Post by Priscilla Kelly on Jul 6, 2020 13:33:36 GMT -5
Footsteps clack down the hallway, as a rather overworked looking Maeve Shiliko moves through the halls of Priscilla Kelly's mansion, clipboard hugged tightly to her chest. In under 2 minutes, she was to have a meeting with her least favourite member of staff under the payroll of Priscilla Kelly, none other than 'The Scientist' S2. The meeting itself wasn't a problem, Priscilla had given S2 the responsibility of hiring new security staff, as to ensure no more break ins could happen at the mansion like Lt. Andorra and Phil Goode had done, and S2 was set to run down these new hirees to Maeve.
Priscilla, it turns out, was busy, she'd decided to take a rather mournful Prince Albert to Jeff Hardy's funeral in what Maeve thought was a nice act. It was clear Priscilla did care about her staff, she just had a very unusual way of showing it. Regardless, this meant the meeting was down to Maeve to attend in Priscilla's place, and she was ready to expect any sexist, racist, or generally crude remarks thrown her way by S2.
Priscilla, it turns out, was busy, she'd decided to take a rather mournful Prince Albert to Jeff Hardy's funeral in what Maeve thought was a nice act. It was clear Priscilla did care about her staff, she just had a very unusual way of showing it. Regardless, this meant the meeting was down to Maeve to attend in Priscilla's place, and she was ready to expect any sexist, racist, or generally crude remarks thrown her way by S2.
Beefton
Well howdy there ma'am!
Maeve
Oh fuck.
Maeve turns to see Beefton strutting over to her, gigantic cheesy smile on his face.
Beefton
If it isn't my favourite gal this side of our green and blue earth, Baeve. Get it, it's bae, and Maeve, mixed together. Cos you Maeve, are my bae.
Maeve
Beefton I can't chat right now, I've got a meeting.
Beefton
That's alright, I'll treat this conversation like I do sex, and make it quick.
Maeve
How do you ever pull anybody? Even if I ever was interested in you, you would've definitely put me off by now.
Beefton
Well, you said there's no point in hoping for any of that sort of thing between you and me anyway, and whilst that did make me cry, a lot, because I think I am in love with you, I respect your decision. We're friends, and let me tell you, the Beefbuster can be a friend as good as he can be a lover.
Maeve seems a little taken aback by Beefton's confession there, but with how casually he spoke about the whole thing, she feels able to dip past it.
Maeve
Okay. Cool. We're friends then.
Beefton
We're friends, just going on a friend date.
Maeve
Oh, yeah…
Beefton
Thought about where you wanna go yet? It's been a while is all, and I've not wanted to be pushy but, damn am I excited! My uncle suggested bowling? How's that make you feel? Bowling? Getting the ol' juices flowing?
Maeve
Bowling? What, no, I don't really- I've never been bowling?
Beefton
So you never known, you could like it? Could chip in and get you some shoes if that's the issue? I'm imagining it now, we could do that cute thing in all the movies, where you don't know how to bowl, and I have to come over and kinda put my hands on yours and guide you how to do it, but then after you bowl, our hands stay touching, and we lean in close, and-
Maeve
Beefton. Friends.
Beefton
Starring David Schwimmer. Got it! Just friends!
Maeve
I'll think about the bowling Beefton, I'm not gonna lie, I've not had much time to think about it. This job is hectic, I'm running around doing shit for everyone, there's so many jobs for Priscilla, and now I've got to have a meeting with that jack ass S2. I hate being alone in a room with that guy, he creeps me out.
Beefton
Well, I could sit in there with you?
Maeve
Aren't you supposed to be guarding the door?
Beefton
I'm on my lunch break.
Maeve
Then take your lunch break! I'm not gonna make you spend it with me.
Beefton
Woah! Spending my lunch break with you is the best way to spend my lunch break! The only nourishment I need is to breath in the air surrounding the most beautiful ladybabe I've ever witnessed. You ever heard that term? Ladybabe? It's how Australian men refer to women.
Maeve
I don't know if that's true, but I really just don't know about Australian culture, so I guess it could be.
Maeve stands there, looking at Beefton. She sighs.
Maeve
Okay, yeah spend your lunch break with me if you like. I'd really rather have the company when talking to that big bag of shit. So, thanks, I guess.
Beefton
Don't thank me, thank your eyes, for being so damn pretty.
Maeve
Okay Beefton make sure to keep it quiet during the meeting though okay.
Beefton
Yeah alright.
CUT TO
Maeve is sat at a small desk in the middle of the dark room, Beefton off to the side sat on his own desk chair, swinging himself backwards on it and then catching himself last moment. S2 stands at the front, next to a powerpoint presentation on a board next to him, looking quizzically from Maeve to Beefton. Irritation plays on his face, he was clearly hoping to have Maeve alone.
S2
I get why Priscilla wanted you here, but what's Beef Boy doing?
Beefton
Just vibing.
Maeve
That's none of your business S2. You're here to tell me about the new hires, not quiz me about who should and shouldn't be in the meeting.
S2
Fine.
S2 mutters under his breath.
S2
Fucking bitch telling me what to do.
He clicks a remote, and the presentation begins.
S2
So, Priscilla wanted to upgrade her Security Staff, she came to the right guy. I've hired four of the top people you can find in the country, and out of it. These four won't just stop people breaking in, but they'll make it so people won't even be able to have the thought of infiltrating this place without shaking in their boots, and filling whatever room they're in with their terrified sweating.
Beefton
What if they're outside?
S2
Then… I don't know, they'll make a big ass fucking puddle. Alright?
Beefton nods. He tries to imagine the biggest puddle he can think of, but it starts to become too big a thought for him to process, so he has to abandon it.
S2
Up first, we have this intense mother fucker.
S2
Russian dude named Bol'shoy. You see that gaze of his, not a spec of emotion in it right? That's cos this scary fuck doesn't feel emotion. He doesn't know what it is. Since birth, he's never felt pain, mental, or physical. You can have WALTER chop this mother fucker across the chest 50 times in a row, and no matter how much skin flakes off of his pecs, you won't see a hint of pain in his eyes! And guess what! Now, he's under our payroll baby.
Maeve raises her eyebrows at the intense and worrying presentation just brought to her, and specifically at the image which appeared to be a mugshot. She turns to Beefton for back up, but he clearly hasn't listened, having opened a small bag of Haribo Tangfastics. He puts one in his mouth, and his whole face curls up as he clearly finds it too sour.
Beefton
Oh fuck! That's hot!
He fans at his mouth. Maeve sighs and shakes her head, before turning to look back at S2. He is clicked onto the next slide, and another mugshot greets her eyes.
S2
Now this guy, with his muscles on top of muscles on top of muscles, is Tusk Baby. He does body guard and mercenary work as a side hustle, so he can make enough money to go on Safari retreats every summer.
Maeve
Oh, well, that's sort of nice-
S2
So he can illegally wrestle and murder Elephants.
Maeve
What?!? Why!?!
S2
Loves it. It's his favourite sport. With his bare hands, he charges the jungles, and will just slaughter Elephants by the hundreds. You see this shit?
S2 clicks on to a slide showing an article headline:
S2
Yeah. Guess who? I'll tell you who, the guy who's now under our payroll baby.
Maeve looks disgusted, as S2 clicks onto the next slide.
S2
This fucking dude, is tall. 7 foot 3 inches. Call him Sidewalk, wanna know why?
Maeve
I feel like you're gonna tell us anywa-
Beefton
Yeah!
S2
This dude has a history of murders, he has a kill count, let me tell ya'! Method of kill, you ask? Sidewalk Slam! This dude hits mother fuckers with a Sidewalk Slam so devastating, it ends their lives. Gives new meaning to the word 'Finisher'. You get me?
Beefton
I actually do get you.
Beefton seems proud of himself.
Beefton seems proud of himself.
S2
And now Sidewalk, and his Sidewalk Slams… under our payroll baby.
S2 clicks the next slide.
S2
Oooooooh shit!
Beefton
Ooooooooooh shiiiiiit!
S2
You know who this is Beefton?
Beefton
I don't, sorry, you just got me excited.
S2
Well trust me, you will. This, is the mad German, Helmuta Kruel. Oh fuck! What she lacks in good looks, she makes up for… in being a bad bitch.
S2 points at her mouth.
S2
See these gnashers?
Maeve
Not really she has her mouth closed.
S2
They have tasted… human flesh!
Maeve
What!?
S2
That's right! Helmuta Kruel isn't just any old bodybuilding babe, it's said she gets her strength from eating… CHILDREN! That's right mother fuckers! CANNIBAL ALERT!!!
S2 pulls out an airhorn and blasts it a few times over.
S2
And guess what, this ain't just any old Cannibal… this Cannibal in-particular… is under our fucking payroll BAY-BAY!!!
S2 keeps blasting the airhorn as he dances. Maeve is up on her feet, grabs the airhorn, and tosses it across the room.
Maeve
What the fuck is wrong with you S2!?
S2
What!?
Maeve
You were asked to hire security, not fucking top level criminals! Cannibals, murderers, the only one who actually seems alright is the first guy, but even then he's a little intense with the no pain and emotion thing!
S2
Oh and he killed his whole family.
Maeve
S2!!! Why would you hire these people?
S2
Priscilla said it was a necessity they had a criminal record. I wanted to hire the scariest mother fuckers I could find, to really make sure no one was breaking into this mansion!
Maeve looks up at the board, at Helmuta Kruel, her intense and evil gaze glaring back down at her. This was to become her new co-worker. Maeve felt sick.
Maeve
Holy fuck. I don't know what to say.
S2
That's alright, cos as usual, your ass is doing all the talking.
And with that, S2 slaps Maeve on the ass. Maeve stiffens up, eyes wide, looking up at S2 who smiles down at her.
Maeve
What is wrong with you!?!
S2
Aww you wanted that shit-
S2 feels himself pushed backwards, his back hitting hard against the wall, as there, suddenly between Maeve and the Scientist, stands an incensed looking Beefton.
Beefton
That's not cool shit, bro. You don't slap a woman's ass like that unless she wants you to, no matter how luscious and beautiful and round and gorgeous and supple and thick and tight and… oh wow…
As he's been speaking, Beefton's eyes have moved from S2 to rest on the ass of Maeve. She looks up at him in disbelief.
Maeve
Beefton!
Beefton
Ugh, yeah! Yeah!
He snaps out of it and turns back to S2.
Beefton
Yeah! Don't do that shit.
S2 moves towards Beefton and gets in his face.
S2
I'll let you off for now Beefton, cos that chick has an affect on dudes with her voodoo Chinese magic. But I'm your boss now, and if you touch me like that again, you won't just lose your job, but when that bitch gets here…
S2 points at Helmuta Kruel.
S2
I'll fucking feed you to her.
He smiles and pats Beefton on the shoulder, before shoulder barging past him and out of the room. Beefton looks a little red, as he gulps and turns to Maeve, breathing a shaky breath. He tries to hide his nerves as he smiles.
Beefton
Woah. That was- you okay?
Maeve
Yeah. Thanks Beefton.
Beefton
No worries. I don't want some dude touching you like that, it's not cool.
Maeve nods. She looks up at Beefton, and for the first time, actually feels a shred of respect for him. She lets out a soft smile.
Maeve
We can go bowling.
Beefton
Yeah!? Really!?
Maeve
Yeah. I just need some shoes I guess.
Beefton
Oh I'll get 'em! What size are you? What's your favourite colour? Do you want like, racing stripes on them? Or Guy Fieri flames?
Maeve
I don't really care Beefton.
Beefton
I'll surprise you.
He nods, his nerves having disapperated in the place of excitement. Maeve notes the change in his attitude, and her smile turns genuine.
-
-
A few hours later, after a long day of work, Maeve Shiliko finally gets time to rest. She moves into her room, and quickly throws herself down on her bed, a big puff of air leaving her lungs as she can finally enjoy the comfort of her bed.
Until suddenly, she smells something, something funky.
And next to her on her bed, she feels something.
She sits up and turns, and sees there next to her, is her personalised blanket that went missing. She is on her feet quickly, picking it up, but drops it almost as fast as she realises that is what smells. She drops it on her floor, and it uncrumples, unravelling to reveal the mess it's been left in.
Her beautiful, personalised blanket, one of her favourite possessions, has been ruined. It's covered in stains from all sorts of fluids, one very specific kind that she can only imagine has come from S2. And across her blanket, in thick black writing, are the words...
'CHINKY SLUT'.
'CHINKY SLUT'.
Maeve falls on her bed again, this time having broken into tears.
