S01E05 - The Bondage Bash

Our cold open this week - the opening parts of:

THE BONDAGE BASH

A view inside the familiar, and now much less crowded Post Office that our dear metagrobolized messenger Maeve works in. She is behind the counter, separated by a sheet of protective glass from the also familiar angry man, plasters over a large dent in his head forever showcasing why you should avoid a run-in with Prince Albert. He is busy shouting at poor Maeve, and pointing aggressively at her shirt, which reads 'Black Lives Matter'.

Maeve
Sir, do you have any actual reason to visit the post office today?

Angry Man
Don't interrupt me! Sick of you young 'uns! You millenials with your protests and your 'Black Lives Matter!', you don't know nothin'! There's no racism here or anywhere darlin'!

Maeve gulps and takes a few steps back, as a large shadow casts over the Angry Man. He barely notices, lost in his own venomous shouting.

Angry Man
All lives matter!

Priscilla Kelly
Not yours.

The man's head is clutched again in Albert's huge paw, before being brought down hard against the side of the counter. Blood spatters upwards across the protective glass, teeth clattering everywhere, as the man drops to the floor, silent and unmoving. Maeve looks from the mess of the man on the floor, to the two figures stood before her now. The gigantic Prince Albert, head wrapped with bandages, and with a little bit of old, ignorant man blood in her hair, Hell's Favourite Harlot… Priscilla Kelly.

She smiles a beautiful smile at Maeve.

Priscilla Kelly
I'm baaaack.

Maeve
Just give me the letter and go Priscilla.

Priscilla Kelly
Wow, ungrateful much?

Priscilla pulls a face at Albert. Maeve sighs.

Priscilla Kelly
Don't tell me you didn't just get some satisfaction from watching Albert waste that old dude. I sure did.

Maeve
Waste? He's not dead is he?

Priscilla Kelly
Could be? Can be? If you want.

Maeve
No!

Priscilla Kelly
Alright alright. Just saying… could do it if you wanted to.

Maeve
I don't want you to! Look do you have the letter or not!?

Priscilla Kelly
No.

Maeve
Then what are you doing here!?

Priscilla Kelly
I'm here for you, pretty.

There's a pause. Maeve ponders on these words, looking a little worried.

Maeve
...hmm?

Priscilla Kelly
This job must suck, right? Do you enjoy it?

Maeve
I… I- no not- not especially…

Priscilla Kelly
Well, I've got a higher paying, much funner job waiting for you my dear Maeve… working for little old me.

Maeve
...it's not a prostitute is it?

Priscilla Kelly
What!? No! No! I mean, there can be sex involved if you want but-

Maeve
I don't want.

Priscilla Kelly
Okay! Shame… but okay! It's as my personal assistant. I have a lot of paperwork y'see, and this big dumb bastard, much as I love him, 'aint exactly much use in that department.

Albert nods sadly.

Priscilla Kelly
So what do you say? You can start right now? It'll be fuuuuun! And it'll pay a fucking shit tonne deary! I'm willing to give you a grand up front right now!

Priscilla slides, in cash, a grand under the glass. Maeve's eyes explode out of her head as she looks at it.

Maeve
What!? Wrestling pays that much?

Priscilla Kelly
Uuuuh…. yeah. It's the wrestling. But yeah, I meant it when I say it'll pay way more. Whatever you're getting right now, consider it doubled.

Maeve ponders on this, as she looks around her, none of her employees around her, allowing her to do all the work herself as she deals with the wrath of that old man all by herself. A smile breaks on her face suddenly as she looks back at Priscilla, before she scoops up the grand.

Maeve
Alright.

Priscilla Kelly
You'll do it?

Maeve
Yeah! Yeah fuck it!

Maeve turns around and projects her voice to reach the staff room.

Maeve
Hey Davey! I uhh- I quit!

Davey (from the back)
Huh?

Maeve
Not my fault he didn't hear me.

Maeve runs around the counter and exits, clearly giddy and excited as she comes to join Priscilla. She and Priscilla hold hands as they jump up and down rather excitedly.

Priscilla Kelly
See! I'm not so bad!

Maeve
I guess not.

Maeve looks down at the angry old man, and clears her throat. Priscilla looks from him to Maeve with a devious smile. She nods at Albert, who begins to move.

Priscilla Kelly
Want a turn?

Maeve
Umm… no I shouldn't.

A noise behind the pair, as Albert tears down the CCTV.

Priscilla Kelly
No one will know deary.

Maeve looks down at the old man, clearly contemplating this.

Maeve
Yeah, y'know… yeah! Fuck it. He deserves it. Right?

Priscilla Kelly
Oh definitely.

Maeve rears back her foot, before bringing it hard into the ribs of the old man. He stirs, clutching at his ribs, as blood sputters from his lips. Maeve gasps at what she just did, taking a few steps, before involuntarily smiling.

Priscilla Kelly
Nice kick!

Maeve
Oof. That uhh- wow.

Priscilla Kelly
Come on babe. Let's get going, your new job awaits!

Priscilla takes hold of Maeve's hand in hers, as she moves out of the Post Office, a now smiling and flustered Maeve following her out, Albert in tow.

From out of the staff room, Davey moves out, sausage roll stuffed in his mouth. He looks at the old man bleeding on the floor, and the destroyed CCTV, and barely changes his demeanour.

Davey
Huh.

Cut. A large, almost mansion-like house, scattered with black, red, and pink paint like a Jackson Pollock painting, overlooks a large garden, stretching into the distance. Bright green grass, surrounded by topiary bushes shaped in various ways, depicting both male and female genetalia, as well as many people of all genders committing to sex acts with one another.

In the middle of said garden, within clear view of the driveway into the estate, stands a long figure, obscured by a tarp, stretching into the sky. The tarp is suddenly pulled away, revealing a large golden statue of none other than Priscilla Kelly herself, smirk on her face as she holds the AWF World's Championship up high.

The real Priscilla Kelly looks up at it in awe, before whooping.

Priscilla Kelly
Oh fuck yeah! How awesome does that fucking look!

Priscilla turns around to her company, Prince Albert, Lucas, and the newly acquired Maeve, who has a clipboard in hand. They all look impressed as they look up at the statue.

Lucas
Amazing!

Maeve
Damn yeah… really cool. How'd you get that made?

Priscilla rubs her fingers together as she smiles at Maeve, imitating 'money'. She looks from the statue to the driveway.

Priscilla Kelly
And everyone will have to look at it as they come in! No way to not acknowledge me as the champ!

Maeve looks down at her clip pboard.

Maeve
Should we not make sure everything's set up? Party starts in 5 minutes…

Priscilla Kelly
It's not a cool party if anyone shows up on time Maeve. No one will. Not expecting guests for another hour… but sure, let's run through everything.

Priscilla moves with Maeve down the pathway towards the large front door, as Maeve inspects the clipboard. Two large, burly bouncers, wearing bondage gear and gimp masks, check the pair of them out as they move past them. Albert grunts at them both, and the pair clear their throats before they straighten back up. Head bandaged up or not, Albert is still an intimidating figure.

Maeve
So, statue is up. Booze and spirits of all kinds in the kitchen, swimming pool is cleaned, beer pong set up, the Total Wipeout course in the back garden is up and running AND we have Chris Kamara there to do commentary, at least three bouncers per room, all dressed up too in their… 'uniforms'.

Priscilla Kelly
That's right.

Maeve
Dick and Dom photobooth set up in the back garden. Strippers will arrive soon, the BDSM room has been cleaned and is open for guest use… oh no! There's a mistake here.

Priscilla Kelly
What?

Maeve
You've double booked the main room! Says here it's booked all night by a band called Local Leather, but also by a DJ Attycus.

Priscilla Kelly
Oh yeah, that's Rockstar Spud's band, and Laci Valentine's DJ friend. Booked them both and they have no idea, funny stuff right?

Maeve
Wait… you did this on purpose?

Priscilla Kelly
Oh yeah! Wait 'til they get here, it'll be hilarious! Love a bit of drama!

Maeve
And the guest list is… everyone. Except, and I'm reading what you've put, Lucas' dumb dad, Maxi-Pad Ironside, his ugly girlfriend, and… Mel C of the Spice Girls?

Priscilla Kelly
Yeah we don't get along.

Maeve
Well alright, I think everything's set, now what?

Priscilla Kelly
We just wait for people to show up! Maybe get some pre-drinks in, make sure we're nice and drunk before the guests arrive. Last thing we want is to be sat with some dude we barely know, totally sober, in just this awkward, dead-end conversation y'know.

The front door opens up, and one of the mask wearing bouncers peers his head inside.

Bouncer #1
Your first guest is here Miss Kelly.

Priscilla Kelly
What!? Who!?

The door opens slightly more, and there stands none other than a smiling Booker T, alongside his wife Sharmell.

Priscilla Kelly
Oh fuck me.

Maeve
Who's that?

Priscilla Kelly
My fucking boss.

Maeve
Yikes.

Both Huffman's faces turn from smiles to frowns as they catch their first sight of the massive gimps. They hesitate in their pace at the display, Sharmelle's disbelief stronger than the Commissioner's, but she continues on his arm as he proceeds past. Priscilla has managed the slightest smirk, but Booker reequips his smile in a hope to ease the champion's obvious annoyance. When approached, Booker and Sharmelle shake everyone's hands but Prince Albert's, who they act as if isn't even there.

Commissioner Booker
Sorry to be a sucka, running late like this, but congratulations, Priscilla.

Maeve
(checking her watch) You're only three minutes behind, love.

Booker's arm disengages from Sharmelle as he covers his face in the same, incredulous fashion as when he slipped and called Hulk Hogan a 'nigga' on live television.

Commissioner Booker
Worse than I thought! My watch gotta be behind...

Priscilla squints weirdly, but all attention is diverted by the massive door to the mansion being forced open. The two guards get ready, but halt when they see a familiar redneck causing the commotion and charging into the lobby. With a blue cooler in his right hand, 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin takes the Heineken bottle in his left and chucks it into a pillar across the room, the glass shattering on impact. His guttural reaction:

Stone Cold
OOOOOH HELL YEAH!

Suddenly, the trucker's cap on his head goes flying to the ground, the cooler is dropped, then his middle fingers go up in the air. A sudden turn to the right, where he walks around with the fingers up, before going a full, wide 360 degrees around the lobby. Upon completion, the cooler is picked back up and he walks toward the crowd of people, who have stood watching on in disbelief. A grin forms on Austin's face as he approaches and stops before the gimps.

Stone Cold
Ei-hey, Book! You didn't tell me you guys were startin' a lucha division!

Austin slaps one of them on their pectoral, the smack of leather against skin echoing in the mansion.

Stone Cold
Sup, son, whatcha callin' yourself?
(turns to Sharmelle) El Bistec?
(point to Priscilla) 'Cause that's one big piece o' beef!

A roar of a laugh from Austin as he cocks his head back - certainly alone in his humoring. He looks to Booker.

Stone Cold
Get it?!
(a look to Albert) A-Train gets it! BAHAHAHA!

Then he just stops.

Stares at the gimp he slapped.

Then the other one.

Then to the group.

Stone Cold
BAHAHAHAHA!

The laughing continues as he walks by, grabs Sharmelle, and wraps his arms around her. Deliberate, he doesn't take long in this choice, letting go and walking by before the Commissioner can think to react. As Austin barges past the group, the camera catches Booker's scowl, then Priscilla shaking her head and following annoying.

A gentle crossfade to the mansion, only a nice black BMW and a large Ford pickup truck in the parking area. In the lower left corner: AN HOUR LATER

Cut to the same group, minus the gimps, all sat around in at the couches of a large living room. Sharmelle sits closely to Booker T, who stares in anger off at nothing in the distance. Priscilla Kelly is sat on a stool next to a nearby island table, her legs crossed and her chin in her hands. Maeve and Lucas are discussing something while Prince Albert walks past the couches, having taken a large bag of Cool Ranch Doritos for himself.

On one couch sits the Texas Rattlesnake alone, four crushed beer cans along the sides of his opened cooler, and an acoustic guitar in his grasps. He misses several notes as he tries to string along an improvised version of the Michael Jackson classic:

Stone Cold
... TENDER LOVIN' CARE!
AND I'LL TAKE YOU THERE-ERE-ERE!
WOO! HOO! HOO!
OH HELL YEAH!

One final note to end his riff, before he reaches into his cooler.

Stone Cold
Awww, hell!

The cooler flies past Maeve and Lucas when he punts it. He darts a quick look up at Priscilla.

Stone Cold
Hey, sweetheart, you wanna get me one of them damn Broken Skull IPAs?

When she realizes the direction he just had the gall to ask that in, Priscilla looks back with daggers.

Cut to Austin, noticing her gaze, eyes slightly widening as his mouth is left agape.

Cut to Priscilla. If looks could kill.

Cut to Austin.

Cut to Priscilla.

Cut to Austin.

Cut to Priscilla looking at the gimps, then to Prince Albert.

Cut to Austin surveying his surroundings.

Stone Cold
Hell, y'know, I can get my own.

The staredown ends as Austin sets his guitar against the couch and gets up.



As that piece hits a minute five seconds in, the PrimeTime logo animates to life in the forefront of all the ensuing action before flashing into the The Forum, Inglewood having sold out the second show of the U.S. Leg of AWF’s Western World Tour. They were missed last week, but this week we are greeted by a wonderful pyrotechnics display, before the last machine-controlled camera shot smoothly turns to show Christian Cage and Lance Storm sat ringside, our usual commentators.

Christian Cage: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Christian Cage and I’ve finally caught my composure! This is Tuesday Night PrimeTime, and we are in for another night of unbelievable action, I guarantee it, Lance!

Lance Storm: I don’t doubt it, Christian. I am Lance Storm, and we caught a glimpse at AWF World’s Champion Bondage Bash that occurred and was filmed some days ago, and will be airing throughout the night. We are seeing all the footage as you are, although it was not as though Austin’s arrival wasn’t over every dirtsheet in the world. Before we get to our huge six person opener, we have just a little bit more of what happened.

Cut back to vignette. Austin moves from the fridge, IPA in hand, back over to the leather sofa, cocking his head as he looks over at Lucas on his way back. Lucas looks slightly uncomfortable, as he uses Maeve to sort of protect him from the gaze of Stone Cold. Once Austin is sat back down, taking a swig from his Broken Skull IPA, he picks up his acoustic guitar again.

Stone Cold
This one is called-

Commissioner Booker
Alright! Priscilla! How abouts you show me around! Maybe some of these pictures!

Priscilla, desperate for anything to do, perks up immediately.

Priscilla Kelly
Oh! Yes, sure!

Priscilla down two jagerbombs before moving away from the counter, wiping her mouth with her sleeve as she joins Booker and Sharmell to look at the pictures adorning the walls. Booker and Sharmell cringe, trying to find one that doesn't showcase the AWF World's Champion completely in the nude, Booker making an extra effort as to not let his eyes linger whilst his wife glares at him.

Finally, they reach one of none other than Ron Killings (AKA R-Truth), stood with a young purple haired child.

Commissioner Booker
Oh! Ron!

Priscilla Kelly
Yep! There's me and R-Truth! Good times.

Commissioner Booker
Didn't know you knew him. Just a child there too.

Priscilla Kelly
Friend of a friend got me hooked up, Ron was on board, I ended up being his valet of sorts in that company. Was a place called PWD, Pro Wrestling Destruction I think? Anyway there I am as 'Sp!t', spelled with an exclamation mark by the way. I got written off TV after 3 weeks for being 'controversial'.

Sharmell
I can't imagine.

Priscilla Kelly
I know right? What cunts.

Sharmell grimaces. Booker pulls a face.

Priscilla Kelly
Me and Ron are still tight though. I was really grateful to him for helping me with that gig, I think the excitement of all that is what made me really know I wanted to do this with my life. Always wanted to be a wrestler.

Booker looks over at Priscilla, more wistfully than he has previous to this point, though the Gypsy Princess doesn't notice. The gimp-suited bouncers from downstairs shout up towards them.

Bouncer #1
Miss Kelly! More guests have arrived!

Priscilla Kelly
Oh fuck finally, someone actually fun to talk to I hope.

Priscilla moves off out of the room to greet her newly arrived guests, leaving a rather insulted Sharmell and Booker in her wake. The trio known as the Best Friends are all waiting just inside the door, letting themselves in. Orange Cassidy in his typical denim jacket and faded jeans. He is holding a 2 litre bottle of Tropicana OJ, and has a big red button that reads "DESIGNATED DRIVER" on his jacket. The other two halves of the Best Friends are dressed a lot differently, with both men sporting tight, black leather pants, and mesh muscle shirts. Chuck is holding a family sized bag of Lays Dill Pickle Chips Trent is carrying a box of Jackson Triggs Pinot Grigio wine.

Chuck
Wow, this seems like a nice place. Did you see all those statutes outside? They all had their wieners and Regina's showing. I think I saw a couple of boobies too. Wild huh?

Trent
Yeah, how can she afford all this? Does being champ really pay that much?

Chuck
I guess it does. Think we're the first ones here? Where is everyone?

Just as he finishes asking the question, the Hostess herself appears from around the corner. Before she gets a chance to welcome her guests, Chuck speaks out.

Chuck
Hey, nice place, not really where I expected you to live. He brought some wine and a bag of chips, but I don't think I want to share, unless someone wants to trade.

Both men start walking in the house, leaving OC behind, leaning up against the wall by the doorway, sipping his Orange Juice.

Chuck
Is anyone else here yet? I saw a couple of vehicles outside but haven't heard anybody around. We heard there's gonna be a band tonight, who'd you get? Is it Aerosmith? Lynard Skynard? Anybody good? Oh well, I'm sure it'll be someone good.

Chuck is firing off questions so fast, neither Priscilla nor Trent can answer, or even get a word in. They keep walking, hitting the kitchen.

Chuck
You got any food around here? It was a pretty long drive and never got to stop anywhere, thought we were going to be late to the party. Can we order some pizza later? Maybe Barbecue up some hot dogs or something. I like Ketchup and Mustard on mine. I like relish too, but not really feeling it today, I gotta be in the right mood for some relish.

Chuck opens up the bag of chips, and starts eating from it. He holds the bag towards Trent.

Chuck
Want some?

Trent
Sure man, I'll take some. He you got any cups for this?

He holds out the box of wine with one hand, while grabbing a few chips with the other. Before giving Kelly a chance to reply, Chuck butts in.

Chuck
There's probably some in here, right? I'll grab you one my guy.

He chops Trent over the chest, hands the bag of chips to Kelly, then walks over to the cupboards. He just starts opening every cupboard before eventually reaching a section with some tall Collins styled glasses. He grabs a couple of glasses, and walks back to Trent.

Chuck
Here man, these will do. Wanna pour me out a glass?

Trent starts pouring the first glass, but something just catches Chucks ear, the sound of an acoustic guitar, and a rough voice singing.

Chuck
Wait a second, is that…

Chuck walks towards the sound, and and he reaches the living room, his eyes widen and he lets out a loud:

Chuck
OH HELL YEAH!

Cut. An unamused Priscilla is left in the kitchen with Trent, still holding Chuck's chips. She sighs, moving over to the pedal bin, and chucking the chips inside. Trent barely notices as he pours the drinks, talking aloud, presumably to Priscilla, not noticing and still chatting away as she leaves him to himself in the kitchen. She mutters to herself as she moves back into the lobby.

Priscilla Kelly
These fucking losers, why are they here first? Why couldn't somebody cool or actually hot arrive first like-

Priscilla moves into the lobby, and sees slowly moseying past her, is the Freshly Squeezed Orange Cassidy. Clad in denim, shades on, toothpick in mouth, hands in pockets. Priscilla freezes slightly as she sees him. He nods in her direction, before moving onwards into the living room. Priscilla catches herself, then grins.

Priscilla Kelly
Him.

Graphic images of the pair intertwined flash through Priscilla's head. She knows already how she wants the night to end. The front door opens and more guests arrive, various AWF roster members, as well as some friends and accomplices of Priscilla's, but she ignores them, as she slowly follows after Cassidy.

Cut. Trent continues pouring the drink oblivious he's alone.

Trent
You know something Kells, you got a nice place here. I mean, it's no Montauk Lighthouse obviously but it has it's-

Trent notices he's the only one there. He puts the box down, looking around the room, spinning his head left and right.

Trent
Did she... did she... did she take my chips with her?

Trent peaks out of the kitchen seeing Priscilla standing sans chips. Trent shuffles around the kitchen looking for the chips. He checks on the counter, in the sink, no chips. He stands on his toes to peak into the cabinets, opening them one by one. He opens the first, it's only dishes. He opens the second, it's only cups. He opens the third, it's only ball gags. He slams it shut and continues to shuffle around the kitchen.

Trent
Where did she put them?

Trent reaches the trash bin, he stomps his foot on the pedal opening it up, to see an overturned bag of of chips, with broken fragments of his hardened corn treats all over the bag.

Trent
Oh, there they are.

Trent reaches into the bin and grabs one. He places it in his mouth, as he's eating it he turns behind him to see a man in nothing but a leather dingo costume. He quickly turns back towards the bin and grabs another handful. With chips in hand, he walks back over grabbing two glasses of wine pinching them between his fingers, and slides past the mysteriously chapped figure.

Trent
(To himself with a mouth full of chips)
Wow…
(chewing)
Some people are just gross.

Trent surveys the room, that has now begun to fill with various people all dressed in leather, chains, and other wares. Across the room he sees Chuck sitting on the floor criss cross applesauce like a child, staring at an acoustic guitar. Trent makes his way over.

Trent
(waving the wine glass around) Chuck

Chuck doesn't respond

Trent
Chuuuuck

Still no response

Trent
(kicking Chuck in the back) DUSTIN

Chuck breaks his gaze and looks up at Trent who hands him his wine glass, then immediately returns to his activity. Trent huffs out of his mouth as he spins back around to survey the room.

Crossfade.

Laci Valentine
This was such a bad idea…

Laci groans while trying to cover up her chest in the matching bra that Lucy was wearing. She had never felt more exposed than she did right in this moment. She stood beside the rented van, shivering but it was her anxiety, not any sort of chill that caused it.

Lucy Richards
You look hot, Lace. Enjoy the stares.

Laci's paranoia is triggered as several men in similar bondage appropriate outfits look her up and down while winking. Laci shudders.

Laci Valentine
You can't tell me that this chick isn't royally fucked... I mean look at that?!

She points at the gold statue, rolling her eyes. Lucy puts another case with her equipment on the provided trolly.

Crossfade to a flashback to earlier that day...

Lucy had a gig as her persona, DJ Attycus. Purple wig and dark makeup up, plus as little clothing as Laci had ever seen her not. Black leather or "pleather" since Lucy said real leather often chaffed, bra with matching skirt and knee high Fishnets.

Laci crossed her arms across her chest wearing her oversized University sweatshirt and shook her head in disgust.

Laci Valentine
I can't believe you said yes... to her of all people…

Lucy smiles with big black lips, the stark contrast makes her teeth look almost like little pearls.

Lucy Richards
Why not? It's a gig. You know something that makes money and pays the rent. Why do I care who she actually is?

Laci rubs her thumb and forefinger over the bridge of her nose, already predicting the potential headache that was about to happen.

Laci Valentine
She's just…

She groans.

Laci Valentine
Priscilla.

Lucy pats her friend's arm.

Lucy Richards
Are we ever just anybody? I mean there are always things we omit when introducing ourselves to others. She's not any different. Maybe if you got to know her…

Laci's eyes almost bug out of her head.

Laci Valentine
Are you serious right now? This is not the time to get all philosophical on me. That woman's life ambition is to just be a pain in everyone's arse. Thankfully, I haven't been on her radar so she's stayed in her own lane. Until I have no choice, I'd rather keep it that way.

She points randomly as if doing so actually provided any sort of justification for her rant

Lucy sighs heavily.

Lucy Richards
Listen, you can't just keep avoiding things and people until you 'have to' do or see them. That's not a way to live your life. It's time to shake things up a bit. Go get dressed.

Laci's frown deepens.

Laci Valentine
It's a bondage party, what in the fairying forest am I supposed to wear?

Lucy's face lights up.

Lucy Richards
Come, I'll hook you up.

She puts an arm around Laci's shoulders, guiding her back toward her bedroom.

Crossfade back to the party.

Laci closes her eyes and counts back from ten mentally before Luci slams the door on the truck and starles Laci from her meditation technique.

Lucy Richards
Listen, It's a party. You're here to have fun. Plus I bet there are only a handful of people here that can actually pull that outfit off.

Laci Valentine
I see more people here dressed normally, Luce. I feel stupid.

Lucy groans before opening one of her bags and then throwing a leather jacket at her.

Lucy Richards
There you big baby.

The petite DJ barely manages to get the cart pushed inside where a chick with a clipboard directs them inside. The large room has two stage platforms set up.

Laci Valentine
Why two?

Lucy doesn't seem phased at all and just starts unpacking her equipment.

Lucy Richards
Listen, I think maybe you should take a walk. Chill out. You are way too high strung and you are totally killing my vibe. Go. Skoot.

Lucy waves her away and Laci reluctantly walks toward the first open door.

Cut. Barron Boneius and Annie are sat in the back of a large black car. Annie is looking up at Priscilla's house, confused, but intrigued. Outside the car is a small gaggle of paparazzi ready with cameras to catch the star of Hawaii Bone-O.

Annie
Bold choice for a third date.

Barron Boneius
We can go somewhere else, actually, yeah, Snivley you senseless slob drive.

Snivley is sat in the driver's seat. He starts to turn on the engine.

Annie
No, Snivley, don’t.

Snivley
I don’t take orders from you, you, you, woman.

Annie
Good one.

Barron Boneius
It’s a work thing. It’s a collection of crazed cronies in there, we can skip it.

Annie puts her hand on Boneius’s.

Annie
I meant bold in a good way. If it’s not working we can always leave early.

Boneius looks at her. After a pause, he smiles back at her and nods.

Annie
(Smiling) Just don’t leave me alone with Priscilla ok, I don’t need a lecture on the benefits of introducing excessive amounts of latex into the bedroom.

Boneius looks confused.

Annie
I’ll explain it to you later.

Annie gets out the car. The paparazzi immediately swarm on her.

Pap 1
Are you and the Barron a couple?

Pap 2
When did you start dating?

Pap 3
What's the Barron like in bed?

Annie ignores them all and walks up to the start of the driveway. Boneius gets ready to leave the car and join her, before he can Snivley turns to him.

Snivley
Master, are you sure I can’t come.

Barron Boneius
Yes.

Boneius starts getting out of the car.

Snivley
But I was invited master and –

Boneius slams the car door closed cutting of the end of whatever Snivley was going to say.

Boneius walks over to Annie. Ignoring the camera flashes and questions coming from the paparazzi. The two stand looking up at the house. Both are dressed very causally. Annie takes Boneius hand and the two walk up the drive. They arrive at the door and are stopped by the bouncer. He takes one look at Boneius and nods.

Bouncer 1
Welcome Barron. I have you down as a party of 4, should we be expecting Leslie Jones and Snivley later.

Barron Boneius
No

There's an awkward pause as the bouncer waits for more of an answer.

Annie
Leslie’s been a bit under the weather lately, and we thought it’d be nice to get away from Snivley for a while.

Bouncer 1
Understandable. Enjoy your evening.

The two walk into the house. Annie looking around immediately starts to smile.

Annie
(Playfully, gesturing to the figures in BDSM outfits) At least we aren’t underdressed.

Boneius lets out a light chuckle.

The two walk deeper into the party, passing a host of familiar faces. Annie is clearly getting excited, recognising various fighters from matches and marvelling at the excessively decorated building around her. Boneius looks more uncomfortable. Annie notices.

Annie
Ok?

Barron Boneius
Sorry, I don’t go to parties often.

Annie
Somehow I’m not surprised. How about I get us some drinks, and while I do that, you go mingle. I mean how many people here have you punched verse how many you’ve actually talked to.

Boneius nods.

Annie
I’ll be right back ok.

She smiles and walks away. Boneius gulps then heads into the crowd.

The Local Leather tour bus shudders up the driveway. Spud and Fringe in the back, Panda and ZIggy up front (as always).

Spud
You're sure about this then?

Ziggy
Spud mate, this is a massive opportunity, big audience, it'll be on TV, are you sure?

Spud
I am not performing for that bitch, I'll help you set up but that's it.

The van parks and Local Leather continue up the drive on foot, Ziggy looks at the hedge art in wonder, whilst carrying his bass and amp. Pan over to Spud who is doing the opposite avoiding looking at each nude bush effigy, Spud is loaded up like a pact mule with an amp and most the drum kit. Fringe seems blissfully unaware of his surroundings, skipping up the drive with his guitar on his back. Panda is all business, couldn't care less about hiss surroundings.

Ziggy
It's all so, so....

Spud
Garish and excessive

Panda
Expensive

Fringe
What?!

Ziggy
Fuckin' awesome, nudie bushes man.

The band stop at the statue, Spud drops everything he's carrying.

Spud
She can not be for real, surely not. I need a drink.

Spud slowly picks up the equipment, a look of pure annoyance fills his face. Panda grabs half the stuff from him, patting him on the shoulder.

Panda
We're with you man but we've gotta keep petrol in the car.

Spud nods and the band move to the door. They are greeted by a giant gimp with a clipboard, the gimp unzips his masks mouth.

Gimp
Ah, Local Leather, glad you came. You're on in the main room, go set up, have a lovely evening.

The band wander through elaborate hallways populated by both people dressed normally and people in the nichest of fetish wear, including: A guy dressed as Angela Merkel with Kim Jong Un on a leesh, 2 guys in full fetishised Bert and Ernie outfits, Dennis Rodman (not an outfit just actually him) and The Human Being Mascot from Community.

Ziggy looks thoroughly impressed with the sex of it all, Panda is impressed by the house itself, Fringe is impressed with how he managed to get up and get all the way here on the copious amounts of drugs he's on and Spud is not impressed with any of it, the whole notion of being in Priscilla's house annoys him.

The band get to the main room and see DJ Atticus all set up and ready to start playing and an empty stage at the other side of the room facing her.

Ziggy
Awww cool they got us a support act.

Spud doesn't look convinced but sets up on the stage all the same, Lucy is clearly just as confused as he is. The band quickly plug in, adjust levels and generally set up fast, this is a band that are used to getting thrown out of places after a song or 2 so setting up and putting away equipment, they're essentially an F1 pit team.

Spud
I'm gonna get that drink, have a good gig lads.

Panda
Your mic is set up if you change your mind, okay.

Spud leaves the room through the first available door. Panda wanders over to DJ Atticus' stage. The room is filling up with people all curious as to what the hell is going on.

Panda
Hey, we're all set up over there so if you wanna start up soon and get the crowd warm for us that'd be great.

Lucy Richards
You're joking right?

CUT TO

Rockstar Spud wanders into a decadent bar room, populated with people, he makes his way over to the bar.

Spud
Rum and coke please.

Barman
Pepsi okay?

Spud
Of course, why do they always ask that.

The guy shrugs and makes his drink, Spud scans the room for a friendly face and see's a similarly downtrodden Laci Valentine sitting at the other end of the bar the bar in a leather jacket. Spud grabs his drink and approaches Laci.

Spud
Hi.

Laci Valentine
What.

Spud
I never had the chance to thank you for the match at the PPV, it was great, you really brought something out of me.

Laci is taken aback.

Laci Valentine
Thank you.

The 2 awkwardly drink their drinks.

Spud
I like your jacket.

Laci Valentine
I like yours.

The 2 share a polite smile and drink their drinks.

Out of nowhere a large hand touches Spud on the shoulder.

Spud turns and metres away with his arm outstretched across the room is Big Homunculus.

Big Homunculus
Giant man, your tribe needs you.

Spud downs the rest of his drink, nods politely at BH, then at Laci and moves towards the door, Laci inquisitively follows.

Laci Valentine
My friends playing in that room.

Spud
My band are playing in that room.

The pair look at each other in baffled annoyance.

Both
That bitch!

Big Homunculus is now stood alone at the bar.

Big Homunculus
3 Cristals for me and my 2 friends.

The barman places 3 bottles of Cristal Wine on the bar.

Big Homunculus
Sir, I ordered 9, what will my friends drink?

CUT TO

Dyno-Mike steps out of his pick-up wearing a camo-button up shirt. He has a bottle of wine and a four pack in his hands. Mike grabs his wing mirror and checks his hair in the mirror. As he brushes his hair he seems stilted and awkward. Music from inside Priscilla Kelly’s house can be heard from the truck. A large chorus of laughter suddenly comes from the house, making Mike flinch and stare at the house. Mike is clearly nervous and doesn’t much resemble the hulking brute we have come to know. Mike takes a big breath in and makes for the front door. As he goes to knock on the front door something stops him. His hand raises to knock, but he lowers his arm in frustration.

Dyno-Mike
Stop being such a goddamn pussy! Jus’ a party, everyone and their mother has been to one.

A gimp in a full skin tight leather costume walks out of the side door, walking toward the porch, where Mike is pacing and muttering. The gimp stands and stares at Mike. Mike stops pacing and freezes before quickly gathering himself and adopting a dominating stance.

Dyno-Mike
We got a problem here bud?

The gimp goes to speak, but due to his mouth being covered, only a muffled squeak comes out. He gestures for Mike to wait before reaching his hand round his back, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter from god knows where. He holds them out to Mike who looks equally disgusted as he does curious. The gimp lights the cigarette, somehow holding it between his covered lips. As he exhales the smoke pours out of the eye holes of the mask. He shakes the pack at Mike and nods at him.

Dyno-Mike
Yeah I think al’ pass.

The gimp shrugs and continues smoking.

Dyno-Mike
I got an invite y’know, just not used to parties.

The gimp nods gently.

Dyno-Mike
I never got invited to many parties as a kid, people always thought I was a little weird haha. Course, you probably know all bout that now don’tya.

The gimp bobs his head from side to side as if to say fair enough.

Dyno-Mike
It all started at Coby Lauren’s party back when I was a kid.

The scene fades away to a fat little boy standing in a garden. His mother hands him a present and pats him on the back. She walks to the door and rings the doorbell.

Woman
Well hi!

Mother
Hey Sharon hows little Coby doing on his big day!

Woman
Oh he’s doin jus’ fine thank you Jean. Is that little Michael I see there?

She pears round Mike’s mother and looks at him. He is facing the floor, clutching the present tightly to his chest.

Mother
Oh he’s fine, jus a little shy round grown ups

Woman
Well, thankfully there's plenty a’ kids inside so he don’t have to be scared.

Young Mike gulps and shudders slightly. His mother walks towards him and neels down next to him. She holds his face and gently strokes his hair.

Mother
Now, I know you’re scared but anytime you wanna come home Moma’s gonna be right there to get you, Ok? Jus’ please try an have fun. Now go on, get to your party.

Young Mike slowly walks into the party still clutching the present tightly. In the back garden the little kids are running around wearing party hats. The music is especially loud as Mike can hear it from inside the house. He gets outside to the garden and puts the present on a table with the others. He walks around the party, finding a table with glasses of milkshakes. He excitedly picks up a strawberry milkshake and goes to take a drink. Suddenly the birthday boy snatches the shake from his hands.

Birthday Boy
Hey you don’t need any of these fatty

Young Mike
Hey give it back.

Birthday Boy
Hey guys, y’think I should give Fat Mikey his shake back?!

Other kids
NO! HAHAHAHA

Birthday Boy
Y’know what it’s ma birthday. I feeling generous. I’ll give you it back.

Young Mike
Really?! Aw thanks!

The birthday boy tips the milkshake over Young Mikes head, the other kids laugh as he does so.
Young Mike runs away crying as the kids chant “Little fatty Mikey” over and over again.
The scene fades to modern day.

Dyno-Mike sits on the porch crying next to the chain smoking gimp. The gimp rubs Mike’s back.
Mike lets out a big puff of air.

Dyno-Mike
Thanks for listening buddy

The gimp waves his hand as if to say don’t worry about it.

Dyno-Mike
I ain’t that little kid no more. I gotta get on with my life. Be a better man than that bully.

Mike stands up and heads for the door. He brushes out the creases in his shirt and clears his throat. He turns and looks at the gimp. The gimp does a fist pump and nods at him. Mike does the same. He turns round and opens the door. He walks inside and sees a crowd dancing in the living room.
He gulps before placing his drinks down on a nearby table. Suddenly Black Clyde comes round the corner drinking his protein shake. Clyde bumps into Mike as he turns round spilling some of the protein shake onto his camo button up.

Black Clyde
My apologies there my friend. The pink liquid seems to be spreading round your garments.

Dyno-Mike looks down at his shirt and sees the pink shake is all over his previously pristine shirt.
The room begins to spin. The noise becomes overwhelming. Mike begins hyperventilating, he hears laughter and assumes the crowd must be laughing at him. Black Clyde is making a good hearted but nevertheless fruitless attempt of wiping the pink goo from his shirt. In a panic Mike shoves Clyde to the ground. He turns and bolts for the door. Outside he begins to make his way to his truck when the gimp stops him.

Dyno-Mike
Get away from me freak.

The gimp pulls on his arm and gestures toward the house. Mike stops and smiles.

Dyno-Mike
Oh you think it's nice in there huh? Well why don’t you go on in!

Mike grabs the gimp and hurls him toward the front door. He crashes unconscious onto the porch. Mike takes of his soaked shirt and marches into his truck, speeding away into the night, wiping away the first sight of a tear as his does.

Crossfade to the arena.

The crowd cheer as we prepare for the opener. Entering first, to monstrous cheers, are our heroes, the much loved Three Big Niggas. Their brand new theme playing them out as they arrive in their pimped out garbage truck.



As they move down to the ring, ready and determined, they're followed out by the Handicapped Hero, Max Ironside, flanked by his beautiful girlfriend Rayna. Homunculus looks back up the ramp at Ironside, shaking his head disapprovingly at him, prompting Ruxx to calm him down. Max looks rather confused as he passes Homunculus on his way to the ring, who sends him a glare.

Mark Beverly: The following six-person tag team match is set for one fall! Introducing first, the team of Ruxx Rampede, Big Homunculus, and Max Ironside!

Christian Cage: Looks like there's a bit of animosity on this team Storm.

Lance Storm: That's right. Homunculus does not look to be a fan of Max Ironside. I don't think these two have ever met either.

Christian Cage: Who knows what happened at the Bondage Bash, Storm.

Dirty Deeds Done Cheap hits, and the crowd boos as a stern, cigar smoking Dyno-Mike stomps out onto the stage. The camo polo he wore and saw quickly ruined at the Bondage Bash is no more, replaced by his usual ring gear.

Mark Beverly: And their opponents, first: DYNO! MIKE!

He glares down the ring at Black Clyde, eyes unmoving from this threat, as the familiar Oh Bondage! Up Yours hits behind him.

AWF World's Championship belt around her waist, Priscilla walks out onto the stage, a grin on her face, but one that looks rather forced. Behind her, ambles Prince Albert, head wrapped with bandages, looking a bit worse for wear.

Mark Beverly: His partners -- first -- becoming accompanied by Prince Albert, she is the first-ever Alberta Wrestling Federation World’s Champion: PRISCILLA! KELLY!

Lance Storm: Albert doesn't look in especially great shape tonight Cage. After that onslaught given to him last week by Max Ironside with that steel chair, I don't think he's ready to compete.

Christian Cage: If Priscilla says he's ready, he's ready.

Then, Barron Boneius' familiar music hits. Despite his usual evil and horrible behaviour, the crowd cheer the star of the new hit television series, Hawaii Bone-O! Smoke fills the stage, and as the lazers start to blast everywhere, the crowd get ready for the usual grand entrance.

But out of the smoke, slowly walks a very down-trodden and lost looking Barron Boneius…

Christian Cage: Woah… the Barron looks very… distracted here Storm.

Lance Storm: Wonder what triggered this Cage?

He moves slowly to the ring as usual, but this time not in order to mock and taunt the crowd, but merely in a lack of interest in even getting to the ring.

Mark Beverly: This! Is BARRON! BONEIUS!

Once there, he rolls slowly under the bottom rope, before walking past a rather confused looking Priscilla, Albert, and Dyno-Mike, into his corner.

Priscilla rolls her eyes and shakes her head, before shooting a mocking grin over at Max Ironside and Rayna, both of whom glare right back. Mike looks concerned as he looks at the bandages on Albert's head.

Dyno-Mike: Should that fellar really be wrestling? His head looks mighty soar.

When Priscilla sees that her opponents have designated Ruxx Rampede to be the one to start, she guffaws, turning to Albert and Mike.

Priscilla Kelly: Don't worry about the head injury, he's fine. He's been through worse. Plus, look who's starting out! Ruxx Rampede! They call him the trash man for a reason!

Priscilla giggles.

Priscilla Kelly: We've beaten him before and we'll do it again! Just like everyone has in the AWF! Hey Ruxx! How's that win-loss record looking honey?

She chuckles, even prompting Albert and Mike to laugh too, Boneius though just stands on the apron, looking into the distance. Homunculus is in the ring in an instant, charging at Priscilla, but Ruxx stops him.

Ruxx Rampede: That's not how we do it brother. Let's prove 'em wrong properly.

Homunculus grits his teeth, but nods at Ruxx, his mentor-figure of sorts and the leader of the Three Big Niggas. Homunculus slowly moves back onto the apron, as Ruxx turns back around, right as Priscilla spits right in his face.

Homunculus looks furious, but Ruxx stops him by holding up a hand, using his other hand to wipe away the spit. Priscilla lets herself roll out of the ring, as Dyno-Mike moves onto the apron, letting Albert start things out.

AWF's newest referee, former actor Wilford Brimley, calls for the bell.

The match begins, and Albert charges.

But Ruxx charges right back, and plows through Albert with a clothesline. Albert clutches at his head, before jumping back to his feet, only to be knocked right back on his ass with another big clothesline. The crowd jump behind Ruxx here, as upon Albert scrambling back to his feet, Ruxx crashes a big boot across his face. Albert staggers back into the ropes, only to bound back into a huge ENZIGUIRI, clattering him to the mat!

Lance Storm: Albert's struggling here, I don't think that head injury is serving him well.

'BINMAN OF BOYNTON BEACH!' chants start, as Ruxx slaps his chest a few times, before picking up the Prince and tossing him into his team's corner. There, he makes the quick tag to Big Homunculus, who looks amped and ready to get in the ring.

Ruxx sends Albert off into the ropes, lifting him into the air with a huge FREE FALL DROP on the rebound! Right into a HUGE LEFT HOOK to the face from Homunculus!

Pin from Homunculus…

Wilford Brimley: ONE…













KICKOUT

Albert clutches his head once more, as he reaches for his corner, but it's no use, he's stomped back down, and beaten down with one of Homunculus' patented standing ground and pounds! Albert looks almost unconscious as Homunculus covers him again!

Wilford Brimley: ONE…


































TWO-KICKOUT

Homunculus grabs at Albert's legs, but the Prince kicks him away, before finally getting enough energy to throw himself into his corner for the tag. Onto none other than the distracted Barron Boneius, slapping him right across his shoulder.

The crowd pop, awaiting the new celebrity to climb into the ring. He does so nonchalantly, Homunculus ready for the fight that he knows the Barron can bring…

...but the Barron just stands there. Not even looking at Homunculus, just wide eyed at the ground in front of him. Minutes go by of the Barron not doing anything in particular, until Homunculus finally approaches him. Without even changing his demeanour, Boneius flashes a backhand through the air, catching Homunculus across the jaw who soars backwards through the ring, plummeting back into his corner.

He quickly tags Ruxx once more, who jumps back into the ring, and surveys his opponent, this new bizarre Boneius.

Christian Cage:What on earth brought this on! I've never seen Barron Boneius like this! He's not even brought Snivley out with him.

Lance Storm: You were at the Bondage Bash Christian, did you not see what may have happened to him?

Christian Cage: Oh I was umm- I was, me and my good friend Awesome Kong kinda had our own thing going at that party. Spent a lot of time in one of the side rooms y'know…

Lance Storm: Doing what?

Christian Cage: Oh just- just chilling. Chillaxing. It was cool.

Lance Storm: At a party called The Bondage Bash-

Christian Cage: Just focus on the match Lance!

With Boneius still looking distracted, Ruxx figures this could be his opportunity, and so charges at the Barron. He leaps through the air, ready to collide with a RAMPEDE STAMPEDE!

But Boneius sees him coming, and very nonchalantly walks out of the way!

Ruxx whacks straight into the turnbuckle, before collapsing over the top rope, and falling out of the ring. Boneius doesn't even look like he plans on following this up, so an impatient Dyno-Mike reaches over the top rope, slapping Boneius on the back and tagging himself in. He jumps off the apron, and follows after Rampede.

He picks up the Bin Man, lifting him into the air, and tossing him spine first into the hard wooden apron of the ring. Ruxx grits his teeth as he falls to the concrete, the crowd booing the vicious move. Mike laughs, before turning, and seeing Black Clyde approach.

Flashbacks to the Bondage Bash fill Mike's mind, of his brand new polo being ruined, of the protein shake all over himself, then his mind further drifts back to Coby Lauren's party, of him covered in the pink milkshake. Mike screams, before bolting at Clyde and levelling him with a lariat!

Homunculus and Ironside are furious, leaving their positions on the apron to intervene in Mike needlessly going after their manager, but referee Wilford Brimley tells them to stay put, as Mike picks up Clyde, and sends him flying into the steel ring steps. Ruxx tries fighting back, but a few well placed clubs to his back where he was just slammed on the apron weaken him, allowing him to be thrown back into the ring.

Mike covers him…

Wilford Brimley: ONE!....



















KICKOUT

Mike proceeds to stomp on Ruxx a few times, right on his back, before picking him up by the waist, and throwing him high over his head with a German Suplex! He picks him up again, and plants him down with another German! He goes for a third, but Ruxx uses his momentum to force the pair backwards into the turnbuckle, where Mike is squished.

Ruxx uses this moment to run to his corner, and tag in Max Ironside!

Ironside is in quickly, darting at Mike and cracking him with a shotgun dropkick! Mike tumbles backwards into the turnbuckle, where Max grabs his head, and takes him to the mat face first with a one handed bulldog!

He covers Mike quickly!

Wilford Brimley: ON- KICKOUT

Mike is out immediately!

Mike is up almost quicker than Ironside, but after the Handicapped Hero ducks a lariat attempt, Max fires back with a spinning wheel kick that rocks Mike and sends him falling backwards into the ropes. He bounces back, and Ironside sets up and quickly hits a ONE-ARMED SUPLEX!

Cover again!

Wilford Brimley: ONE- KICKOUT

Christian Cage: Another quick kick out from the Atomic Texan! Gonna need a lot more to keep him down!

Ironside picks up Mike, and moves him over to his turnbuckle, where as Ruxx still recuperates, Ironside attempts to tag in Homunculus. The Pygmian though doesn't allow it, moving his hand as Ironside attempts to tag in. Max looks bewildered, as he tries again, but Homunculus moves his hand once more. The pair glare at each other.

Max Ironside: What is wrong with you?

Before Homunculus can answer, Ironside is shoved almost the full length of the ring by Dyno-Mike, who throttles Homunculus with a huge elbow to the nose. Homunculus collapses off of the apron and onto the concrete, as Mike charges at Ironside…



SPEAR!!!

Priscilla whoops as Ironside crashes to the mat, Mike covering him…


Wilford Brimley: ONE…





































TWO…


























KICKOUT

Priscilla stomps angrily, as Mike looks down at the Handicapped Hero in annoyance. Ruxx meanwhile looks past the apron over to Homunculus who is stirring, lifting his arms into the air as if to say 'come on man?'.

Ironside is hit suddenly with a huge GERMAN SUPLEX! He holds his neck in pain, but before long, he's hoisted into the air again… and hit with a second GERMAN! Ironside is pinned quickly…

Wilford Brimley: ONE…







































TWO…































KICKOUT

Mike lands a few nasty forearms into the back of Max's head, before lifting him to his feet, and pushing him into the ropes. On the rebound… he plants him with a HUGE SPINEBUSTER!!!

Cover again…


Wilford Brimley: ONE…







































TWO…







































KICKOUT!

Mike looks furious, as he mounts Ironside and starts bringing forearms down on his head over and over. He lifts Ironside up by the waist quickly, and preps him for a German Suplex!

He tosses Ironside through the air!








BUT IRONSIDE LANDS IT!

Mike can barely react before Ironside charges at him, grabbing him from behind and locking him up from behind in a reverse-russian leg sweep position…












HE HITS IT! THE SPECIAL NEEDS! Mike hits the mat face first!

Max covers him…

Wilford Brimley: ONE…





























TWO…
































KICKOUT!

Christian Cage: It's not enough!

Ironside clutches his neck, as he jumps to his feet to a pop from the crowd as he moves towards the turnbuckle, beginning to climb.

Lance Storm: What's he going for here!?

Ironside gets to his feet on the top rope, measuring Dyno-Mike, ready to dive and hit him with a match finishing move…

But suddenly he notices, referee Wilford Brimley is on the other side of the ring, facing away from Max, being distracted by Albert. Before it can even register in his mind what he knows is coming next, it happens…

Priscilla Kelly is on the apron, and shoves Max's feet away from him. He topples off the top turnbuckle, bashing his head hard on the way down, before crumpling to the mat!

Dyno-Mike is up now too, and lifts Ironside up to his feet…


PUMPHANDLE SLAM!!!

Ironside goes down hard in the centre of the ring… Brimley is no longer being distracted, and bolts over as Mike covers him…

Wilford Brimley: ONE…













































TWO…



















KICKOUT!

Mike slams the mat hard, unable to believe his eyes. Priscilla is shocked too, and her fury is escalated as she looks over and sees a smiling and cheering Rayna, urging Max to get to his feet.

Mike plants a stomp into the side of Max's head, knocking him back to the mat, before lifting him by the hair and waist…

Lance Storm: Oh no… we've seen this before! The Twister! He's going for The Twister!

But before he can start the spin, Max knocks him stumbling back with a headbutt. As Mike tries to quickly recuperate, Ironside lands a Pele Kick across his mouth! Mike is down! As is Ironside, clutching his injured head and neck!

Both men make their way to their corner, Albert looking nervous to tag himself in, but Priscilla urges him to do so. On the other side of the ring, as Max crawls towards the corner, Ruxx looks on, reaching his arm out as far as he can in order to make the tag. He looks up at Homunculus, who doesn't reach out at all.

Ruxx Rampede: He needs you brother!

Albert is tagged in! Ruxx becomes worried, as Max isn't close enough to tag him in time…

He looks up at Homunculus.

Ruxx Rampede: You have longer arms brother! Tag him!

Homunculus looks from Ruxx, down to Ironside. Albert is in the ring, storming towards Ironside, almost upon the Handicapped Hero as he reaches out with all his might towards his team members.

Homunculus gulps, and swallows his pride.

He reaches out his huge, long arm, and makes the tag!

Wilford Brimley: TAG!

The crowd pop, as Homunculus darts into the ring, clattering Albert with a huge jab to the face! Albert is up, but rocked back down with another! Upon him getting back up, Homunculus plants that nasty shin kick into Albert, causing Albert to clutch his leg in pain, before Homunculus has him gripped around the throat…

Albert tries to bat at his arm to get the World's Tallest Dwarf to let go…


But it's no use!

DWARVEN CHOKESLAM! HE HITS IT!

Homunculus covers Prince Albert!

Wilford Brimley: ONE…






































TWO…



























DYNO-MIKE BREAKS IT UP!

Ruxx tries to get into the ring to help his friend, but Mike is upon him immediately, crashing into him with a knee and knocking him falling through the ropes and out of the ring. Homunculus is to his feet, but Mike charges at him…



SPEAR!!!

Huge spear!!! And Homunculus is down!

Mike reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a cigar that he puts into his mouth, lighting it and taking a big puff as he smiles. Priscilla knows what is coming next, and not wanting her team to get disqualified, decides to distract referee Wilford Brimley. As the crowd boo, Mike moves over to Homunculus, lifting him up by the chin, and aiming the cigar at his face, ready to leave a mark.

Lance Storm: No! He can't do this! This is awful! This is horrific!

The cigar almost touches Homunculus' skin… until Mike is twisted around! Black Clyde is there in the ring, throwing punches at Mike! The Atomic Texan stumbles back into the ropes, before Clyde charges at him, and Cactus Clotheslines the pair out of the ring! Priscilla tries to bring the interference to Brimley's attention, but he's none the wiser!

Albert though has regained himself, and crawls over to Homunculus to make the pin…

Wilford Brimley: ONE…






























TWO…



















KICKOUT!

Albert grunts angrily, irritated he wasn't able to get the victory despite doing very little to earn it. He looks over at Barron Boneius, who still stands on the apron.

Prince Albert: Some help would suffice!

Boneius doesn't even hear him, staring off into space again, prompting Albert to shake his head as he turns his attention back to Homunculus. The Prince moves back a few steps, charging up, preparing to hit Big Homunculus with that Bicycle Kick of his as soon as the Tribesman is at his feet…

Homunculus is up…


Albert charges…






Homunculus ducks!

He spots that Ruxx is back on the apron, and tags his friend in quickly, before turning back around to see where Albert might be. He doesn't expect to be quickly grabbed by Albert, who is unaware of the tag, and planted down with a huge BELLY TO BELLY SLAM!

Albert covers Homunculus, but Brimley shouts at him that he isn't the legal man. Albert looks confused as he gets to his feet and turns around…






RAMPEDE STAMPEDE!!!

Albert goes soaring through the air before crashing down to the mat back first! The crowd burst into cheer, as the Bin Man of Boynton Beach thumps his chest once more, before pointing over to the turnbuckle, and beginning to climb.

He measures Albert, who still lays on the mat, readying his elbow… until like before, Priscilla Kelly is on the apron, shouting at Ruxx! Trying to distract him! Yelling obscenities and insults at him!

Priscilla Kelly: Get down Bin Man! You think you're about to pick up the win!? A win!? You'll never win in this company you dull fuck! You hear that! You'll never fucking wi-

Ruxx spits in her face from his position on the top rope. The crowd go wild. Priscilla clutches at her face, tumbling off of the apron to the concrete floor. She wipes the spit from her cheek, furious. She twists around to scream at Ruxx some more…










BUT SHE'S CUT OFF BY A SUICIDE DIVE FROM MAX IRONSIDE!

The force knocks Priscilla flying backwards, straight over the barrier into the laps of the fans. The crowd cheer Ironside, who has a smile on his face from this little big of own back he's managed to achieve. He looks up at Ruxx, who sends a smile his way, before looking back at the still downed Prince Albert…

He measures him…

Then leaps…



























TRASH COMPACTOR!!! Ruxx delivers that HUGE ELBOW DROP right across the already injured head of Prince Albert!

Ruxx hooks his leg!

Wilford Brimley: ONE…












































TWO…













































THREE!

DING DING DING

The crowd go absolutely wild, perhaps one of the loudest reactions yet in the whole of the AWF. Ruxx is up to his feet, arm raised by the referee, an almost dumb found look on his face, but also one of pride. At last, through his hard fought career so far, the impressive and talented Ruxx Rampede has picked up his first, much deserved, win.

Mark Beverly: The winners of this match: Max Ironside, Big Homunculus, and RUXX! RAMPEDE!

Lance Storm: Ruxx has finally done it! He's picked up a win in AWF! So deserved... this was a long time coming!

Christian Cage: Yeah whatever Lance.

Boneius just slowly walks down the steel steps, barely even responding to the result, as he moves towards the back with the same slow, uninspired walk that he arrived with. Homunculus meanwhile is in the ring quickly, Black Clyde too, and the two look over at Ruxx with eyes filled with joy. The trio all hug, so incredibly happy for their leader Ruxx Rampede. The three of them all hold hands, raising their arms into the air, to uproarious cheers from the crowd that drowns out the music.

Ironside and Rayna clap on the outside of the ring, before rolling inside and giving props to Ruxx, who seems incredibly respectful towards them. Clyde does too, though Homunculus avoids eye contact. Ironside ignores this, as he pats Ruxx on the shoulder, before exiting the ring.

The Three Big Niggas raise their arms in the air once more, victorious, as the scene fades out to commercial on this triumphant shot.

Ruxx Rampede, Big Homunculus, & Max Ironside d. Priscilla Kelly, Barron Boneius, & Dyno-Mike in 12:49

---

---

A return to the Bondage Bash

CUT TO GIG ROOM

The pair enter the gig to find DJ Attycus and Local Leather both in puddles of sweat and playing these songs at the same time:



The clash of sounds is disgusting, shameful even. The people in the room seem to really being enjoying it though, thinking of it as more of an abstract art installation than an actual gig.

Both Lucy and Local Leather pause playing as they see Laci and Rockstar Spud burst in. Spud looks at the floor and shakes his head as he marches up to the stage.

Ziggy
(off mic)
Thank god you're here pal, we need to drown out this fucking rave shite so we can do our gig and get on tele.

Spud
(off mic)
I've got an idea, just go with it.
(on mic)
Good evening Bondage Bash!!!!!!

Laci is on the other side of the room with Lucy, she seems to know what Spud is up to and is communicating this to her. The crowd cheer.

Spud
Sorry that I'm late to the stage, I wasn't gonna do this tonight, I'm assuming the lads have already introduced themselves but if not, let me present to you, The Guitarist so feral he gave a badger rabies MR FRINGEEEEEE (short solo), not to be outdone, some call him the one, some call him the pretty one, some call him for child maintainence cause' he's probably got a few, Z Z Z Z ZIGGGYYYY!!!!! And on the drums, level headed, clever, driving license, he does certainly bring a lot to the table but first and foremost he's a cuddly beast PISTON PANDA PATTTERRSSSONNN!!!

The crowd are in a frenzy, this is how Spud fantasises about his gigs. Laci gives spud the thumbs up and Lucy smiles and nods along.

Spud
And well I'm Rockstar Spud.

The crowd go even crazier.

Spud
Now usually we go by the Local Leather....... BUT TONIGHT, Tonight we aren't that, Tonight we have graced with the presence of Godess of The Decks, so tonight, I'm sorry, you will not see Local Leather, Tonight if she's willing we bring to YOU, ATTYCUS X LEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT DJ ATTYCUS' SHOOTS A LAZER FROM HER STAGE TO LOCAL LEATHERS, THE LAZER WIDENS INTO A SYMBOLIC BRIDGE OF STYLES. SHE GETS IT.
SHE PRESSES A BUTTON AND REMIXES WHAT SPUD JUST SAYS WITH THIS:



The crowd and Local Leather are lapping it up and then ATTYCUS X LEATHER PLAY THEIR FIRST SONG.



This is amazingly performed, DJ Attycus is clearly transforming and enhancing what was a shitty band in Local Leather to something far beyond that. Smiling at one another across the room for how they've managed to overcome an attempt at sabotage by Priscilla, the two groups start to get ready to play a second set. As they ready up though, a loud voice blasts through the room, enhanced by a megaphone, cutting through everyone's attention.

Priscilla Kelly
EVERYONE'S ATTENTION PLEASE!

The room turns, attentive, to look at Priscilla Kelly, megaphone in hand, as she stands on a third stage that rises from the floor. Rockstar Spud and Laci Valentine both look speechless, especially as the stage becomes bigger and more attention grabbing than both of the ones they're on.

Priscilla Kelly
I'd like to give a big thank you to our two… OPENING acts!

Spud
You bitch.

Suddenly, the stages stood on by both Local Leather, and Laci and Attycus, start to lower into the floor, turning both groups into nothing more than just more party guests. Laci and Spud are red in the face, looking up at the smirking Kelly furiously.

Priscilla Kelly
Now, everybody welcome the main act of the night! My good friend… Ron Killings… R-TRUTH!!!

R-Truth bursts out onto the stage to rapturous applause, the crowd immediately flocking to his stage to watch him perform, as he starts throwing out numerous 'WHAT'S UP!'s. Priscilla looks from the jovial R-Truth, over to the enraged Laci and Spud, a knowing smirk on her face. As Spud balls up his fist, Priscilla returns a mocking giggle, and then a wink, before moving off of where she's lost within the crowd.

Fringe
What's happening now then?

By the time Ron 'The Truth' Killings has gotten through his latest release, Hit 'Em Up, the entirety of the Bondage Bash has flocked together to enjoy the wonderful rapping ability he brings to the table -- bottlenecking out of the double doors. In the front of the pack, Commissioner Booker and his wife Sharmell have managed to find a comfortable space to enjoy the tunes, while Truth's biggest fan of all time, Randy Orton, hops along to the song before RKOing a scrawny gimp out of nowhere.

The lighting upon the house returns to normal as Killings announces a brief intermission and leaves the stage. Priscilla Kelly is the first to greet Killings off the stage with a big hug, but having noticed his old friend, Ron doesn't delay in walking over to hug Sharmelle just as warmly and dap up the commish.

Ron Killings
What's goin' on, dawg?

Sharmell
Alright, honey, I was just waiting to see if Ron would show up, but I can't do this another minute.

Killings gives Sharmelle another hug before saluting Booker once more, having to make more welcoming rounds amongst the dissipating crowd before his set continues. The Huffmans begin toward the clearing double doors.

Commissioner Booker
Just let me say bye then we'll--

Sharmell
You should stay. I just couldn't be caught dead in here for another minute. You need to make nice with some of these folks, Book; they all think you're just a yes-man.

Commissioner Booker
I'm just doing my job.

Sharmell
Being here is your job.

Her kiss seems to end the debate. The BMW keys already in her grasp, he watches her leave as a man in a Marsellus-Wallace-in-the-basement-costume approaches with a tray full of drinks: a water bottle beside a glass filled to a quarter by a dark liquid next to a twelve ounce bottle of Tropicana behind a Sumol can. Booker looks around at the display, noticing his World's Champion hitched onto Killings' arm, before turning back to the tray and taking from it the glass.

Cut to Stone Cold, reciting the ending lyrics of Hit 'Em Up while waving his guitar around.

Stone Cold
WHAM!

On cue, Austin cracks the instrument over the head of the fetishized Ernie walking by.

Stone Cold
Like the Honky Tonk!

The acoustic neck goes up next to a middle finger, before both are dropped. Eyes watch as he walks over the body then out the double doors.

Cut the other side of the door, Austin swinging around it and into the room dramatically as if he's walking into the exploding barrel scene from the old RAW is WAR intros. He either doesn't notice or doesn't care to wait for the kid approaching the same bucket of ice as him, cutting right in front to reach in for a beverage. When he pulls his hand from the water and sees it's a White Claw --

Stone Cold
AW SHIT!

-- he chucks it across the room. In the throw, he notices an opened bottle of Jack Daniels beside some small clear plastic cups on a table beside the bucket and makes a beeline. The drink poured, he turns to notice a familiar looking kid cracking up a Sprite.

Stone Cold
Hey! Hey kid!

The kid looks up, revealing to the camera to be Lucas. His eyes goes wide, intimidated by the presence of a wrestling legend of Austin's caliber.

Stone Cold
You look familiar, kid!

Austin notices his trepidation.

Stone Cold
What's the worry, son? Dontcha know it's Stone Cold?

Steve reaches for another plastic cup then the Jack.

Stone Cold
How old're you kid?

Lucas
.... T-Twelve.

Stone Cold
Ain't ready for that.

The cup and Jack are dropped, then he reaches into the bucket to pull out and hand Lucas a White Claw.

Stone Cold
You should only drink this when your balls ain't dropped. But hell, son, ain't your dad name you... Derek? Donovan?

Austin downs his pour of Jack in a single swig.

Stone Cold
Dominick! Yea-heah! Then the match with Eddie!

Lucas' face turns as he realizes. Stone Cold looks lost when the White Claw is chucked across the room, and the kid scampers off.

Stone Cold
Hell, he's got taste already.

Another pour and another swig.

Cut. We join Homunculus 1 hour 14 minutes and 36 seconds into a secret hand shake with Dennis Rodman. Both men are tiring, but just as they would in their respective fields of competition, they push through the pain barrier and execute the spiralling-triple-front-flip-into-splits-back-to-feet and fist bump finish. Rodman gets a rebound somehow and the two men casually nod. They are clearly very familiar with one another.

Homunculus then finds his own pocket of space in the party and scans the surrounding area, his eyes darting back and forth to make sure he is not being observed, before reaching his fingers into his pocket and retrieving a hand full of what can only be described as morsels of raw meat. His eyes continue scanning his surroundings as he devours the pink flesh.

Despite his preoccupation with eating covertly, he hasn't actually secluded himself whatsoever, and is very conspicuous as he mashes the mystery meat into his maw.

Cut. Cherie always considered herself the life of the party so when her sister, the tall and foreboding one of the pair was the first to find someone she had something in common with she found herself sitting in an overstuffed chair, pouting like a toddler.

Cherie
That’s right... because Victoire is the smart one. We’re at a party, she hates parties!

Her words come out mocking. She then crosses her arms over her chest. Suddenly someone beside her speaks.

Stranger
You know, people might think you’re crazy for talking to yourself

The man is wearing one of those gimp masks so Cherie couldn't know who the man was underneath it, only that they were indeed a man.

Cherie
I am not crazy! I am simply dérangé

The man takes a seat on the stool next to her.

Gimp
I have no idea what that means but I take it to mean it isn't good.

Cherie, still pouting nods, not moving the rest of her body even a millimetre.

The man calls over a waiter and takes two glasses of champagne from the tray, handing her one.

Gimp
Drink, you’ll feel better. Like you said, it is a party. You’re meant to have fun.

Cherie
This is not exactly... my sort of fun.

Gimp looks around while sipping as best he can trough the zippered mouth of his mask.

Gimp
Me either, but I figured I’d be a good sport. Say, aren’t you part of that female tag team that signed up recently?

Cherie’s eyes immediately light up.

Cherie
Yes, I am Cherie!

She offers the man her free hand as if she expects him to kiss it. He takes it lightly and playfully says,

Gimp
Enchante. It’s the only French word I know.

Cherie giggles. It comes out rather immature and obnoxious to anybody listening but to her it is just her natural way of behaving.

Cherie
That’s okay, I’ll let it pass this time. So who are you under that dreadful mask?

Crossfade out of this segment of The Bondage Bash to the locker room area of the arena. After missing a week of pre-match camera time, “The First” Phil Goode arrives backstage. His gray velour sweat suit is flowing naturally with the wind from the central air conditioning of The Forum. His movements appear to be a calculated, but they come off a bit sluggish. Goode is bruised and visibly hurting but his eyes say that he is ready to fight. Just before his match in the second edition of the Redemption Royale, he is met by AWF’s own Kevin Kelly. Behind the two men stands three 4K monitors with the AWF PRIMETIME logo glowing from them. As Kevin Kelly begins to welcome the battered superstar, he is immediately cut off and left there to watch in wonder, in awe, and idle.


Phil Goode
(Grabbing the microphone out of Kevin Kelly’s hand, Goode removes the AWF branded mic flag and starts to slowly gaze at the camera) The last few weeks haven’t been great for The First. (Dramatic pause, the crowd can be heard booing from his position all the way in the back.

The “First Things First … From The First” phrase seems to be picking up steam. Various camera shots/angles of the audience show four different posters sporting the tagline.

Phil Goode
(Reflecting) On live television, I lost track of what actually mattered in my life (rubbing his bearpaws against his beard). I lost sight of my legacy and chased down a man who could never stand toe to toe with me. I cannot believe I even gave him the time of day.

Kevin Kelly nods attentively.

Phil Goode
It’s been eating at me… withering away any confidence I had built over the course of my time here in AWF. (Passionately) But I can’t let that be my downfall! I won’t let it break my spirit. His name isn’t even worthy of coming out of my mouth anyway.

Goode hucks a wad of spit on to the floor.

Phil Goode
To make things worse… during the biggest show of my career so far… my debut on a PPV card, I was embarrassed, I was brutally beaten, and I was pinned.

Goode takes a moment of silence to emphasize the significance of being pinned. Clutching a firmer grip on the microphone and angling his hulking shoulders towards Kelly.

Phil Goode
In my sad and sick brain, I am still undefeated. (Begging Kevin Kelly to question his remark) It’s not like he earned it… He didn’t execute an immaculate maneuver to bring this GOODE guy down. He didn’t even he do it on his own.




Kevin Kelly nods attentively again but this time in a more compassionate manner. Kevin Kelly can’t help but agree with Phil Goode.

Phil Goode
When you have to resort to cheating, weapons and memes to win, that’s a clear indication of two things.

Goode’s fat middle finger and index finger extend out as if he were praying for peace.

Phil Goode
(Ahaha) First and foremost, you must suck.

The capacity crowd in The Forum pops. Goode grows a devilish grin in the back.

Phil Goode
Secondly, it shows your lack of respect for this business. WE GET IT. We all know how much of a bitch Roderick Kross is.

An even bigger pop arises as everyone in building can finally agree on something.

Phil Goode
We understand that his balls are as smooth as Stone Cold Steve Austin’s dome. (Long pause to account for the fans reaction) At this point, he’s an afterthought… we don’t care anymore (shrugs). When I FIRST entered the ring as a young man, I was engulfed with feelings of admiration, love, and care. I give a DAMN and that’s the difference!

Phil Goode grabs Kevin Kelly by his pencil neck.

Phil Goode
I’m not asking for a rematch because honestly, he doesn’t deserve it but what I am asking for is some justice. As an independently contracted member of this federation, I am asking the Commissioner Mr. Booker T, and the Owner Mr. Bret Sergeant Hart, to take immediate action and reprimand one of their own.

Goode releases Kevin Kelly’s pencil neck.

Phil Goode
(With fierce intensity) Goddamnit I can’t take it any longer, I keep hearing that foul, screeching voice in my head. (Scraping and scratching at his own ears) The voice of a man who has no dignity or morals. Day In and day out this man risks the lives of 2996 people and goes on smiling like everything is fine. (Internally attacking the voice in his head and the noise of the audience) To answer his question… to answer that aching, nagging question of his… (Practically yelling at the top of his lungs) PHIL GOODE DOES NOT FEEL GOOD, PHIL GOODE DOES NOT FEEL GOODE, PHIL DOES NOT FEEL GOODE!

Winded, Goode begins to calm himself by taking long, hard, deep breaths and continues.

Phil Goode
You see what that does to me? (Waiting for a response to his rhetorical question, which he does quite often) I had to take some time to be alone, that’s why you didn’t hear much from me on Primetime 4. Every waking moment since my loss at Gold Rush, I’ve been fighting with myself.

Phil Goode
It was essential that I got away from all the pyrotechnics and color commentary (points at the camera as if he is speaking directly to Lance Storm and Christian Cage). I headed back to the states. (Slight pause) I made my way to the home of AWF’s next PPV; The Brawl at Yankee Stadium. I needed that main event energy. I thrive off it.

Soften his tone.

Phil Goode
I’m no stranger to the Big Apple, the goode people of New York City embraced me with open arms when I was drafted FIRST overall by their team. In fact, I think it’s a lot better than this crack-riddled, rat-infested, ass-backward city known as "Inglehood".

Acid rain falls from the nosebleeds and Phil Goode begins to melt like a wicked witch. Wait… does he? No, he does not because this is not the land of OZ. The crowd boos aggressively

Phil Goode
Yeah, boo all you want but look at what I’ve been through, take a glimpse at the unfortunate life of the Goode one.

Now displaying from the three monitors is a series of vignettes documenting Phil Goode’s night on the town. These are only fragments of his time in the city of sin and boy is he sinning. Goode is bar hopping across Manhattan and is clearly rocked. The goode guy’s BAD side is certainly shining through. The camera and its handler follow him into a hole in the wall bar called The Pork-Cute-Pine. Here, Goode attempts to order a round of drinks for everybody.

Silence.

Phil Goode
(Already intoxicated) ANAHBODIE WANANNA DIRNK!?

The eight and half persons in the establishment go on about their business. Conversations between themselves continue.

Phil Goode
(Unable to read social cues because of his level of intoxication) I’LL WILL DIRNKATA THAT! (Addressing the bartender) LEMON GETEAH ROKS ONA JACK!

Bartender
(Stone-faced and mute.)

Phil Goode
(Confuzzled) BAR? ISIS A BARRABAS? IS DIS A RAB? NO BAR? NYCE BRA BRO CANADA DUDE GETEAH NIP SLIP.

It is super clear that sober Phil Goode is disgusted with himself and hates to be drunk like that. The vignette continues but now he is in the middle of Times Square. He stumbles to pick up a small baggie containing a white substance and puts it in his pocket. The cameraman can be heard telling him to chill out, but Phil is long gone. LONG GONE.

Phil Goode
(Emptying his pockets frantically) NO. NO. NO. NO.

The small baggie that Goode put in his pocket is no longer holding the white powdery contents. Instead, his black velour sweatpants are now grey. Phil Goode is beyond irate now and causes a huge scene. He is rightfully targeted by the police and confronted with an ultimatum. They ask him to slow his roll or he will be locked up for the night.

Phil Goode
(Slurring is not even the word for his response) BVBTCH I PHILL GOODE!

He doesn’t fight the six officers trying to now apprehend him because he knows his own strength… even when his incoherent. The boys in blue handcuff the large man and send him to the drunk tank for the night. The cameraman captures his face before riding off in the police vehicle and it is not a pretty sight. Goode’s eyes are in the back of his head and his tongue is flopping across his chin like a purebred boxer.

The camera cuts back to the broadcast, now Kevin Kelly is disgusted but Goode looks more determined than ever. He’s coming.

Phil Goode
(Goode shakes his head and neck, swings his arms and legs, then says) I feel like it’s a GOODE day for REDEMPTION.



He picks up the mic flag that has been lying on the ground the entire time, and hands the mic back to Kevin Kelly. Goode extends the mic flag out to Kelly with his left hand but lets it fall back to its original position on the ground and exits to his right.



In similar cues as displayed Gold Rush, ‘The First’ Phil Goode emerges from the curtain, although with the slightest limp -- still in his velour sweatpants, the jacket ditched for just his black wife-beater. Cut to show the other four participants in the Redemption Royale II having already been ushered to the ring: Athena, Kendrick Kross, Tony Savage, and Matt Sydal.

Mark Beverly: This! Is the Redemption! Royale! Coming down the aisle, from Iowa City, Iowa, weighing two hundred sixty five pounds -- he is THE FIRST! PHIL! GOODE!

Glory-basking turns into cautious watching as he realizes the similar situation in which he’s found himself, unpleasant flashbacks from last PrimeTime’s Gauntlet for the Gold surely playing in his mind. With a certain haste he rolls under the bottom rope…

Ding!

… and immediately back out! At that time, the four in the ring collide -- Athena and Matt Sydal on the far side of the ring, Kendrick Kross and Tony Savage just near him. He snags at both of their ankles, sending both down to the apron, then takes the same grip to force them both out of the ring at once!

Lance Storm: Impressive strength by Phil Goode.

The man is speedy and bloody strong on planted feet, tugging both men by their hair to their feet, then sending their heads smashing into each other! Groggy, they can’t resist his lasting hold as he hobbles his safest and quickest way to throwing Savage into the ring post, speeding around the bend -- accidentally knocking loopy the assigned official Cal Elton on the outside as is tradition in a royale -- while on his run to throw Kendrick Kross back first into the steel steps!

The camera stays on the man as he doesn’t give Kross much of a breather prior to his sending him into the ring. Savage is met by Goode’s boot to the face, then is sent into the ring himself. Upon his own entry, Goode rushes Athena -- before SHE SENDS HIM UP AND FLYING OUT OF THE RING, OVER THE TOP!

HE’S ELIMINATED!












WAIT NO! The referee is still down, and as soon as Goode realizes this, it is Athena that’s pulled by the ankle and out of the ring! In a quick motion, she’s put in powerslam position then sent flying into the nearest barricade! He looks a savage as he grabs at her and rolls her underneath the bottom rope, following just behind.

Sydal gets clobbered by a damn goode lariat! Kendrick and Savage are using both each other and the ropes to get to their feet -- ONLY FOR A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO SEND THEM BOTH OVER THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR!

Cal Elton watches from the floor the scenario as he scurries away from the falling men. He sees their elimination, and motions to the ring announcer.

Mark Beverly: Kendrick Kross and Tony Savage have been eliminated!

Matt Sydal attempts an enziguri on Athena, who has recovered into the ring, but it’s ducked and shed with a push into the corner -- but he’s to the top -- NOT SEEING PHIL GOODE CHARGING HIM! HE’S PUSHED HIM OFF!

Mark Beverly: Matt Sydal has been eliminated!

Athena takes advantage of his lean against the ropes -- ONLY TO BE CAUGHT WITH THE SAME MOVE SHE DID HIM BEFORE, OVER THE TOP!

DING DING DING

Phil Goode realizes without hesitation, limping to the center of the ring to meet Cal Elton in the ring, who grabs at his wrist.

Mark Beverly: The winner of the Redemption Royale: PHIL! GOODE!

Christian Cage: He just single-handedly won that match, and in his sweats! That’s a first!

Goode’s stare is stern in the hard camera when his hand is raised, before his arrogance comes about with his grin and laugh. The crowd shows absolutely no support as he takes to the second ropes for pose.

Phil Goode wins the second-ever Redemption Royale in 3:36

A crossfade back into The Bondage Bash. Laci takes a step toward the champion only for Spud to put a light hand to Laci's chest.

Spud
Not worth it.

He shakes his head. Laci is still recovering from the way that the two of them had just forgotten any animosity in a heartbeat. Even though she had been born and raised in a country known for being full of over apologising pushovers, she hadn’t expected Spud to just bury the hatchet so easily. Spud’s next words knock her from her own headspace back to the reality of the situation. The fact that Priscilla had fucked with them both... Twice in one night.

Spud
Besides, that bloke is just a novelty when it comes to music, he shoulda opened for us.

Priscilla winks at the pair before turning to her guests. Laci clenches her fists at her side. It wasn’t entirely true, R-Truth did have some talent when it came to rapping, not that Laci would really know anyway since music was not really something she could make and sort of discernible comment on.

Across the room, a downtrodden Lucy starts to pack up her equipment when the 'cuddly' drummer known as Panda wanders over. He has his hands in his pockets as he watches the woman in a purple wig and revealing clothing busy herself over unplugging wires from her speakers.

Panda
Hey, so that sucked. Do you... maybe need some help packing up?

Lucy looks up, already determined to turn down the offer until she makes eye contact with the man in front of her and she immediately smiles.

Lucy Richards
Yeah, I'd like that.

Back across the room, Spud sees his immense Drummer and he points it out to Laci. Laci of course is surprised that Lucy is legitimately smiling at the man.

Laci Valentine
I've never seen Lucy smile like that. In fact, she's never really even talked about dating or guys so I didn't even know her type.

Spud
Same for me in regards to Panda. Never really knew he was into odd girls.

Laci turns, furrowing her eyebrows at the man.

Laci Valentine
Hey... Don’t blow all your brownie points that you earned. Up until a half-hour ago I still was pretty aggravated by you.

Spud
No one can ever stay mad at me. Come on then, let’s get something a bit stronger than that soda we were drinking, eh?

Laci screws up her nose.

Laci Valentine
You call it Soda too.

Spud
Well, what do you call it then?

Laci puffs up her chest.

Laci Valentine
Pop.

Spud laughs loudly. Laci doesn’t share in the joke

Spud
Like the sound effect?

Laci’s brows once again are furrowing in that telltale annoyance she had previously expressed feeling toward him. She punches him in the shoulder.

Spud
Ow! What was that for?

Laci Valentine
You know damn well what it was for... Mama’s boy.

But she smiles after saying it and winks at him. She decided that maybe, there were more important things to worry about tonight and she found that it was actually pretty easy to talk to Spud in person, so also had to admit that he did actually live up to the hype he gave himself. AT least, when it came to wrestling anyway. They make their way to the bar and take seats next to each other when a man wearing a leather collar with silver studs saunters up.

Laci Valentine
Daiquiri, please.

Spud smirks as he orders a domestic beer.

Spud
I never pictured you as the type to drink frilly things. You don’t act like a frilly girl by any means.

Laci turns slightly to face him in the seat.

Laci Valentine
Nope. I just really like strawberries.

The man returns with the two drinks. Laci’s even has whipped cream on top of hers and she smirks at it.

Laci Valentine
You’re right... it does seem sort of frilly.

The pair immediately laugh.

Spud
So... How did you get into wrestling anyway? I heard a rumor you actually have a degree from some Toronto University. Why not get a job that not only pays well but doesn’t have the potential to cripple you permanently?

Laci was wondering when the subject would come up after Lucy had posted that video of her. She didn’t know if she was comfortable actually admitting what she had a degree in just yet though.

Laci Valentine
I took something I was interested in on a scholarship. My Step-father made it his mission to prove that I was good for nothing, so I made it mine to prove him wrong at every available opportunity. But as for why I got into wrestling, well that’s a rather long and convoluted story.

Spud looks behind him where he can vaguely see his mates sitting around the now jovial Lucy. She’s pulled off the purple wig, letting her blonde hair curl around her shoulders. He then looks back to Laci.

Spud
I got time.

Laci had never had anyone, other than Lucy show any sort of interest in her as an actual person before. She was also unsure of whether or not she could fully trust this man either but decided that a few tidbits would probably be safe to reveal.

Laci Valentine
My step-father is abusive. I started learning how to fight because he kept taking out things on my mom. One night, I got in between them and I had to use a lamp to knock him out. It was then that I decided that I needed to get stronger and never allow myself to be in a situation where I couldn’t defend my mom or myself.

Spud shakes his head.

Spud
Why not report him? Why doesn’t your mum leave him?

Laci Valentine
She thinks she loves him and she thinks she deserves it. Every time I go and see her she has a new bruise or injury. I swear one day I’m just not going to be able to handle it anymore and I’m going to put a bullet in his head…

She suddenly stops. In these moments was when her anger and her anxiety melded together and created something she was not only ashamed of but something she kept hidden. She hadn’t intended to let it get that far, so she laughs it off a bit.

Laci Valentine
Not that I could ever get my hands on a gun anyway... I live in Canada after all…

She shrugs her shoulders but the use of sarcastic humor doesn’t sway Spud away from the feelings she had expressed, but he seemed to know better than to press the topic further, especially when he didnt really known her well enough to dig deeper.

Spud
Well, I've been at the other end of your abilities Lace, I don’t think anyone not trained to take them will do much surviving.

The compliment actually allows Laci to warm up more to the man, and after a bit more consideration and a few more beers. They moved from the stools to a leather settee set up in the foyer. One of the scantily clad men walks by with a tray, three half classes of champagne and the open bottle on his hand, Laci stands, stumbles and laughs before grabbing the bottle of champagne by the neck.

Laci Valentine
Yoink! I’ll take that good sir....

She puts on a fake, overexaggerated English accent that Spud, in his also inebriated state laughs at.

Spud
You could totally pass for a brit…

Laci turns, her blue eyes going wide.

Laci Valentine
You Totally know I could! I’m Canadian, that’s like half British already.

Spud
Totally…

Laci looks out the open door, catching the back of the Gold statue in the driveway.

Laci Valentine
Hey... I totally just thought of how ridiculous that thing is…

She points to the statue

The Pair Stare up at the statue with ill intent.

BEAT

Both look down in sync and lock eyes. Laci gives a slight smirk, Spud moves ever so slightly closer to her.

BEAT

All at once a huge rattle and crash is heard as Fringe stumbles through front door carrying just 1 crash cymbal and his guitar case on his back. The pair turn their attentions towards him. Fringe is paying a massive amount of attention to this balancing cymbal.

Spud
Where's the rest of the stuff mate?

Fringe
Are you joking?

We enter the mind of Fringe.

Fringe sees a colourful meadow, the lude bushes are all burning. When Fringe looks at the cymbal he sees the entire drum kit tentatively balanced atop, any sudden movement would collapse this crazy tower of his making. He's ever so careful as he wanders past the pair and up towards the van which to Fringe seems to be heavenly light radiating from it.

Caught slightly in the light he sees Snivley in Boneius' car and grins ear to ear upon seeing his friend.

We leave the mind of Fringe.

Spud and Laci share a laugh.

Next the door swings open and Lucy is holding it for Panda who is carrying a crazy amount of equipment, while Lucy smiles following him.

Spud
Any of that ours?

Panda
(laughing and straining from the lift) Fuck off pal.

Spud
Alright where's Ziggy?

Lucy Richards
I believe his words were; "This shit's me all over, I'm staying"

The 4 all share a laugh before Panda and Lucy power up towards Lucy and Laci's van.

Laci downs some wine and passes it to Spud who does the same, takes a slight wince afterwards. Laci takes the wine from him and downs quite a lot of it. Not to be outdone, Spud does the same, and heaves for breath for a second. Laci takes the bottle and finishes it off.

Spud
Wanna come and help me get this gear then?

Laci Valentine
(exaggeratedly) Oh but you're a big strong guy, surely I can't be much help.

Spud
(laughing) I've never been described as a "big" guy darling.

The pair make their way back into the seedy party, merrily navigating the hallway now populated by; a human pup, 2 gimps crawling the ceiling like Spider-Man, an enormously fat man wearing a thong made from a Golds Gym vest and a dwarf Dressed as Priscilla Kelly.

Laci Valentine
(Playfully grabs Spud) Do not let any of these people touch me.

Spud
Likewise.

The two come to a door and stop puzzlingly looking at it.

Laci Valentine
This one, right?

Spud
I wasn't wavy when I last did this, probably?

The pair both grab the door handle by either side.

Both
3, 2, 1.

They swing the door open and step in, the room is pitch black, it's cold.

BEAT

Laci cuddles into Spud for warmth who reciprocates.

Voice
Hey, what the fuck? Who's in here?

A bold red light illuminates the room, at the entrance Spud and Laci, in the middle of the room are an assortment of people in diverse latex outfits. Up on the wall is a king sized bed, mounted to the wall and slowly rotating. Harnessed into the bed is ZIGGY, the group of latex people taking it in turns to cling on to him and perform various weird sexual acts, at this moment, 2 women have their legs wrapped around is midsection and are placing clothes pegs on various points of his body. Ziggy's guitar and amp are in the corner of the room.

Ziggy
Oh hey Spuds, how you doing man? Great party right, it's okay guys Spudsy a good mate.

Spud and Laci are wide eyed scarred by what they are witnessing.

Ziggy
This is great, you guys want a go?

Spud
I think we have the wrong room, we're gonna go…

Ziggy
Ave a good party pal, I'll see you tomorrow.

Spud and Laci hurriedly rush out of the room and directly opposite the door they just walked through is an identical door. Laci makes a face as if to say 'duh'.

The 2 enter the room and each grab equipment, Laci taking an amp and mic and Spud taking the remainder of the drum kit.

Spud
You gonna be okay with all that?

Laci Valentine
(Mockingly) You gonna be okay with all that?

The 2 share a laugh and leave the room carrying their stuff.

The house's front door swings open and Laci and Spud make their way past the statue, both spitefully staring at it. A can of spray paint rolls out of the back of the amp Laci is carrying. Both put down all their equipment and Laci picks the can up.

Laci Valentine
Why do you have spray paint in an amp?

Spud
We've gotta redo the sign on the van every few days.

Laci has an idea, Laci slides the amp she'd been carrying over to the statue.

Spud
What are you doing?

Laci Valentine
Come here, gimme a boost.

Spud walks over, stands atop the amp and lifts Laci so that she is eye to eye with Priscillas statue, Laci lifts herself upon it's shoulders, as she does a rather lage knife, flies out from her pocket to beside Spud below.

Spud
Why'd you carry a knife?

Laci Valentine
Lucy's jacket and I dunno…

Spud stares at the knife and has an idea of his own. Atop the statue Laci takes the lid off the paint and smiles, Spud moves towards the word "Champion" on the statue and using the knife etches a huge asterix (*) next to it, Laci sprays a giant handlebar moustache onto the statues face. Both giggle maniacally.

BEAT

Laci suddenly seems to realise just how intoxicated she is and is unsteady on the stumbles down the back, hanging onto it by the ears. Spud runs around the back.

Spud
Just drop, I'm here.

Laci does so and plummets into Spud's arms, Spud also being intoxicated, catches her but falls to the grass below.

The pair lying on the grass, glance toward the statue and giggle at their handy work.

Their gaze then focuses on one another, each breath synchronized, each twitch mirrored.

Laci slowly and shyly smirks at Spud, Spud reciprocates.

BEAT

Laci pulls Spud in closer.

BEAT

Spud draws Laci ever nearer, they're nose to nose now. They smile.

BEAT

Spud and Laci all at once share a passionate embrace. The two kissing feverishly under the star filled night's sky.

Cut.

Homunculus clogs the toilet.

Cut.

The plain black sedan that sits at the curb is a rental car, the windows tinted dark enough that it's impossible to see who's inside, but it's obvious that there is because it rolled to a stop across from the expansive drive that leads up to the house of Priscilla Kelly an hour ago and nobody got out. The driver's window lowers a crack, letting out the sound of a loud sigh before the view shifts to the interior to show Max Ironside sitting behind the wheel. His eyes are hidden behind a pair of binoculars that he's currently using to watch Laci Valentine and Rockstar Spud deface the horribly offensive golden idol sitting in the middle of the drive.

Max Ironside
Goddamnit. Those assholes stole my idea! This fucking sucks! I can't believe my rotten luck!

He grouses, letting out a groan.

Max Ironside
We came all the way over here for nothing.

Rayna
Please tell me you had something more planned than just spray-painting a Hitler mustache on her.

Max Ironside
To be fair, I hadn't really planned it out that well. I spent most of the time stewing over the fact that she's throwing this party and deliberately made it clear everywhere that we weren't invited. I saw fifteen or twenty separate blog posts about how awesome it was that she was being so inclusive to invite everyone on the roster. God, even Stone Cold and Booker and that random new French tag team are in there right now and we're sitting out here like-

Rayna
This was your idea, Max. 100% your brainchild. What happened to fighting the good fight in the ring and turning the other cheek? What happened to letting it ride now that you got your revenge on Albert and won that gauntlet?

Max Ironside
What happened to you talking me down BEFORE we drove all the way over here with a trunk full of supplies that’ll be likely to get us arrested if we get pulled over?

Rayna
Nah. We'll just tell them we’re demon hunters. They'll take one look at that Wednesday Addams wannabe and…

She breaks off mid-sentence, looking horrified as Laci and Spud start ardently making out at the base of the statue. From her vantage point, she has a really good and really unwanted view of the whole thing.

Rayna
So... don't look but... you're gonna have to wait a little longer.

She gestures vaguely towards the party. Max doesn't heed her warning and looks just in time to see the two bodyguard gimps at the door who are so into what Laci and Spud are doing that they’re now making out as well. It's like a weird and awkward orgy cult worshiping around the base of the statue. Rayna shudders and turns in the seat so she’s facing Max, forcing him to lower the binoculars before he goes blind.

Rayna
Salt and burn the whole place. That's what we need to do. Forget about the stupid statue. Let's go get some gasoline. Come back in an hour and really do some serious damage.

Max Ironside
Jesus Christ! I want to take that ego down a notch with a little misdemeanor vandalism. Not commit an actual… jail-time... crime.

Rayna
Suit yourself. I say if we don't see a window of opportunity in the next half an hour, we get the hell out of here. Deal?

Max Ironside
Deal.

Cut.

José Figueiras clogs up two toilets.

Cut.

Another black car pulls up. Inside is Kolotov dressed in a nice suit. Alaric is in the front driving in a black polo neck and shorts. Kolotov is almost bouncing up and down in the back from excitement. He looks out the window to see the paparazzi starting to swarm around the car. He steadies himself for a moment.

Kolotov
Ok, don’t drink to much, don’t talk to much, don’t go anywhere near the boss, those were his rules right?

Alaric ignores him.

Kolotov
You’re right, I’m doubting myself, be confident, ok, let's go.

Kolotov steps out the car and is immediately swarmed by cameras and questions. Alaric sits in the front angry for a few more beats. He gets out of the car to see Kolotov smiling and waving to the cameras. A single reporter walks up to Alaric.

Reporter Steve
Excuse me?

Alaric sees him. He straightens out his top and turns to the reporter smiling. Ready for his spotlight.

Alaric
How can I help?

Reporter Steve
You’re blocking my shot, move.

Alaric smacks the reporter's camera to the side and starts up the driveway. He pauses for a moment to admire the statue of Priscilla. Kolotov sees him and runs after him.

The two have arrived at the party.

Cut.

Booker finds all of the clogged toilets, just trying to have a fucking piss, mate.

Cut.

Victoire was not usually someone who enjoyed a party but in this case, she had found a couple who enjoyed many of the same topics as her, one in particular was indoor tropical plants. In fact, it was while admiring one of the subspecies of fern that Victoire had even started talking to this man and his wife. The conversation had been easy and she didn't even mind speaking in English.

The only thing that did make her uncomfortable was that the woman continuously touched her and Victoire would make slight movements to deflect it. She didn't enjoy that sort of attention from other women. In fact, she wasn't very interested in dating at all. She had no desire to find a mate, or to procreate. She wasn't even interested in casual coitus either.

Mid sentence, a voice interrupts the conversation and Victoire's older (but only by ten minutes) fraternal twin plows into their somewhat intimate gathering.

Cherie
Vic.. Vic... you'll never guess what happened…

Cheriè looks beside her to the average looking woman who was obviously flirting with her sister and back to Victoire.

Victorie
That was rude, Cher

Vic says in hurried annoyed French.

Cherie
You do realize what these two are after, right?

Victorie
Good conversation, what else would they be... after…

Cher looks at the pair again and notices their secret smirks. There was no shame or hiding the game that Cher had picked up on.

Cher pulls her sister down so that she can whisper hurriedly into her ear. Victoire's facial expression changes and her dark eyes stare holes into the couple who had used the premise of horticulture as a front to get a three-some.

Cheriè, of course revelling in the anger she feels radiate through her sister, turns a cocky, confident body towards the pair.

Cherie
You see, Victoire is a bit naive since she is completely asexual, so now you've just pissed her off. Believe me, you don't want to see what happens next…

The woman's eyes go wide before she starts pushing her husband away from the duo while Victoire silently seethes. Cher puts a hand on her sister's arm and pats gently.

Cherie
Forgive the ignorance, ma soeur. But, we are at a party full of sexual promiscuity.

Victorie
That's probably the biggest word you've managed to use all week, congratulations on not being a total idiot.

Victoire starts walking toward the front door.

Cherie
Hey... wait! Where are you going?

"Home. I have had enough of this... foolishness."

Cherie
But you didn't even let me tell you what happened…

Victoire continues to forge ahead.

Victorie
I don't care.

Cherie
What?

Cher looks devastated.

Victorie
I am not in the mood to deal with your shallow anecdotes. I am going back to the hotel. Are you coming?

Cherie
No. Just because you got all pissy doesn't mean I have to follow you like a puppy.

Vic gives an amused grunt.

Victorie
Would be a first.

Cherie
Hey... I heard that!

Cher puts her hands on her waist, trying to look enraged but it has zero effect on the bigger woman.

Victorie
You were meant to. Go then Cher. Just don't complain to me if someone takes advantage of you.

Victoire continues out the front door.

Cherie
Well I wasn't the one nearly pulled into a threesome!

She yells but the only ones that hear are the people standing around the door, they all stare at Cher as if she had another head.

Cherie
What are you looking at? You got a problem?

The people all stare at each other awkwardly and then go back to their previous conversations. Cher is now the one who feels awkward and goes to find a restroom. Fade to commercial.

---

---

The return is to a vignette, though not of the bash.



David Starr
So... what now? I built myself up...claimed to be the best professional wrestler...I may have lasted twenty plus minutes in that match...but I did nowhere near as well as I thought I would. I gave myself all the hype in the world...only to bring myself down with a slip up. I got too cocky. I thought I had that match won...but you all already know what happened...I lost. I got picked up and dropped on my head. There was no way I was getting out of that. There was no way I was going to comeback from that...I'll admit it. I was done.



David Starr
Eclipse got the better of me...thats all i really can say about that match. People can praise me for the effort I put into the match, they can praise me for eliminating Dyno-Mike all they want. But the praise means nothing to me...I didn't win the fucking match...I gave my all only to fall short. In my head I thought I had a chance at winning...in my head I thought that not only I had a chance...that I was winning the whole damn thing. Not realizing how much talent was going to be in that ring waiting for me. I was going into this thinking it was going to be an easy pay day, go in at #1 and eliminate everyone that came into the match. I didn't do that...hell...I don't even think I deserved to be in the top ten list for the last show.



David Starr
So... what's next for David Starr? What's the big plan for Davey Wrestling? I don't have one. Honest to God... I do not have a plan for what I am going to do next... Hell... everyone out there probably think's that I have already failed in my venture here. I wouldn't blame them. I feel like I failed... sure I gave one hell of a performance... but it meant fuck all. Because I didn't even make the final four people in the match... those that were in that match longer than me deserved to be there. I'm not trying to take anything away from them. They deserved to make it that far... they put up a better fight... they should get all the credit for the fight they put up in that match.



David Starr
Honestly... I feel lost. At least... I should after a loss like that. But there is one thing about David Starr that people who know me should already know. I don't know when to quit. I don't go down without a fight. I might have no one else to back me up on my venture thus far. Enough dwelling on the past...lets focus on what's coming up soon. My match against Laci Valentine and Eclipse...people are calling it a "Grudge Match". I don't think that it's the appropriate term for this match up, I hold no resentment towards either Valentine or Eclipse. This is wrestling, it's a Dog Eat Dog world. You want to watch a Grudge Match featuring me? Watch my war with one Jordan Devlin at OTTs Fifth Year Anniversary. THAT'S a Grudge Match. I used to consider him one of my closest friends... what me and Jordan had was a brotherhood... and it all got thrown away. I hate that fucking guy.



David Starr
If I never see Jordan for the rest of my life... I will die a happy man. But enough about my past... why look back on that shit when the future is now? Now... for my upcoming match against Laci Valentine and Eclipse. I'll start off by saying this to Eclipse. We have already met in the ring, and you managed to eliminate me rather quickly. But I guess that was a given seeing as I was in that match for over twenty minutes at that point, sure I had eliminated only one person but I had given my all up to that point. You came in as fresh as ever and hit me with with some strong strikes. I'll give you that. They were absolute killer. Then you managed to pick me up and drop me right on the head with your finish, nothing wrong with a good Piledriver, hell, I use a Piledriver, but I do it safely. You obviously didn't care if I lived or died. You dropped me right on the top of my head, I could've gotten seriously injured from that move. So... what does that have to do with our match? It only means that I now have a receipt to give you. It means that at some point during that match i am going to hurt you...really...REALLY bad. Them's the rules of the ring. Now... onto Laci, me and you haven't met in the ring yet. You were the entrant just after my elimination... I mean...that kinda makes sense, given that it was a gauntlet match... anyways, I'm getting off track.



David Starr
Laci... we haven't been properly introduced. My name is David Starr...or Max Barsky, whichever you prefer. I have nothing against you, hell, you are one hell of a wrestler in that ring! I went back and studied a couple of your matches, so I know what I was getting myself into. You have something special about you, I can't tell if its your passion for the craft, or your in ring skill... but you deserve more praise for your in ring ability. I hold no grudges against you, so I have two more things to say to you. Number one, I apologize in advance, I will not take it easy on you just because we have no prior beef. I am here to fight and most importantly, I am here to win. Secondly, I am wishing you the best of luck in our upcoming match. May the better competitor walk out with the win.



David Starr
Now... for some final messages. I know exactly what I am getting myself into here. I know why I came to AWF in the first place, I want to face the absolute best of the best. I want to put on instant classics with anyone and everyone. I also want to basically restart my run, I want to make this upcoming match something special, I want this to be one of the best matches I have ever had in my entire life. I know that my opponents have that in them. I want them to bring their A-Game, because this is professional fucking wrestling...not…



David Starr
...sports...entertainment. I want to fight the best that this company has to offer. I want to bring professional wresting back to the world. I want them to see real wrestling, not gimmick filled entertainment. Because I am Davey Fucking Wrestling, I am Professional Wrestling's One True Savior. I am The Cream In Your Coffee, Your Favourite Wrestler's Favourite Wres-...you know what? Fuck all of that, you all have heard that all before. I AM…



David Starr
THE BEST PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER, ON THE FUCKING PLANET!

Crossfade into the arena.



Although they were unsure last week, this week’s audience has surely welcomed the sound of Laci Valentine’s music warmly, the cheers growing louder when she finally emerges on the stage. She looks in a highly positive mood, taking in the response a minute prior to proceeding down the ramp ready to clap eager hands.

Mark Beverly: The following triple threat contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, weighing one hundred thirty pounds: the Heartbreaker! LACI! VALENTINE!

Lance Storm: A quick reminder that this is a AWF-style triple threat, not a three way dance. It’s the first fall to the finish, not elimination like we’ve seen before and will see in next week’s Provincial Championship bracket finale.

More cheers rain down on her when she takes to a turnbuckle taunt inside the ring, her grin never shying away.



David Starr emerges on the first guitar chord with a confident look on his face, the nice welcoming from The Forum certainly helping. Near the end of the stage, he stops to await his credentials.

Mark Beverly: Her opponents -- first -- from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing two hundred eleven pounds: The Product: DAVID! STARR

All the sudden, a foot can be seen swinging from the left-side of David Starr’s face before ruthlessly clobbering that very cheek. When he falls, Eclipse stands behind him as the culprit, grabbing the man’s head from the ground under her legs —



PILEDRIVER! ON THE STAGE!


Starr’s body goes limp as Eclipse admires her work in a backwards walk, not expecting Laci to have taken exception as she has, and getting the She-Borg from behind with a double axehandle. Eclipse falls to one knee, before popping up and catching Valentine with a modified Pelé kick, the foot following through more completely and viciously than the normal variation. The back of Laci’s head smacks against the ramp when she falls, only adding to the blow.

Laci tries to get away for a reprieve, hand on her afflicted skull, only for it to get a swinging kick to the face in her attempt, rolling her down the ramp — just not the way she wanted.

Cut to referee Wilford Daniels on the stage attempting to check on Starr, who lays limp although now with open, glazed eyes.

Cut to Eclipse charging down the ramp at Laci at the base of it, and successfully sending her flying into the side of the apron and to the ground with a running knee strike. The She-Borg hurts herself in executing the move and lays without air in my body.

Cut to Wilford Daniels being able to get murmurs out of David Starr, whose arms begin moving.

Cut to Laci rolling into the ring in order to get away from a pursuing Eclipse, assigned referee Cal Elton leaving the ring and up the ramp. Laci stands and turns, only to be met with four quick kicks to the chest, before an enziguri drops her!

Cut to Starr being helped to his feet by both referees.

Cut to Laci grabbing a gut kick from Eclipse, shooing it away — ECLIPSE WITH THE DRAGON WHIP — but it’s ducked, and Laci sends Eclipse to the mat with a jumping spinning heel kick of her own! Eclipse is up with a responsive lariat try, but Laci ducks it and grabs her into a swinging neckbreaker all in the same motion! Back up again, although with no nearly as much haste this time, Eclipse finds herself the victim of a headscissors that sends her through the ropes!

But she holds on, rather than suffering the full brunt. Laci’s endeavor to complete the task is matched by a witty She-Borg, who grabs the top rope to help pull her foot up for a roundhouse kick! Valentine wobbles away, not down until Eclipse has rebounded off the top rope and come down in the same form Valentine used in her earlier spin game heel kick!

SPEAR! As soon Eclipse recovers, David Starr has rolled under the bottom rope and caught her with the surprise takedown! Cal Elton is just behind as his punches wail toward the exposed part of her face!

Ding!

Starr lets up, and Eclipse takes the opportunity to do the same --




DISCUS STYLE HAN STANSEN!


THE SHE-BORG FLIPS IN THE AIR BEFORE THE FALL!

DAVID STARR WITH THE LEG HOOK!

Cal Elton: ONE!.....









































TWO!.....




























BROKEN UP BY LACI --


-- And done so via a legdrop across his neck after leading over the top from the apron outside! A cover of her own!

Cal Elton: ONE!...














































TWO!.....




























KICKOUT

Starr realizes Valentine won’t give him long, trying to his feet as she rebounds of the ropes --


HAN STANSEN!






DUCKED! To the next set of ropes -- SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK! She rolls underneath the bottom rope from the fall, then is up on the apron -- SPRINGBOARD FROG SPLASH ONTO STARR! The cover!

Cal Elton: ONE!........












































TWO!......































KICKOUT

SPINNING KNEE TO THE FACE! Laci Valentine doesn’t notice Eclipse stirring in this flurry, but catches the strike!

Eclipse drops just after Laci does.

Cal notices there’s not quite a moving body.

Cal Elton: ONE!

Laci and Eclipse stir simultaneously.

Cal Elton: TWO!

David turns to his stomach.

Cal Elton: THREE!

Eclipse is the first to a single knee.

Cal Elton: FOUR!

Laci is just behind her, right in her sights.

Cal Elton: FIVE!

Starr stirs, using the set of ropes behind Valentine to get up.

Cal Elton: SI---

Eclipse’s full rise stops the count, and she sends off a superkick! Valentine ducks it! HITS STARR! NO! HE DUCKS UNDER AND GRABS HER IN AWKWARD SUPLEX POSITION! HURLS HER OVER THE TOP ROPE AND STRAIGHT TO THE ARENA FLOOR!

Laci doesn’t let up, a gutkick keeling him over! She’s off the ropes and coming around with another swinging neckbrea-- no, he swings it back - gut kick of his own! A fast grapple now, pulling her center-ring: FISHERMAN’S MICHINOKU DRIVER! HE KEEPS HOLD OF THE LEG FOR THE PIN!

Cal Elton: ONE!.....









































TWO!.....


























KICKOUT

Starr’s on her as quickly as he can get to her, pulling her up despite his obvious fatigue -- JAWBREAKER! She catches him and he staggers against the ropes, back into her grasp and she takes him by the neck: spinning in into her knee, then spinning it again into a swinging neckbreaker!

Lance Storm: That neck is no good.

Laci seems to have a certain surge, deciding not to cover, but instead to ascend the top rope at a speed we’ve never seen from her before. With one opponent still on her back outside, the other in the center of the ring in similar positioning, she measures it, and hopes this time it works!









THE SHOOTING STAR!

















TWISTING INTO THE DRIVING KNEE!























INTO HIS FACE! IT HITS! SHE GRABS THE LEG AS HE BODY FLAILS UP!

Cal Elton: ONE!.......
















































TWO!......











































THREE!

DING DING DING

The look on Laci’s face as if to say ‘you’re goddamn right.’ She’s immediately to her feet, and the referee is there for the hand raise.

Mark Beverly: The winner of this match: LACI! VALENTINE!

The cheers rise alongside her arms, and she gives to the hard camera two rockstar hand gestures. Returning to the turnbuckle from before, the camera pans around nicely to show the proud woman amongst a sea of supporting people as fade back to The Bondage Bash.

Laci Valentine d. David Starr & Eclipse in 5:50

Alaric is screaming at the top of his lungs at the gimp suited bouncer stood before him, who looks back at him with a dismayed look as he holds the guest list in hand, Kolotov stood beside his brother looking flustered. Paparazzi are stood by, taking snaps at the Vampiric twins, prompting Rockstar Spud and Laci Valentine to move their little makeout session elsewhere as to avoid getting snapped.

Alaric
What do you mean I'm not on the guest list!? Alaric Dracislav!

Bouncer #1
Sorry buddy, it just says here 'Kolotov Dracislav'... oh, and 'his brother'… that you?

Alaric looks furious. Kolotov steps in to calm the situation.

Kolotov
Oh yes, that is us. We will be going in. Thank you gentlemen.

Bouncer #2
Say, ain't you from that new TV show? Hawaii Bone-O?

Kolotov
I am yes.

Bouncer #2
That's good shit dude. You're awesome.

Kolotov gives thanks in the form of a nod as the pair move through the doors into the party, Alaric still red faced and furious. Kolotov notices this, and tries to calm his brother.

Kolotov
It was a simple mistake my brother, we are inside now though! That is all that matters!

Alaric
Yes! To you! You were on the bastard list! Kolotov's brother… how disrespectful! I am more than that! I was the important one in the pair once!

Kolotov
I do not think one of us has ever been more important than the other-

Alaric
Where is that Priscilla Kelly girl! I'll give her a piece of my mind for not putting my full name on that list!

Alaric moves off from a sighing Kolotov, who stands awkwardly, nodding politely at passers by. Alaric meanwhile finds Priscilla Kelly in the crowd, and quickly stomps over to her. She sees him coming, and looking entirely un-intimidated, just smiles.

Priscilla Kelly
Oooh one of the vampires!

Alaric
My name is Alaric! And how dare you not include my full name on the guest list!

Priscilla Kelly
Oh! I'm sorry pet, was it not on there?

Alaric
It was not!

Priscilla stares at Alaric for a few moments, pondering on how to react. She gives a very relaxed smile.

Priscilla Kelly
Won't happen again.

Alaric
Well uuuh- thank you!

Priscilla Kelly
How's working for that Bonelord fellow?

Alaric
It is, well… it is not great…

Priscilla Kelly
Oh?

Alaric
He does not treat me with as much respect as I would like him to.

Priscilla Kelly
Well… that's just wrong isn't it!

Alaric
It is.

Priscilla looks across the party, over at a rather annoyed and grumpy looking Boneius. Something has clearly upset him, and he looks to be in no mood to argue with anyone right now, let alone someone he doesn't like. Priscilla grins.

Priscilla Kelly
Well y'know what I'd do? I'd go right up to him, and tell him that if he's going to keep you as his loyal henchman, things need to change! At once!

Alaric
You think so?

Priscilla Kelly
Of course! Right now! Do it now! No time to waste! There he is, look!

Priscilla turns Alaric around to face Boneius, before giving him a light push in that direction. Alaric gulps slightly, before turning to look back at Priscilla, uneasy at the suggestion. Boneius did after all tell him and his brother to avoid him at the party. Priscilla gives him a nod though, a surge of confidence to go do the deed, and Alaric gulps as he decides it's for the best. With a big intake of breath, Alaric moves through the crowd towards Boneius.

Once out of her sight, Priscilla turns and rolls her eyes, giving a little giggle.

Priscilla Kelly
Dumb fuck.

Homunculus wanders into the midst of the party and finds Priscilla.

Big Homunculus
Good evening Pale Woman of the west. I don't believe we have interacted very much.

Priscilla Kelly
Oh for fucks sakes I've heard about you.

Big Homunculus
That is most flattering, however you are for too long and thin for me to consider you attractive.

Priscilla Kelly
Thank god, what the fu-

Big Homunculus
There are surgeries that could change this, however I implore you to resist temptation and live your life for yourself. If you massacred yourself under the surgeon's blade then it would be futile, for my heart belongs to another. Party your sorrows away for we will never be lovers. It is not your fault. Fate can be a cruel-

Priscilla Kelly
Is this what you came over here to tell me?

Big Homunculus
No, I'm sure you already know your limbs are too long to meet conventional beauty standards, but beauty can come in many forms. Find a man with a bizarre fetish for 5'5 114lb women and he will see past your flaws and love you for who you are. You just need to be more confident. But I digress, I have clogged your toilet with, what is the word? The thing that reminds me of Max Ironside. Shit! I have clogged your toilet with shit..

Priscilla takes a moment to filter out Big H's self confessed digression and breaths. When everyone is coming for your neck it can take you by surprise when someone offers you support and encouragement, no matter how wildly misguided it is.

The music gets louder for reasons I have not thought through and will not think through.

Priscilla Kelly
Pick me for the most repeatedly thwarted get together in the world's history.

Homunculus looks inexplicably taken aback by this comment.

Priscilla Kelly
You know what? I have enough enemies to mess with tonight and I'm sure it was a mistake so forget about it.

Priscilla waits for Homunculus to respond, or at least for his indignant facial expression to change but he stands frozen in a shocked anger so she shrugs and walks away.

The music returns to a more normal volume. Why? Fuck you that's why.

Big Homunculus
Pygmy's are the most completely retarded feather getters in the world's history!!!!!? What is a feather getter? You will pay for this insolence.

He shouts this at the empty space Prescilla hasn't occupied for several seconds.

Homunculus pushes through crowds of people who are watching Ruxx Rampede entertain the masses with his world famous "Bin Man Swang" where he spins a bin on his head while doing the splits and asking people to jump into the bin while it spins.

Homunculus pushes past the joyous onlookers and walks into the spinning bin full of people head first. All the people fall out but Big H doesn't seem to have noticed.

Ruxx Rampede
Hey man you know not to interrupt the tempo of the Bin Man Swang!

Big Homunculus
My most sincere apologies brother, I just wanted to let you know I have some information to present to you in the basement in twenty minutes.

Ruxx Rampede
I'll be there, just put this bin back on my head and get it moving.

Homunculus obliges and picks up the bin full of broken bodies to balance it on Ruxx's head and start it spinning.

EXT. CAR PARK - NIGHT

Homunculus storms into the car park and opens up the pimped out garbage truck, rummaging around until he finds a bag marked "NOT DYNAMITE". He looks inside to see many C4 explosives. Well Homunculus is no liar.

He grabs the bag and turns around to see a sight that would bring any self respecting midget to his knees, Homunculus included.

Hayley Littleton stands before him, all the possible sexiness of a 6 foot Scandinavian model crammed into three and a half feet of woman. Her thick but toned thighs quickly widen at the hip before tapering in to her tight, flat waist. One of her svelte arms rests with a fist on her cocked hip while the other brushes her hair out of her face. She does a brief twirl revealing the way her glutes protrude out like a shelf from her lower back.

This is all visible because she wears nothing but two bondage straps. One vertical covers her dwarven pussy and raps up the back like a G string before rapping around the neck at the top, and one horizontal to cover her gravity defying breasts.

Hayley Littleton
I got your invite.

Big Homunculus
(a ten second long string of grunts that could not in any language be seen as words)

Hayley Littleton
Shame Gordon couldn't be here. I had no idea Prescilla hated him so much.

Ok maybe Homunculus is a liar.

Hayley Littleton
I felt a little self conscious at first about the dress code you described, but it was leg day today so I took it as an excuse to flex the merchandise.

She stretches out her leg and tenses and untenses her muscles, before turning around letting her ass briefly devour the bondage wrap between her ass cheeks.

She suddenly looks self conscious as Homunculus is staring with his jaw hanging wider than any jaw has ever hung.

Big Homunculus
One moment.

Big H disappears into a bush and there is intense ruffling followed by a primal groan. Homunculus exists the bush and returns to Hayley, ruffled and dripping with sweat.

Big Homunculus
Sorry, I was just masturbating for reasons unrelated to you, your body, or the way you look in the dress code I told you was mandatory for all women under 4 feet tall.

Hayley Littleton
That's good. Look I know I was a little cold to you at first, but Gordon is a great judge of character and he trusts you completely. Plus seeing the way you fought that Bony weirdo? I can't lie it was inspiring. You made him look like such a scared little bitch. He's obviously no match for you one on one.

Big Homunculus
Obviously.

Hayley Littleton
It gave me an idea, actually. I didn't just come to the party to have fun, I wanted to propose an idea to you. You've got a touch of greatness in you, sure, but that's not what makes people interesting. What makes people interesting is flaws. You're a little off the rails sometimes, you desperately desire a support network that you never got from family so you cling onto Binmen and Personal trainers. You're flawed, and that makes you interesting.

Homunculus sees his dreams coming true in front of him.

Big Homunculus
I love you too.

Hayley Littleton
Excuse me?

Big Homunculus
I love you too. That's why I lied and said Gordon couldn't come. It was my way of freeing you from his tyrannical possession. You are a free woman who can make her own decisions. You don't need that selfish bastard. We belong together.

Hayley Littleton
You piece of shit.

Big Homunculus
Excuse me?

Hayley Littleton
I was proposing I be your biographer. I want to get my name out there as a journalist and biographer and I saw potential in you for a relatable subject.

Big Homunculus
Oh, aye-

Hayley Littleton
And I'll have you know Gordon is a good man. Better than you'll ever be. He saw you get rejected by the other dwarves and took you under his wing. His work with the Little Person association is his life and he's seriously risked his reputation by standing up for you and refusing to back down. He said he knew I'd be fine at this lewd party because his good friend Big Homunculus would be here to look after me. I'm not going to tell him what you said because it would break his heart.

Homunculus stares at his hands for a moment as his dreams break into pieces and slip through his fingers.

Big Homunculus
I...I...errr

Hayley Littleton
I'll text you when we can meet to work on the biography. Don't you dare ignore me after pulling this.

Homunculus' brow furrows in shock.

Hayley Littleton
Don't look so surprised. I said I wanted flaws didn't I? Well I know you're more than flawed. You're dog shit.

She's about to leave then turns back to him.

Hayley Littleton
You should take a leaf out of Max Ironside's book. He has every reason to give up but never does. Be inspired by a real fighter like him if you can't see the goodness in a peaceful man like Gordon.

With that, Hayley Littleton turns and walks away. Homunculus eyes staring at the crease between her thick toned butt cheek and hamstring on every alternate step as tears drip from his eyes. As she disappears from view his despair turns to anger and to rage. He looks to the side and sees the bag of explosives.

Big Homunculus
I swear to god I will kill everyone but my brothers. Every fucking one of them!!!

INT. Basement - Night

Homunculus is in the basement and the walls are lined with explosives. The explosives carry on out of the room to fill other areas of the building. This going to be a demolition job. His Magnus opus. Da Vinci had the Mona Lisa, Van Gogh had Scream and Pusha T had Daytona. Homunculus would have the bondage bash massacre.

Ruxx Rampede, covered in lipstick marks and beed necklaces enters the room.

Ruxx Rampede
Oh for the motherfuckin'....what did I tell you about the arson, motherfucker? This is hardly worth my retainer.

Big Homunculus
Ignore the explosives, I am beyond persuasion and I have more pressing matters to discuss.

Ruxx Rampede
Pretty big bitch of an elephant in the room but I'm here for you brother.

Big Homunculus
I have conducted a study, the results of which will convince you to do the right thing. That is, join me in convincing Bret "No" Hart to kick Max Ironside off of our team and replacing him with Black Clyde.

Ruxx Rampede
We really discussing work matters at a party?

Big Homunculus
The grind never ends.

Ruxx Rampede
Ok true, true.

Homunculus reveals a presentation board with two pictures.




Big Homunculus
As you and I well know, one of these picture of ourselves and Black Clyde, while the other is of the three greatest winners in sports history. Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman. 99.99% of people could not tell the difference, The 0.1% was my close personal friend Dennis Rodman.

Ruxx Rampede
You surveyed ten thousand motherfuckin' people?

Big Homunculus
Yes.

Ruxx Rampede
And you're close personal friends with Dennis Rodman?

Big Homunculus
Yes. Please save further questions until the end of the TED talk. Furthermore, we asked the sample group to depict what they think of when they see Max Ironside and the amalgamated result of their answers was a weak and pathetic creature too disgusting to be depicted visually or shown to the naked eye. Whereas when they were asked to depict us, this was the average answer:

Big Homunculus
In conclusion, we are an intimidating and irresistible force of nature that should not be disrupted by pathetic cheating little pink men who pretend to be disabled, which is very offensive to myself as a dwarf. If you do not take my side on this matter, I cannot promise I will hold back tears, for I have had an emotionally testing night, to say the least.

Ruxx moves over to Homunculus, and puts an arm over his shoulder. He pats him on the pecs three times effectively.

Ruxx Rampede
Brother, you may cry at this, but I am afraid I'm gonna have to stop you from blowing this place sky high.

Big Homunculus
But…

Ruxx Rampede
Brother. Listen. Your trial is coming up, I was reminded of it by the boss man. Totally slipped my mind but yeah, that dumb little piece of pedophile shit Roderick Stone or whatever his fucking name is I actually have forgotten and he's not even on the roster page anymore to remind me what his fucking name is is pressing charges.

Homunculus nods.

Ruxx Rampede
Because you blew up his mum's fucking house, 'allegedly'. We all know Spud threw that dynamite but hey. That's not what Roderick's mum is saying the old slutty cum heap.

Homunculus begins to weep. Ruxx hugs him tightly.

Ruxx Rampede
I have a lot of shit on my plate because of you already. And that's fine, I want to defend you. I'm happy to defend you. But you need to stop making this shit hard man. What's got you worked up? Is that little dwarf bitch?

Homunculus nods.

Big Homunculus
I am trying to fill her with the homuncu-milk. I am trying my brother.

Ruxx Rampede
Sssssh. Ssssssssssh.

Homunculus puts his head on Ruxx's shoulder, crying more. Ruxx wipes his face with a wetwipe. Not his own. Homunculus's face.

Ruxx Rampede
How's that feel nigga?

Big Homunculus
Refreshing. Like a nice cold glass of Pepsi.

Homunculus gets too caught up in the thought of delicious Pepsi, prompting him to eat the wet wipe. Ruxx lets it happen. He has more wetwipes its okay.

Ruxx Rampede
And Ironside, that little Stephen Hawking motherfucker, he's a good guy. He's cool. He got me clean and square and fresh as air the other week. I made that up just then. It sucks. Anyway yeah, I love Clyde, that nigga is one of a kind, but we're booked with Ironside and we'll fight with Ironside. Give him a chance. I know you're upset he beat me, but I'm cool with it. I'll get that win soon. I'm telling you man, I will. Maybe in this next one, who knows? But let me worry about that brother.

Homunculus is still crying. He reaches into Ruxx's pocket and eats another wet wipe. Ruxx pats Homunculus on the back.

Ruxx Rampede
You're sad. I know. I've been there. I've loved and I've lost. It hurts. But you don't take out that anger by blowing shit up brother. You work on yourself. You improve yourself. Blowing this place the fuck up will not help, but coming with me, and getting some drinks down our asses, and maybe filling some other bitches up with homuncu-milk, that will. I'll help you brother.

Homunculus nods. Ruxx stands up, helping up his much taller friend.

Big Homunculus
Okay.

The pair walk up the steps, out of the basement.

Ruxx Rampede
There is a midget somewhere here dressed as Priscilla Kelly brother, could be up your street.

Big Homunculus
My heart only belongs to one woman.

Ruxx Rampede
Okay, I guess I'll be bringing the milk.

Cut. Orange stands against a wall clutching his OJ, absorbing everything around him. He had tried to talk to someone in a gimp suit, but they couldn't really hold a conversation. Orange looks at his watch.

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
Chuck and Trent will find me if they want to leave.

What he isn’t aware of, is a pair of beady eyes scouting out the Freshly Squeezed from the opposite side of the room. There stands Priscilla Kelly, drink in hand, lust in her eyes, licking her lips eagerly as she prepares to move over to her target. She’d seen him before this point of course, in the back during AWF shows, just passing by, but she’d never really seen him in this light before.

She knew she wanted him. And she was going to get him.

Orange pulls out a cigarette, lights it up and starts to walk around the room. All of a sudden he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around as he begins to speak

Orange Cassidy
I told you earlier I don't want any psychedel...oh. Hey Priscilla.

Priscilla Kelly
Hey there sweetums, thanks for coming. Real nice to see ya.

Priscilla leans on the wall next to Orange, stirring her drink with her straw, before flashing her bright blue eyes up at him.

Priscilla Kelly
I like all the white washed denim. Looks real good on you.

Priscilla inches closer to Orange, brushing up against him, her eyes reflected in her aviator sunglasses. She smirks flirtatiously up at Orange, in a way that would make the average man swoon.

Priscilla Kelly
Would look real good on my bedroom floor too. What do you say?

Orange can smell damn near the whole bar on her breath.

Orange Cassidy
How much have you had to drink tonight?

Priscilla Kelly
A bit. What’re you gonna do about it?

She winks at Orange, then licks her lips seductively.

Orange Cassidy
Wait right here.

Orange runs to the kitchen to retrieve a glass, then returns to Priscilla.

Orange Cassidy
Alright, let’s go.

Priscilla Kelly
Ooh. Where you takin’ me? Shall I close my eyes?

Orange Cassidy
Where’s your bedroom?

Priscilla Kelly
Ooh. Don’t have to use my bedroom deary, got plenty of different rooms for whatever your dirty ol’ mind is conjuring up! But if you want to be vanilla, it’s just up those stairs there.

Priscilla nods towards a spiral staircase. Orange picks her up and starts to make his way to the staircase.

Priscilla Kelly
My my. What strong hands you have. Let me tell you Mr. Cassidy, you’ll REALLY know the meaning of ‘freshly squeezed’ when I’m done with you.

Priscilla licks the side of Cassidy’s face as he carries her.

Orange carries her up the stairs and opens the first door he sees. As he opens the door, a scream of pain and pleasure is heard. Orange immediately slams the door.

Orange Cassidy
Which door is yours?

Priscilla Kelly
Oh don’t you want to join in that one? I think I saw Hank Azaria in there! He’s a guilty pleasure… I get him to do the Moe voice.

Orange Cassidy
Not really my scene…

Orange Cassidy's Internal Monologue
I’ll have to go back and get an autograph later.

Luckily the next door Orange opens is Priscilla’s bedroom. The pair burst inside, and Priscilla, still from in the arms of Cassidy, roars at the two figures noisily going at it in her bed.

Priscilla Kelly
Hey! Get the fuck out of here!

Captain Rump jerks with fear, pulling up his trousers as he grabs the hand of a very naked Linda McMahon and drags her out of the room, the two squealing and embarrassed. Priscilla giggles to herself, as Orange moves her over to the bed.

Priscilla Kelly
Anything specific you into? I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. You wanna cover me in OJ? That’s good with me. Lather me up Juice Daddy!

Orange pulls up the covers then like, half throws half drops Priscilla into the bed.

Priscilla Kelly
Ooh! Let’s hope it gets rougher! I’ve not been the sub in a while!

Orange takes the glass he grabbed from the kitchen and places it on her nightstand. He grabs a water bottle and a packet of alka-seltzer from his jacket and places it next to the nightstand. Orange turns and pulls the covers over Priscilla. He tucks her in while she looks on in horror.

Priscilla Kelly
Wait… are we-

Orange cuts her off as he pats her on the head and places an index card on her nightstand as he leaves the room and turns off the lights. Priscilla is layed there, eyes wide and bulging, frown present as ever on her face, as her shocked gaze moves from the water bottle on the nightstand, to the door in which any hopes of a good night’s shag just left without a word. She grimaces.

Priscilla Kelly
What the ass.

Fade to commercial.

---

---

We return to the arena.



When the word ‘ORANGE’ flashes across the titantron, one of the loudest pops of the night responds. A smooth pan shows the arena lighting changing color to orange, before crossfading to Orange Cassidy, walking out onto the stage, both hands pocketed per usual. Females shriek when he very slowly lowers his sunglasses along the bridge of his nose and takes a peer across Inglewood’s finest.

Mark Beverly: The following AWF Provincial Champion semi-final contest is your first hour main event, set for one fall! Introducing first, representing the Best Friends: ORANGE! CASSIDY!

The announcement cues his sunglasses being fixed and his long descent down the ramp, the crowd eating up each slow step. Slothily, he rolls underneath the bottom rope, to the center of the ring, before delighting The Forum with a seamless, no-handed kip up.

JOSÉ FIGUEIRAS APPEARS ON STAGE AND PERFORMS THIS ENTIRE GIG, PROVING TO FINALLY BEAT THE PREVIOUS BEST WRESTLING PERFORMANCE EVER, KID ROCK @ WRESTLEMANIA 25



As soon as he hops one last time, the entire PrimeTime feed stops before restarting again.



The feed dies once more, to return to nothing but this ENTIRE full length video.



Crossfade out from those absolutely beautiful, stunning concluding moments. José Figueiras is no longer on stage.

Cut. BUT RODERICK FIGUEIRAS HAS SPRINGBOARDED FROM THE TOP ROPE OUTSIDE AND DROPKICKED HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

Ding!

Cassidy doesn’t fall, his body falling into the ropes, then back, perfect for Roderick’s headscissors piledriver takedown! The velocity springs Cassidy up back to both feet, only for a straight up headscissors to roll him back down! Cassidy rolls through, but Roderick is ducking between his legs and using his knees as a post up into a hurrica--


NO!


O.C. HAS CAUGHT HIS HEAD AND HE CAN’T MOVE UP! HIS HANDS ARE STILL POCKETED BUT HE LEAPS! CANADIAN DESTROYER!

A SLOW FALL INTO THE HANDLESS COVER!

Emerson Fofão: ONE!.....





































TWO!....


































THREE!

DING DING DING

Cassidy rolls to his back before repeating the seamless kip up.

Mark Beverly: The winner of this match, advancing to the finals: ORANGE! CASSIDY!

The feed cuts.

Return:



Orange Cassidy d. José (Roderick?) Figueiras in 1:11

Crossfade back into The Bondage Bash. Chuck Taylor can be seen just outside the front door of the party house. In front of him is a teenager wearing a local pizza company's logo on his shirt and hat, holding out 3 boxes of pizza's, which Chuck takes from him excitedly.

Pizza Guy
Alright sir, that will come to $29.67 after tax, how will you be paying today?

Chuck looks slightly nervous.

Chuck
Um, didn't I tell them on the phone to charge it to Priscilla Kelly?

Pizza Guy
Yeah, we don't really do that sir, so if I could just get the money, that would be great. I have more deliveries to make.

Chuck
Uh Yeah, let me just go get some, I'll be right back.

Chuck turns around and quickly walks into the house. He locks the door behind him, and sprints up the stairs. He starts muttering under his breath.

Chuck
I gotta find them, gotta find Trent and Orange. Where are they?

He is darting between the party guests. Some dancing, some drinking, some talking, and some doing all three.

Chuck
Where did they-

Eventually he spots his two best friends. OC in the corner, leaning against the wall, and Trent beside him. Chuck walks over to them, and distributes the pizza boxes.

Chuck
There you guys are. I got you guys some Pizzas. 3 Cheese for you Trent, Orange Chicken for the Orange man, and Anchovies and Black Olives for ya boy. You still got that box of wine?

Trent
Yeah man, here you go.

He hands chuck the box, and proceeds to sit of the floor Indian Style, with his box of Pizza on his lap. Cassidy gives a feeble thumbs up, but still just stands, holding the still closed pizza box. Chuck holds the wine box above his head, and dispenses it right into his mouth, taking a few big gulps. When he's finished, he sits down, legs in front of him, Pizza box between his outstretched legs. He opens the box and grabs a slice. He takes a very large bite of the savory pizza.

Chuck
Oh man, this is delicious. How's yours?

Trent takes a bite and looks disappointed.

Trent
Dude, I'm from New York. Every pizza is shit compared to that.

Chuck
Oh well, at least it's free.

Trent
Free, what do you mean free?

Not breaking his facial expressions, Chuck Answers.

Chuck
I told the company to charge it to Priscilla. It's the least she owes us, if you ask me this party is pretty lame. I haven't found a single Xbox or PlayStation. Maybe she keeps it in her bedroom or something.

Trent
Now Dustin, don't go digging around her room. Who knows what you might find in there.

Chuck throws his hand up in defeat

Chuck
Well now I want to know what she has hidden here.

Trent looks at Chuck sternly, with an almost Mom look.

Trent
Dustin…

Chuck
Fine, but I do gotta go the the bathroom. Watch my Pizza.

Chuck stands up and walks away to find the bathroom. It takes him about 5 minutes, but he eventually finds it. The toiler is clogged, but he just pisses on top of it and doesn't bother trying to flush. After doing his business, he washes and dries his hands, but curiosity gets the best of him.

Chuck
I wonder what she has hidden in here

He starts opening cupboards, finding normal bathroom vanity items, but he opens one drawer and finds one of those weird Alien Impregnation dildos with the little rubber balls in it. Chuck chuckles at it, takes his phone out and takes a picture of the odd sex toy.

Chuck
Heh, Trent will get a kick out of this, wait until I show him.

All of a sudden, a loud banging can be heard on the bathroom door.

Mystery Man
Hey yo, hurry up in there.

Chuck, realizing he has no way out besides the door, opens it to leave, and is greeted by Scott Hall with two girls under each arm. The two men lock eyes.

Scott Hall
Hey, you again!

Before Scott has a chance to flick his signature toothpick at the Kentucky Gentleman, Chuck jukes to his left, and runs back to where Trent and Orange still are. Chuck runs up to Trent and OC out of breath

Chuck
(taking deep breaths)
Its-he's-
(gasping for breath)
the bad-

Trent puts his hand on Chucks back as he's hunched over gasping for hair.

Trent
Hey yo-

Chuck
(Grabbing Trent by the collar)
Exactly!

Trent
What are you talking about?

Chuck
He's here. He's in the bathroom! I think he's been after us.

Trent
Who's after us? You're crazy there's nothing up there, I'll show you.

Trent walks off making his way towards the stairs as Chuck scrambles to grab him, failing and letting him slip by. Trent walks up the stairs emphasizing each step to make a scene for Chuck. He stands at the top of the stairs, and turns back to Chuck, giving a puzzled shoulder shrug. He heads towards the bathroom, just before he reaches the door, he turns his head back towards the direction of Chuck.

Trent
See? NOTHING wrong!

Trent looks at the bathroom door, and goes to reach for it, first pauses to mock Chuck to himself.

Trent
(to himself, under his breath) Oooh I'm so scared.

Trent gives the spooky fingers at the door knob, mocking it's presence. He turns the knob but it's locked. Inside the door Trent hears some thuds and a deep voice.

Scott Hall
Hey Yo, I'm busy in here.

Trent hears some more thuds and giggling. He puts his ear up to the door to listen.

Scott Hall
Either you ladies ever been with a Bad Guy before?

Trent gasps after hearing the confirmation. He jumps back hitting his back into the wall behind him, and falls to his knees. He quickly jumps up and heads back to the stairs. As he reaches the top he looks out, noticing a missing Chuck Taylor. At the front door which has been swung open walks a tall blonde man followed by a hunched over brunette with a handlebar mustache.

DDP
Alright, where the hell are they? They're definitely here. Those little freaks would attend this. Jake go check the kitchen, I'm going to check upstairs, I want my title back tonight.

Trent skids to a stop seeing the sight of the man he robbed, and turns around back down the hallway. Trent's running around checking doors, all of them locked. Finally, one of them gives and he's able to open it. He bursts inside, slamming the door shut and locking it. Trent breathing sighs of release with his back on the door, slides downwards until he's on the floor. After taking a moment to collect himself he looks around the room. It's a room dimly lit with a red light, with various leather doo-dads and thing-ies hanging from around the room. Trent gets to his feet and begins to slowly walk throughout the room.

Trent
What the fuck is this place. This must be that magical bedroom Chuck wanted to see so bad.

Trent has his hands forward feeling his way through the room. He reaches the bed, but feels a giant lump on it bundled in sheets. He jumps back up frightened before realizing what it is.

Trent
I'm not one to kink shame, but Priscilla needs to fold her clothes instead of just burying them in her bed..

Trent continues to fumble around the room.

Trent
I just need to find somewhere to sit and plan how to get out of here.

Trent blindly reaches what feels like a leather hammock swinging from chains in the corner of the room. He lifts his knee to get inside, but the whole thing swings around trapping his leg and an arm in it. He's flipped upside down and onto the floor landing in a pile of empty bottles with sticky caps.

Trent
(to himself) Let's just say it's nail polish.

Crossfade. Hidden away from the bulk of the party drama, Eclipse skulks in her characteristically moody way as she sits on the back porch of the mansion house. She has a crazy straw inserted into her drink, looping itself behind her mask to avoid removing it, and she sips away while typing on a tablet she’s inexplicably brought with her.

She looks up sharply as a big, hulking figure stumbles towards her. She drops the tablet and stands up, ready to teach her challenger a lesson – but as the figure turns out to be Albert, struggling to see through his slowly slipping bandages, she relaxes a little.

Prince Albert
Who’s there?

Eclipse clears her throat.

Eclipse
You’re approaching your She-Borg Queen, Albert. Show some dignity!

Prince Albert
Ah. Hello, Eclipse.

Her pride wounded, Eclipse tries not to show it as she reaches down – stumbling drunkenly – and picks up her tablet. Albert finally readjusts his bandages enough to see what she’s doing.

Prince Albert
What’s that thing?

Ever the prideful individual, Eclipse straightens up and scoffs at him, gesturing pompously to the tablet.

Eclipse
… Thing?? You call this a thing? This is the map to my reign of terror… already in motion, I should say. You just need to prepare for more…

Albert grunts and stares at the tablet in her hands, none the wiser. He peers closer.

Prince Albert
Looks like a story.

A number of expressions pass over Eclipse’s eyes in a matter of seconds; first embarrassment, then annoyance, then misplaced pride and anger. Finally she decides to give Albert some satisfaction of an explanation.

Eclipse
Well, yes… I suppose you’re not wrong. It is a story. What will be a true story one day. About how I plan to run my kingdom…


She hesitates for a moment, but her intoxication on both alcohol and her own ego cloud her judgement and she pushes further.

Eclipse
… Would you like to hear it?

Prince Albert
… Okay.

Pleasantly surprised, Eclipse clears her throat and holds the tablet up to her face. She begins reading in an obscenely melodramatic tone.

Eclipse
“The She-Borg Queen Eclipse sits on her throne. A throne made of her enemies’ corpses. Arms for arms and a seat of muscle tissue, giving her dark as night suit a bloody backdrop…”

Albert can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. The quality – or lack thereof – of Eclipse’s writing is already having an odd effect on him, but he tries to hide it.

Eclipse
“… She surveys her subjects with pity and contempt, but she’s glad they found the sense to serve her. She’s happily seated on those who didn’t.”

Albert grunts quietly and bends over a little.

Eclipse
“A messenger enters the throne room. He’s collared like a dog, with huge steel shackles on his arms. He speaks thus: ‘My queen! My beautiful dark She-Borg Queen! Thank you for giving me new life under your rule!!’”

Albert audibly groans. His hands dance over his crotch as he drops to one knee. Eclipse doesn’t notice.

Eclipse
“’Speak not, peasant!’ The She-Borg Queen cries. ‘Only dedicate your life to servitude and show me your unwavering love and loyalty…’”

Prince Albert
Oh god...!

Albert drops to both knees, visibly aroused. Eclipse stops in her tracks as she catches on – given Albert’s masochistic tendencies, his enjoyment of her writing is not a favourable assessment of it.

Real hurt flashes in her eyes for a moment. She tucks the tablet under her arm, drops her drink and marches over to Albert. Before he can say anything else, she viciously kicks him in the face, knocking him onto his back.

That does it. He grabs his crotch tightly and moans pleasurably into the night. Eclipse growls bitterly to herself as she storms away.

Eclipse
Filthy dog. Just you wait…

She vanishes into the darkness, leaving Albert and his orgasm to have their moment.

Back in Priscilla's bedroom. Watching Trent struggle in the hammock that dangles from the ceiling, Priscilla, having been in bed the whole time watching Trent move around her room, sighs. She gets to her feet, still salty and angry from having been rejected, an occurence not common for the Harlot from Hell. Trent doesn't notice as Priscilla picks up a baseball bat leaning on her radiator. As she closes in on him, Trent's ears finally perk up.

Trent
Oh… hello?

WHACK! Priscilla brings the bat into Trent over and over, taking the anger and frustration she feels from her blue balls out on the known friend of Orange Cassidy. Trent oofs and ows, screaming as he can barely see what is bringing him so much pain. Priscilla finally throws her bat down to the floor with a huff, leaving Trent to dangle from the harness, moaning in pain, barely able to move.

Priscilla bursts out of her room, slamming the door behind her, as she stomps back to the main room down the spiral staircase. She looks around at everyone having fun, and at a slightly timid Chuck Taylor ducked around a corner and hiding from some unknown threat. She grits her teeth and points at him.

Priscilla Kelly
Get that stupid fuck out of my party!

Chuck takes a few seconds to realise Priscilla is talking to him, only when the bouncers converge on him does it really settle in.

Chuck
What? Me!? Why me!?

Priscilla Kelly
Because I want to!

Chuck struggles against the bouncers, but it's no use as he's roughly guided towards the exit. The night for him is over. Priscilla turns to see Orange Cassidy, leaning against a wall in the corner, looking slightly confused and concerned. She shoots him a look, before turning purposefully towards more bouncers.

Priscilla Kelly
There's another one in my room, dangling from my fuck hammock. He can join his friend. But make sure he doesn't leave without a few more bruises.

The bouncers nod, before moving up the spiral staircase. Priscilla turns to look at Orange Cassidy, who looks right back at her, still bewildered and confused.

Priscilla Kelly
Wanna ruin my fun? I'll ruin yours.

She flips him the bird, before moving off aggressively into the crowd.

Crossfade. That nondescript black car is back, parked a little further down the block. Nobody really seems to be hanging around outside anymore, which is clearly a relief to the least-organized heist team in the history of ever. Max Ironside, decked out now in black from head to toe, crouches behind the car, rummaging through the trunk as though looking for something in particular.

Max Ironside
Do you think it's actually made of gold?

Rayna, standing lookout next to the hedges at the edge of the property, shrugs.

Rayna
Honestly, I truly doubt it. Where would someone like her get that kind of money? And who would waste it on something so ostentatiously silly?

Max pulls out a hacksaw and considers it for a moment before dropping it into the bag at his feet.

Max Ironside
I can't rule that out. I wish I'd had time to swing by the University. I could have raided the science lab for something to use to dissolve it. Now I'm stuck doing something messy. I'm going to assume it's gold. And if it is, it's going to be soft. Even 10-karat will warp when it's exposed to enough body heat. If it's spray-painted bronze, we're screwed. I won't know until-

Rayna
Again… 100% your idea.

The #1 contender to the championship sighs, shaking his head before going back to rummaging. This time he comes up with a comically large mallet, one that looks like it belongs to a Harley Quinn costume and the moment Rayna sees it, she frowns.

Rayna
Hey! I didn't know you were bringing my Harley mallet. You know how much that cost to make?

He hefts it, letting it bounce on his palms as he tests the weight before swinging it. It makes a satisfying sound as it rushes through the air, stopping inches shy of where Rayna stands.

Max Ironside
If I break it, I bought it. I know the rules.

Rayna
Good.

He slams the trunk shut and tosses the bag to her, the items inside rattling and clinking. The mallet he props over his shoulder and starts making his way up the sidewalk. Once they're almost in sight of the drive, Max stops and pulls a mask from his back pocket, pulling it on over his head – of course it's a gimp mask, just like the ones security are wearing. He unzips the mouth and turns to look at his wife.

Max Ironside
If I'm not back in five minutes, avenge me.

Before she can protest, he takes off running, leaving her no choice but to continue playing lookout. There's still nobody around but the amp that Laci set down next to the statue is still there and he takes a running start, hitting the top of it like a box jump and swinging the mallet towards the head of the statue. It hits with a loud and resounding...

CLANGGGGGGGG!

The statue wobbles, whatever it's made of soft enough that the head is now bent back, a hole gaping where Priscilla's perfect and swan-like neck once was.

Max Ironside
Fuuuuuuuck me. That hurt like a bitch.

The mallet falls from his numb hands at his feet and Max tries like hell to shake it off, disappointed that he couldn't even get this willful act of vandalism right. Something in him snaps, the expression on the golden face of his nemesis almost seeming to mock him like her head his thrown back in amused laughter and Max takes a few steps back, hooking his foot under the handle of the mallet. He kicks it up in the air and catches it, running towards the idol again and it's like some perfect cinematic moment where all the rage is unleashed in a primal scream and he swings it again, this time cleaving the head clean off although it bounces and rolls towards the porch.

Max Ironside
Shit. Shit. Shit.

Almost in slow motion, he sees the door start opening, as if someone has been drawn by his screaming or the ruckus or maybe just needs to come outside to take a leak because all the toilets inside are mysteriously broken – either way, he's about to get caught in the act.

Max Ironside
Feet don't fail me now.

He kicks the statue over and uses that momentum to roll to the cement, lucky he's not covered in road rash thanks to the black leather he's got on to fit the part. He scoops up the head just as it's about to roll into the bushes and he turns to flee, his mask getting snagged among the thorns. He struggles and it comes free, just in time to show off his blonde hair before he vaults over the fence and disappears from sight. Maeve stands in the now-open doorway for a moment, staring off in the same direction as though she's trying to make sense of what she just witnessed.

Max Ironside
START THE CAR! JESUS CHRIST, WOMAN... START THE CAR!!!

He screams as he tears around the corner, almost bowling Rayna over. She scrambles into the driver's seat and Max slides across the hood, Dukes of Hazzard style, before tossing the head through the open window into the back. He's barely inside, barely has the door closed when they take off, laying a strip of smoking rubber down the block that isn't conspicuous at all.

Another crossfade, this one returning us to The Forum in Inglewood.



Enigma leads the display for the Ring Crew, their first proper entrance in AWF history, his usual noosed rope wrapped around his neck. Pyro is close behind, chest protruding as confidently as ever, taking the forefront of the duo without a word.

Mark Beverly: The following triple tag team match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from the boiler room, at a combined weight of four hundred seventy two pounds - PYRO! ENIGMA! THE RING CREW!

Lance Storm: Like the singles triple threat earlier, this is one fall to the finish. One member of each time will be legal at any given time, until the win comes along. And it happens -- next.

The Ring Crew has taken an intimidating presence in the ring, the last shot before we fade into a commercial interruption.

---