Post by The Notorious on Jul 3, 2020 2:23:31 GMT -5
Conor McGregor: How the FOOK has this happened 'ere then? I t'ought I fookin' told you. I only want the big money dates, not this free access TV. Who the fook would wanna be on the low paying show?
Conor's Agent: I-I-I-I-I-
Conor McGregor: T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR! WHY THE FUCK WAS I BOOKED FOR THIS SHOW?
Conor's Agent: I-I guess that they...that they didn't read over your demands on the contract thoroughly when I sent it back to them...
Conor McGregor: OH, SO NOW YOU'RE GUESSING SHIT? WHO THE FOOK DO YOU T'INK YOU ARE?
Conor's Agent: I-
Conor McGregor: I DIDN'T FOOKIN' SAY YOU COULD SPEAK, CUNT!
Conor's agent just falls silent. Not saying a word.
Conor McGregor: NOW YOU AREN'T GONNA SAY A FOOKIN' WORD WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU?
Conor's Agent: I thought that you-
Conor McGregor: SHUT THE FOOK UP! YOU'RE FOOKIN' DONE! GET THE FOOK OUTTA MY OFFICE!
Dee Devlin: You didn' 'ave to do that now did you? If you were just gonna fire him why not just fire him outright? Why make it about the show?
Conor McGregor: Because I canne keep sendin' these people back to the agency without givin' them a proper reason at to why I keep on firin' the fookers. Needs to 'ave a reason behind it.
Dee Devlin: Well...next time can you please keep it down? The kids could hear you from out the kitchen.
Conor McGregor: A'ight. A'ight... I'll do me best.
Dee Devlin: Thank you. I'll go an' get outta your hair now.
Conor McGregor: Cheers love. I'll be out soon, just gotta sort some shit out with this fookin' wrestlin' shite.
Conor is standing behind his desk in his office...holy hell his office looks insane, his desk is massive and looks really fucking expensive. The wall behind him is just this massive mural done up of Conor flipping the crowd off at a UFC show, to his left is a vault where Conor keeps all his money, to his right is FAT stacks of cash because his vault has become over filled with cash. Conor is wearing the finest suit that money can buy, the stitching is just the words "Fuck You" over and over again, it's all custom tailored (duh).
Conor's Agent: I-I-I-I-I-
Conor McGregor: T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR! WHY THE FUCK WAS I BOOKED FOR THIS SHOW?
Conor's Agent: I-I guess that they...that they didn't read over your demands on the contract thoroughly when I sent it back to them...
Conor McGregor: OH, SO NOW YOU'RE GUESSING SHIT? WHO THE FOOK DO YOU T'INK YOU ARE?
Conor's Agent: I-
Conor McGregor: I DIDN'T FOOKIN' SAY YOU COULD SPEAK, CUNT!
Conor's agent just falls silent. Not saying a word.
Conor McGregor: NOW YOU AREN'T GONNA SAY A FOOKIN' WORD WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU?
Conor's Agent: I thought that you-
Conor McGregor: SHUT THE FOOK UP! YOU'RE FOOKIN' DONE! GET THE FOOK OUTTA MY OFFICE!
Conor's Agent just looks at the floor, knowing he is now out of the highest paying job he has ever had. He leaves the room almost in tears...as he leaves Conors wife, Dee Devlin, walks into the room, Conor is now just sat behind the table with his head in his hands.
Dee Devlin: You didn' 'ave to do that now did you? If you were just gonna fire him why not just fire him outright? Why make it about the show?
Conor McGregor: Because I canne keep sendin' these people back to the agency without givin' them a proper reason at to why I keep on firin' the fookers. Needs to 'ave a reason behind it.
Dee Devlin: Well...next time can you please keep it down? The kids could hear you from out the kitchen.
Conor McGregor: A'ight. A'ight... I'll do me best.
Dee Devlin: Thank you. I'll go an' get outta your hair now.
Conor McGregor: Cheers love. I'll be out soon, just gotta sort some shit out with this fookin' wrestlin' shite.
Dee smiles and leaves Conor's office, Conor picks up his phone and gives the agency a call again, as we fade out into...
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT IS SPONSORED BY PROPER TWELVE IRISH WHISKEY
We cut to Conor's Office again, where Mystic Mac is indulging himself in some Proper No. Twelve Whiskey, he is sat straight up at his desk, not noticing the cameras at first.
Conor McGregor
"Ahhh...that is some fookin' fine whiskey..."
(Conor's about to do the 'Oh, Didn't see you there' thing to the camera)
Conor looks at the cameras, "surprised".
Conor McGregor
"Oh, Didn't see you there..."
(told you.)
Conor places his glass of whiskey to the side, then kicks his feet up on the desk.
Conor McGregor
"...now, You should all know who the fook I am. What the fook I 'ave done with me life. I am the Mystic Mac. The Money Maker. The best ting that the UFC ever fookin' had in it's hands. I drew the numbers in for them. Without me they prolly would've fell off into irrelevancy fookin' years ago! I have the quickest title fight in UFC history!"
The camera zooms in close to Conors face for this next part.
Conor McGregor
"I knocked that fookin' pussy out in thirteen seconds, B-T-Dubs"
*Wink*
The camera returns to normal now, as McGregor continues to speak.
Conor McGregor
"I am the first Irish born UFC champion EVER, The first simultaneous multi-divisional champion in UFC history...HISTORY! ME! The fookin' first of them! I am in five of the six highest selling Pay-Per-Views in UFC history!"
The camera zooms in again.
Conor McGregor
"UFC 229, 209, 196, 205 and 194. In that exact fookin' order."
The camera returns to normal, and McGregor takes his feet off the table and looks deadpan into the camera.
Conor McGregor
"I am M O N E Y. Put me on anything and I can guaran-fookin'-tee you that it will become the talk o' the town. Putting me on this free product is a fookin' insult! An insult to my fookin' worth, an insult to my fookin' family...and an insult to me as a person. People should PAY to see what Mystic Mac can do. Not be able to watch the shite I do for free. I knew gettin' into this wrestlin' shite was a fookin' mistake. My former agent, who has since been shown the fookin' door, didn't do my contract up correctly and with his fook up, he cost me a whole bunch of fookin' money..."
Conor then pulls two BIG bundles of cash out from under his desk and sets them on his desk.
Conor McGregor
"Not like it means SHIT to me. I wipe my ass with Benjamins. Money ain't shit to me. Me and my fookin' family are loaded for LIFE, but I only want to 'work' the BIG pay days, like Brock and Ronda. If those two who, let's be fookin' honest 'ere, could barely fookin' do their job in the UFC, Brock was gassed to the fookin' eyelids and Ronda got rocked once and lost her whole career because of it. So if they can come into this shit as flawed as they were...then this should be a fookin' cake walk for the G.O.A.T."
The camera zooms right in on Connors face again, but he is deadpan staring directly back into it.
Conor McGregor
"I'll be seeing you cunts on the seventh."
And with those final words, Conor gets out of his chair and walks out of frame.
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT IS SPONSORED BY PROPER TWELVE IRISH WHISKEY
We cut to Conor's Office again, where Mystic Mac is indulging himself in some Proper No. Twelve Whiskey, he is sat straight up at his desk, not noticing the cameras at first.
Conor McGregor
"Ahhh...that is some fookin' fine whiskey..."
(Conor's about to do the 'Oh, Didn't see you there' thing to the camera)
Conor looks at the cameras, "surprised".
Conor McGregor
"Oh, Didn't see you there..."
(told you.)
Conor places his glass of whiskey to the side, then kicks his feet up on the desk.
Conor McGregor
"...now, You should all know who the fook I am. What the fook I 'ave done with me life. I am the Mystic Mac. The Money Maker. The best ting that the UFC ever fookin' had in it's hands. I drew the numbers in for them. Without me they prolly would've fell off into irrelevancy fookin' years ago! I have the quickest title fight in UFC history!"
The camera zooms in close to Conors face for this next part.
Conor McGregor
"I knocked that fookin' pussy out in thirteen seconds, B-T-Dubs"
*Wink*
The camera returns to normal now, as McGregor continues to speak.
Conor McGregor
"I am the first Irish born UFC champion EVER, The first simultaneous multi-divisional champion in UFC history...HISTORY! ME! The fookin' first of them! I am in five of the six highest selling Pay-Per-Views in UFC history!"
The camera zooms in again.
Conor McGregor
"UFC 229, 209, 196, 205 and 194. In that exact fookin' order."
The camera returns to normal, and McGregor takes his feet off the table and looks deadpan into the camera.
Conor McGregor
"I am M O N E Y. Put me on anything and I can guaran-fookin'-tee you that it will become the talk o' the town. Putting me on this free product is a fookin' insult! An insult to my fookin' worth, an insult to my fookin' family...and an insult to me as a person. People should PAY to see what Mystic Mac can do. Not be able to watch the shite I do for free. I knew gettin' into this wrestlin' shite was a fookin' mistake. My former agent, who has since been shown the fookin' door, didn't do my contract up correctly and with his fook up, he cost me a whole bunch of fookin' money..."
Conor then pulls two BIG bundles of cash out from under his desk and sets them on his desk.
Conor McGregor
"Not like it means SHIT to me. I wipe my ass with Benjamins. Money ain't shit to me. Me and my fookin' family are loaded for LIFE, but I only want to 'work' the BIG pay days, like Brock and Ronda. If those two who, let's be fookin' honest 'ere, could barely fookin' do their job in the UFC, Brock was gassed to the fookin' eyelids and Ronda got rocked once and lost her whole career because of it. So if they can come into this shit as flawed as they were...then this should be a fookin' cake walk for the G.O.A.T."
The camera zooms right in on Connors face again, but he is deadpan staring directly back into it.
Conor McGregor
"I'll be seeing you cunts on the seventh."
And with those final words, Conor gets out of his chair and walks out of frame.
THE PRECEDING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN SPONSORED BY PROPER TWELVE IRISH WHISKEY
