excitedly enters the arena. There seems to be a faraway look in his stare across TD Garden, but a focus comes clear across his demeanor when he eyes the ring and begins toward it.

Mark Beverly: The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Providence, Rhode Island, weighing one hundred seventy six pounds, representing Death by Elbow -- this is THE JUICE! J! T! DUNNNNNN!

From outside the ring, Dunn scales to the middle rope and offers the Death by Elbow taunt, before flipping over the top rope into the ring.



A warm response, as surely he’s used to by now, accompanies Kolotov Dracislav to the ring. Unlike JT Dunn, his tag team partner is walking beside him, their usual determined march in full effect. Neither offer anything but a look of business, the Bone Batton conspicuous by its presence in the twin’s hand.

Mark Beverly: And his opponent, being led to the ring by Leslie Jones, representing Stand Up Smack Down, from Guildford, England, and weighing two hundred sixty one pounds: KOLOTOV! DRA! CI! SLAVVVVV!

Kolotov scales the steel steps as Leslie rounds them, entering the ring as she stands by the apron. He turns to drop the Batton underneath the turnbuckles.

Ding!

At the sound of the bell, Kolotov’s serious demeanor suddenly snaps and he’s off like a fullback, barreling through JT Dunn with a fierce shoulder block, launching the smaller man into the air and against the turnbuckle! On the bounce back, Dracislav is there to meet him after rebounding off the ropes himself, and swallows up Dunn with a clothesline that causes his body to 360 in the air!

Jim Ross: Impressive start!

As JT gets to one knee, Kolotov is off the ropes again then back to Dunn with a running knee strike that knocks him silly. Somehow, Dunn is crawling onto all fours yet again faster than Kolotov finds suitable, so Dracislav is off the ropes again only to come back with a twisting neckbreaker!

Christian Cage: Kolotov is launching off a clinic right now!

Leslie Jones: That’s it, K! Stay on ‘im!

Listening, he’s off the ropes again and coming back with a simple kick to the face! But simplicity perhaps was his enemy, or maybe repetition - no less, the foot is grabbed and Dunn uses the angle to his advantage, pushing Kolotov to his back!

Dracislav scrambles up fast, but a jumping spinning wheel kick drops him to his back! Dunn expects the speedy get up -- smart -- ducking Kolotov’s attempt at a wild lariat, grabbing that same arm to spin him around -- REVERSE FRANKENSTEINER! THE HEAD LANDS LIKE A PILEDRIVER!

Kolotov’s body naturally springs and rolls out of the ring, where he falls on the arena floor like a ton of bricks. Dunn measures his rising opponent, darting a look between him and the set of ropes on the other side of the ring. When he notices Jones’ instincts telling her to help Dracislav to his feet, JT thinks smart again, deciding against the rope rebound.

But not against the suicide attempt! Double springboard -- off the middle rope to get him to the top then INTO A MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE!





























BUT LESLIE PUSHES KOLOTOV OUT OF WAY! SHE EATS THE MOVE!
















NO! I MEAN SHE EATS THAT MOVE LIKE MOTHERFUCKING BREAKFAST!

























NOT EVEN A BIG BREAKFAST, LIKE A COUPLE EGG WHITES AND A GRANOLA BAR BECAUSE YOU’VE PUT ON A COUPLE QUARANTINE POUNDS THAT DON’T EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE AND THE EXTRA ROLL HAS GOT YOU A BIT MIFFED!



















OVER THE SHOULDER JT SITS DRAPED, EYES WIDE!
















PERFECT POWERSLAM POSITION, AND LESLIE’S EYES GO WIDE AS SHE REALIZES THE PROSPECT!

















Then she looks up at referee Sandra Yandel, who hollers at her between the top and middle ropes to put the man down. Leslie holds him there still, so Yandel leaves the ring to get in her face, not to be intimidated by the bigger woman. In fact, the rant catches Leslie off guard who slowly drops Dunn from her grasp. Jones backs from the fearless woman, pointing a stern finger in the bald face walking her back toward the entrance ramp.

Kolotov stirs to his feet and Dunn --


















JUMPS OFF THE APRON AND HAS GONE FOR A TORNADO DDT!












THE SWING AROUND AND COLLI-- NO! KOLOTOV STOPS DUNN BEFORE THE DIP, ON HIS FEET, AND REPOSITIONS THE SITUATION --















THROWING RELEASE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX ONTO THE ARENA FLOOR! THE WAY DUNN’S BODY BOUNCES!

Kolotov slips underneath the bottom rope, a close eye on his fallen foe. But not on the man who has just jumped from behind the commentary booth!

It’s Chris Hero! He’s turning around the corner -- he’s got the Bone Batton!












He’s sliding into the ring as Leslie notices, trying to point it out to the referee who is still more concerned about the earlier interaction.















OVER THE HEAD! KOLOTOV EATS THE BATTON! HERO SLIDES IT UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE!

Leslie shoves past the referee just as Hero rolls out of the ring and chases him over the barricade and out through the crowd!

Jim Ross: How has this happened?!

Dunn has recovered enough to see a stirring Kolotov and hear the raucous crowd. Straining his lower right back, he still rolls underneath the bottom rope and backs into the corner, watching as Dracislav makes a groggy stand to his feet.



















HE ROLLS INTO IT! THE ELBOW! DEATH BY ELBOW!


Christian Cage: Lands flush!

Kolotov drops like a ton of bricks, and JT wastes no time rolling into a leg hook, Yandel by now back witnessing it all.

Sandra Yandel: ONE!.......











































TWO!....











































THREE!

DING DING DING



What should be an outpouring of cheers come as boos instead, as the glass shatters unwelcomed. Dunn sits back on his knees and turns his head as Austin pushes the curtain out of his way, coming down the ramp without Pillman Jr in sight.

Down the ramp he goes, ranting and raving and looking as pissed as we’ve seen him in AWF, but he doesn’t ever look at JT.

Christian Cage: What more business does he have out here?! He’s got a chance at what he wants at The Brawl, he’s already made a mark tonight -- what more does this man need?!

Jim Ross: The world, Cage. Everything. It’s All About Austin.

Around the ring, past the commentary booth, until 360° is complete, and still back around the ring. Never looking at Dunn.

Dunn rises to his feet in guard but refusing to be intimidated as Austin finally rolls underneath the bottom rope and into the ring, although not once does he give JT a glance.

Circling the ring, he stops at one point and looks up at the crowd in the disgust.







And they tell him they feel the same way.







Walking back around the ring.










Never looking at Dunn.














Stop.











Stare.













Heat.
















Walk.
















Stop.






















KICK TO THE GUT!






STUNNER!

Jim Ross: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! HE’S DONE IT AGAIN!

Never once does his music stop playing during this ordeal, as he’s already in the process of rolling back out of the ring as JT’s body descends from the air.

JT Dunn d. Kolotov Dracislav in 5:02

A fade out, before a fade into another set of scenes.

This takes place after Golden Ticket (PrimeTime VII)

(Please ignore the ending with the other guest and pretend it starts with Laci)

The infamous game show host, Chuck Woolery comes from backstage to the sound of the audience's applause.

Chuck Woolery
Thank you, thank you. Tonight we have a very special episode. Tonight we meet Laci-Marie Valenzola and she's only ever had one relationship and is looking for something different. She's twenty-four, and a professional wrestler. She says that she's looking for somebody to just get her quirks. Please, let's welcome Laci to the stage.

Laci comes out from the side stage, only instead of her usual long straight hair and tasteful makeup, she walks onto the stage with her red hair permed and teased. Her eye makeup is bold with very dark eyeliner and thick blue shadow. Of course this is all topped off with a blazer dress with thick shoulder pads. She makes her way over and sits on the couch next to Chuck with a big cheesy smile.

Chuck Woolery
It's nice to meet you Laci. So you're a professional wrestler, how did you get into that? A nice young lady like you, seems a rough job to have?

Laci smiles but you can tell she's holding her tongue.

Laci-Marie Valenzola
I have been fighting my whole life, why not make money doing it.

She gives a big smile.

Chuck Woolery
Not much time for love with that, which is funny since your stage name is Valentine.

Laci-Marie Valenzola
I am a big fan of irony.

Chuck Woolery
Like your University degree in…

Laci holds up her finger to Chuck's mouth and smiles, as does he behind her finger.

Chuck Woolery
Well alright.

Laci moves her finger.

Chuck Woolery
Well we have some great picks for you.

Chuck turns to the audience.

Chuck Woolery
And we'll see who Laci picks, after this break.



Chuck Woolery
Welcome back to Love Connection. Let's see the picks we made for Laci-Marie. First up we have Alaric Dracislav. His age has been listed as timeless, he's never been married and his hobbies include bloodletting and stalking. We asked Alaric about a time a he had a mishap on a date when he talked about his... umm... condition…

The picture on the screen shows Alaric with his long dark hair in 80's rock-band curls, an open paisley shirt with a cold chain. He smiles, showing his fangs.

Alaric Dracislav
...She seemed to be okay with it, excited even to let me taste her blood. So we head out into the Alley, I'm about to bite her and she loses her mind. Starts yelling for help. I tell you though…

He smiles wide again.

Alaric Dracislav
There are a lot of willing vic... I mean participants in a jail cell…

The screen flashes back to Chuck, his eyes wide.

Priscilla Kelly
And our next pick, and a first for Love Connection, is a young lady. Please meet Priscilla Kelly. She's twenty-three, also a wrestler and enjoys bondage parties.

The screen switches to Priscilla, hair crimped and tied around her head is a big lace bow, a-la 1980's Like a Virgin Madonna. She even has the large hoop earrings and finger-less lace gloves. She flips her hair behind her shoulder, pursing her ruby lips.

Priscilla Kelly
...I like bondage because it puts me in control. I need to control people to make up for all my insecurities, you know. Why else would I be a wrestler with a dozen bodyguards? So in a relationship, I would need someone meek and spineless, a confident person would just have me realize that I'm just as weak and spineless. We can't have that, I'm Priscilla fucking Kelly after all…

Chuck Woolerly simply shakes his head before the camera shows Spud. and he looks... exactly the same as he usually does.

Chuck Woolery
And lastly, we have a gentleman that goes by Rockstar Spud.

The camera pans back to Chuck. His eyebrows go up in confusion. He puts his hand to his ear piece.

Chuck Woolery
Really?... That's his name?... Okay…

Chuck looks back to the camera.

Chuck Woolery
Spud is twenty-six, a rockstar & wrestler. We asked him what he looked for in an ideal partner…

Spud
...Someone that has fashion & music sense. Someone who gets the lifestyle and isn't going to throw me under the bus. She's gotta be sweet, and a decent person. And can just kick back too.

The camera then pans back to Chuck & Laci.

Chuck Woolery
Now we'll ask you, the audience to pick your choice for Laci....

The crowd starts yelling out numbers as the percentage under each picture begins to spin. It finally dings to a stop.

Alaric 0%
Priscilla 0%
Spud 0%

Chuck Woolery
Is that right?

Poor Chuck once again looks confused.

Chuck Woolery
But they were all…

His hand is pressed against the earpiece again.

Chuck Woolery
They picked who?

Chuck's eyes go wide.

Chuck Woolery
Apparently the audience has chosen a write in vote. They chose…



Bill Nye walks out from the side of the stage and Laci's face goes beat red as he hugs the shell shocked red-head.

Chuck Woolery
A lot of firsts on Love Connection tonight, but you know Laci... you really should wake up now, they're all waiting for you…

---

****

---

(A voice-over narration accompanies the following scene.)

My eyes pop open and I gasp, air filling my lungs like I had been underwater for too long. The steady beep of a heart monitor has me move my head to the side, instantly regretting it once the marching band starts playing in my head. What happened? Why was I in the hospital? I start to sit up, my body protesting with aches and pains As the memories flood back in. S2... that overgrown Igor. I wasn't done with him. Or that Gothic bitch.

In the chair next to my bed is Spud, snoring ever so softly. Not enough to be a nuisance but just enough to know he was dozing. I had no idea what time it was.

What an awful dream. I mean meeting Bill would be pretty cool, but not to date him. That wasn't why I admired him. Obviously, I would have chosen Spud. My door opens and a pretty nurse enters, interrupting my thoughts.

Nurse
You're awake, wonderful. Let's get that IV out.

She brings a trolley over to my side and starts removing the tape. I look over at Spud again.

Nurse
He's been here almost the whole time, you know.

She says in a soft voice.

Nurse
Has only left to use his phone and meet his friends for food. I'd say he was really worried about you. He really stepped up when the ambulance technician bungled your transport.

I can't help smirking. I'm sure it would end up being a great story. Especially if Spud and Fringe both were involved.

I fully admit to liking him. And it was obvious that he shared those feelings. I just wasn't sure what to do with those feelings. I had rushed into my last relationship head on. It had burned me very badly, and I meant that figuratively and literally.

Laci Valentine
How long have I been here?

I dreaded the answer.

Nurse
Only two days sweetie. You're a little black and blue but the good news is that you don't have a concussion. Once the doctor comes in to clear you, you can go home. You're really lucky. You must be made of tough stock.

I snort-laugh. I had no idea what my stock was. My mom was raised in foster care. No idea who her parents were and my bio Dad fucked off after learning I was coming. I'd say it was probably my mom but to be honest, Bob used her as a punching bag more often than not. I loved her to the moon and back and I would do almost anything to get her out of there but it had to be her idea, otherwise she'd just end up back there. No. Laci Valentine was from her own stock.

The nurse put a bandage over the puncture mark in my hand and patted my arm softly.

Nurse
Well, I wouldn't lose that one. Even the doctor relented and let him in after he badgered him. You don't have any next of kin listed on your files.

I shake my head.

Laci Valentine
Wouldn't matter, I'm Canadian and my next of kin is there.

The nurse nods.

Nurse
Your medical expenses have already been taken care of too, by the way.

This perks my ears.

Laci Valentine
Who?

The nurse shakes her head.

Nurse
I don't know.

Laci Valentine
Can you find out?

The nurse almost looks a little scared of my tone. I decide to put on a little Canadian charm

Laci Valentine
So I can thank them. I have this thing…

I flash her my "good girl" smile and the tension instantly melts from her shoulders. It's really a surprise to me that not more Canadians aren't spies. We would fool so many people just based on stereotypes alone.

Laci Valentine
Of course. I will look into it.

She leaves the room and I rub my arm. I hated hospitals. Ever since I was a kid. I just wanted to leave. Spud starts to move around in the chair and slowly opens his eyes.

Laci Valentine
Hi…

He smiles.

Spud
Hi...you're awake...are you okay...?

His grogginess is gone as his concern filters in to replace it. He moves the chair closer, reaching to grab my hand but stops, catching my eye first as if to ask silently if it was okay. I finish the movement myself, taking his outstretched hand.

Laci Valentine
Just a little battered but nothing I haven't dealt with before.

He bites his lip at first.

Spud
It was Priscilla's goons…

I nod.

Laci Valentine
Couldn't be anyone else. No one else hates the world as much as she does and makes a habit of using others to do the dirty work for her. In my opinion, it really should be Albert wearing that belt, not her.

He doesn't seem to know how to take my words.

Laci Valentine
I'm not going to sit around and wait to be caught off guard again. I came to AWF for a purpose and that purpose is to be on top.

Spud
Well, you aren't on the new card. Bret was here to check on you personally. Paid for all your bills.

Oh. So Bret paid. I'd have to thank him personally.

Spud
Maybe you should take longer off than just a week.

I shake my head.

Laci Valentine
One week off is already too long. I'm fine. I can't let those arseholes win.

Spud
Laci... because you lost... you're in my match at the pay-per-view…

I narrow my eyes. I suppose we had never really discussed the possibility of having to face each other again while we explored... whatever this was.

Spud
Let's get this out in the open now. I would never do anything, on purpose, to maim you. James…

He looks at me funny. Even though I knew his real name, I'd never used it, nor had he given me permission to use it, but I felt silly having such a serious conversation using his nickname.

Laci Valentine
I want to see how this goes. But you have to know that what happens in that ring has nothing to do what happens here.

I swipe my hand between us both.

Laci Valentine
It's cliche, I know…

Spud
No... I get it. And I feel the same. I wouldn't ask you to throw a match like that.

I nod.

Laci Valentine
Me either.

I give him a half smile.

Laci Valentine
I wonder how much weight I lost being on strictly IV fluids for two days.

Spud rolls his eyes.

Spud
You don't have to lose weight.

He had a lot to learn about women and our weight.

Laci Valentine
Good answer however, I do have this little food baby…

I let go of his hand to pinch the small bulge of skin on my stomach.

Spud
Please, Love…

He shakes his head.

Spud
You are a lot of things, but fat is not one of them.

We had a good laugh and he made sure I got to my hotel okay. There was an awkward moment where I thought about kissing him. He had essentially been my hero but I hadn't kissed him since Priscilla's party. Instead, I hugged him and went into the elevator.

What was I doing? I had zero relationship experience, at least not healthy experience. I didn't know what to do with this but I didn't want him to shy away either. I would have to play this cool. At least until I got my footing.

---

***

---

The time of naive Laci was over. Come hell or high water, I was going to make sure that Priscilla was knocked off that pedestal. Even if it wasn't me that did it. If she could bring others into the mix, so could I.

---

BONUS FOOTAGE

---

In the lobby Spud looks to the sky.

Spud
For fucks sake, that was my moment, idiot

He looks to his phone, a new text.

'My hero x' - From Laci.

Spud face is plastered with a stupid grin, that he refuses to wipe off. He then calls Panda.

Spud
Alright mate, can you come pick me up

Panda
So you're not staying the night?

Spud
What, no, should I be staying the night, FUCK I was annoyed that I didn't kiss her

Panda
You didn't kiss her, are you for real?

Panda then tells the rest Local Leather and hysterical laughing can be heard from the other end of the phone. Spud rolls his eyes.

Panda
We'll be right there Spud

Spud hangs up with annoyance but as he does he see's the text again, that grin comes back.

Spud
Next time

Spud types 'get some rest, I'll see you soon darling'

Before sending he deletes the 'darling' and replaces it with a 'x'.

CROSS DISSOLVE

INT. LOCAL LEATHER TOUR BUS. DAYTIME

The band are sat in their usual formation, Panda is driving along a nondescript highway at speed.

(Radio X from San Andreas is playing in the van, this plays the whole time we are in the van)



The guys are just vibing.

A moped ridden by a massive gimp comes alongside the van, nobody notices. The gimp on the moped seems to be frustrated by this, motherfucker is going faster than he’s ever gone on a moped and shit.

Fringe yawns and see’s the gimp on the moped, Fringe shrugs it off assuming he’s just tripping.

The angry Gimp veers dangerously inwards to the window.

‘KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!’

Panda shits himself and looks out of the window, see’s the gimp and again shits himself. The gimp gestures to roll down the window, Panda obliges.

Gimp
Rockstar Spud?

Spud
Present, yes, hi, I’m the Spud you speak of, or whatever.

Ziggy
Smooth bro.

Spud
Sorry I’ve never had to talk to a gimp through a window whilst going 90 Jesus Zig.

Gimp
Rockstar Spud, Miss Priscilla Kelly, Champion of The World, Hell’s Favourite Harlot.

Panda
Yeah bro, we know who Prickzilla is.

The Gimp gasps but quickly composes himself.

Gimp
Miss Kelly has cordially invited you as her guest to the Champions’ Dinner at Casa Del Kelly from 9PM tonight, it would be in your best interest to attend.

Before Spud can respond the Gimp see’s an exit and smoothly yet quickly veers away and off the highway.

Panda
You’re not gonna go are you?

Spud
Of course I’m gonna go, we’re wrestling 10 people this week, not discussing some kind of game plan would be stupid.

Ziggy
Holy shit yes! Can I come?

Fringe
Wait, you lads just saw that too?

The rest of the band turn to give Fringe a look of pure befuddlement.

INT. LOCAL LEATHER TOUR BUS - NIGHT

The van is parked up at the gigantic gates to Priscilla’s estate.

Panda
I can’t believe you’re actually going through with this, you saw what she did to Max and Rayna.

Spud
Let me put this really simply; Zig how would you feel if Priscilla forced you to go down on her, had crazy depraved sex with you and made her slave and pegged you and shit?

Ziggy
Probably be the best day of my life.

Spud
Fringey, what would your reaction to this crazy Homuncumilk sex potion be?

Fringe
Probably do some pretty cool shit with the drugs already in my system to be honest.

Spud
Panda…..

Panda
No, no, no, if you let Priscilla Kelly bum me I’ll fucking kill you mate.

Spud
She probably won’t.

Panda
Very reassuring.

Ziggy
Don’t be such a prude Panda.

Spud stands up and makes for the door, Provincial Title around his waist.

Spud
See you’s later, I’ll get a taxi to wherever you end up.

Spud leaves the tour bus, we see the giant gates slowly open and let Spud in.

Panda
Fucking idiot, where do you wanna go?

Ziggy
We’re going nowhere, I’m getting in that perverse palace or my name ain’t Ziggy.

Panda
Your real name isn’t Ziggy you twat.

Fringe
Let him do his thing man, be funny to watch him fail and we can camp here, imagine actual space and comfort in the van for once.

Panda glances over to Ziggy, Fringe has a point. Panda lifts Ziggy and throws him outside the van.

Panda
Have fun.

Ziggy giddily dashes for the gates but they close just as he gets there.

Maeve Shiliko answers the door, military jacket over her shoulders and backpack slung over her back. She looks slightly dishevelled.

Maeve
Hi, so good of you to come, a couple of the guys here thought you wouldn’t.

Spud
(sarcastically)
Wouldn’t miss it.

Priscilla (Over PA System)
Maeve, show our guest to the dining room.

Spud
Jesus, is Lord Vader always like that?

Maeve
Priscilla may be quite eccentric but don’t compare her to that bloody hack.

Spud
What?

Maeve
(Whispers)
She’s much more of a Palpatine type.

Spud laughs.

Maeve
Shall we?

Maeve leads Spud through a series of impossibly precise and bizarre corridors, Spud looks through an ajar door to his left and see’s what appears to be a replica of the Simpsons living room with a ‘family’ of actors paid to recreate various couch gags from the show.

Maeve drags him away as he stares.

Maeve
That’s one of The Prince’s special rooms, he’s Santa’s little helper.

A look of pure shock fills Spud’s face. The pair round a staircase and a window peering into what below appears to be an old fashioned pool hall set up.

Spud
That another one of Alberts special rooms?

Maeve
What?

Spud
Like the painting with the dogs and pool?

Maeve
That’s just a pool table.

Maeve mouths weirdo, then realises that she’s become acclimated to the bizarre nature of this place.

The pair reach the entrance to the dining area, S2 is stood guarding the door, like a true bouncer.

S2
You got any weapons on you?

Spud
….. No?

S2
I’m gonna give a full search just to be safe.

Priscilla
(Shouting from inside the room)
S2 just let the little guy in.

S2 rolls his eyes then stands out of the way of the door, gesturing for Spud to enter.

Spud
Thank you Maeve.

Spud walks into the room and S2 expects Maeve to do the same, when she doesn’t move though, instead opting to remain in place, glaring up at him, he finally cracks.

S2
Enjoying the view little lady?

Maeve reaches into a backpack adorned across her back, and with silent rage, pulls out her personalised blanket, the one sullied by S2 himself, and holds it in his face.

Maeve
Thought this was real clever huh?

S2
It’s better than the shit artwork that was already on there.

Maeve
What do you think Priscilla’s gonna say when she sees this?

S2
She’s gonna say ‘Are you trying to tell me that S2, my long time friend and mentor, the guy who saved me from a broken home, did something like that? You, the new girl? Is that what you’re telling me?’

Maeve
No she won’t!

S2
Oh she will sweetheart. She’s not gonna believe dick that comes out of your lips. Me and Miss Kelly are tight, and if you and your new boyfriend want to keep your jobs, you better suck it up and get used to it. I can have your asses outta here in a second.

Maeve just continues to glare up at S2, blanket in hand.

S2
Don’t believe me? Go in there now. Interrupt her dinner. Let her know. Your scrumptious little yellow ass will be right back at that Post Office though.

Maeve continues to glare up at S2, before her eyes flicker towards the door to the room. She mulls on it a few more seconds, before she turns on her heel, storming back down the hall away from a laughing S2, as she stuffs the blanket back into her pack.

S2
Slower baby, I gotta take some mental pictures for later when Big S gets some time with Slightly Less Big S.

Maeve picks up the pace and begins to jog away.

S2
Yo, that’ll work make dem cheeks bounce.

INT. DINING ROOM

At the end of an impossibly long and decadent dinner table, a large, lush, velvet throne sits, facing away from Spud and the table itself. Rockstar Spud is taken aback by the shear grandeur of the room. After a moment of taking in his surroundings Spud sits at the opposite end of the table on a slightly worse, slightly smaller and slightly less decadent throne.

Spud slowly places the AWF Provincial Championship in front of him, like a UFC press conference.

Priscilla
Is he there?

Stood off to the side of the room, one of Priscilla’s guards, Cranston, nods. In that instant, the throne twists around, unveiling a grinning and devious looking Priscilla Kelly, stroking her own AWF World’s Championship like a Hollywood Mafiosa would a cat. Spud scaredly jumps but quickly regains his composure.

Priscilla
Oh it worked! I made you jump! Did you like that? Little Godfather reference! Cranston tried talking me out of it, said it’d be too on the nose, but I dunno, I thought it was worth going for? I installed the wheels on this thing just for that joke so…

Spud
(sarcastically)
Terrifying, very clever Champ.

Priscilla narrows her eyes at Spud. She leans forwards slowly, placing her own Championship Belt on the table, making eye contact with Spud as she does so almost in a way to compare the prestige of the two belts.

Spud
Oh it’s a dick measuring competition now?

Priscilla
Belt measuring sweetie. If it was a dick measuring competition, I’d win.

Spud
True, that absolute dick stood at the door outside is massive.

Priscilla actually chuckles at this.

Priscilla
You hungry potato boy?

Spud
Is that seriously why I’m here? Dinner? Like actual dinner?

Priscilla
Of course Spuddy baby, but here’s the catch…

Spuds nostrils annoyed flare as he rolls his eyes.

Priscilla
You’re on the menu.

The door behind Spud opens up, and S2 moves into the room, gigantic knife and fork in hands.

Spud scaredly jumps up onto the table.

Spud
What the fuck Priscilla?!!!

Priscilla
You think I’d leave it at just Ironside and Sydal? You didn’t think I’d forget about you did I!? Let me tell you, you were the easiest one to take out yet Spuddy Baby! You just came here willingly! Now S2, bon appetit.

Spud grabs the Provincial Title ready to swing for the fences.

Spud
Stay the fuck away from me big fella. Even if you do this, I’m taking some fucking teeth with me.

S2 laughs to himself, as he slowly moves over to the table, eyes rested on Spud. Upon reaching it, he slowly looks down at the table, and places the knife and fork next to Spud’s plate, then pulls out a napkin and places that down too.

S2
There you go. Wouldn’t want to use your hands would you?

S2 laughs as he turns and walks back out of the room, leaving Spud just stood on top of the table. Priscilla is giggling to herself from her velvet throne.

Spud
(sighs deeply)
Of course, another game. I fucking hate that guy.

Priscilla
Well don’t hate on him sweetie, that was my idea. I thought it was a bit childish and easy but wow, it really landed. You are gullible.

Spud slowly climbs down from the table, placing his belt back in place.

Spud
I am but that’s okay Champ. I don’t hate you, I don’t like you but you’re just a lost kid, like me, you just (Obi Wan voice) turned to the dark side.

Spud giggles to himself.

Priscilla
That reminds me of that movie.

Spud
Yeah, Star Wars?

Priscilla
No. Hook. You know with Robin Williams? And the Lost Boys?

Spud annoyedly laughs it off.

Priscilla
Would you like some bread?

Spud
Sure, why not.

Priscilla
Awesome. You needed to say yes because I got this shit installed.

Priscilla presses a button, and out of the table, little platforms rise with a platter of bread on it for both herself and Spud. Priscilla grins.

Priscilla
This table cost a lot. It’s like it’s own little oven sorta thing.

Spud tries to cage his amazement, this is one of the coolest pointless things he’s ever seen.

Priscilla
You know what it reminds me of actually, and maybe it’s why I bought it… it reminds me of the stages in my lounge! The ones that rise in and out of the floor, you know the ones, you performed on one of them! Well, for about 5 minutes…

Spud ignores the comment and begins to gorge himself on bread, just eating fistfulls of the stuff.

Priscilla
Wow, didn’t even consider I may have poisoned the bread?

Spud
(Confidently looking up)
If you were planning on killing me I’d already be dead and anyway this week, you and I have to team, so it’d be pretty stupid for you to kill me, right? Also I live in a van, on packet macaroni over a camping stove, poison or not, this beats that any day.

Priscilla
I know how that is.

Spud
Know how what is? Cheap packed meals (looking around) somehow I find that hard to believe Champ.

Priscilla
Funnily enough, I wasn’t born in this mansion… Chump.

Spud
This mansion, a 4 bed, some other mansion, does it really make a difference CHAMP?

Priscilla
How about a sleeping bag in a cardboard box on the fucking street… CHUMP!

Spud
Oh shit, the rumours are true, you are an inflatable doll, wait til Bret hears about this. I don’t buy it.

For the first time, it’s Priscilla’s turn to go red faced, angry. Cranston gulps, and shuffles awkwardly. Priscilla just glares at Spud, a familiar fire in her eyes, a fire that has been the last sight of many men. She rises to her feet slowly.

Spud looks in the eyes of Priscilla, the facade is broken, no longer does he see Hell’s Favourite Harlot, he sees himself, he sees every moment which a teacher told him no, every moment he was bullied and attacked, Spud see’s Spud.

Spud
It’s true. Wow, what happened?

Priscilla
Something you’ll never understand.

Priscilla sits back down in her seat slowly, her demeanour calming down, but still clearly rattled. Her smile is no more, and shows no signs of returning.

Spud
Your stuff is your stuff, keep it to yourself, that’s fine. I’m glad to finally be talking to a human though.

Priscilla trying to shake off how rattled she is clicks her fingers, the bread descends back into the table and 2 Human Pups enter the room crawling, with plates of lobster thermidor on their backs.

Priscilla
You can pet them if you like.

Spud is thrown back into discomfort and annoyance. The joy of seeing Spud squirm once more slowly brings Priscilla back to herself, a small smile is returning to the surface.

Spud
Right when I thought this was going somewhere, typical.

Priscilla
Yeah well. This isn’t a therapy session sweetheart.

Spud grabs the plate from the pups back, the pup begs for attention, as dogs do but gets none.

At the other end of the table Priscilla is loving her pup, she cuddles it as it licks her face slightly, as it gets down it begins humping her leg. Priscilla feeds it a little bit of bread, as she lets it continue in its humping, enjoying how disgusted Spud looks at the sight.

Spud
I’m supposed to eat with that thing, doing that??

Priscilla
His name is Champion. (to the dog) Who’s a good boy Champion? You are. Yes you are! Yes you arrreee!!!

Spud tries his best to ignore and eat his meal but the pup begins to moan and howl.

Spud
Seriously?...

Priscilla
You don’t like dogs? You more of a cat person? We have some of those too if you like?

The pair stare at each other. Spuds trying to contain his annoyance as Priscilla smirks.

Priscilla
Bet you’d love it if Laci Valentine came out here with some cat ears and a tail. Y’know, I’ve got a bucket of stuff in the back that could achieve that.

Spud
Don’t even mention her name, last I saw her she was laid out by your goons, me and my friends had to get her to A and E because of some shit for brains paramedic.

Right on cue the door opens a crack and the teenage paramedic pops her head through the door, she’s on Priscilla's pay-roll too.

Paramedic
No hard feelings, Miss Kelly is paying for my med school.

Spuds jaw drops, how much reach does Priscilla really have?

Priscilla
That wasn’t anything against Miss Valentine, she’d just simply drawn the short straw by being Orange Cassidy’s opponent that night.

Spud looks down and thinks “OC is so cool, fuck”.

Spud
OC’s my best… well goo… we’re definitely pals.

Priscilla
Really? I don’t think he’s ever actually mentioned you.

Spud
Never? Surely once… You don’t talk to Orange, we texted, like more than once.

Priscilla
Never heard him say a thing about you.

Spud sadly looks down to his phone, his screensaver is him and Orange Double Dragon posing fighting the Aces and 8’s.

Priscilla
But I’m sure I’m on his mind nonstop. And listen, I wanted him in that Chamber. Too bad for Laci that she got stuck with him, but that’s not on me, I didn’t do the booking. I don’t even especially dislike that ginger bitch, but she is fun to fuck with. It was all about Cassidy.

Spud
Why go that far? Why not just use your ref?

Priscilla
I’m sorry do you think I care about Laci’s safety? I don’t dislike her but I’m not gonna go through extra effort to avoid hurting her.

Spud
(Welling up slightly)
She didn’t deserve that, just to win a match, she did nothing wrong. (Getting angry) I don’t care what you’ve been through, it’s not an excuse to be such a cold and evil cunt.

Priscilla
Aw has she tugged on your heart strings Spuddy? Do you like the ginger-nut?

Spud
I do but that’s not the point, nobody deserves to be treated that way, we’re all professional wrestlers, we’re a family, we should trust each other.

Priscilla
People love throwing that word around. ‘Family’. Like that means anything. We’re not a family. My family didn’t stop from hurting me-

Spud
OH POOR PRISCILLA, POOR PRISCILLA HAS A PAST. EVERYONE FEELS SORRY FOR PRISCILLA! MY FAMILY WAS 2 PEOPLE, THE REST WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. It’s not an excuse.

Priscilla
Two!? That sounds fucking nice. I had zero. You think I use it as an excuse!? I’m not trying to excuse myself of anything! I don’t give a single fuck what you think about me. I don’t care if you think I’m a bad fucking person because I hurt your dear little crush. I am a bad fucking person. And you’re a good person. And you’re living in a van. And I’m living in a fucking mansion. It’s not an excuse Spud, it’s a key to fucking success!

The pair stare intently into each other’s eyes, the tension is palpable, it’s dripping from the walls. Priscilla finally kicks Champion off of her leg, before he whines and scurries out of the room.

BEAT

Spud stands up from his chair, takes a deep breaths and slowly and deliberately approaches Priscilla.

The pair are inches from each other. As Spud speaks Priscilla stares into his eyes intently, hanging on every word.

Spud
Okay, I think we both know where we stand now, I do not like you. You hate me, but these beautiful pieces of leather and gold on this gorgeous, expensive looking, dinner table say that I’m the number 1 man in this promotion and you’re the number 1 woman and I like it that way, I like my spot, I’m not giving it up. We’re in an 10 on 2 situation, we’re probably gonna lose but we’re putting the fucking fear of God in them on our way out, we’re gonna hurt them, we’re gonna make them think, this isn’t gonna be as easy as a 10 on 2 should be. We’re both gonna lose at some point but when I get pinned, well fuck, whoever did can keep their little ego boost, I’m in a scramble on the weekend so should they do it again in my match I’m popping right back up and decimating whoever did it, for you, same thing and you’re in a chamber at Yankee Stadium so no doubt you have some nefarious plan to keep your belt, so we’re fine. This is an exhibition of our dominance, a few sparring sessions and I’m telling you right now you can count on me because I’m one of the few people who hates losing more than you Priscilla.

Priscilla continues to stare at Spud. Her eyes narrow once more, but the anger that was once there has faded. She liked what she just heard, she just didn’t like the man it came from.

Priscilla
MAAAAEVE!

Maeve runs into the room, seeing her boss and Spud eye to eye, from the outside looks somewhat intimate.

Spud swiftly turns to Maeve.

Spud
It’s fine Maeve, I can show myself out.

Priscilla
Maeve, get someone to make up the big guest room, Spud’s gonna be staying with us this week.

Spud
I am no…..

Priscilla
You are, this is my last match before the chamber, I am not getting injured because you barely sleep in the back of a messy, disgusting van. You’re gonna be well rested, you’re not fucking this up for me, take a bed you little fucking idiot, I won’t offer again.

Spud inhales deeply, glares at Priscilla and gives a slight nod. Priscilla turns to Maeve.

Priscilla
Make sure it’s one of the nicer rooms Maeve.

And with that, Maeve motions for Spud to follow her, and the Rockstar does so. He takes one last look at Priscilla, still stood in the middle of the room, still clearly unsettled and angered, before the doors close behind him, and Priscilla is gone from view.

BACK OUTSIDE

Panda and Fringe lie comfortably in the back of the spacious Tour Bus, snug and warm in sleeping bags. The side door is opened as is the back so that they have an excellent view of Ziggy's attempts to enter the mansion.

Fringe passes Panda a joint.

Radio DJ
Evening rockers, this one is a request from a Panda Patterson from all the way in sunny Birmingham England.

Fringe
What did you do?

Panda
(taking a big toke)
Everythings better set to the right tune.

Radio DJ
The year 1966, the band Love.



"Instrumental intro"

Ziggy carefully places a small child's trampoline in what he seems to believe is the pefect spot on the wall.

"When I was a boy I thought about the times I'd be a man"

Ziggy takes a huge run up and jumps onto the trampoline, getting surprisingly high.

"I'd sit inside a bottle and pretend that I was in a can"

Ziggy hits the wall hard and falls back down, his fall is broken by the trampoline which bounces him into a nearby bush. Panda and Fringe laugh.

“In my lonely room I'd sit my mind in an ice cream cone"

In place of the trampoline is a ramp, Panda concernedly looks at Fringe who watches on intently with a sick smile on his face.

"You can throw me if you want to 'cause I'm a bone and I go"

Ziggy speeds into shot riding a my little pony tricycle.

"Oop-ip-ip oop-ip-ip yeah!"

The Trike hits the ramp, causing the ramp to collapse and Ziggy to fly face first into a lower portion of the wall. Both Panda and Ziggy wince slightly.



*INTRO INSTRUMENTAL*

The ramps gone and Ziggy hops into shot on a pogo stick, he hops higher and higher but nowhere near high enough to scale the wall. He looks over to his bandmates both are spurring him on to go for it.

“If I don't start cryin' it's because that I have got no eyes"

Ziggy hops as high as possible near the wall but chickens out at the last second, shaking his head, he slowly pogo hops away.

"My father's in the fireplace and my dog lies hypnotized"

Ziggy loads himself into a nearby tree with the hopes of catapulting himself over the wall, he pulls and pulls and pulls.

"Through a crack of light I was unable to find my way"

Ziggy nods, he feels this is the one, with one last extra hard pull.

"Trapped inside a night but I'm a day and I go"

*SNAP* he breaks the branch and plummets from the tree. Panda and Fringe laugh as they hold up Dancing with the stars style scorecards Panda - 6, Fringe - 10.

"Oop-ip-ip oop-ip-ip, yeah!"

On the ground Ziggy gives a determined look, he's gotta do it.

*INSTRUMENTAL*

Ziggy enters shot, holding 2 plungers, nodding virulently.

"One"

Ziggy begins to climb the wall with the plungers, it's working.

"Two"

Fringes draw drops in amazement as his friend scales the wall, the spliff falls from his mouth.

"Three"

Panda picks up the spliff from the ground and stares intently at his friends awesome feat.

"Four!"

Ziggy reaches the top of the wall and victoriously raises his hands to his friends. Fringe and Panda both hold up their 10 cards and cheer and go crazy for Ziggy's achievement.

*OUTRO INSTRUMENTAL*

The gate slowly begins to slide open and catches Ziggy unaware in his celebration. The gate knocks one of ZIggy's plungers off the wall, he terrifiedly holds the other for dear life as he hangs precariously.

The gate begins to slide closed again, Ziggy breathes a sigh of relief.

BEAT

The weight becomes too much for Ziggy's single plunger and Ziggy plummets to the floor in slow motion.

*EXPLOSION!*

As he hits the ground a pair of large combat booted legs stand before Ziggy. It's new the new security guard Helmuta.

*CHILLED OUTRO BIT*

Helmuta Kruel
Stay out of this property, or I will make you my lunch, skinny boy, must have tender flesh.[.i]

Helmuta licks her lips.

Helmuta Kruel
So do not, under any circumstances enter this building, yes?

Ziggy lies on the floor defeated and lets out a slight pain filled moan.

Helmuta Kruel
I'll take that as yes.

THE NEXT MORNING

INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

A red and black, grand master bedroom, with a giant bed in the middle, similar to the ones featured in Spuds dreams but this is no dream. Rockstar Spud lies comfortably and peacefully, sound asleep, the kind of sleep where even waking up is a nice part of the experience.

We an old fashioned disney cartoon we see an amazing smell enter the room from under the door, the smell travels across the wooden floor, over a gorgeous Bohemian style mat and up the side of the bed. the smell travels over the beautiful satin sheets and towards Spud.

The smell travels into Spuds nose, Spud smiles as he slowly wakes up.

When Spud opens his eyes, his surroundings are not his surroundings.

Spud see's his mums council house living room in Birmingham. He see's his mum walking in with the most amazing Full English Breakfast, smiles adorned on both Doreen and Lil Spuds face.

Spud rubs his eyes and he's back in the room, his small smile has become huge, the aroma that brought about the memory fills him with a happiness he thought unattainable in the home of one of his natural enemies but such is life. Spud stretches out his arms and yawns.

Spud stands up and follows the smell to the door, he opens it and is surprised to see an older gentleman, in full Butler costume on the top but stockings and suspenders on the bottom half.

Spud doesn't linger on this as when he looks down he see's a great looking Full English Breakfast, his eyes light up at the sight.


Butler
(Upper crust posh English accent)
Good morning sir, the gents in the kitchen didn't get your breakfast so we thought best to go with the full monty as it were.

Spud
That's for me?

Butler
Of course sir, unless you'd like something else.

Spud
(With a tear forming in his eye)
It's perfect, thank you so much.

Butler
And to drink?

Spud
Tea, 2 sugars please, what's your name?

Butler
Gyles sir.

Spud
Thank you so much Gyles.

Gyles
Be right back with that tea for you sir, would you like a newspaper?

Spud
That's okay, do you have radio?

Gyles
Your bed has built in sound system capabilities and Spotify, there's a remote in your bedside table.... The left one, the right one is all edible underwear and ball gags.

Spud nods at Gyles as he walks down the halls to fetch his tea. Spud takes his tray into his room, placing it on the table before grabbing the remote in his bedside table, as he presses on he see's his headboard is also a screen. Spud switches to Spotify and is amazed by the shear scale and awesomeness of his bedroom.

Spud quickly logs in and puts on his fave playlist for gorgeous mornings like today.



SHUFFLE



Spud happily chows down on his breakfast with his music playing out the opening of Spuds greatest morning in a long time, is this how the other half live? If it is, Spud needs to get himself a piece of it.

'KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK'

Gyles (Through door)
Your tea master Spud.

Spud
Come in Gyles.

Gyles enters the room carrying a tray with a teapot on it.

Gyles
Wow, Talking Heads, that takes me back.

Gyles walks over to Spuds table and places down the tray, next to The Frontman filling his face.

Spud
Were you a fan Gyles?

Gyles
Well Tina Weymouth and I were together in the 70's.

Spuds jaw drops. Gyles nonchalantly begins to pour Spud a cup from the pot of tea.

Spud
You were with the bass player from Talking Heads??!!!

Gyles
Yes... But of course that was before I met Debbie.

Spud
Who's Debbie?

Gyles
Harry from Blondie.

Spud
YOU WERE WITH THE SINGER FROM BLONDIE.

Gyles
Well sir, I wouldn't say together, it was more just a physical thing but we did share the most amazing Summer.

Spud sips at his tea, now looking at Gyles as though he is some kind of God.

Spud
Gyles that's amazing.

Gyles
Well I was something of a dog in my youth sir. I suppose it all started with Katie.

Spud
Katie?

Gyles
She'll always be Katie to me, Kate Bush.

Spud has a look of wide eyed glee on his face.

Gyles
I was a backing dancer on her tour and well, one thing led to another thing, which led to more things, and you know.

Spud
No, I don't know, tell me everything.....

Gyles
And of course in 76 there was Stevie, though she was always absent, still in love with Lindsay clearly.

Spud
You shagged Stevie Nicks!

Gyles
Dear boy. 1976, not only did I do that but I was in the house when Rumours was written.

Spud almost falls out of his chair, this suspenders clad, older gentleman, is the coolest person he's ever met.

Spud
Have you slept with my entire 'Female Power Hour' playlist?

Gyles
Who else is on this list?

Spud
ABBA?

Gyles
We had a group experience.

Spud
YOU GANGBANGED ABBA?!!

Gyles
Dear boy. ABBA are not a gang, we made group love.

Spud shakes with excitement.

Gyles
Any more?

Spud
Siousxie Quattro, Patti Smith, Joan Jett?

Gyles
Siousxie and Joan at the same time. Patti was a romantic and took some wooing, we made love on a nudist beach in Barbados.

Spud
Gyles may I say, meeting you has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life.

Spud extends his arm to shake Gyles' hand.

Gyles
Pleasures all mine Rockstar Spud, I'm a fan.

Spud
Oh you like Wrestling?

Gyles
Oh, no sir. I like music, you're very talented.

Spud
(Welling up with pride)
You like Local Leather.

Gyles
Of course sir. I've been to a couple of your gigs, I don't wear suspenders there so it's no surprise you didn't recognise me.

Spud
Gyles I think I love you.

Spud stands up and gives Gyles a tight warm hug.

Gyles
Thank you sir.

Gyles hands Spud what appears to be the fob from a car key.

Gyles
If you need anything from me during your stay, press that button, I'll be right there.

Spud
How does it alert you?

Gyles
A small shock is sent to my scrotum

Spud
Oh, Gyles, I'd rather just use a bell or get your number or something.

Gyles
No need sir, I find it quite pleasurable.

Spud shrugs and looks at the button, each to their own I guess.

Gyles
If that'll be all sir?

Gyles bows before exiting the room. Spud reciprocates the bow tenfold.

LATER THAT DAY

Clad in leather, the familiar but rather intense face of Prince Albert moves to the front of the queue, finally reaching the shopkeeper at the till of the flower shop. He hands over the bouquet of flowers, a wonderful sea of red roses, and the shopkeeper smiles up at him.

Shopkeeper
Expensive. Must be a very special someone.

Prince Albert
She is. And she sure knows it.

The Shopkeeper smiles.

CUT TO

Albert moves down the gravel pathway to the front door of Priscilla's mansion, where two bouncers await, Cranston and Gabe. They nod at Albert as he passes them, a warm smile on the face of the Prince as he readies to surprise his Mistress with the beautiful bouquet.

But his smile fades as he's noticed by someone in the lobby.

S2
Those for me Bloom?

Prince Albert
Where's Priscilla?

S2
Aw that's very nice of you to get her flowers, but she's out with her new boy toy.

Prince Albert
What?

S2
She's on a date, with Orange Cassidy.

Albert stands in annoyed silence.

S2
You've been replaced my man. She's got a new puppy to play with.

Albert moves towards S2, getting in his face.

S2
Come on man, relax. Get your head out the clouds. Don't be focussing on Pris, focus on that match we're in coming up. That Battle Royale.

Prince Albert
Oh it is. Watch your back in there.

S2
Why, won't you be watching it for me?

Albert turns and starts walking back out of the house, S2 chuckles.

S2
Every man for himself then Alby? So be it. It'll be your ass on that concrete floor.

Albert shoves past Gabe and Cranston, straight back out of the house, and straight back up the driveway.

CUT TO

Albert in his car, driving down the road, knuckles white as he grips the wheel tightly. He looks irritated, his breathing deep, as he looks at the road ahead. Thoughts of Priscilla tugging along Orange Cassidy on a denim leash come into mind, prompting him to shake his head violently to remove them.

The car pulls up next to an apartment building, and Albert looks up at it, as he grabs the flowers and heads inside.

CUT TO

Albert moving down the hallway of one of the floors, a rather rundown apartment complex. He reaches a door, 17C, and gives it a few raps.

After a few moments, the door opens up, and Albert stretches out the flowers.

Prince Albert
Surprise.

Eclipse
Oh… thanks? I don't think anyone's ever given me flowers.

She takes them off of Albert with a curious look, as Albert leans in and kisses her on the forehead, before moving into the apartment.

Eclipse
I wasn't expecting you. I was in the middle of some writing.

Prince Albert
You were writing? Can I hear it!?

Eclipse
Yeah, sure. But you, you weren't followed right?

Prince Albert
Priscilla's way too occupied at the moment to suspect anything. Her mind isn't on me, trust me.

Eclipse
Oh… that's good then?

Prince Albert
Yeah. That's good.

Albert gulps.

Prince Albert
Anyway, story time?

Eclipse eyes Albert suspiciously as they move into the main living space of her apartment - or at least the apartment she's set up shop in for now. It's as sparse and enigmatic as should be expected. A grey tiled floor, white paint flaking off the brick walls, a punching bag hanging from the ceiling by a chain, an old analogue TV in the far corner and her tablet lying in the middle of the floor are the room's only distinguishing features. Unsurprisingly, the blinds are closed; sunlight and Eclipse don't mix.

Eclipse
I'm not usually one for company, Albert. I don't have any furniture in this place…

Prince Albert
Oh, that's perfect.

Albert barely stifles a soft moan at the prospect of uncomfortable tiled floor foreplay. Eclipse sighs and gestures to a spot by her tablet. Albert obediently gets down on all fours. Eclipse pauses and stares.

Eclipse
Must you position yourself that way?

Albert looks up at her sheepishly.

Prince Albert
... I'd prefer it.

Eclipse shakes her head and sits down cross-legged in front of him. She sets the flowers down on the floor and picks up her tablet.

Eclipse
Fine. Well, if you're ready…

Prince Albert
Please. Read. I can't wait.

A little embarrassed but clearly enjoying having an audience for her writing, Eclipse clears her throat and straightens up.

Eclipse
This one's called "Dark Moon on the Horizon".

Albert bites his lip. Eclipse pretends not to notice and continues.

Eclipse
"It's a dark and stormy night. The rooftops of Detroit are drenched in sheets of filthy rain as the She-Borg Queen Eclipse crouches beside a gargoyle. Old and new; stone and steel; gothic structure of the past and cybernetic creation of the future; they cast a shadow of things to come, figureheads of fear in their respective times".

Albert grunts more audibly and arches his back. Eclipse locks eyes with him and shifts excitedly on the spot - despite herself, she's getting into it. Her voice is louder and more confident as she continues.

Eclipse
"Eclipse looks to her left and shares a crooked smile with the gargoyle. They understand each other, in a way, the She-Borg and this creature. Steel and stone. Tools of the underclass, makers of mankind's great structures. What mankind will never be ready for is the threat looming on the horizon of their new Queen's coming reign. Because she is not entirely like the grotesque creature sitting in the rain with her - unlike him, she has the skill and power to perpetuate the fear she causes. She can give mankind a reason to scream. A reason to tremble. And when she finally eclipses the sun, they'll know the true meaning of-"

Prince Albert
Fuck...!

Irritated, Eclipse stops short and locks eyes with Albert once more. One sweaty hand grips his leather-clad crotch tightly. He's trembling in anticipation. Eclipse stays silent, apparently thinking hard.

Prince Albert
... Please continue.

Eclipse shakes her head. Suddenly flustered - in fact visibly blushing under her mask - she drops her tablet, jumps up and hoists Albert to his feet. She drags him by one bulky arm back to the apartment door and opens it in a rush. Albert protests minimally as she pushes him out into the hallway, but is visibly upset.

Prince Albert
Eclipse, please! Don't pretend we don't have someth-

Eclipse
Albert. Look. That moment we shared at the party was... well, I won't pretend I didn't enjoy seeing you squirm. But we can't do this. If we get caught, I don't…

She pauses, collecting her thoughts.

Eclipse
I am not someone to form a relationship with. I have an image to maintain, and a reign to plan. I don't expect you to understand, but I-

Prince Albert
But this is good! We both get something out of it, right?? I think w-

Eclipse shakes her head again and slams the door in Albert's face. She storms back through to her dingy living space and stands in the middle of the room, hand to her forehead and a heavy sigh escaping. Another pause and she looks down at the flowers on the floor.

After a moment's hesitation, she bends down and picks them up. She presses them to her face and inhales through her mask. A lighter, more wistful sigh escapes her lips.

CROSS DISSOLVE

Another gutterball. Maeve's shoulders sag as her eyes dart up to the scoreboard, taking visual note that this is here fifth gutterball in a row. Before that, is a sea of 1's and 2's, she's certainly not great at bowling.

Beefton
You sure you don't want the barriers up babe?

Maeve turns to face Beefton, who is sat down on the seats, ready for his turn to bowl.

Maeve
First of all, don't call me babe. It's Maeve. We're friends, okay?

Beefton
Alrighty… Maeverooni.

Maeve
And second, I can't put the barriers up! People are watching!

Beefton
But you'll have more fun, won't you? It's just to help you practice, you're just getting there!

Maeve
I think I'm getting worse actually.

Beefton
It's just your fingers getting tired. Been there, done that.

Maeve
What was that in reference to?

Beefton
Bowling? Why what- Oh! You thought I meant fingering girls in the bins behind the bowling alley?

Maeve
Well not necessarily in that specific location but I did think you were referring to girls yeah…

Beefton
Hey, the reason I'm so good at that, is cos I'm so good at this.

Beefton picks up a bowling ball, moves forward, and bowls. It clatters through all the pins, and the scoreboard above them displays a funky graphic featuring a Triceratops falling off a cliff into an exploding circus tent, before the words 'STRIKE!' emerge onto it. Maeve sighs.

Beefton
That's through practice, and I started with the barriers up. There's no shame in wanting to get better. You wouldn't laugh at a fat dude hitting the gym, would you?

Maeve
A lot of people would and have done that Beefton.

Beefton
What? Really!? That's so mean! They're just trying to better themselves!

Beefton looks sad. Maeve looks up at the board as it becomes her turn.

Maeve
It's okay, I'll just- it'll be fine, I think I've learned. I'll hit something this time!

Maeve runs forwards and bowls, Beefton making a conscious effort not to ogle her ass as she does so (he's clearly been told off earlier in the night for such a transgression). The ball flings straight out of Maeve's grip, and doesn't even touch the floor before landing squarely in the gutter.

Beefton
At least your bowling shoes look nice.

As she watches the ball roll down the gutter, Maeve looks down at the shoes bought for her by Beefton. They're disgustingly loud, covered in Guy Fieri esque flames, multiple rainbow patterns, and the US flag. On top of all of it, is Beefton's own face.

Maeve
Ummm… yeah. They fit really good.

Beefton
Perfect perfect. They cost a lot! But like, I wasn't willing to lose any of the patterns, y'know? Like, they're all so important to the design, which do you pick to get rid of?

Maeve
Maybe the US flag? I'm Filipino Canadian so…

Beefton looks down at his own, identical pair, except instead of his face on them, it's Maeve's.

Beefton
But the US flag looks nice don't you think? With the stars? And the blue?

Maeve
I guess…

Beefton gestures up to the screen above.

Beefton
Still your turn by the way ba- Maeve.

Maeve
Oh really? God.

Beefton
Ah… you not enjoying it?

Maeve
No I am. I am. I'm just- I'm not a very good bowler…

Beefton
Can I teach you?

Maeve
No! We're not doing the thing where you guide my hands and stuff, I know what you're hoping to get out of that.

Beefton
Alright then let me put the barriers up!

Maeve
No!

Beefton
If anyone makes fun of you, then- then I'll hit 'em.

Maeve looks up at Beefton sincerely.

Maeve
You will?

Beefton
I will hit them. Or at least, sternly tell them to stop making fun of you.

Maeve sighs, then smiles.

Maeve
Alright. Put 'em up.

Beefton
Woah. We sparring?

Beefton confusedly lifts his fists up, getting into a fighting pose.

Maeve
What?! No you dumbass, put the barriers up.

Beefton
Oh yeah! Of course!

Beefton presses a button on the control pad, and the barriers lift up. Maeve looks around, self-consciously, but no one seems to be looking, or mocking her, or laughing. She turns to Beefton, who gives her an eager head nod and a thumbs up. Maeve runs, and Beefton averts his gaze from her posterier, as Maeve throws the ball. It clatters off of the barriers a few times, before knocking down 5 pins.

Maeve
Five! That's my new best!

Beefton
Aaaaaayyyy!!! Well done Maeverooni! World Championship Bowling here we come!

Maeve chuckles, as Beefton looks ready to give her a hug, but after seeing Maeve doesn't look all too willing, instead looking to give her an awkward punch on her upper arm. Maeve turns last second though, and the jab lands firmly on her boob.

Beefton
Oh!

Maeve
Agh!

The pair stare at one another awkwardly, before Beefton for some reason puts his hands out and does the 'Ta Da' pose. He quickly abandons this after realising it makes absolutely no sense, and perhaps exacerbates the situation.

Beefton
I was trying to- your boob was-

Maeve
Let's not mention it.

Beefton
Let's not!

Trying to escape the situation, grabs a bowling ball quickly and bolts with it, throwing it down the lane before his pins have even been put in place. The ball smashes off of the mechanism placing the pins down, short circuiting it, and jamming it in place.

The pair gulp as they stare down the lane, before turning to see a rather bemused, minimum wage bowling alley worker. He looks down the lane with an annoyed expression, before pulling out a walkie talkie.

Bowling Alley Worker
Close down Lane 8. Someone threw the ball too early again.

From the other lanes, people start to turn and notice this, pointing and laughing at the mechanism at the end of the lane that now has smoke emanating from it. Beefton stands there, quite red faced, as people continue to mock and laugh.

CUT TO

The pair are now sat in the bowling alley diner, a quaint and colourful looking area where they sit with drinks. Beefton still looks a little embarassed, but Maeve just seems to be laughing.

Beefton
I don't know if I have the money to cover the fine, I spent all my money on these bowling shoes.

Maeve
Priscilla will cover it, I'm sure!

Beefton
Priscilla doesn't really look out for us grunts y'know? We're pretty interchangeable. The only guy on her security she'll listen to or care about, is S2.

Maeve thinks to what S2 said to Maeve earlier that day, when she was guiding Rockstar Spud to the Dining Room. She thinks of how S2 said that Priscilla won't listen to her, not over S2 at least, and her expression turns serious.

Maeve
Is that true?

Beefton
Yeah for real true. I should've been careful when I pushed him… this is a good paying job and I don't wanna lose it y'know?

Maeve
He deserved it though. He deserves more than that. Does Priscilla know how he is? Does she know he's that awful?

Beefton
I don't know. But I'm not gonna be the one to tell her, I ain't risking it and getting axed.

Maeve nods slowly. Beefton isn't aware of just how strongly he cemented Maeve's decision to keep quiet on what S2 did to her blanket.

Maeve
Let's talk about something else. Do you have any hobbies?

Beefton
Oh yeah! I like bowling, obviously. Me and my Uncle Rooker go all the time. Uncle Rook tries to get me into going to gun range with him, boy is it loud down there. Uugh, I actually like Play-Doh. You know the squishy stuff. You can turn that into some good shit.

Maeve
Oh, umm, wow.

Beefton
Yeah so like, I get the Play-Doh, and I make it into shit, and then I put like glue on it so it stays in place. So it's like I'm building like, statues y'know? Out of Play-Do. You should see my room, it's like a Play-Doh museum!

Maeve
That's… interesting.

Beefton
What about you anyway? What's your hobbies?

Maeve
Oh well... art.

Beefton
Art?

Maeve
Yeah, I like painting. I've done it for ages, just a passion of mine.

Beefton
That's awesome! Can I see any of it?

Maeve
Umm, yeah sure.

Maeve chuckles nervously as she takes out her phone, scrolling through her art instagram before just handing the phone to Beefton.

Beefton
Woah! These are amazing!

Maeve
Thanks.

Maeve looks a little red-faced, as she sees Beefton looking genuinely enamoured in her artwork. His mouth goes agape, as he turns the phone towards her, showing a painting of a bald Asian man.

Beefton
Is this that assassin dude from John Wick 3!?

Maeve
No that's my dad Beefton.

Beefton
Wow, your dad looks fucking awesome!

Beefton double taps the phone, liking the picture.

Maeve
You realise you're on my account right-

Beefton
This is, legit, the best art I've ever seen. I want that picture of that bald dude on my wall.

Maeve
My dad? You want a picture of my dad on your wall?

Beefton
Is that creepy? He just looks fucking cool, and that's like, the best piece of art I've ever seen.

Maeve narrows her eyes at Beefton, before she realises, he's being entirely genuine. He really does love that piece of art. Maeve gulps, and then smiles.

Maeve
Umm- well, maybe yeah? If you want I guess? If you really like it.

Maeve looks confused, but very flattered. Beefton keeps scrolling through her instagram.

Beefton
Wait… I recognise this one.

He turns the phone to her to show a swirling painted sky.

Beefton
Where have I seen this before?

Maeve
I mean- you might've seen my blanket-

Beefton
I did! This is on your blanket! You have a blanket with your paintings on them?

Maeve
I mean, I did. My dad got me it, a personalized blanket, with all my art on it.

Beefton
Do you not have it anymore?

Maeve
No. It got ruined.

Beefton
Oh, can your dad get you a new one?

Maeve
He's dead Beefton.

Beefton freezes.

Beefton
Oh. I'm… I'm sorry Maeve.

Maeve
It's okay. He died a few years ago, he got me that as a… parting present.

Maeve's eyes fill up with tears. Beefton looks pained. He reaches his hand out to comfort Maeve, but stops himself before she notices. He doesn't want to invade her privacy, so stays on his side of the table.

Beefton
Let's talk about something else! Uuuugh- have you seen John Wick 3?

Maeve
Not yet. I'll be right back Beefton, I just need to go to the bathroom.

Beefton
Oh! Okay! Yeah sure! The food should be here soon?

Maeve
I'll be quick.

Maeve is up, moving across the bowling alley to the toilets. Beefton sits where he is, nodding to himself, realising Maeve's phone is still in his hand. The sudden urge to look through her phone hits him, but he stops himself, closing the phone off and placing it face down on the table.

He quickly takes out his own phone, and sees a few missed calls from his Uncle Rooker. He presses the button to ring his Uncle Rook, before putting the phone to his here. It picks up.

Uncle Rooker (over phone)
Yello.

Beefton
Yo yo yo Beefboy in tha' house!

Uncle Rooker
Kiddo! How's it going, fingered her by the bins yet?

Beefton
She's not a finger by the bins gal, Uncle Rook.

Uncle Rooker
Oh wow, special lady this one?

Beefton
Super special.

Uncle Rooker
She a take to a hotel room and bang her there kinda special?

Beefton
I think she's a not bang at all sorta special Uncle Rook.

Uncle Rooker
What!? Not bang at all!? What're you gay?

Beefton
I'm not gay Uncle Rooker, I just, I really like her. And, she like, demands respect and stuff, and I want to give her that. If she says no banging, or bin fingering, that's cool with me. I just want her to be happy.

Uncle Rooker
Wow… BEEFAY! Looks like you founds yourself Mrs. Beefton!

Beefton
I hope so Uncle Rook. She is perfect. Honestly just like, perfect. If you told me that if I left this date right now, I could shag the entire female cast of Baywatch in the mouth, I wouldn't do it.

Uncle Rooker
You wouldn't!? Not even Dwayne Johnson!?

Beefton
I said female cast Uncle Rook…

Uncle Rooker
Oh! Yeah! Yeah of course! Did you hear Dwayne Johnson? I think there was a bit of static there during our conversation that's not what I said.

Beefton
Oh okay Uncle Rook…

Uncle Rooker
I meant to say- I actually said… Delayne Bronwon? Who's this, super hot babe from the old Baywatch. She's female. She's got huge big boobs. And she's a real female woman. She's not a big muscular bald man… she's just a hot, big titted, big boobed, real female woman… from Baywatch.

Beefton
Okay Uncle Rook.

Uncle Rooker
I'm going under a tunnel Beefton… talk later. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

Uncle Rooker hangs up. Beefton looks confused.

Beefton
What happened in that tunnel is he okay?

Beefton sits there by himself for a few moments tapping his foot.

Beefton
That Delayne Bronwon sounds pretty hot though.

From the kitchen of the diner, a Waiter stands, looking through the window of the door at Beefton, sat by himself. The Waiter turns, looking agitated.

Waiter
So, the foods ready to go. Can I not go now?

He awaits a reply, but is only met with a smile from the other figure in the kitchen, none other than the Scientist himself, S2.

S2
No. We wait for the girl to come back, that parts important.

Waiter
What's gonna happen here? Will it be bad?

S2
Am I not compensating you for your troubles?

Waiter
Yes but-

S2
Then shut the fuck up.

The Waiter nods, before turning to look back through the door window. He sees Maeve moving back over to the table, and turns to S2 hectically.

Waiter
She's back, she's coming back.

S2
Alright! So… which of these is the dude's?

Waiter
The chicken burger.

S2 moves over to Beefton's chicken burger with a grin, before lifting off the bun. Out of his pocket, he takes out a small sachet…










A sachet of Homuncumilk.

He rips it open, and squeezes it out onto the burger.

S2
Struck out on date one Beefton. Tut tut.

Back at the table, Maeve sits down, smiling a small smile at a concerned looking Beefton. He gives her a small wave.

Beefton
Hope you're okay.

Maeve
I'm good, sorry, I just… it's fine. Oh! Is this ours!

The Waiter moves over to the table with a forced smile, carrying the tray of meals for the pair. He places down Maeve's beef burger, and Beefton's chicken burger.

Maeve
Ooh, nice, thank you.

Beefton
Thank you.

Beefton smiles over at Maeve as she picks up her burger and takes a bite. She smiles back to him, and chuckles as a bit of tomato falls down her lip.

Maeve
Don't watch me eat.

Beefton
Sorry. I'm just, I'm glad you said yeah to the date. Even if you haven't, I've really enjoyed it. You are an awesome super babe- uh! Maeve! Awesome Super Maeve!

Maeve
Babe was alright in that context.

Maeve smiles, as Beefton looks pleased.

Beefton
Well! Awesome Super Babe it is!

Beefton grabs his chicken burger.

Maeve
I've enjoyed tonight too Beefton. It's been nice.

Beefton takes a bit of the chicken burger.

Maeve
A lot of the guys at Priscilla's have been really rude, and mean, and made it such a hard time for me, so I'm just really glad that-

Beefton
God you're so fucking hot.

Maeve
What?

Beefton
Holy shit. I wanna fuck you so hard right now.

Maeve is in disbelief, he expression drops, as Beefton lets the chicken burger splatter to the plate below.

Maeve
What did you just say!?

Beefton
Aw your fucking ass. Oh it's such a nice ass. Oh Maeve let me fuck your ass!

Beefton gets to his feet, moving around the table towards Maeve, but Maeve is to her feet quicker. She pushes Beefton away, and stands glaring at him, eyes wide. She's distraught.

Maeve
What the fuck!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me Beefton!?! What happened to respecting my fucking boundaries!?!!

Beefton
Oh fuck Maeve I wanna fuck that fat ass so bad!!! Please!!! Please I'll do anything!!!

Maeve
You piece of shit Beefton!!! I thought you were a good fucking guy!!! You mother fucker!!!

Maeve is in tears in seconds, before storming away from the table, away from Beefton. Eyes glazed over, Beefton shouts after her.

Beefton
Let me finger you behind the bins!

Beefton watches Maeve leave, before his eyes wander to look around the bowling alley.

Beefton
Does anyone wanna fuck!?

From the corner of the Bowling Alley, a rather repulsive looking woman stands up.

'Sunny' Sytch
Yeah alright.

And as Beefton bolts off in her direction, S2 stands and watches through the window of the door, laughing aloud to himself. He throws a few hard pats across the back of the shocked Waiter next to him.

S2
Thanks for your help, that went off perfect! Oh man, this is some good shit.

And S2 gives out another uproarious laugh, as the segment fades out to commercial.

---

The Black Clyde Brand is expanding, and you can come along for the journey by following Black Clyde on instagram. Get on the bandwagon while you can still keep up.

Not convinced? Enormous protein and general health food company BulkPowders has shown interest in a future collaborative relationship with the Black Clyde brand.

---

Scene opens to a rough looking street on the southside of Philadelphia late at night, probably around eleven thirty. Walking down the street are Orange Cassidy and Priscilla Kelly, with Priscilla holding onto Orange’s arm. They stop in front of a bar called “The Colonial”. Orange opens the door and holds it for Priscilla as the two enter the bar. How can I describe this nicely...it’s a dive bar. The kind of bar that only regulars go to. The kind of bar where there is never more than like ten people in it at any given time. The kind of bar that still has an actual jukebox. The kind of bar where all the beer logo signs are from like two logos ago. That kind of bar. Priscilla has a small look of disgust on her face as the two take a seat at the bar. The bartender, a middle age looking man wearing a phillies shirt walks over to where they are sitting.

Bartender
Hey Fire, long time no see. You want your usual?

Orange nods.

Bartender
And what about for the lady?

Both Orange and the bartender turn their heads towards Priscilla.

Priscilla Kelly
I’ll have a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat.

Both Orange and the bartender just stare at her.

Priscilla Kelly
(Slightly annoyed)
Give me a gin and tonic.

The surprisingly quick bartender gives the two their drinks in about a minute. In front of Orange sits a bottle Yuengling and a glass of Jameson on the rocks (fuck proper number twelve) and the bartender puts Priscilla’s order in front of her as he walks away. Orange takes a swig of each before Priscilla asks him a question.

Priscilla Kelly
So how did you know about this...eh...charming establishment?

Priscilla begins to take a sip of her drink.

Orange Cassidy
Oh, I live upstairs.

Priscilla chokes a little on her drink.

Priscilla Kelly
You live upstairs!? Didn’t put much thought into where you’re taking me did you!?

Priscilla mulls on this thought for a moment, until she smiles.

Priscilla Kelly
Unless… you just want me in close proximity to your bed?

Orange looks at her blankly.

Priscilla Kelly
My my, really not one for flirting are you…

Priscilla reaches over and grabs a handful of plastic straws, plonking them all in her drink despite only using one to sip with. Meanwhile Orange takes out his cigarette case and pops a cigarette in his mouth, he offers one to Priscilla.

Orange Cassidy
So you into straws or…?

Priscilla Kelly
No. Anywho, how long you lived here for then?

Orange Cassidy
At least a decade, but have lived in the area maybe five years longer than that.

Priscilla pops one of Cassidy’s cigarettes into her own mouth, before he lights it for her. She takes a drag before her eyes scan the bar around her.

Priscilla Kelly
And do you like it here?

Orange shrugs.

Orange Cassidy
Rent is cheap for the amount of space we get and since we've been there so long they just let us make any improvements we want.

Orange finishes his drink as the bartender comes over.

Bartender
Another round Fire?

Orange nods as the man refills his glass and gets him another beer. Priscilla pushes her now empty glass to him, and gets it filled up. She lifts it to her mouth, then smiles at Orange.

Priscilla Kelly
So, I assume you can handle your liquor?

Orange Cassidy
Used to be able to. Haven't drank a lot in a while. What about you?

Priscilla Kelly
Not especially. But that makes it more fun.

Priscilla downs her drink in that instant, all in one, before sliding the glass over to the bartender for another refill.

Orange Cassidy
We can go somewhere else if you want…

Priscilla Kelly
Nah, I’m getting used to this place. I think there’s fun to be had here. I mean, there’s not many patrons, but the ones that there are… bet they’ll be a lot of fun to mess with.

Orange Cassidy
Please don't mess with the patrons...

Orange puts his hand on top of hers. Priscilla sighs.

Priscilla Kelly
Well what else is there to do?

OC looks around before getting an idea, he grabs a quarter out of his pocket and heads over to the jukebox. He reads the list of songs that hasn't been updated since the 80s before making his selection. You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry begins to play over the speakers in the bar. Orange looks over to Priscilla and begins to tap his foot.

Priscilla Kelly
Wow. I knew I should’ve brought my black bob wig.

Priscilla is to her feet, slowly and sensually moving over to Orange. She begins to do the classic dance, just like Uma Thurman.

Priscilla Kelly
I hope though, by the end of the night, it won’t be a syringe you end up stabbing me with.

She licks her lips, as Cassidy looks down at her through his aviators. He has never seen Pulp Fiction, so he is just trying to do his best to dance. If you would call it dancing, he is kinda just swaying slightly from side to side with no discernible rhythm . He ignores all of Priscilla's advances in an attempt to keep to the beat. Priscilla notices this, and her brows furrow slightly.

Priscilla Kelly
Will you be upset when I beat you in the Chamber? I dunno why, it’s just, got me a little worried.

Orange shrugs.

Orange Cassidy
Probably not, but I haven't thought about losing. I stand by what I said last week. Not a huge fan of you dismissing me though.

Priscilla Kelly
Okay. Damn, I didn’t think you’d be so steely about it all. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could go after Spud’s title? The Provincial Championship? I could help you win and then we’d be Champs together it’d be great!

Orange cocks his head to the side.

Orange Cassidy
I thought you wanted me in the chamber so we could spend more time together, has that changed or do you just hate Spud? You shouldn't give him such a hard time, he's a pretty good guy.

Priscilla Kelly
I do hate Spud but, that’s not it. I do want you in the Chamber… I just- nothing. It’s fine.

Orange stops attempting to dance and walks over to an empty table to take a seat. He motions for Priscilla to do the same

Orange Cassidy
I know you're not worried about me beating you, so what's on your mind

Priscilla Kelly
You say I ‘probably’ won’t upset you. What is that probability? I wanted us to have a fun time together, fighting with each other, against each other… but, if you think there’s a possibility you’ll be hurt if I pin you then… I dunno. I just, I don’t want to push you away.

Priscilla looks up at Cassidy. Her gaze is genuine, the most genuine Cassidy has ever seen her look. Even Priscilla is unsettled as she sees her reflection in the aviators, seeing a side of herself she really didn’t expect to. She shakes her head and looks down at her feet.

Priscilla Kelly
Jesus. Nah, I’m just overthinking things aren’t I? Yeah…

Orange Cassidy
What if I beat you?

Priscilla chuckles.

Priscilla Kelly
You know I haven’t been pinned right? Albert has, I haven’t. I’ve suffered no singles losses. That’s not a fluke. I’m not getting beat. Not even in this 10 on 2 handicap. I will eliminate the whole enemy field… and that includes you.

OC face drops a little bit (if that's possible).

Orange Cassidy
Priscilla, have you been wondering why the bartender keeps calling me Fire?

Priscilla Kelly
Well I am now.

Orange takes his aviators off and places them on the table.

Orange Cassidy
When I started wrestling I worked in Chikara under the name Fire Ant. There were a couple of Ants and we were called The Colony. There were a lot of ups and downs, but that's not the point. Most of my career I was Fire Ant and I was successful, but I was angry and damn near bloodthirsty all the time. I found this bar and quickly I became the security. Owner didn't pay for security, I didn't pay to drink and I got to beat up dirtbags whenever I wanted. That was my life for years, drinking heavily and beating up nobodies just to feel something and I couldn't live like that anymore.

There is visible pain in Orange's eyes, he doesn't like to think about his past and doesn't talk much for a reason.

Orange Cassidy
My current demeanor isn't natural, it's learned. It's a necessity for me. I chill out or I lose my mind. Now with what's happened in my matches here I've had to bring out Fire Ant more and more and now I don't really know where Orange Cassidy ends and Fire Ant begins. I've bleed, almost died and been beaten down more than anyone, yet I still come back for more violence than the time before. I'm genuinely worried I'm gonna hurt you and I won't be able to control myself, so I need you to answer my question. What happens if I beat you?

Priscilla stands, gazing up into the eyes of Cassidy. She moves close to him, before reaching up, and cupping his face. She holds his cheek tenderly, as her soft eyes gaze into his deeply. A small smile emerges onto her face, an involuntary one, and she pushes it away. She knows this is not a laughing matter.

Priscilla Kelly
I don’t know. But if anyone’s going to do it, I hope it’s you.

Orange Cassidy
I really hope I don't hurt you...I just...he just...Once the switch is turned on I feel like I’m not in contro-

Priscilla leans forwards, and kisses Orange. He doesn’t reciprocate, looking a little confused and surprised, as Priscilla slowly leans out. Her big eyes look up into his.

Priscilla Kelly
Let’s get some more drinks… you big sad sack you.

Priscilla links arms with Orange, as she moves with him back to the bar.

CUT TO

The rays of sunlight beaming through the broken blinds of the window catch Priscilla in the face, waking her from her deep slumber. Her bright red hair is a messy crop on the top of her head, sticking out in multiple different directions, her red lipstick smeared. She squints her eyes, before her hand instinctively goes to clutching her aching head.

Priscilla Kelly
Aw fuck.

She takes a quick scan of her surroundings. She’s in a small bed, unfamiliar to her, all alone, still wearing her clothes from the night before. She grimaces, before she slides herself off of the bed, and jumps onto the wooden floor.

Her foot meeting with the face of a still asleep Orange Cassidy.

Priscilla Kelly
Oh shit! Orange! Sorry!

Orange lays on the floor, wrapped up in a sleeping bag, a pillow resting behind his head. He sits up quickly, holding his face.

Orange Cassidy
It's all good, couldn't expect you to remember I was down there. How ya feeling?

He staggers up, rubbing his face. He takes off his white shirt and puts on a clean white shirt, Priscilla staring the entire time.

Priscilla Kelly
I’m feeling pretty rotten. Mostly cos I woke up in the bed alone with you on the floor? What, allergic to me or something?

Orange Cassidy
I had to carry you up the stairs and you fell asleep as soon as you hit the bed. You looked comfortable and I didn't want to disturb you.

Priscilla Kelly
Damn Kelly you lightweight. Anyway, what time is it?

Orange looks at his wrist as if there was a watch. There is not.

Orange Cassidy
About 9:30, want to grab breakfast before you head back to your hotel?

Priscilla smiles.

Priscilla Kelly
Yeah, I’d love to.

Orange Cassidy
Alright, let me show you to the bathroom, so you can freshen up, then we'll head out.

Priscilla Kelly
Maybe we could… freshen up together? Save some water?

Priscilla winks at Cassidy.

Orange Cassidy
It’s alright I don’t get charged for the water.

Priscilla huffs, before giving a small nod and moving off into the bathroom.

Orange grabs an extra shirt and pair of sweatpants and waits outside the bathroom door until he hears the shower go on. Then he walks in and places the fresh clothes on the counter before leaving again. When he gets out of the bathroom he is met by the Best Friends.

Chuck Taylor
Dude is that a girl we heard you come in with?

Trent playfully punches Orange in the shoulder.

Trent Beretta
You little devil you! I didn't think you had it ya! Who is it? Laci Valentine?

Chuck Taylor
Nah dude, she's with Spud now. Was it Leslie Jones?

Trent Beretta
No man, we definitely would have heard if it was Leslie Jones. Was it…

Chuck and Trent go on with this for several minutes before Priscilla emerges from the bathroom, hair wet and donning the clothes Orange had laid out with her. The jaws of the Best Friends hit the floor. She gives them a massive shit eating grin before Orange puts his arm around her.

Priscilla Kelly
Hey boys.

And with that, the two walk out of the apartment.

Trent Beretta
What the fuck was that?

Chuck Taylor
Do you think this has something to do with last week? We should talk to him about what happens.

Inside the apartment, Priscilla looks up at Orange who still has his arm around her. She smiles, before leaning her head against him, her wet hair brushing his chin. She closes her eyes, content. She loves the way this man makes her feel.

FADE OUT

We fade back into a backstage locker room.

Alaric lays quietly across the bench in the empty locker room, earphones in, looking quite serene. He looks at the phone that his earbuds are connected to, and is playing this video.



As Gibi moves on from the A names onto the B names, Alaric sighs to himself.

Alaric
They never say Alaric…

And then, a sudden whisper.

Whisper
Alaric.

It almost sends Alaric flying across the room in fright. The Vampire turns around quickly, to see a smiling Priscilla is stood there.

Priscilla Kelly
Did I give you a fright? I thought you wanted your name whispered?

Alaric
Yes! I was just uuhhh- listening to this- it's this weird thing? On Youtube? Called ASMR, it's dumb! I was listening ironically-

Priscilla Kelly
I love ASMR.

Alaric
Oh! You do?

Priscilla Kelly
Yeah, I like listening to it, and I like doing it. Want me to do some for you?

Alaric
Ummm- whaaaat? Really? You'd, you'd do that?

Priscilla Kelly
Yeah. Yeah come here.

Alaric gulps. He slowly moves over to the bench where Priscilla now sits, a leg dangling over either side of it, and slowly places himself down next to her. She softly takes a hold of his arm, and lifts it into her palm, before with the other arm, slowly runs her finger up and down the skin of his forearm.

Priscilla Kelly
That's nice, huh?

Alaric
Umm… yeah. It's umm… very nice.

Alaric feels very awkward, but he can't deny how genuinely nice this makes him feel. He gulps again, as Priscilla continues to trace her fingers up and down his arm. Priscilla talks in a whisper.

Priscilla Kelly
Well done on your match last week. I told you you could do it, Alaric.

Alaric
You did, thank you. I think your words helped me, honestly.

Priscilla lets her fingers trace further up Alaric's arm, until she's stroking them over his shoulder. When her fingertips reach his neck, and make little circles, Alaric's wide eyes can't be hidden.

Priscilla Kelly
Relax Alaric. Close your eyes. Enjoy it.

Alaric gives a little nod, before he lets his eyes shut. Priscilla is on her feet, using her other hand to slowly trace her fingers up and down Alaric's neck, and then across his face.

Priscilla Kelly
You didn't need your brother. Just like I said, you got that win all on your own, Alaric.

Alaric
Yes. I did didn't I.

Priscilla Kelly
And you've got a battle royale coming up, Alaric. And you know what, you can win that too, Alaric, you really can.

Alaric
I can. Yeah I can.

Priscilla notices the quite vacant smile emerge on Alaric's face. She bends down, and speaks directly into his ears.

Priscilla Kelly
I know how it feels, Alaric. To be burdeoned, and held down by family. I know the stress that comes with that. But I can help you there, Alaric. I can help you turn that stress into results. You told me it was my words that helped you win, let me continue to help you, Alaric.

She cups Alaric's face in her hands, and turns his head so he looks up into her big, bright blue, almost hypnotic eyes. With Priscilla's other hand still twirling around on his temple, the pure bliss felt in this situation makes Alaric putty in the hands of the Harlot, as she continues her whispers to him.

Priscilla Kelly
Your brother is aligned with Boneius, who will always hold him down. If you align with me, I'll help you flourish, Alaric.

Alaric
Yes. Yes, I'll align with you.

Priscilla Kelly
That's a good boy, Alaric.

Priscilla leans in and kisses Alaric, a small smooch leaving him enamoured but wanting more. Priscilla leans away from him, and boops his nose as she gives the Vampire a small smile.

Priscilla Kelly
Win that battle royale for me Lost Boy, then come find me.

She looks back at Alaric as she reaches the door of the locker room.

Priscilla Kelly
You're in the Cult of Kelly now.

And with a wink in Alaric's direction, Priscilla is gone.

Fade out, into one last scene before our battle royale.

Boston Commons
Boston, MA
Late at Night

El Chingar walks down a foggy Beacon Street. Nobody else is around except for the stray drunk going to their next location, and the looming statue of Alexander Hamilton at the park. His phone starts going off in his pocket, he pulls it out revealing it's a Face Time from El Gordo

El Chingar
How you doing big guy?

El Gordo
Oh you know, doing alright, doing my best to keep still.

El Gordo pans his phone down to reveal his lower body in a cast, everything else is covered in bandages and bruises.

El Chingar
You look rough homie. Sorry I couldn't help, but I went to try and find help!

El Gordo
Oh yeah I know Chingar, I know you were looking out for me. I know you wouldn't just leave me out there to get beaten up on my own.

The two laugh, then marinate in silence.

El Gordo
So what are you doing out so late?

El Chingar
Well even though you're not able to make it out this week, I still have to find somebody to fill in for you for this Bean Boy Battle or whatever it's called.

An yellow hue from a bar sign looms in Chingar's peripheral vision. He hangs up the phone without saying goodbye.

El Chingar
(to himself)
Finally, I made it. I've heard so many stories of this place. If you need somebody to get a job done in the New England area on short notice, this is the place you come to.

He reaches a railing that wraps around to a set of stairs that leads downwards. Above him, reads a large beige sign and bright gold letters that read Cheers. Chingar smiles as he walks down the steps, he reaches the door and goes to open it up. It doesn't open. He shakes the doorknob trying to get it open, and nothing happens. Panicking over to the window he peaks inside, only to be met with a concrete wall slab.

El Chingar
This place isn't fucking real! That son of a bitch at the hotel lied to me!

El Chingar makes his way back up the steps, looking around for any sign on what to do next. From out of the commons crawls out a group of drunk men laughing and pointing at Chingar in front of the not Cheers

Drunks
Where everyyyybody knows your naaaame. And they always...know you're naaameeee

El Chingar watches them go by fuming. He continues to watch the mas they turn down an alley and enter a bar titled The Tam. He follows them in. Inside the bar is a bustling scene full of people, yelling, drinking, and being merry. Chingar sits at the bar and orders a drink. As he drinks he listens to conversation around him.

Boston Man
So I says to her "How do you like dem apples?" Then I punch em in da mouf.

The group around him burst into laughter

El Chingar
That's who I need.

Chingar makes his way over to him, squeezing in between the man and who he's talking to. The group scoff at him and walk off leaving the two alone.

Boston Man
Well yeaaah, how can I help yous?

El Chingar
How would you like to make some money? And all you have to do, is just go be you? Who are you by the way?

Boston Man
Am Bint, Bint Afflek, and am listening to what you gotta say

El Chingar pulls out a crumbled flier for PrimeTime and shows it to him.

El Chingar
Tomorrow night, a bunch of bozos are fighting for some gold.

Bint Afflek
Like who?

El Chingar
Uhhhh
(flubs his lips around trying to remember names)
A vampire, an alcoholic, a paedophile,

At the names, Bint drinks his natty light disinterested.

El Chingar
A crazy irish fuck, a BDSM sub

Bint is still barely paying attention, his eyes start to drift towards the tv screen to watch the Bruins

El Chingar
and some random black guys

Everybody, Bint included, stops drinking at the sound of those last few words.

Bint Afflek
Who's cah we taken?

El Chingar
(Smiling)
So what kind of...skills do you have?

Bint Afflek
Well, I can pound a sixer in the blink of an eye. I'm also wicked smaht

Bartender
You ain't wicked smaht, you wicked retahted

Bint Affleck
No, you retahted!

Bartender
No, you ah!

Bint jumps over the bar and starts brawling with the bartender. El Chingar puts on his coat, tosses the flier and his card into the scrap and heads out the door.

El Chingar
So yeah, I guess see you tomorrow? Get some gym pants or something to wear.