Post by Black Clyde on Jul 5, 2020 13:29:16 GMT -5
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Outside of a night club a group of achingly trendy, attractive twenty somethings reach the front of the line and the bouncer gives them a brief glare before shaking his head.
Hip Young Guy
What bro? Have you seen how young and hip I am? Have you seen how I've shaved my beard into an incredibly thin strip of hair for some reason!? What sort of club is this?
Bouncer
Get with the times, grandpa.
Hip Young Guy
Wh-? Grandpa?
What bro? Have you seen how young and hip I am? Have you seen how I've shaved my beard into an incredibly thin strip of hair for some reason!? What sort of club is this?
Bouncer
Get with the times, grandpa.
Hip Young Guy
Wh-? Grandpa?
The hip young guy looks down at his hands and sees they are haggard and wrinkly.
He turns to look his hip, sexy friends and instead all of their faces are sunken pits of ancient, crumbling husks. Their cheek bones collapse in on their faces as they crumble into dust and bones on the floor.
He turns to look his hip, sexy friends and instead all of their faces are sunken pits of ancient, crumbling husks. Their cheek bones collapse in on their faces as they crumble into dust and bones on the floor.
Hip Young Guy
What? No! I only didn't keep up with the trends for one week, I've been trendy for so long, please, I can be cool agai-
What? No! I only didn't keep up with the trends for one week, I've been trendy for so long, please, I can be cool agai-
And with that the hip young crumbles into dust and bones.
Ruxx Rampede Narration
Don't be like this lame motherfucker.
Don't be like this lame motherfucker.
The bouncer opens the door for the camera and it goes, in revealing a heaving club of fun and debauchery. DMX bangs out of the speakers and the bartenders prioritise serving people over chatting to each other. People who don't do that are cunts, right?
Every single one of the partying people are wearing eyepatches with Black Clyde's logo on them.
Every single one of the partying people are wearing eyepatches with Black Clyde's logo on them.
Ruxx Rampede Narration
So get ya own Black Clyde authentic eyepatch so you don't become an obsolete bitch in the eyes of the universe you dusty motherfuckers.
So get ya own Black Clyde authentic eyepatch so you don't become an obsolete bitch in the eyes of the universe you dusty motherfuckers.
Ruxx Rampede Narration
We have collaborated with Gucci to make this Black Clyde eye patch. You too can be cool for the price of 7,000,000 dollars. But also you can't put a price on cool. You got the motherfucker or you don't.
With that, onto the stage walks Black Clyde, wearing a purple suit, top hat and sunglasses with a huge grin. As they see him, every woman in the club orgasms and some nearby aeroplanes coincidentally fall out of the sky.
Black Clyde
Hahaha! I have had my eye burned out but have turned a positive into a negative and am fine with the situation. Nothing about this bothers me!
Hahaha! I have had my eye burned out but have turned a positive into a negative and am fine with the situation. Nothing about this bothers me!
CUT TO:
Black Clyde's gym is closing after a long day of iron pumping. He has a dumbbell in his left hand. He flicks the switch to turn off one half of the lights. One of his employees has the keys.
Black Clyde's gym is closing after a long day of iron pumping. He has a dumbbell in his left hand. He flicks the switch to turn off one half of the lights. One of his employees has the keys.
Gym Employee
You lockin' up tonight, Clyde Bro?
Black Clyde
Yeah, good hustle, pass me the keys.
You lockin' up tonight, Clyde Bro?
Black Clyde
Yeah, good hustle, pass me the keys.
The employee tosses the keys to Clyde, who reaches out to catch them much too early and they hit him in the face.
Gym Employee
Shit!
Black Clyde
It's fine.
Gym Employee
Bro I'm sorry, I-
Black Clyde
It's fine! Go home.
Shit!
Black Clyde
It's fine.
Gym Employee
Bro I'm sorry, I-
Black Clyde
It's fine! Go home.
The employee turns to leave, hesitates, then exits the gym.
Clyde is left in the half lit gym with Sussane and the sexy young woman by his side suddenly.
Clyde is left in the half lit gym with Sussane and the sexy young woman by his side suddenly.
Sussane
What's the matter Black Clyde? I thought you were fine with losing your eye, you used all that money you got from selling eyepatches to get a solid gold replica of your own arms. I've never seen you so happy.
Black Clyde
Possessions are a bandaid, not a cure.
Sexy Young Woman
You made me cum so hard I almost remembered my name, Black. You're still the most shredded love machine in my life.
What's the matter Black Clyde? I thought you were fine with losing your eye, you used all that money you got from selling eyepatches to get a solid gold replica of your own arms. I've never seen you so happy.
Black Clyde
Possessions are a bandaid, not a cure.
Sexy Young Woman
You made me cum so hard I almost remembered my name, Black. You're still the most shredded love machine in my life.
Clyde goes to put the dumbbell back on the rack and accidentally smashes it through the wall mirror. Luckily there is a second wall mirror directly behind it.
Black Clyde
God motherfuckin' dammit!
God motherfuckin' dammit!
He punches a hole through the secondary mirror.
Sussanne
Oh Clyde, I hate seeing you like this, but I know you can do anything.
Black Clyde
Get outta here Sussanne, those coyotes won't chase themselves.
Sussanne
I can see you need some time to yourself, and I was planning on leaving my husband tonight.
Oh Clyde, I hate seeing you like this, but I know you can do anything.
Black Clyde
Get outta here Sussanne, those coyotes won't chase themselves.
Sussanne
I can see you need some time to yourself, and I was planning on leaving my husband tonight.
Sussanne leaves the sexy young woman looks at Clyde.
Sexy Young Woman
Damn, Black Clyde, even hearing a woman leaving her husband didn't make you smile.
Black Clyde
I got maimed by a boy who has an unhealthy problem with carbohydrates. I'd have to break up every marriage in the land to even think about smiling. Get outta here, sexy young bitch.
Sexy Young Woman
But where will I go? I live here.
Black Clyde
God dammit hoe have I taught you nothing? Sussanne's husband is about to be freshly divorced. Go sleep with that man.
Sexy Young Woman
You're right, I've been taught well.
Damn, Black Clyde, even hearing a woman leaving her husband didn't make you smile.
Black Clyde
I got maimed by a boy who has an unhealthy problem with carbohydrates. I'd have to break up every marriage in the land to even think about smiling. Get outta here, sexy young bitch.
Sexy Young Woman
But where will I go? I live here.
Black Clyde
God dammit hoe have I taught you nothing? Sussanne's husband is about to be freshly divorced. Go sleep with that man.
Sexy Young Woman
You're right, I've been taught well.
She pats his rock hard shoulder before leaving the gym.
Sexy Young Woman (O.S.)
Sussanne, wait up! We're going to the same place!
Sussanne, wait up! We're going to the same place!
Black Clyde briefly fiddles with his eyepatch.
Black Clyde
I know I'd crush that body dysmoprhic fuck's head between my biceps if only I could perceive depth. I can't even understand FKA Twigs lyrics anymore. Who the fuck am I talking to....
I know I'd crush that body dysmoprhic fuck's head between my biceps if only I could perceive depth. I can't even understand FKA Twigs lyrics anymore. Who the fuck am I talking to....
Black Clyde half heartedly throws a power rack across the gym into the unlit, dark half. There's a thud, and a strange but familiar voice squeals in pain.
Black Clyde
Who the fuck...
Who the fuck...
TBC by Baron Boneius