Post by Big Homunculus on Jun 28, 2020 16:42:59 GMT -5
A meek, scrawny man in his mid thirties named Nigel is sat on a bus. There a group of loud teens at the back of the bus. They're not interacting with him, but their presence disturbs his peace.
The bus stops, and the youngsters rowdily get off. The bus pulls away and Nigel has the calm he craved.
The bus stops, and the youngsters rowdily get off. The bus pulls away and Nigel has the calm he craved.
Nigel
Finally, I can read my book in peace while narrating my life out loud.
Finally, I can read my book in peace while narrating my life out loud.
Nigel finds his place in a copy of Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari. For a short time he has silence, until the bus stops again.
Bus driver
What do you mean you need a ramp? You're 8 feet tall! ...... Ok, ok I'll lower the ramp just stop crying!
What do you mean you need a ramp? You're 8 feet tall! ...... Ok, ok I'll lower the ramp just stop crying!
The bus hydraulics lower it to curb height and Nigel watches in horror as Big Homunculus gets on.
Big Homunculus
I do not have the precise amount of money you require, but please keep the change.
I do not have the precise amount of money you require, but please keep the change.
Homunculus holds hundreds and hundreds of 1 cent coins in his massive hands and pours them all over the driver's lap.
Big Homunculus
It is ok, I am a good dwarf.
It is ok, I am a good dwarf.
Nigel looks out of the window and tries to look as anti social as possible while Homunculus stumbles around looking for a seat on the empty bus, before inevitably choosing the one right next to Nigel.
Big Homunculus
Hello, I am Big Homunculus. What is pegging?
Nigel
Wh-what...?
Big Homunculus
...is pegging, yes?
Nigel
Why?
Big Homunculus
Well I was rejected from the pygmy tribe I was born into due to growing too tall, fought my way into the wrestling business on strength of will to compensate for my lack of height, signed for AWF, allegedly exploded a pedophile's house, hired a lawyer who would become my friend, fell in love with a woman whose boyfriend thinks I am his best friend, rescued a personal trainer from a prison, was defeated in a bloody battle with a muscular skeleton and his friends, had my heart broken by the woman I love, almost exploded literally everybody I know, and now I am being made to fight a man whom I do not know the first thing about. So I googled this man whose name is Phil Goode, and I read on a forum that his "Cyborg Queen Eclipse enjoys pegging him every night." What does it mean?
Hello, I am Big Homunculus. What is pegging?
Nigel slowly turns his head to face Homunculus, face contorted into a knot of sheer confusion.
Nigel
Wh-what...?
Big Homunculus
...is pegging, yes?
Nigel
Why?
Nigel presses the next stop button.
Big Homunculus
Well I was rejected from the pygmy tribe I was born into due to growing too tall, fought my way into the wrestling business on strength of will to compensate for my lack of height, signed for AWF, allegedly exploded a pedophile's house, hired a lawyer who would become my friend, fell in love with a woman whose boyfriend thinks I am his best friend, rescued a personal trainer from a prison, was defeated in a bloody battle with a muscular skeleton and his friends, had my heart broken by the woman I love, almost exploded literally everybody I know, and now I am being made to fight a man whom I do not know the first thing about. So I googled this man whose name is Phil Goode, and I read on a forum that his "Cyborg Queen Eclipse enjoys pegging him every night." What does it mean?
A beat.
Nigel guffaws with belly laughter, hunching over and cackling at the top of his lungs with tears in his eyes.
Nigel guffaws with belly laughter, hunching over and cackling at the top of his lungs with tears in his eyes.
Nigel
I'm sorry, that's simply the most preposterous thing anybody has ever said to me. Pegging refers to a woman attaching a sex toy to herself that emulates the penetrative qualities of a penis, and, well errr, using that on her consenting sexual partner.
I'm sorry, that's simply the most preposterous thing anybody has ever said to me. Pegging refers to a woman attaching a sex toy to herself that emulates the penetrative qualities of a penis, and, well errr, using that on her consenting sexual partner.
Now it is Homunculus whose face screws in on itself.
Big Homunculus
What!? Why!?
Nigel
Well, maybe it....FEELS GOOD hahaha! I'm not usually good at jokes, haha! Feels good! Well anyway, here's my stop, good luck with your explosions and skeletons and things Mr. Homunculus.
What!? Why!?
Nigel
Well, maybe it....FEELS GOOD hahaha! I'm not usually good at jokes, haha! Feels good! Well anyway, here's my stop, good luck with your explosions and skeletons and things Mr. Homunculus.
Nigel absconds the bus and Homunculus sits, head tilted and brow furrowed in confusion.
Big Homunculus
Feels good? It feels good? How is this amusing? Feels....
Feels good? It feels good? How is this amusing? Feels....
The bus carries on doing its rounds for hours as Homunculus scratches his chin and mumbles the words to himself.
People get on and off the bus around him and day turns to night. The bus returns to the depot and the driver locks up and goes home.
The next day at 6AM a second driver unlocks the bus and sees Homunculus, deep in thought.
People get on and off the bus around him and day turns to night. The bus returns to the depot and the driver locks up and goes home.
The next day at 6AM a second driver unlocks the bus and sees Homunculus, deep in thought.
Second Driver
Who the fuck-
Big Homunculus
Feels good sounds like Phil Goode! Goode is a name but is also a homophone for good! My goodness this the product of a mind so sophisticated some might think it is twisted. I think I sat next to the greatest mind in human history. The veneer of human language is unravelling within my mind and I see through the words we use as inefficient vessels to carry our most intangible thoughts and emotions. Maybe it FEELS GOOD, when the cyborg queen is pegging PHIL GOODE.
Who the fuck-
Big Homunculus
Feels good sounds like Phil Goode! Goode is a name but is also a homophone for good! My goodness this the product of a mind so sophisticated some might think it is twisted. I think I sat next to the greatest mind in human history. The veneer of human language is unravelling within my mind and I see through the words we use as inefficient vessels to carry our most intangible thoughts and emotions. Maybe it FEELS GOOD, when the cyborg queen is pegging PHIL GOODE.
The bus begins making its early rounds as a very zen Homunculus stares out of the window, seeing the world in a new light.