Post by Laci Valentine on May 12, 2020 21:52:14 GMT -5
OFF CAMERA
"YOU DID WHAT?!"
I can't fucking believe her. She filmed that whole thing and today I wake up to AWF followers liking and commenting on my supposed promo like I'm at Mardi Gras getting beads for showing my non-existent tits.
Then I watched what I had supposedly posted and I just grew more and more livid as it went on. Things I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I was disappointed about losing. Or to see me being so crude. I was a good catholic girl, god damn it.
"I showed the real you." My former friend replies as she eats from a bag of buffalo wing chips. She's not elegant about it either. Licking her fingers. Wiping them on the sleeves of her dingy grey sweatshirt, which I am pretty sure used to be white at some point. She's watching Maury Povich on the tv as he declares, "you are not the father" and some exuberant man gets up and does some weird jig in happiness.
"The real me? What in the flying fuck does that mean?"
Lucy turns. "That... right there. That's the real you. The other person, that's like Laci with a filter. Not fake, just less than what you should be. Why do you do that? The full you is totally awesome."
She then turns back to her chips and trashy daytime tv.
"You know why I do that Luce. I can't let my anxiety take over. Then I am no better than Crazy Ballerina."
Lucy picks up the remote and mutes the tv and I inwardly cringe at the orange residue left on the buttons.
"Mental health is a big thing right now. Like people are way more open about it."
It's hard sometimes looking at my beautiful roommate. She looks like Dove Cameron moonlighting as Billie Elish. Not that I knew much about fashion and what was stylish in any way.
"I don't want it to be used against me Luce. Yeah mental health is accepted more but wrestling is a profession where they find your weaknesses and use them against you."
Lucy shrugs. "Then don't let them."
"It's not that simple."
"Sure it is. Nobody can make you feel small or inadequate without you giving them permission to do so. Like I bet, that Christina girl really wants you to quit. To run, because she likes the power of holding things over others heads because she has no power over her own issues. And you, you straight up said that losing was inevitable whether it was that match or ones in the future and said it wasn't going to keep you down. You showed how powerful you really are."
Her insight amazed me.
"You had a few doubts, everyone does sometimes but the point is that you have come so far in learning to accept the unpredictable that your anxiety is not as big of an issue as you think."
She had a point. Countless years of therapy and self help had gotten me to this place. A place of self love and confidence.
"I just don't like that you went behind my back."
Lucy frowns. "Look, I knew you'd be pissed at me but eventually you would see that this is a good thing. I saved you months of time because eventually it was going to get out that you were holding back. Now, you can just fully be you. In all your ginger glory."
I roll my eyes. "Alright Kelly Bundy..."
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb, I'm also not blonde." She winks and I groaned. The quote was stolen of course but it was a witty come back.
"Look if you really need to, I'll let you get one shot in on me, but then you gotta forgive me and we'll go down to Baskin Robbins and sample all 31 flavors just to piss off that old goat behind the counter."
She gets off the couch and then stands in front of me and squeezes her eyes shut in ready for my shot.
I couldn't actually hit her. She had done it in good faith, not to be vindictive. She opens one eye while still scrunching up the other. "I'm waiting."
"I'm not going to hit you."
She relaxes her body and opens both eyes. "Why not?"
I sigh. "Because you don't actually deserve it."
She tries to keep a straight face. "But I was a total bitch. Come on. You know you want to. Hit me Laci."
"No."
"Do it!"
"No!"
"Come on you ginger weenie. Hit me. Show me how much I pissed you off."
I sigh. "You're pissing me off right now!"
"Good. Hit me and make me pa.."
I suddenly reach out and slap her across the face. It's hard enough that it leaves an impression of my handprint on her cheek. She staggers for a second.
"Owwww.... that fucking hurt." She puts a hand to her face.
"I told you."
"I didn't think you'd actually do it though. Jesus..."
Now I was starting to feel bad. "Let me get you some ice."
Lucy smirks. "Naw. I'm totally playing you. My gram hits harder than that weak ass shit. No wonder you lost..."
I raise an eyebrow knowing full well that it's all just bravado. I saw Lucy stagger. And I wasn't even putting my full force into that slap.
"Cool Beans? Ice cream?" She says with a smile.
"Yeah."
Lucy rubs her hands together and moves past me towards the door. I had no idea how to continue from here. I suppose I'd see how the chips fell. See what responses I got from that video Lucy posted. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I projected it to be. It could be worse too. Sigh. Oh the life of GAD, what a tangled life we lead.
"YOU DID WHAT?!"
I can't fucking believe her. She filmed that whole thing and today I wake up to AWF followers liking and commenting on my supposed promo like I'm at Mardi Gras getting beads for showing my non-existent tits.
Then I watched what I had supposedly posted and I just grew more and more livid as it went on. Things I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I was disappointed about losing. Or to see me being so crude. I was a good catholic girl, god damn it.
"I showed the real you." My former friend replies as she eats from a bag of buffalo wing chips. She's not elegant about it either. Licking her fingers. Wiping them on the sleeves of her dingy grey sweatshirt, which I am pretty sure used to be white at some point. She's watching Maury Povich on the tv as he declares, "you are not the father" and some exuberant man gets up and does some weird jig in happiness.
"The real me? What in the flying fuck does that mean?"
Lucy turns. "That... right there. That's the real you. The other person, that's like Laci with a filter. Not fake, just less than what you should be. Why do you do that? The full you is totally awesome."
She then turns back to her chips and trashy daytime tv.
"You know why I do that Luce. I can't let my anxiety take over. Then I am no better than Crazy Ballerina."
Lucy picks up the remote and mutes the tv and I inwardly cringe at the orange residue left on the buttons.
"Mental health is a big thing right now. Like people are way more open about it."
It's hard sometimes looking at my beautiful roommate. She looks like Dove Cameron moonlighting as Billie Elish. Not that I knew much about fashion and what was stylish in any way.
"I don't want it to be used against me Luce. Yeah mental health is accepted more but wrestling is a profession where they find your weaknesses and use them against you."
Lucy shrugs. "Then don't let them."
"It's not that simple."
"Sure it is. Nobody can make you feel small or inadequate without you giving them permission to do so. Like I bet, that Christina girl really wants you to quit. To run, because she likes the power of holding things over others heads because she has no power over her own issues. And you, you straight up said that losing was inevitable whether it was that match or ones in the future and said it wasn't going to keep you down. You showed how powerful you really are."
Her insight amazed me.
"You had a few doubts, everyone does sometimes but the point is that you have come so far in learning to accept the unpredictable that your anxiety is not as big of an issue as you think."
She had a point. Countless years of therapy and self help had gotten me to this place. A place of self love and confidence.
"I just don't like that you went behind my back."
Lucy frowns. "Look, I knew you'd be pissed at me but eventually you would see that this is a good thing. I saved you months of time because eventually it was going to get out that you were holding back. Now, you can just fully be you. In all your ginger glory."
I roll my eyes. "Alright Kelly Bundy..."
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb, I'm also not blonde." She winks and I groaned. The quote was stolen of course but it was a witty come back.
"Look if you really need to, I'll let you get one shot in on me, but then you gotta forgive me and we'll go down to Baskin Robbins and sample all 31 flavors just to piss off that old goat behind the counter."
She gets off the couch and then stands in front of me and squeezes her eyes shut in ready for my shot.
I couldn't actually hit her. She had done it in good faith, not to be vindictive. She opens one eye while still scrunching up the other. "I'm waiting."
"I'm not going to hit you."
She relaxes her body and opens both eyes. "Why not?"
I sigh. "Because you don't actually deserve it."
She tries to keep a straight face. "But I was a total bitch. Come on. You know you want to. Hit me Laci."
"No."
"Do it!"
"No!"
"Come on you ginger weenie. Hit me. Show me how much I pissed you off."
I sigh. "You're pissing me off right now!"
"Good. Hit me and make me pa.."
I suddenly reach out and slap her across the face. It's hard enough that it leaves an impression of my handprint on her cheek. She staggers for a second.
"Owwww.... that fucking hurt." She puts a hand to her face.
"I told you."
"I didn't think you'd actually do it though. Jesus..."
Now I was starting to feel bad. "Let me get you some ice."
Lucy smirks. "Naw. I'm totally playing you. My gram hits harder than that weak ass shit. No wonder you lost..."
I raise an eyebrow knowing full well that it's all just bravado. I saw Lucy stagger. And I wasn't even putting my full force into that slap.
"Cool Beans? Ice cream?" She says with a smile.
"Yeah."
Lucy rubs her hands together and moves past me towards the door. I had no idea how to continue from here. I suppose I'd see how the chips fell. See what responses I got from that video Lucy posted. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I projected it to be. It could be worse too. Sigh. Oh the life of GAD, what a tangled life we lead.