Post by jlt619 on Jul 6, 2020 15:08:21 GMT -5
Dyno-Mike walks into his apartment.
He crashes down on the sofa and switches on the TV. On the TV is the advert for this week's tag team match.
Advert Voice Over
AND THIS TUESDAY NIGHT, WE HAVE A 6 MAN TAG MATCH
Dyno-Mike
Yeah we do!
Advert V.O.
WE HAVE THE THREE BIG *beep beep beep*
Dyno-Mike
Bunch a’nancy boys
Advert V.O.
VERSUS DYNO-MIKE
Dyno-Mike
Oh yeah baby!
Advert V.O.
AND AVULSION!
Mike sits stunned. He looks absolutely devastated.
Dyno-Mike
This is why these fuckers get AGENTS!
As Dyno-Mike is about to go into the kitchen the doorbell rings.
Mike throws the door open and to his horror -
Albert
Hi there!
S2
Howdy there dickwad.
Dyno-Mike
You gotta be fuckin kiddin me.
Albert
May we come in?
Dyno-Mike
Sure, I guess.
S2 barges past both of the men as he heads straight for the kitchen. Mike looks around to stop him but is interrupted by Albert.
Albert
So - I’m assuming you heard we’ll be working together.
Dyno-Mike
Errmmm what - er yeah yeah I did, y’wanna jus’ sit down a second there.
Albert politely sits down on Mike’s sofa, and notices a teddy bear sitting in Mike's arm chair.
A ruckus can be heard from the kitchen. S2 is almost thrown out of the kitchen.
S2
Get the fuck off me!
Dyno-Mike
Get the fuck off my fridge!
S2
Is that a teddy bear?
Mike seems to be getting overwhelmed and quite stressed.
Dyno-Mike
No it’s a grenade.
S2
Sure looks like a bear to me
Dyno-Mike
Cause it fuckin’ is one dumbass
S2
Easy there build a’ bear don’t get shitty.
Dyno-Mike moves to hit S2 but Albert interjects.
Albert
Guys! We have to fight the three big - y’know
Dyno-Mike
I’ve taken to calling the “trio of large black men”
Albert
I’ll go with 3BN, but thank you. - anyway, if we are fighting each other we can’t fight them.
Dyno-Mike slowly edges toward the chair that his bear sits on as he listens to Albert.
Albert
We can beat them, Mike you have beaten two of them and beat them well.
If you can show us how to take them head on then I think - what the fuck are you doing?
Dyno-Mike
What? I was listening, head on, defeat them yadda yadda.
Mike is standing as he blocks the bear from Alberts view.
Albert
Why are you hiding the bear?
Dyno-Mike
Hidin’? Wha chyou talkin’ bout!
An awkward pause.
Dyno-Mike
Jus’ bit concerned cause you’re a - y’know.
Albert
What?
Dyno-Mike
Gotta thang for furries.
Albert
Michael I can honestly say, hand on heart I am not going to fuck your teddy bear. Now can you please calm down and tell us how we’re meant to beat three good wrestlers with this tub of lard in tow.
Dyno-Mike
Ok.
Mike sits down in his chair and gestures for S2 to sit.
S2
I’m good here.
Mike cracks his jaw and stares at S2. He nervously sits down.
Dyno-Mike
They can hit harder than you two. Move faster and smarter. I beat them because I flew at the like an atom bomb. I didn’t give them a second, and I don’t mean that pussy shit where you’re swinging for their heads and doing nothing. I’m talkin’ spearing those fuckers right from the word go, hit them with a suplex, disorientate them. If we’re gonna beat them then we’re gonna have to hit the gas and not take the foot of the peddle till either are tanks empty or they ain’t gettin up.
Albert and S2 sit silenced by the simplicity of the tactics.
S2
Wow. Hit them hard. If only you’d have given Custor that advice right before his last stand, fuckin idiot.
Dyno-Mike
Ok here’s somethin real simple.
Mike grabs S2 by the side of his head and gets right in his face. He pulls a stick of Dynamite out from behind him.
S2
Where’d you get that?
Dyno-Mike
Always prepared, and you don’t wanna know.
This thought makes Albert somewhat aroused and flustered.
Dyno-Mike
Listen d’me you fat cunt! If you get in that ring and give one of those slimy pieces a’ shit a second before you slap the silly, am gonna shove this so far up your ass I’ll be able to light the fuse through your nose, AM I CLEAR SOLDIER?
After a brief pause S2 composes himself.
S2
Get off of me you stupid redneck! You pull that shit again and you'll be counting yourself lucky that we are on the same side!
S2 throws mikes hands and snaps the dynamite stick in half.
Mike grins.
Dyno-Mike
Now that's the sort of fight you can use come Primetime chubs.
I’ll be seein’ you boys Toosdy. Now get the fuck out.
S2 leaves in a rush having had enough of Mike, Albert walks behind Mike and taps him on the shoulder. Mike turns and before he can say anything Albert hands him a card with a number on it.
Dyno-Mike
Is this your number?
Albert says nothing, winking at Mike before jogging out of the door.
Mike stands frightened and confused in his kitchen. He looks at his teddy bear, now on the coffee table and shudders.
He crashes down on the sofa and switches on the TV. On the TV is the advert for this week's tag team match.
Advert Voice Over
AND THIS TUESDAY NIGHT, WE HAVE A 6 MAN TAG MATCH
Dyno-Mike
Yeah we do!
Advert V.O.
WE HAVE THE THREE BIG *beep beep beep*
Dyno-Mike
Bunch a’nancy boys
Advert V.O.
VERSUS DYNO-MIKE
Dyno-Mike
Oh yeah baby!
Advert V.O.
AND AVULSION!
Mike sits stunned. He looks absolutely devastated.
Dyno-Mike
This is why these fuckers get AGENTS!
As Dyno-Mike is about to go into the kitchen the doorbell rings.
Mike throws the door open and to his horror -
Albert
Hi there!
S2
Howdy there dickwad.
Dyno-Mike
You gotta be fuckin kiddin me.
Albert
May we come in?
Dyno-Mike
Sure, I guess.
S2 barges past both of the men as he heads straight for the kitchen. Mike looks around to stop him but is interrupted by Albert.
Albert
So - I’m assuming you heard we’ll be working together.
Dyno-Mike
Errmmm what - er yeah yeah I did, y’wanna jus’ sit down a second there.
Albert politely sits down on Mike’s sofa, and notices a teddy bear sitting in Mike's arm chair.
A ruckus can be heard from the kitchen. S2 is almost thrown out of the kitchen.
S2
Get the fuck off me!
Dyno-Mike
Get the fuck off my fridge!
S2
Is that a teddy bear?
Mike seems to be getting overwhelmed and quite stressed.
Dyno-Mike
No it’s a grenade.
S2
Sure looks like a bear to me
Dyno-Mike
Cause it fuckin’ is one dumbass
S2
Easy there build a’ bear don’t get shitty.
Dyno-Mike moves to hit S2 but Albert interjects.
Albert
Guys! We have to fight the three big - y’know
Dyno-Mike
I’ve taken to calling the “trio of large black men”
Albert
I’ll go with 3BN, but thank you. - anyway, if we are fighting each other we can’t fight them.
Dyno-Mike slowly edges toward the chair that his bear sits on as he listens to Albert.
Albert
We can beat them, Mike you have beaten two of them and beat them well.
If you can show us how to take them head on then I think - what the fuck are you doing?
Dyno-Mike
What? I was listening, head on, defeat them yadda yadda.
Mike is standing as he blocks the bear from Alberts view.
Albert
Why are you hiding the bear?
Dyno-Mike
Hidin’? Wha chyou talkin’ bout!
An awkward pause.
Dyno-Mike
Jus’ bit concerned cause you’re a - y’know.
Albert
What?
Dyno-Mike
Gotta thang for furries.
Albert
Michael I can honestly say, hand on heart I am not going to fuck your teddy bear. Now can you please calm down and tell us how we’re meant to beat three good wrestlers with this tub of lard in tow.
Dyno-Mike
Ok.
Mike sits down in his chair and gestures for S2 to sit.
S2
I’m good here.
Mike cracks his jaw and stares at S2. He nervously sits down.
Dyno-Mike
They can hit harder than you two. Move faster and smarter. I beat them because I flew at the like an atom bomb. I didn’t give them a second, and I don’t mean that pussy shit where you’re swinging for their heads and doing nothing. I’m talkin’ spearing those fuckers right from the word go, hit them with a suplex, disorientate them. If we’re gonna beat them then we’re gonna have to hit the gas and not take the foot of the peddle till either are tanks empty or they ain’t gettin up.
Albert and S2 sit silenced by the simplicity of the tactics.
S2
Wow. Hit them hard. If only you’d have given Custor that advice right before his last stand, fuckin idiot.
Dyno-Mike
Ok here’s somethin real simple.
Mike grabs S2 by the side of his head and gets right in his face. He pulls a stick of Dynamite out from behind him.
S2
Where’d you get that?
Dyno-Mike
Always prepared, and you don’t wanna know.
This thought makes Albert somewhat aroused and flustered.
Dyno-Mike
Listen d’me you fat cunt! If you get in that ring and give one of those slimy pieces a’ shit a second before you slap the silly, am gonna shove this so far up your ass I’ll be able to light the fuse through your nose, AM I CLEAR SOLDIER?
After a brief pause S2 composes himself.
S2
Get off of me you stupid redneck! You pull that shit again and you'll be counting yourself lucky that we are on the same side!
S2 throws mikes hands and snaps the dynamite stick in half.
Mike grins.
Dyno-Mike
Now that's the sort of fight you can use come Primetime chubs.
I’ll be seein’ you boys Toosdy. Now get the fuck out.
S2 leaves in a rush having had enough of Mike, Albert walks behind Mike and taps him on the shoulder. Mike turns and before he can say anything Albert hands him a card with a number on it.
Dyno-Mike
Is this your number?
Albert says nothing, winking at Mike before jogging out of the door.
Mike stands frightened and confused in his kitchen. He looks at his teddy bear, now on the coffee table and shudders.
