Post by The Commissioner on Jun 26, 2020 15:15:20 GMT -5
Despite the terrible news to begin the day, Rockstar Spud made it all right when by the end of the night, he was crowned as the Alberta Wrestling Federation's first-ever Provincial Champion! Watch The Pint-Sized Pariah make history below!
We return Mark Beverly, having gathered himself after last segment’s ordeal, in the center of the ring.
Mark Beverly: The following contest is an AWF-classic three way dance, where there are eliminations by pinfall, submission, disqualification, and countout, and it is to determine THE FIRST EVER ALBERTA WRESTLING FEDERATION PROVINCIAL CHAMPION!
AWF PROVINCIAL CHAMPIONSHIP
A crossfade to show the ringside area, where on a similar podium from Gold Rush does sit the beautiful, white-strapped Alberta Wrestling Federation Provincial Championship: the center plate a hexagon with the work and the shape of the Province of Alberta as the sideplates.
Another crossfade, this one from the glistening title belt into a vignette.
EXT: WHITBY SEASIDE - MORNING
The sun rises over Whitby Beach and up towards the Cathedral.
The sun illuminates the Whitby steps, overlooking the peaceful seaside town, as this song starts:
INT: COTTAGE - MORNING
The sun shines through large windows of a rural English seaside cottage.
"INSTRUMENTAL INTRO"
The sun blast through onto a bed, waking Rockstar Spud, who sits up, wearing a black mesh vest, giving an exaggerated yawn.
"I may not always love you"
Spud turns to the other half of the bed, a head of beautiful long ginger hair facing away is seen. Spud smiles.
"But long as there are stars above you"
Spud turns to the opposite side, there is a babies crib, he excitedly pokes his head over.
"You never need to doubt it"
In the crib is the AWF Provincial Championship wrapped up in a blanket, Spud places his hand on the crib and grins.
"I'll make you so sure about it"
Spud lifts the titles out of the crib and carefully carries towards the door, not to wake the belts sleeping "mother".
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
As Spud closes the door, the "mother" turns over and slowly wakes up, it's Laci Valentine (surprise, surprise)
"If you should ever leave me"
Laci moves to the living room, Spud is sat at the table, the belt is in high chair.
"Though life would still go on, believe me"
Spud playfully 'feeds' the belt baby food, Laci proudly watches on.
"The world could show nothing to me"
Laci walks over, kisses the belt on the 'head' and then does the same to Spud before sitting down and drinking coffee.
EXT. BEACH - DAYTIME
"So what good would living do me"
Spud walks away from an ice cream van with 3 whippy ice cream cornets. Laci is sat nearby on blanket with the belt.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud passes Laci an ice cream and places one on the belt. Spud and Laci giddily lick their ice creams, the one on the belt slowly melts in sunshine.
EXT. BEACHSIDE PROMINADE - AFTERNOON
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud and Laci are holding either side of a bicycle, the Championship is rested on the handlebars.
"If you should ever leave me"
Spud and Laci begin to run with the bike. Spud looks at Laci and begins to count down.
"Though life would still go on, believe me"
When the pair reach zero they let go of the bike and as if by magic the AWF Provincial Championship is balancing and riding the bike. The camera pans down to show stabilisers on the bike.
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
"The world could show nothing to me"
Spud, Laci and the rest of Local Leather are crowded around a birthday cake, The championship is central, everyone is happily waiting for the belt to blow out the candles.
"So what good would living do me"
Nothing happens, they just stare at the belt for a second, Spud and Laci blow out the candles instead and laugh, looking at the belt although it was just being shy.
EXT. BEACH - SUNSET
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud and Laci hold either side of the belt and strolling along the beach, swinging the belt with every stride, like a happy little family.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
They continue strolling.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Laci lays out the blanket from before, they slowly sit down.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud puts his arm around Laci and the title.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
The sun slowly sets on the trio and over the beach
FADE OUT
INT. LOCKER ROOM
Spud is smiling asleep on a bench. 'BANG, BANG, BANG' on the door.
Spud wakes up. A stagehand opens to door and pops his in.
Stagehand
Rockstar Spud.
Spud nods.
Stagehand
It's time.
Spud smiles ear to ear. He grabs his sunglasses from beside him, puts them on.
Spud lies back on the bench and then quickly kips up off the bench, landing on the floor below.
Spud deliberately and purposefully walks out of the room.
Rockstar Spud moves through the backstage area, purposefully, on a mission.
A giant hand grabs Spuds head, halting him in his tracks. The hand lifts Spud off the ground and turns him around. It’s Homunculus alongside Black Clyde and Ruxx Rampede. They stand and stare at Spud for a second before all respectfully stick their fists out, Spud fist bumps the trio.
Big Homunculus
Go get them giant man.
Homunculus pulls Spud in and presses their foreheads together in the traditional sign of tribal friendship for Pygmies, BH then licks his own sweat from Spud's forehead for some reason.
Spud nods at Three Big Niggas and presses on.
As spud manoeuvres past a few stagehands he stops and turns to his left, there stands Max Ironside who gives him a thumbs up. Spud offers his right hand to Max who laughs, lifting up his bad hand, before offering his left, Spud shakes Max’s good hand.
Spud presses onwards through backstage.
Spud is next stopped by Kevin Kelly who grins at him.
Kevin Kelly
You’d better get to work hadn’t you… main eventer.
Spud smirks at Kevin, as he walks past him, Kevin giddily pats him on the back.
Spud marches on but all at once he stops in his tracks again, this time of his own volition. He’s noticed someone off-screen, Spud shyly looks at the ground, Laci Valentine steps into shot, she’s wearing the leather jacket she had on at the Bondage Bash.
The pair stop and stare at each other for a second before Spud pulls Laci in and the pair share a tight hug. Laci smiles and the 2 hold one another for a solid minute. A large shadow is cast over them, neither notice and continue to hold for another beat.
Spud seemingly feeling the looming presence, breaks the hug and looks up, noticing the shadow. Spud slowly eases Laci out of the way.
Raging Dead steps into shot, sternly staring at Rockstar Spud, who returns the favour tenfold, tension fills the room.
BEAT
Raging Dead removes Spuds sunglasses and drops them to the ground, Dead stands on them snapping the frames under his boot. Dead stares intently into Spuds eyes, Spuds focus is completely unwavering. Dead gives a slight nod as if to say “he’s ready”.
CUT TO ARENA
Mark Beverly: Introducing first…..
The audience that know what’s going on are getting very excited and begin to chant, those who don’t are confused but slowly join in.
Crowd
JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! (and so on)
Jim Smallman steps out on the stage, soaking in the ovation, slowly making his way to the ring and getting in.
Mark Beverly: For one night only, Rockstar Spuds personal ring announcer Jim Smallman.
Crowd goes mental. Mark Beverly gets down on one knee and bestows the announcer’s microphone to Jim.
Crowd
(Stomp feet and bang walls)
WOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Jim
Hiya!
Crowd
Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Jim
AWF you are beautiful, now normally I’d go through a whole thing, make jokes, etc. but tonight’s not about me…. so I’m not gonna.
Crowd
BOOOOOOOO!!!!
Jim
Aww fuck it, we’ve got a bit of time.
Crowd
YAYYYYYY!!!
Jim
Okay, gimme a big cheer if you’ve been to see AWF before?
Majority of Crowd
(Cheer)
Jim
Now give us a big cheer if this is your first time?
Minority of Crowd
(Cheers)
Majority
IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND!
Jim
(Laughing) Better get there now first timers, that’s a big fucking drinks order and I’m guessing this lot don’t do singles. (bad accent) Everything’s bigger in Texas.
Crowd
(laughs)
Jim
Okay if you just cheered 2nd I’d like you to stand up.
Various crowd members get to their feet.
Jim
Now if I don’t pick on you, don’t feel left out, you’re equally ridiculous and should be ashamed, get to more Indie wrestling shows, yeah?
Jims eyes dart around the room and rests his gaze on a man in the third row.
Jim
You sir? What’s your name?
Man
James.
Crowd
HELLO JAMES!
Jim
Excellent name James, obviously didn’t go the whole way and shorten it to Jim, (over-exaggerated sarcasm) like a bloody legend would have…. Okay James where are you from?
James
Calgary, Alberta.
Crowd
BOOOOOOOO!!
Jim
Don’t worry pal they do that to every city watch? Cardiff.
Crowd
BOOO!
Jim
Sydney.
Crowd
BOOOO!
Jim
Brussels?
Crowd
BOOO!
Jim
Unless of course, we say.... Houston.
Crowd
YAYYYYY!!!
Jim
So James, you’re in Alberta, what took you so long to find us?
James
I work Tuesdays at the Hospital
Crowd
(Cheers!!)
Jim
Ballocks, why couldn't you have a daft job I could take the piss out of James. Ah no worries, that is a fucking excellent excuse James, fair enough, have a great night and thanks from everyone for all the... erm hospital shit.
Crowd
THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! HOSPITAL SHIT! HOSPITAL SHIT! HOSPITAL SHIT! HOSPITAL SHIT!
Jim
(Laughing) A fucking Hospital Shit chant, God I love wrestling, this is the only place where that makes any sense at all, wow.... And indeed sir thank you very very much, you can sit down now if you want.
James sits and the crowd cheer and applaud while Jim scans the room for another victim and picks a woman in the first row, when he locks eyes with her, both give a familiar grin.
Jim
Well I’ve gotta pick you, haven’t I? So why don’t you tell these fine people where you’re from? And.... who… you… are?
Woman
Well I’m from Birmingham in the Midlands of England and my name is Doreen.
Crowd
(Go absolutely fucking mental)
DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD!
Jim
Well, I am not gonna get a laugh pop or anything that comes close to that, so I better do what I was actually brought here to do hadn't I AWF….
Crowd
(Cheers)
The lights go down.
Jim
INTRODUCING…. LOCAL LEATHER!!!!
A spotlight illuminates the stage where Panda, Ziggy and Fringe are, their equipment is different, it’s nice, this is their ‘good china’ gear, the gear they bring out when the queen comes around.
The band begin to play, it’s terrible.
Spud steps out to the stage during the intro, he stands before the microphone laser focused.
Spud readies himself for the opening line, about to sing.
But as he does the crowd rapturously drown out all the poorly played music, even if Spud was going to sing, he wouldn’t be heard.
Crowd
(LOUD AS FUCK) TOMMY USED TO WORK ON THE DOCKS! UNIONS BEEN ON STRIKE, HE’S DOWN ON HIS LUCK IT’S TOUGH (and so on)
Spud's focus is broken by a smile, these are his people, he loves them, they’ve even elevated the shitty music his band makes.
Spud wipes a tear from his eyes, Fringe and Ziggy both smile and nod approvingly at Spud and the situation. Spud grabs the microphone and turns it around, facing the fans. Ziggy and Fringe move into shot and kiss Spud on either cheek whilst playing.
Spud turns and smiles at Panda who smirks and points a drumstick to the ring mouthing ‘it’s go time’. Spud nods and leaves the stage area, as he marches down the ramp, he slaps hands with everybody in the front row, either side.
On the chorus Spud stops, lifts his hands to the heavens and joins in the singing.
Spud & Crowd
WOOOOOOAH WE’RE HALF WAY THERE,
WOAHHH OHHHH, LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER.
TAKE MY HAND, WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR,
WOOAAHHH OHH, LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!
Spud returns to marching.
Spud stops dead in front of his mother, Doreen is stood, clapping and singing with a look of pure pride painted across her face. Spud steps forward and Doreen gives Spud the kind of hug only a mum can give you.
BEAT
Doreen kisses Spud on the cheek and lets go of him. Spud turns and points to the ring, the crowd erupt. In 1 fluid motion Spud leaps onto the apron and begins to move and gyrate in sync with the song to the delight of the crowd. Spud then crawls on the apron from 1 post to the other before lying face up on his back and just soaking in the moment as the chorus again rains down.
Spud slowly rolls under the bottom rope and to the centre on of ring, in a flash he kips up and is face to face with Smallman, Jim gives a dramatic bow to his friend before jumping in to hug the Rockstar.
The pair let go and Spud gives him the thumbs up and gets on his knees in front of Jim, atop the AWF logo on the mat, arms outstretched with Rockstar gestures on both.
Livin’ on a Prayer finishes.
Jim
NOW,
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!
INTRODUCING….
5 FEET 4 OF SWEAT AND SEX APPEAL,
THE UNDERDOG FROM THE UNDERWEAR DRAWER,
THE LOVECHILD OF OZZY OSBOURNE AND PETER DINKLAGE,
THE LITTLE LEATHER LOTHARIO,
THE TOUR BUS TERROR,
THE PINT SIZED PERIAH,
The only man who rivalsDavid Starr APOLLO CREED for sheer number of nicknames,
MR MATCH OF THE WEEK,
THE TUESDAY NIGHT DELIGHT,
FROM THE BACKSEET OF THE TOUR BUS!
WEIGHING IN TONIGHT AT A RECORD FOR HIM,
146 POUNDS!
THE FRONTMAN!
ROCKSTARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SPUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Streamers from all corners of the building rain down giving complete coverage over the ring and the men inside. The ring crew are gonna have a serious job on their hands clearing this up.
Mark Beverly: Introducing Orange Cassidy's personal ring announcer for the evening, Horatio Sanz!
The crowd goes mild. There is very little noise from the crowd.
Someone in the Crowd
You should have gotten Jay Pharoah!
Horatio Sanz reads from his index card.
Horatio Sanz
From Wherever. Weighing whatever. King of Slo..slo...does that say sloth? Oh yeah it does. King of Sloth Style. Freshly Squeezed Orange Cassidy.
He announces it with about as much enthusiasm as someone who was just told that their grandfather died.
Orange gives Horatio Sanz a limp fist bump before making his way down the ramp, wading through the streamers without much of a care in the world.
Once inside the ring, Orange Cassidy walks up to Rockstar Spud to offer a limp fist bump, of which Spud gladly pounds back. Spud offers his own show of good luck and solidarity with a pat on the man’s shoulders.
Out of the curtain come Leslie & Kolotov, seemingly well enough recovered from the opener. Behind them is Snivley, running in that creepy circle he does. Conspicuous by his delay, however, is Barron Boneius.
Mark Beverly: From the Kingdom of Foreverton, weighing two hundred ten pounds -- The Sworn Enemy of Good! BARRRRRRRRRON! BOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEIUUUSSSSS!
Even with the announcement, there is no Barron as his legion makes its way toward the ring.
Cut to a confused and obviously uncomfortable Rockstar Spud.
Cut to Orange Cassidy, hands in pocket, being Orange Cassidy.
Cut to Boneius’ group surrounding the ring, each taking a side of the ring with Snivley taking the closest to the ramp. With minimal effort does Orange Cassidy ‘charge’ and dropkick Snivley, sending him flying back-of-head first into the barricade, looking as if he broke his neck on impact! Does not look good, that’s for bloody sure!
The dropkick left Cassidy on his back only to treat us to the pocketed kip up, then a shrug. The other two, much less easily kickable forces enter the ring and close in on Spud and Cassidy.
Spud runs towards Leslie with no further hesitation! Charging forearm to the face!
Cassidy with the softest kick you quite well have ever seen a grown man throw, just right in the chin of Kolotov.
Christian Cage: Spud with the double springboard! Crossbody!
Jim Ross: That big sonuvabitch caught him in midair!
SATURDAY NIGHTMARE LIVE!
Kolotov gets a grip of Cassidy and hurls him over the top rope, those pocketed hands never removing despite the hard smack of the floor. Below the rope does Dracislav follow, running with a punt to the head that shatters Orange’s glasses! Like a rabid beast, Kolotov draws up Cassidy just to wail away with rights that land perfect on the forehead.
Christian Cage: … Why’s he grabbing him like that?
Cage inquiries too late as from nowhere, Kolotov gleans his fangs and buries them deep in Cassidy’s neck!
Christian Cage: Oh that shit is motherfucking sick.
Jim Ross: You could say: he’s gettin’ juiced. Hehe
Christian Cage: Ross, what the fuck are you on?
Jim Ross: A whole lotta Broken Skull, baby, a whole lotta Broken Skull.
Cassidy screams like we haven’t heard since Dyno-Mike’s cigar burn -- and an arm swing for a low blow! His blood filled mouth spits out like Gangrel over the crowd in his squeal, then the back of his head smacks awkwardly against the apron after a suddenly livid Orange Cassidy pushes him against it!
Leslie notices her side falling to disadvantage so she chases Orange but she’s not quick enough snatching of the timekeeper’s chair
AND WALLOPING IT OVER HER HEAD! JONES GOES DOWN OFF THAT FIRST BLOW, THAT’S IT!
Cassidy walks back around to where Kolotov is stirring, slamming the chair across the back of the neck without any regard! Another shot, to make sure he’s down!
Jim Ross: What the hell?!
Ross exclaims at the shot that drops Cassidy from behind!
Cut to show the culprit: a steel-pipe-holding Barron Boneius -- out his usual gear instead rather casually in his comfortable-looking blue jumper. He begins doing the Carlton dance at the sight of the carnage.
Homely Bone: ASSAILING AVARICE ALLOWED ARTFUL ARTICULATION OF ACTION AGAINST A DASTARDLY DARLING FOR OUR DEMOGRAPHICS DETERMINED!
Boneius pulls Cassidy up and into the ring, to meet Rockstar Spud who has finally begun to stir. Cassidy somehow manages to a knee by the time Boneius has entered.
Ding!
A stiff boot-push forces Orange head first into the nearest second turnbuckle. Spud rushes Boneius, but a casual drop toe hold sends him head first to the turnbuckle opposite. A turn to look at Orange Cassidy as he sticks Homely sticks hands into his pocket.
Homely Bone: Impeccable idiosyncratic innovating idea!
Pocketed, he kicks Orange in the back of the head, before ducking a charge from Spud, pulling the top rope nearby to send the Rockstar over and out! Cassidy still lays draped over the middle turnbuckle, and Boneius takes a casual stroll over before sliding his knee behind the neck and pulling!
Don Quintillis: BREAK IT -- ONE!
TWO!
HEY BREAK IT UP HUH!
THREE!
FOUR
Boneius lets up so as to not cause a disqualification. Cassidy’s body limps to its back and with the newfound second, Boneius begins taking a careful walk around the ring.
Christian Cage: It’s almost as though he’s feeling around for something in there with his feet.
FROM NOWHERE -- SCHOOLBOY!
CASSIDY WITH THE SNEAK!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Both are up -- then back down with Rockstar Spud’s springboard double dropkick! Cassidy’s back up only to be caught with a tilt-a-whirl hurricanrana! Smartly, Boneius reverses the incoming Pint-Sized Pariah with a flapjack that hotshots him over the top rope!
Back to feeling out the ring goes Boneius-- Cassidy interruption again: this one a rush -- only for Homely Bone to back into a corner in anticipation, elevate Orange over his shoulder and down does his head fall right on the outside ringpost! His body staggers back, right into Boneius reverse DDT grip - twist of the body, into the cutter! Attempted cover!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Spud springboards into a sunset flip roll up on Boneius!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Boneius is up AND EATING A SUPERKICK FROM CASSIDY! INTO A PELE KICK FROM SPUD! The Boneman finally drops!
Almost instinctively, Orange and Rockstar engage in a collar-and-elbow tie up -- Spud ducks and grabs wrist control, but Cassidy drops with a pele kick of his own for a stun! Spud stumbles back into the corner, only to be met with an aggressive flying dropkick to the jaw! Somehow this stumbles the Frontman forward rather than drop him, so the Juice Daddy is off the ropes for the momentum for a monumental satellite DDT!
Boneius charges -- and is dropped with a superkick by Cassidy!
Turn to the hard camera by Cassidy, and it seems as though he intends to repocket -- but Spud brings him back to reality with a schoolboy of his own!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Jumping for a DDT is the Tour Bus Terror --
Jim Ross: Smart wrasslin’ switch up!
-- Ross calls it as it happens, the xtra small package coming about instead!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Spud gets up near the ropes and pays for that when a wild Homely Bone clotheslines him over them! But he lands on the apron! Boneius attempts a shoulder block that is dodged and turned into a dropkick to the side of the face instead!
Groggy, he’s perfect for the leap over the top: ANOTHER sunset flip pinning the shoulders down!
But Cassidy hits another superkick -- this time to Spud’s chin! Orange Cassidy shows his own athleticism when Boneius is up, with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors! Under the bottom rope he rolls as Orange waits on Spud’s rise. When they’re face to face, he swings for a punch that’s blocked and reversed into a left elbow from Spud! A knee to the gut now, before a spinning mule kick to the same area -- dropkick to the chin pushing Cassidy into the corner!
No second thought crosses the smallest man’s mind as ducks under Cassidy’s arm to force him to sit up on the top rope. There are nothing but bad intentions as it seems Rockstar is going to attempt a hurricanrana!
Jim Ross: You gotta hate when these men take a risk this high!
But Homely Bone rolls underneath the bottom rope and very smartly rope rebounds off the ropes of the turnbuckle they’re on! Spud falls back in his loss of balance, clearing brutalizing the upper back on the impact; Cassidy remains as the Barron comes toward him!
Taking his time, he tucks Cassidy’s legs on the other side of the top rope before grappling up in suplex form, then screaming: “I’ve already won!”
Jim Ross: He’s gonna do it, Christian!
AND THEY’RE OFF!
BUT MIDAIR CASSIDY USES THE MOMENTUM TO TWIST AROUND!
GRAB OF THE HEAD!
DOWN IN SIT OUT!
THROUGH THE RING! THROUGH THE GODDAMN SOFTEST PART OF THE RING!
Jim Ross: GOOD GAWD CHRISTIAN THE RING IS BROKEN IN HALF!
Cassidy has fallen just out of the hole in the center of the ring, whereas Barron lays quite well unconscious. It takes a bit, but Orange drags Barron out of the hole and down on his back. An arm is all he can manage over him after it all!
Don Quintillis: ONE!........
TWO!.....
THREE!
Mark Beverly: Barron Boneius has been eliminated!
Spud’s up top! Holy hell Orange is prone and here comes Spud!
FIVE STONE SPUD SPLASH!
Cassidy rolls out of the way! Spud eats canvas, and is left gripping at his gut! Still, the little man is still going as far as his tank will let him, pulling himself up despite the lack of wind in his body!
Orange is springboarding off the ropes! Back! Springboard stunner! Spud bounces up and lands down hard, at that previously affected upper back/shoulder blades region! A cover attempt now! Orange to win the title?!
Don Quintillis: ONE!........
TWO!.....
THRE---KICKOUT!
Cassidy is clearly, and for good reason gassed, having to crawl towards the rope and away from the hole in the clear center of the ring. Spud must have taken a page out of Dead’s book, the sick resistant fuck, grabbing at ropes himself.
Cassidy pulls himself up by the ropes -- SPUD WITH A SCHOOLBOY!
NO! Cassidy keeps hold of the ropes and it goes no where -- SUPERKICK AS SPUD STANDS! And somehow he’s still on his feet?!
Quick on his thinking (tbf he’s got a fucking gash in his throat from a goddamn vampire; likely trying to get this title won), Cassidy takes Spud’s legs from under him!
Wait what is this?! Are we about to see the first iteration of it in AWF?!
Yes!
We are!
SHARPSHOOTER! CASSIDY HAS IT LOCKED IN! SPUD AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE!
The hold sits for over a minute before Spud begins to clearly fade, so Don Quintillis must do what he must do. The raise of the hand.
Don Quintillis: ONE!
Another raise.
Don Quintillis: TW--
NO! Spud’s arm shows life and he’s immediately pulling forward until he notices the massive hole in the ring blocking his clear path towards the ropes!
What can he bloody do?!
In the hold that made the founder of this company famous!
Locked in by that founder’s brother’s protégé’s most famous maneuver!
The one that made millions!
The one that made a multi-time World Wrestling Federation Champion!
The one that made Bret ‘The Best There Was, the Best There Is, & the Best There Ever Will Be’!
What can he do, this bloody fucking hole in the goddamn ring?!
Dammit, Boneius!
Dammit, with your perfect accuracy, simply turned against you!
Bloody fucking hell!
So fuck it, then!
He pulls for the hold, and before you know it’s he’s half way into it when Cassidy releases the hold so as to not find himself in the same place -- and Spud falls under the ring!
Orange Cassidy’s Internal Monologue
Ah fuck.
Cassidy, groggy and well wounded, his shirt completely stained by his own blood, walks around the ring carefully, hoping to see which side of the ring Spud might emerge from underneath.
Orange doesn’t expect him to just come from the same place he left -- and is met with a Pelé kick for it! Cassidy only stumbles backwards, so Spud sends him down with a springboard elbow --
SPOKE TOO SOON! Cassidy catches him in a Million Dollar Dream position! DREAM STREET-- NO! The athletic Spud rolls out of it! Cassidy grabs a hold of his forearm before anything else can happen, but that whip is turned around -- then flipped back around: Spud into the corner!
He ladders up to the top rope in one motion and back!
SPUDSAULT! HE KEEPS ON HIS BODY AFTER THE FALL!
Don Quintillis: ONE!......
TWO!.......
THRE---KICKOUT!
OH AND JUST BARELY!
Spud takes a minute for himself before grabbing at Cassidy to pull him up--
KICK TO THE GUT BY CASSIDY!
UNDER HIS LEGS!
CANADIAN DESTROYER!
IT LANDS!
THE PIN!
Don Quintillis: ONE!......
TWO!.......
THRE---KICKOUT!
The look in Cassidy’s eyes is as if he’d never could believe it.
Jim Ross: No one’s kicked out of that in AWF before!
A shake of the head precedes a rise to his feet, this time not waiting for Spud to get himself -- and paying for it with a kick to the knee, bringing him down -- SWEET POTATO MUSIC! Cassidy laid out on the mat!
BUT HE WASTES NO TIME PINNING!
UP TO THE TOP ROPE!
HE MEASURES AND HE’S OFF!
FIVE STONE SPUD SPLASH!
THIS TIME IT LANDS AND HE HOOKS THE LEG!
Don Quintillis: ONE!......
TWO!.......
THREE!
DING DING DING
A pop rivaling Stone Cold’s raucous roar takes over the Toyota Center!
Spud looks up at the referee, as if it were a lie, just a bad damn joke.
But it’s not.
Mark Beverly: The winner of this match and FIRST Alberta Wrestling Federation Provincial Champion!: THE! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCKSTAR! SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPUD!
And Don Quintillis’ exit and return into the ring, AWF Provincial Championship in tow and dropped into the lap of Rockstar Spud: it becomes real.
Quintillis raises the left hand upon Spud’s standing, with that white-strap in his right, even higher!
From under the bottom rope rolls Steve Austin, who pushes Quintillis out of the way and tries to hold Spud’s hand up -- only for Rockstar to pull it away and immediately leave the ring.
Cut to Spud approaching the front row where his mother, Doreen, stands with a red face and tears streaming down her proud cheeks. As any good son would, his first concern is a hug and kiss for his mom, who gives him the most lovely hug back, then slaps the championship as a first feel.
Cut to Austin, Glenn Jacobs-head tiling while he watches this whole thing.
Cut back to Spud, now showing off his title to the fans ringside and rampside as he takes his time towards the back
Cut to Austin being handed Beverly’s microphone.
Cut to Spud, at the stage now, holding his title up proudly with both hands.
Commissioner Austin
EH-EH! Hell no, son!
Cut to Austin in the ring.
Commissioner Austin
You champs are gonna learn you ain’t gonna be making jokes at the expense at Stone Cold! You like that strap? What? Huh son? What? You like that belt?
Cut to Rockstar Spud, who both stares and nods back proudly -- nearly defiantly.
Commissioner Austin
Like this: The Brawl, your title, Championship Scramble.
Cut to Rockstar Spud, who looks back at Austin, shrugs his shoulders, then proudly holds the title up yet again with both hands.
He won’t be intimidated.
Not by Steve Austin.
Not by anybody.
Spud with that title, the last shot of the live broadcast as fade into our outro for the evening.
Rockstar Spud becomes 1st AWF Provincial Champion in 16:49
Mark Beverly: The following contest is an AWF-classic three way dance, where there are eliminations by pinfall, submission, disqualification, and countout, and it is to determine THE FIRST EVER ALBERTA WRESTLING FEDERATION PROVINCIAL CHAMPION!
AWF PROVINCIAL CHAMPIONSHIP
A crossfade to show the ringside area, where on a similar podium from Gold Rush does sit the beautiful, white-strapped Alberta Wrestling Federation Provincial Championship: the center plate a hexagon with the work and the shape of the Province of Alberta as the sideplates.
Another crossfade, this one from the glistening title belt into a vignette.
EXT: WHITBY SEASIDE - MORNING
The sun rises over Whitby Beach and up towards the Cathedral.
The sun illuminates the Whitby steps, overlooking the peaceful seaside town, as this song starts:
INT: COTTAGE - MORNING
The sun shines through large windows of a rural English seaside cottage.
"INSTRUMENTAL INTRO"
The sun blast through onto a bed, waking Rockstar Spud, who sits up, wearing a black mesh vest, giving an exaggerated yawn.
"I may not always love you"
Spud turns to the other half of the bed, a head of beautiful long ginger hair facing away is seen. Spud smiles.
"But long as there are stars above you"
Spud turns to the opposite side, there is a babies crib, he excitedly pokes his head over.
"You never need to doubt it"
In the crib is the AWF Provincial Championship wrapped up in a blanket, Spud places his hand on the crib and grins.
"I'll make you so sure about it"
Spud lifts the titles out of the crib and carefully carries towards the door, not to wake the belts sleeping "mother".
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
As Spud closes the door, the "mother" turns over and slowly wakes up, it's Laci Valentine (surprise, surprise)
"If you should ever leave me"
Laci moves to the living room, Spud is sat at the table, the belt is in high chair.
"Though life would still go on, believe me"
Spud playfully 'feeds' the belt baby food, Laci proudly watches on.
"The world could show nothing to me"
Laci walks over, kisses the belt on the 'head' and then does the same to Spud before sitting down and drinking coffee.
EXT. BEACH - DAYTIME
"So what good would living do me"
Spud walks away from an ice cream van with 3 whippy ice cream cornets. Laci is sat nearby on blanket with the belt.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud passes Laci an ice cream and places one on the belt. Spud and Laci giddily lick their ice creams, the one on the belt slowly melts in sunshine.
EXT. BEACHSIDE PROMINADE - AFTERNOON
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud and Laci are holding either side of a bicycle, the Championship is rested on the handlebars.
"If you should ever leave me"
Spud and Laci begin to run with the bike. Spud looks at Laci and begins to count down.
"Though life would still go on, believe me"
When the pair reach zero they let go of the bike and as if by magic the AWF Provincial Championship is balancing and riding the bike. The camera pans down to show stabilisers on the bike.
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
"The world could show nothing to me"
Spud, Laci and the rest of Local Leather are crowded around a birthday cake, The championship is central, everyone is happily waiting for the belt to blow out the candles.
"So what good would living do me"
Nothing happens, they just stare at the belt for a second, Spud and Laci blow out the candles instead and laugh, looking at the belt although it was just being shy.
EXT. BEACH - SUNSET
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud and Laci hold either side of the belt and strolling along the beach, swinging the belt with every stride, like a happy little family.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
They continue strolling.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Laci lays out the blanket from before, they slowly sit down.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
Spud puts his arm around Laci and the title.
"God only knows what I'd be without you"
The sun slowly sets on the trio and over the beach
FADE OUT
INT. LOCKER ROOM
Spud is smiling asleep on a bench. 'BANG, BANG, BANG' on the door.
Spud wakes up. A stagehand opens to door and pops his in.
Stagehand
Rockstar Spud.
Spud nods.
Stagehand
It's time.
Spud smiles ear to ear. He grabs his sunglasses from beside him, puts them on.
Spud lies back on the bench and then quickly kips up off the bench, landing on the floor below.
Spud deliberately and purposefully walks out of the room.
Rockstar Spud moves through the backstage area, purposefully, on a mission.
A giant hand grabs Spuds head, halting him in his tracks. The hand lifts Spud off the ground and turns him around. It’s Homunculus alongside Black Clyde and Ruxx Rampede. They stand and stare at Spud for a second before all respectfully stick their fists out, Spud fist bumps the trio.
Big Homunculus
Go get them giant man.
Homunculus pulls Spud in and presses their foreheads together in the traditional sign of tribal friendship for Pygmies, BH then licks his own sweat from Spud's forehead for some reason.
Spud nods at Three Big Niggas and presses on.
As spud manoeuvres past a few stagehands he stops and turns to his left, there stands Max Ironside who gives him a thumbs up. Spud offers his right hand to Max who laughs, lifting up his bad hand, before offering his left, Spud shakes Max’s good hand.
Spud presses onwards through backstage.
Spud is next stopped by Kevin Kelly who grins at him.
Kevin Kelly
You’d better get to work hadn’t you… main eventer.
Spud smirks at Kevin, as he walks past him, Kevin giddily pats him on the back.
Spud marches on but all at once he stops in his tracks again, this time of his own volition. He’s noticed someone off-screen, Spud shyly looks at the ground, Laci Valentine steps into shot, she’s wearing the leather jacket she had on at the Bondage Bash.
The pair stop and stare at each other for a second before Spud pulls Laci in and the pair share a tight hug. Laci smiles and the 2 hold one another for a solid minute. A large shadow is cast over them, neither notice and continue to hold for another beat.
Spud seemingly feeling the looming presence, breaks the hug and looks up, noticing the shadow. Spud slowly eases Laci out of the way.
Raging Dead steps into shot, sternly staring at Rockstar Spud, who returns the favour tenfold, tension fills the room.
BEAT
Raging Dead removes Spuds sunglasses and drops them to the ground, Dead stands on them snapping the frames under his boot. Dead stares intently into Spuds eyes, Spuds focus is completely unwavering. Dead gives a slight nod as if to say “he’s ready”.
CUT TO ARENA
Mark Beverly: Introducing first…..
The audience that know what’s going on are getting very excited and begin to chant, those who don’t are confused but slowly join in.
Crowd
JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! JIM! (and so on)
Jim Smallman steps out on the stage, soaking in the ovation, slowly making his way to the ring and getting in.
Mark Beverly: For one night only, Rockstar Spuds personal ring announcer Jim Smallman.
Crowd goes mental. Mark Beverly gets down on one knee and bestows the announcer’s microphone to Jim.
Crowd
(Stomp feet and bang walls)
WOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Jim
Hiya!
Crowd
Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Jim
AWF you are beautiful, now normally I’d go through a whole thing, make jokes, etc. but tonight’s not about me…. so I’m not gonna.
Crowd
BOOOOOOOO!!!!
Jim
Aww fuck it, we’ve got a bit of time.
Crowd
YAYYYYYY!!!
Jim
Okay, gimme a big cheer if you’ve been to see AWF before?
Majority of Crowd
(Cheer)
Jim
Now give us a big cheer if this is your first time?
Minority of Crowd
(Cheers)
Majority
IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND! IT’S YOUR ROUND!
Jim
(Laughing) Better get there now first timers, that’s a big fucking drinks order and I’m guessing this lot don’t do singles. (bad accent) Everything’s bigger in Texas.
Crowd
(laughs)
Jim
Okay if you just cheered 2nd I’d like you to stand up.
Various crowd members get to their feet.
Jim
Now if I don’t pick on you, don’t feel left out, you’re equally ridiculous and should be ashamed, get to more Indie wrestling shows, yeah?
Jims eyes dart around the room and rests his gaze on a man in the third row.
Jim
You sir? What’s your name?
Man
James.
Crowd
HELLO JAMES!
Jim
Excellent name James, obviously didn’t go the whole way and shorten it to Jim, (over-exaggerated sarcasm) like a bloody legend would have…. Okay James where are you from?
James
Calgary, Alberta.
Crowd
BOOOOOOOO!!
Jim
Don’t worry pal they do that to every city watch? Cardiff.
Crowd
BOOO!
Jim
Sydney.
Crowd
BOOOO!
Jim
Brussels?
Crowd
BOOO!
Jim
Unless of course, we say.... Houston.
Crowd
YAYYYYY!!!
Jim
So James, you’re in Alberta, what took you so long to find us?
James
I work Tuesdays at the Hospital
Crowd
(Cheers!!)
Jim
Ballocks, why couldn't you have a daft job I could take the piss out of James. Ah no worries, that is a fucking excellent excuse James, fair enough, have a great night and thanks from everyone for all the... erm hospital shit.
Crowd
THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! THANK YOU JAMES! HOSPITAL SHIT! HOSPITAL SHIT! HOSPITAL SHIT! HOSPITAL SHIT!
Jim
(Laughing) A fucking Hospital Shit chant, God I love wrestling, this is the only place where that makes any sense at all, wow.... And indeed sir thank you very very much, you can sit down now if you want.
James sits and the crowd cheer and applaud while Jim scans the room for another victim and picks a woman in the first row, when he locks eyes with her, both give a familiar grin.
Jim
Well I’ve gotta pick you, haven’t I? So why don’t you tell these fine people where you’re from? And.... who… you… are?
Woman
Well I’m from Birmingham in the Midlands of England and my name is Doreen.
Crowd
(Go absolutely fucking mental)
DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD! DOREEN SPUD!
Jim
Well, I am not gonna get a laugh pop or anything that comes close to that, so I better do what I was actually brought here to do hadn't I AWF….
Crowd
(Cheers)
The lights go down.
Jim
INTRODUCING…. LOCAL LEATHER!!!!
A spotlight illuminates the stage where Panda, Ziggy and Fringe are, their equipment is different, it’s nice, this is their ‘good china’ gear, the gear they bring out when the queen comes around.
The band begin to play, it’s terrible.
Spud steps out to the stage during the intro, he stands before the microphone laser focused.
Spud readies himself for the opening line, about to sing.
But as he does the crowd rapturously drown out all the poorly played music, even if Spud was going to sing, he wouldn’t be heard.
Crowd
(LOUD AS FUCK) TOMMY USED TO WORK ON THE DOCKS! UNIONS BEEN ON STRIKE, HE’S DOWN ON HIS LUCK IT’S TOUGH (and so on)
Spud's focus is broken by a smile, these are his people, he loves them, they’ve even elevated the shitty music his band makes.
Spud wipes a tear from his eyes, Fringe and Ziggy both smile and nod approvingly at Spud and the situation. Spud grabs the microphone and turns it around, facing the fans. Ziggy and Fringe move into shot and kiss Spud on either cheek whilst playing.
Spud turns and smiles at Panda who smirks and points a drumstick to the ring mouthing ‘it’s go time’. Spud nods and leaves the stage area, as he marches down the ramp, he slaps hands with everybody in the front row, either side.
On the chorus Spud stops, lifts his hands to the heavens and joins in the singing.
Spud & Crowd
WOOOOOOAH WE’RE HALF WAY THERE,
WOAHHH OHHHH, LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER.
TAKE MY HAND, WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR,
WOOAAHHH OHH, LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!
Spud returns to marching.
Spud stops dead in front of his mother, Doreen is stood, clapping and singing with a look of pure pride painted across her face. Spud steps forward and Doreen gives Spud the kind of hug only a mum can give you.
BEAT
Doreen kisses Spud on the cheek and lets go of him. Spud turns and points to the ring, the crowd erupt. In 1 fluid motion Spud leaps onto the apron and begins to move and gyrate in sync with the song to the delight of the crowd. Spud then crawls on the apron from 1 post to the other before lying face up on his back and just soaking in the moment as the chorus again rains down.
Spud slowly rolls under the bottom rope and to the centre on of ring, in a flash he kips up and is face to face with Smallman, Jim gives a dramatic bow to his friend before jumping in to hug the Rockstar.
The pair let go and Spud gives him the thumbs up and gets on his knees in front of Jim, atop the AWF logo on the mat, arms outstretched with Rockstar gestures on both.
Livin’ on a Prayer finishes.
Jim
NOW,
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!
INTRODUCING….
5 FEET 4 OF SWEAT AND SEX APPEAL,
THE UNDERDOG FROM THE UNDERWEAR DRAWER,
THE LOVECHILD OF OZZY OSBOURNE AND PETER DINKLAGE,
THE LITTLE LEATHER LOTHARIO,
THE TOUR BUS TERROR,
THE PINT SIZED PERIAH,
The only man who rivals
MR MATCH OF THE WEEK,
THE TUESDAY NIGHT DELIGHT,
FROM THE BACKSEET OF THE TOUR BUS!
WEIGHING IN TONIGHT AT A RECORD FOR HIM,
146 POUNDS!
THE FRONTMAN!
ROCKSTARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SPUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Streamers from all corners of the building rain down giving complete coverage over the ring and the men inside. The ring crew are gonna have a serious job on their hands clearing this up.
Mark Beverly: Introducing Orange Cassidy's personal ring announcer for the evening, Horatio Sanz!
The crowd goes mild. There is very little noise from the crowd.
Someone in the Crowd
You should have gotten Jay Pharoah!
Horatio Sanz reads from his index card.
Horatio Sanz
From Wherever. Weighing whatever. King of Slo..slo...does that say sloth? Oh yeah it does. King of Sloth Style. Freshly Squeezed Orange Cassidy.
He announces it with about as much enthusiasm as someone who was just told that their grandfather died.
Orange gives Horatio Sanz a limp fist bump before making his way down the ramp, wading through the streamers without much of a care in the world.
Once inside the ring, Orange Cassidy walks up to Rockstar Spud to offer a limp fist bump, of which Spud gladly pounds back. Spud offers his own show of good luck and solidarity with a pat on the man’s shoulders.
Out of the curtain come Leslie & Kolotov, seemingly well enough recovered from the opener. Behind them is Snivley, running in that creepy circle he does. Conspicuous by his delay, however, is Barron Boneius.
Mark Beverly: From the Kingdom of Foreverton, weighing two hundred ten pounds -- The Sworn Enemy of Good! BARRRRRRRRRON! BOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEIUUUSSSSS!
Even with the announcement, there is no Barron as his legion makes its way toward the ring.
Cut to a confused and obviously uncomfortable Rockstar Spud.
Cut to Orange Cassidy, hands in pocket, being Orange Cassidy.
Cut to Boneius’ group surrounding the ring, each taking a side of the ring with Snivley taking the closest to the ramp. With minimal effort does Orange Cassidy ‘charge’ and dropkick Snivley, sending him flying back-of-head first into the barricade, looking as if he broke his neck on impact! Does not look good, that’s for bloody sure!
The dropkick left Cassidy on his back only to treat us to the pocketed kip up, then a shrug. The other two, much less easily kickable forces enter the ring and close in on Spud and Cassidy.
Spud runs towards Leslie with no further hesitation! Charging forearm to the face!
Cassidy with the softest kick you quite well have ever seen a grown man throw, just right in the chin of Kolotov.
Christian Cage: Spud with the double springboard! Crossbody!
Jim Ross: That big sonuvabitch caught him in midair!
SATURDAY NIGHTMARE LIVE!
Kolotov gets a grip of Cassidy and hurls him over the top rope, those pocketed hands never removing despite the hard smack of the floor. Below the rope does Dracislav follow, running with a punt to the head that shatters Orange’s glasses! Like a rabid beast, Kolotov draws up Cassidy just to wail away with rights that land perfect on the forehead.
Christian Cage: … Why’s he grabbing him like that?
Cage inquiries too late as from nowhere, Kolotov gleans his fangs and buries them deep in Cassidy’s neck!
Christian Cage: Oh that shit is motherfucking sick.
Jim Ross: You could say: he’s gettin’ juiced. Hehe
Christian Cage: Ross, what the fuck are you on?
Jim Ross: A whole lotta Broken Skull, baby, a whole lotta Broken Skull.
Cassidy screams like we haven’t heard since Dyno-Mike’s cigar burn -- and an arm swing for a low blow! His blood filled mouth spits out like Gangrel over the crowd in his squeal, then the back of his head smacks awkwardly against the apron after a suddenly livid Orange Cassidy pushes him against it!
Leslie notices her side falling to disadvantage so she chases Orange but she’s not quick enough snatching of the timekeeper’s chair
AND WALLOPING IT OVER HER HEAD! JONES GOES DOWN OFF THAT FIRST BLOW, THAT’S IT!
Cassidy walks back around to where Kolotov is stirring, slamming the chair across the back of the neck without any regard! Another shot, to make sure he’s down!
Jim Ross: What the hell?!
Ross exclaims at the shot that drops Cassidy from behind!
Cut to show the culprit: a steel-pipe-holding Barron Boneius -- out his usual gear instead rather casually in his comfortable-looking blue jumper. He begins doing the Carlton dance at the sight of the carnage.
Homely Bone: ASSAILING AVARICE ALLOWED ARTFUL ARTICULATION OF ACTION AGAINST A DASTARDLY DARLING FOR OUR DEMOGRAPHICS DETERMINED!
Boneius pulls Cassidy up and into the ring, to meet Rockstar Spud who has finally begun to stir. Cassidy somehow manages to a knee by the time Boneius has entered.
Ding!
A stiff boot-push forces Orange head first into the nearest second turnbuckle. Spud rushes Boneius, but a casual drop toe hold sends him head first to the turnbuckle opposite. A turn to look at Orange Cassidy as he sticks Homely sticks hands into his pocket.
Homely Bone: Impeccable idiosyncratic innovating idea!
Pocketed, he kicks Orange in the back of the head, before ducking a charge from Spud, pulling the top rope nearby to send the Rockstar over and out! Cassidy still lays draped over the middle turnbuckle, and Boneius takes a casual stroll over before sliding his knee behind the neck and pulling!
Don Quintillis: BREAK IT -- ONE!
TWO!
HEY BREAK IT UP HUH!
THREE!
FOUR
Boneius lets up so as to not cause a disqualification. Cassidy’s body limps to its back and with the newfound second, Boneius begins taking a careful walk around the ring.
Christian Cage: It’s almost as though he’s feeling around for something in there with his feet.
FROM NOWHERE -- SCHOOLBOY!
CASSIDY WITH THE SNEAK!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Both are up -- then back down with Rockstar Spud’s springboard double dropkick! Cassidy’s back up only to be caught with a tilt-a-whirl hurricanrana! Smartly, Boneius reverses the incoming Pint-Sized Pariah with a flapjack that hotshots him over the top rope!
Back to feeling out the ring goes Boneius-- Cassidy interruption again: this one a rush -- only for Homely Bone to back into a corner in anticipation, elevate Orange over his shoulder and down does his head fall right on the outside ringpost! His body staggers back, right into Boneius reverse DDT grip - twist of the body, into the cutter! Attempted cover!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Spud springboards into a sunset flip roll up on Boneius!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Boneius is up AND EATING A SUPERKICK FROM CASSIDY! INTO A PELE KICK FROM SPUD! The Boneman finally drops!
Almost instinctively, Orange and Rockstar engage in a collar-and-elbow tie up -- Spud ducks and grabs wrist control, but Cassidy drops with a pele kick of his own for a stun! Spud stumbles back into the corner, only to be met with an aggressive flying dropkick to the jaw! Somehow this stumbles the Frontman forward rather than drop him, so the Juice Daddy is off the ropes for the momentum for a monumental satellite DDT!
Boneius charges -- and is dropped with a superkick by Cassidy!
Turn to the hard camera by Cassidy, and it seems as though he intends to repocket -- but Spud brings him back to reality with a schoolboy of his own!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Jumping for a DDT is the Tour Bus Terror --
Jim Ross: Smart wrasslin’ switch up!
-- Ross calls it as it happens, the xtra small package coming about instead!
Don Quintillis: ONE!.....
TWO!.....
KICKOUT
Spud gets up near the ropes and pays for that when a wild Homely Bone clotheslines him over them! But he lands on the apron! Boneius attempts a shoulder block that is dodged and turned into a dropkick to the side of the face instead!
Groggy, he’s perfect for the leap over the top: ANOTHER sunset flip pinning the shoulders down!
But Cassidy hits another superkick -- this time to Spud’s chin! Orange Cassidy shows his own athleticism when Boneius is up, with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors! Under the bottom rope he rolls as Orange waits on Spud’s rise. When they’re face to face, he swings for a punch that’s blocked and reversed into a left elbow from Spud! A knee to the gut now, before a spinning mule kick to the same area -- dropkick to the chin pushing Cassidy into the corner!
No second thought crosses the smallest man’s mind as ducks under Cassidy’s arm to force him to sit up on the top rope. There are nothing but bad intentions as it seems Rockstar is going to attempt a hurricanrana!
Jim Ross: You gotta hate when these men take a risk this high!
But Homely Bone rolls underneath the bottom rope and very smartly rope rebounds off the ropes of the turnbuckle they’re on! Spud falls back in his loss of balance, clearing brutalizing the upper back on the impact; Cassidy remains as the Barron comes toward him!
Taking his time, he tucks Cassidy’s legs on the other side of the top rope before grappling up in suplex form, then screaming: “I’ve already won!”
Jim Ross: He’s gonna do it, Christian!
AND THEY’RE OFF!
BUT MIDAIR CASSIDY USES THE MOMENTUM TO TWIST AROUND!
GRAB OF THE HEAD!
DOWN IN SIT OUT!
THROUGH THE RING! THROUGH THE GODDAMN SOFTEST PART OF THE RING!
Jim Ross: GOOD GAWD CHRISTIAN THE RING IS BROKEN IN HALF!
Cassidy has fallen just out of the hole in the center of the ring, whereas Barron lays quite well unconscious. It takes a bit, but Orange drags Barron out of the hole and down on his back. An arm is all he can manage over him after it all!
Don Quintillis: ONE!........
TWO!.....
THREE!
Mark Beverly: Barron Boneius has been eliminated!
Spud’s up top! Holy hell Orange is prone and here comes Spud!
FIVE STONE SPUD SPLASH!
Cassidy rolls out of the way! Spud eats canvas, and is left gripping at his gut! Still, the little man is still going as far as his tank will let him, pulling himself up despite the lack of wind in his body!
Orange is springboarding off the ropes! Back! Springboard stunner! Spud bounces up and lands down hard, at that previously affected upper back/shoulder blades region! A cover attempt now! Orange to win the title?!
Don Quintillis: ONE!........
TWO!.....
THRE---KICKOUT!
Cassidy is clearly, and for good reason gassed, having to crawl towards the rope and away from the hole in the clear center of the ring. Spud must have taken a page out of Dead’s book, the sick resistant fuck, grabbing at ropes himself.
Cassidy pulls himself up by the ropes -- SPUD WITH A SCHOOLBOY!
NO! Cassidy keeps hold of the ropes and it goes no where -- SUPERKICK AS SPUD STANDS! And somehow he’s still on his feet?!
Quick on his thinking (tbf he’s got a fucking gash in his throat from a goddamn vampire; likely trying to get this title won), Cassidy takes Spud’s legs from under him!
Wait what is this?! Are we about to see the first iteration of it in AWF?!
Yes!
We are!
SHARPSHOOTER! CASSIDY HAS IT LOCKED IN! SPUD AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE!
The hold sits for over a minute before Spud begins to clearly fade, so Don Quintillis must do what he must do. The raise of the hand.
Don Quintillis: ONE!
Another raise.
Don Quintillis: TW--
NO! Spud’s arm shows life and he’s immediately pulling forward until he notices the massive hole in the ring blocking his clear path towards the ropes!
What can he bloody do?!
In the hold that made the founder of this company famous!
Locked in by that founder’s brother’s protégé’s most famous maneuver!
The one that made millions!
The one that made a multi-time World Wrestling Federation Champion!
The one that made Bret ‘The Best There Was, the Best There Is, & the Best There Ever Will Be’!
What can he do, this bloody fucking hole in the goddamn ring?!
Dammit, Boneius!
Dammit, with your perfect accuracy, simply turned against you!
Bloody fucking hell!
So fuck it, then!
He pulls for the hold, and before you know it’s he’s half way into it when Cassidy releases the hold so as to not find himself in the same place -- and Spud falls under the ring!
Orange Cassidy’s Internal Monologue
Ah fuck.
Cassidy, groggy and well wounded, his shirt completely stained by his own blood, walks around the ring carefully, hoping to see which side of the ring Spud might emerge from underneath.
Orange doesn’t expect him to just come from the same place he left -- and is met with a Pelé kick for it! Cassidy only stumbles backwards, so Spud sends him down with a springboard elbow --
SPOKE TOO SOON! Cassidy catches him in a Million Dollar Dream position! DREAM STREET-- NO! The athletic Spud rolls out of it! Cassidy grabs a hold of his forearm before anything else can happen, but that whip is turned around -- then flipped back around: Spud into the corner!
He ladders up to the top rope in one motion and back!
SPUDSAULT! HE KEEPS ON HIS BODY AFTER THE FALL!
Don Quintillis: ONE!......
TWO!.......
THRE---KICKOUT!
OH AND JUST BARELY!
Spud takes a minute for himself before grabbing at Cassidy to pull him up--
KICK TO THE GUT BY CASSIDY!
UNDER HIS LEGS!
CANADIAN DESTROYER!
IT LANDS!
THE PIN!
Don Quintillis: ONE!......
TWO!.......
THRE---KICKOUT!
The look in Cassidy’s eyes is as if he’d never could believe it.
Jim Ross: No one’s kicked out of that in AWF before!
A shake of the head precedes a rise to his feet, this time not waiting for Spud to get himself -- and paying for it with a kick to the knee, bringing him down -- SWEET POTATO MUSIC! Cassidy laid out on the mat!
BUT HE WASTES NO TIME PINNING!
UP TO THE TOP ROPE!
HE MEASURES AND HE’S OFF!
FIVE STONE SPUD SPLASH!
THIS TIME IT LANDS AND HE HOOKS THE LEG!
Don Quintillis: ONE!......
TWO!.......
THREE!
DING DING DING
A pop rivaling Stone Cold’s raucous roar takes over the Toyota Center!
Spud looks up at the referee, as if it were a lie, just a bad damn joke.
But it’s not.
Mark Beverly: The winner of this match and FIRST Alberta Wrestling Federation Provincial Champion!: THE! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCKSTAR! SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPUD!
And Don Quintillis’ exit and return into the ring, AWF Provincial Championship in tow and dropped into the lap of Rockstar Spud: it becomes real.
Quintillis raises the left hand upon Spud’s standing, with that white-strap in his right, even higher!
From under the bottom rope rolls Steve Austin, who pushes Quintillis out of the way and tries to hold Spud’s hand up -- only for Rockstar to pull it away and immediately leave the ring.
Cut to Spud approaching the front row where his mother, Doreen, stands with a red face and tears streaming down her proud cheeks. As any good son would, his first concern is a hug and kiss for his mom, who gives him the most lovely hug back, then slaps the championship as a first feel.
Cut to Austin, Glenn Jacobs-head tiling while he watches this whole thing.
Cut back to Spud, now showing off his title to the fans ringside and rampside as he takes his time towards the back
Cut to Austin being handed Beverly’s microphone.
Cut to Spud, at the stage now, holding his title up proudly with both hands.
Commissioner Austin
EH-EH! Hell no, son!
Cut to Austin in the ring.
Commissioner Austin
You champs are gonna learn you ain’t gonna be making jokes at the expense at Stone Cold! You like that strap? What? Huh son? What? You like that belt?
Cut to Rockstar Spud, who both stares and nods back proudly -- nearly defiantly.
Commissioner Austin
Like this: The Brawl, your title, Championship Scramble.
Cut to Rockstar Spud, who looks back at Austin, shrugs his shoulders, then proudly holds the title up yet again with both hands.
He won’t be intimidated.
Not by Steve Austin.
Not by anybody.
Spud with that title, the last shot of the live broadcast as fade into our outro for the evening.
Rockstar Spud becomes 1st AWF Provincial Champion in 16:49